等我能見到他時,又過了一個月。547Please respect copyright.PENANAK89bFZKi0t
547Please respect copyright.PENANA95YgERhO2P
深呼吸了好幾口氣,練習了幾次微笑,我才踏進病房。547Please respect copyright.PENANA9efhKH0EB8
547Please respect copyright.PENANARhUupVZiON
他盯著我走近,待我在床前站定,見我微微一笑,他便咧開嘴笑了。547Please respect copyright.PENANApsU7dOamK2
547Please respect copyright.PENANAaIUVt0nWDU
「我妹怎麼變這麼漂亮啦?」547Please respect copyright.PENANAvbcgxas0Jd
547Please respect copyright.PENANAClzvrwuKod
我沒理會他的玩笑,只是看著臉色蒼白的他,當下覺得自己的微笑只是一道不讓自己哭出來的防線。547Please respect copyright.PENANAVABRf9P3Us
547Please respect copyright.PENANAzxVa92vFqV
我查過他的病,既然已到末期,治癒機率已經極低,幾乎是零。也知道他會長期處在各種疼痛裡。547Please respect copyright.PENANALoMwG9Q056
547Please respect copyright.PENANAjPA3pRKdrb
所以我無法開口問他還好嗎,也沒辦法要他振作,更不能祝福他康復。547Please respect copyright.PENANA9Ur3NuzG7A
547Please respect copyright.PENANAzsrVuRbCFy
只是他仍然對著我笑,笑得那麼真。547Please respect copyright.PENANASNG6nZu0lM
547Please respect copyright.PENANAOinjuELL03
「幹嘛傻在那裡,過來這邊坐啊。」他指指床邊的椅子。547Please respect copyright.PENANAnXVrUoMKwA
547Please respect copyright.PENANA1Z2hlNkG4h
我走過去,把椅子拉近病床,坐下。547Please respect copyright.PENANAQjEmlf4TAd
547Please respect copyright.PENANAGK999zctve
我們幾乎是同時伸出雙手的。547Please respect copyright.PENANAKvbNuEE5de
547Please respect copyright.PENANAyA4kZkXNcF
碰到他的手時,我的鼻子就酸了,眼睛也模糊了。547Please respect copyright.PENANAo1A8oSchAZ
547Please respect copyright.PENANAG0Nd2PYZGg
「不是答應我不哭了嗎?」那句話有著溫柔的指責。547Please respect copyright.PENANACufUIPGViG
547Please respect copyright.PENANAX6l9Al5pRu
547Please respect copyright.PENANAI3MsZs38oz
「現在有沒有哪裡會痛…?」我開口問。547Please respect copyright.PENANAA9CayEFXgM
547Please respect copyright.PENANARJZrIaqHt5
「每天都在痛啊,肚子也痛、頭也痛,骨頭也都會痛…」547Please respect copyright.PENANA9yVDhAmHiV
547Please respect copyright.PENANA4lsg4k5TxS
他數家珍地說出,而我的眉頭也因此糾結。547Please respect copyright.PENANAp5gLWaDgMJ
547Please respect copyright.PENANAjGEa04SkRX
「現在不痛啦,看到妳都不痛啦。」見我皺眉,他胡亂地撒謊。547Please respect copyright.PENANA9yyJkrzrXe
547Please respect copyright.PENANA465mlLzFNf
我揉著他的手,好像有很多話要說,但又覺得沒什麼好說。547Please respect copyright.PENANASEhmSX9RuB
547Please respect copyright.PENANAmnvpkTOc7B
「爸…妳爸爸,有說什麼嗎?他知道嗎?」547Please respect copyright.PENANAUYO5DkvAjr
547Please respect copyright.PENANAOtngRXU3i3
我愣了一下,沒想到他會問這個問題。547Please respect copyright.PENANAHp3rANLw91
547Please respect copyright.PENANA822vhGOgVP
「他應該知道,但他沒跟我說什麼…」547Please respect copyright.PENANAaRP72PHpyL
547Please respect copyright.PENANAt6cFk9Mwid
「是嗎…我想也是啦。問問而已,妳不要多想。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAeciwAtI6wb
547Please respect copyright.PENANAQr5BhOsrIj
那一瞬間,我覺得父親的無情是無法被原諒的。547Please respect copyright.PENANAh4rOVWfYF8
547Please respect copyright.PENANAybkNiKzM37
547Please respect copyright.PENANAK0RHpz6Xld
我拿出那晚編好的手繩,放到他手裡。547Please respect copyright.PENANA9L07vxteST
547Please respect copyright.PENANAqNlDnr0Ksu
「這是新編的。」547Please respect copyright.PENANA78R4LjCp0v
547Please respect copyright.PENANA8rHA6KUmFk
他看了看手繩,又看看我。547Please respect copyright.PENANAO3p8T33RBc
547Please respect copyright.PENANAOcSot2CYxw
「妳幫我拿櫃子裡的皮夾出來。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAMGNKdzROcQ
547Please respect copyright.PENANAXsEffbLoAp
我把皮夾遞給他,他從皮夾裡拿出了…好幾年前的那條幸運手繩。547Please respect copyright.PENANAQ181GMsALP
547Please respect copyright.PENANACvN6LlY5Ya
白色的線都變成灰色,已經髒髒的了,他拿出來時還是小心翼翼。547Please respect copyright.PENANAVIahxox8w8
547Please respect copyright.PENANA22Swv9NAlK
「妳看。」他得意。547Please respect copyright.PENANAB7s2jsrjep
547Please respect copyright.PENANAWjzXv0GM10
「虧你能留那麼久,我之前皮包掉了,你的照片也搞丟了…」547Please respect copyright.PENANAe1fh5KGfdv
547Please respect copyright.PENANASlav00upz5
「幫我戴新的在手上。」他說。547Please respect copyright.PENANA7DFpMEnLdl
547Please respect copyright.PENANA6Yngn1p39O
我一邊把手繩綁上他變得好細的手腕,一邊說著…547Please respect copyright.PENANAIn0lpDut66
547Please respect copyright.PENANAukFriheGeI
「我們以前還說要一起合照,但都沒有做到…」547Please respect copyright.PENANAWWSbEeDSDD
547Please respect copyright.PENANAORCfP59MR3
「現在拍。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAa003oJEo7f
547Please respect copyright.PENANABqI07xeRMS
「啊?」547Please respect copyright.PENANAc5zG3Vwzmt
547Please respect copyright.PENANAf0ee7iOMt4
「現在就拍啊,妳手機有照相功能吧?」547Please respect copyright.PENANAcYzt1LKU1d
547Please respect copyright.PENANAuWhox4Wdt1
「有。」我拿出手機,翻開摺疊螢幕,開啟相機功能。547Please respect copyright.PENANAtKsEGPitni
547Please respect copyright.PENANAc3pK0w9ovA
「等一下等一下。」他伸手拿了旁邊的眼鏡戴上。547Please respect copyright.PENANA26Q54scmda
547Please respect copyright.PENANAGD93y5z21l
「我這樣看起來比較不像流氓吧?」他又在笑。547Please respect copyright.PENANAqUgbXJ7zXr
547Please respect copyright.PENANAMBsMrWlFR7
我笑了,起身貼近床,把頭靠在他臉旁,拿著手機對著我們倆的大頭拍了一張照片。547Please respect copyright.PENANAfBPFcKru1K
547Please respect copyright.PENANApBmexcvndk
547Please respect copyright.PENANAiKx21w67Mk
我坐回椅子上,有那麼一段時間,我們都沒有看著彼此,也沒有說話。547Please respect copyright.PENANAZaHvtxtlHM
547Please respect copyright.PENANAZaY1DjA1Yi
「我離婚了。」英傑突然說。
「我被抓後,妳嫂子自己提的。」
「簽字是一定要簽的,拖著她也不對。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAsMd7LXBe0w
547Please respect copyright.PENANAZ3WT4z4NJL
我想起那個沒有喊過他「爸爸」的兒子,但我沒有勇氣開口問。547Please respect copyright.PENANA389zDZcp1y
547Please respect copyright.PENANAa74uJvb7Bd
547Please respect copyright.PENANAk0RdQKw1Yr
「妳還有在寫小說嗎?」547Please respect copyright.PENANAsPdAl9oGqx
547Please respect copyright.PENANAFov33nkUWt
「…有寫一些小故事。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAC9guEZNVws
547Please respect copyright.PENANAjsBxr2L9OL
「那就好,不要隨便放棄喔。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAzYimdFJynC
547Please respect copyright.PENANAYQEpzHNQ5w
「嗯。我好久沒看到你寫的詩了。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAgDrGs48GdE
547Please respect copyright.PENANAKewc0qEuy5
「我太久沒寫字啦…字已經不漂亮,腦子也沒東西了。」547Please respect copyright.PENANA4DnydYD17r
547Please respect copyright.PENANAwsgorWEp5l
「不會啦,字跡不會隨便改變的。」情感也是。547Please respect copyright.PENANARlycLPSdBz
547Please respect copyright.PENANAHHQ4laxSSO
「妹。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAMqtPD6mnSr
547Please respect copyright.PENANAKISIkrOQbq
「嗯?」547Please respect copyright.PENANAqSxEyB9dVg
547Please respect copyright.PENANADoP48gdsHq
「人真的要走到末路的時候,才知道只有家人會無條件的陪在身邊。」
「所以妳一定要好好珍惜家人,不要交壞朋友,也不要太相信外面的人。」
「也不要抽菸、喝太多酒…」
「如果可以,就回去念書,這個社會還是很看學歷…」547Please respect copyright.PENANAu1bv2BfD8v
547Please respect copyright.PENANAVj97TcHcZx
我突然意識到他正在做什麼。547Please respect copyright.PENANAwirw3hQsIF
547Please respect copyright.PENANAEylkTdegBt
像是交代後事般的叮嚀,我聽在耳裡,痛在心裡,但我不能阻止他這麼做。547Please respect copyright.PENANAjTWeZWl0FD
547Please respect copyright.PENANAWpm3VodxSn
因為我甚至不知道還有沒有下一次見他的機會。547Please respect copyright.PENANAdKJyB0CQVH
547Please respect copyright.PENANAawErAlwfb9
547Please respect copyright.PENANA4RdKAIlRwp
那天我在醫院陪他直到晚上才離開,他始終笑著,在我面前不表現出痛苦或難過。547Please respect copyright.PENANA6BE9xJ0nDj
547Please respect copyright.PENANAY8XEWAWrSY
他也答應讓我再去看他,只是要先跟他聯絡。547Please respect copyright.PENANAsiI6dIA0CG
547Please respect copyright.PENANAujUbGCOw0W
「我媽有點介意,所以不希望妳們碰到面。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAGNWKxBKdo9
547Please respect copyright.PENANAjRLBorxqls
爾後我又見了他兩次,其中一次他告訴我,他信了主耶穌。547Please respect copyright.PENANAzXtiUWBzAW
547Please respect copyright.PENANAPyXIQx3E3e
我知道是身體病痛的折磨,讓他尋求精神上的慰藉。他親自寫了信給教會的小孩子,用自己的經歷告誡孩子們勿入歧途。547Please respect copyright.PENANAJ8lYRE8SpS
547Please respect copyright.PENANA4z6r7VXJM1
我知道他害怕,知道他尋求救贖。547Please respect copyright.PENANAB6PQdfxNwr
547Please respect copyright.PENANA1Qg5SluJYs
我知道他就算把地獄或罪人掛在嘴邊,仍是害怕受苦的。547Please respect copyright.PENANAmkn9JpEZhb
547Please respect copyright.PENANAfxAHjDZtu3
我知道他也許到了這一刻才開始後悔。547Please respect copyright.PENANAGlamp7GfiA
547Please respect copyright.PENANAOC1Mll9FK1
但我是欣慰的。547Please respect copyright.PENANAcF4dqVxzzm
547Please respect copyright.PENANA8YOCBiZzek
547Please respect copyright.PENANAyTb1jskdpH
547Please respect copyright.PENANAcDT7x05UgW
那一天來的又快又急。547Please respect copyright.PENANAymxcyyf1l1
547Please respect copyright.PENANAPYJnJnXFyC
「妹…」547Please respect copyright.PENANAYoIxmvyEK7
547Please respect copyright.PENANA2f0arx2ud6
我接起電話,只聽到英傑喊了我,然後是沉重的喘息與啜泣。547Please respect copyright.PENANAMeSxWREAHd
547Please respect copyright.PENANAzas6YkiELa
「你怎麼了?怎麼了?」547Please respect copyright.PENANAFGe65lLXKu
547Please respect copyright.PENANApZqsE6cQX7
還拿著手機和他說話,我已經起身準備出門去醫院。547Please respect copyright.PENANAKFv4pikHNi
547Please respect copyright.PENANAwWZYrbm3et
「我還不想死…」他哭著說。547Please respect copyright.PENANAertvS46qTt
547Please respect copyright.PENANAOBUcwCHutQ
那句話狠狠地撕裂了我的胸口。547Please respect copyright.PENANAIgsQMLoJS3
547Please respect copyright.PENANAvbxdMSlG2N
547Please respect copyright.PENANATXob7CwAlj
我跑進病房,英傑似乎剛剛才穩定下來,吊著點滴、眼眶泛紅、面容消瘦,也比上次更加蒼白、手臂上都是青色與紫色的瘀青。547Please respect copyright.PENANA7pH0RACUnv
547Please respect copyright.PENANA3vxdemJp9S
他的母親與姐姐看見我,臉色明顯地不自在。547Please respect copyright.PENANAbh6sM11vqw
547Please respect copyright.PENANANzFhitN012
英傑打那通電話給我的時候,她們是不是也在呢?547Please respect copyright.PENANAp5a0zlzxF8
547Please respect copyright.PENANAX7CNP2qjFe
她們小聲地和英傑說了幾句話,就走出病房,留給我和他說話的空間。547Please respect copyright.PENANA9fKzoaP3Sp
547Please respect copyright.PENANABvqFj5Gki4
547Please respect copyright.PENANAgM8sRtRGs4
我坐到上次的位置,握住他的手。547Please respect copyright.PENANAvRau8xXVLo
547Please respect copyright.PENANAnoROfQKWWh
那雙手已又更瘦更冰冷了。547Please respect copyright.PENANABwUSkqMqGm
547Please respect copyright.PENANAqbaHEvDEJz
「我真的,還不想死。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAai3xHuSNbE
547Please respect copyright.PENANA7LlutO30U8
我握著他的手出了點力。547Please respect copyright.PENANA9MsDIOznNG
547Please respect copyright.PENANAEt91mbGTk4
「我很害怕。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAeG6FzeJNwI
547Please respect copyright.PENANAYR8Ydp0RBf
「我很怕死…」547Please respect copyright.PENANA1QsRyxbF1B
547Please respect copyright.PENANA7OVy5wDKBK
他沒看著我,只盯著手。說完,他的眼淚就掉下來。547Please respect copyright.PENANAAHS8kLc1QT
547Please respect copyright.PENANAXsFKXHntS7
那是我第一次看見他掉眼淚,也是最後一次。547Please respect copyright.PENANA8M8pVRDzx3
547Please respect copyright.PENANAFUFLjSDe4w
「你已經悔改了,你一定會去天堂的。」我已經滿臉淚水,但還是看著他的眼睛說。547Please respect copyright.PENANAyQoVU8LA5F
547Please respect copyright.PENANAiJGL8A11sg
「全身都很痛…」他終於抬頭看我。547Please respect copyright.PENANAbuLyarcCCG
547Please respect copyright.PENANAyXyusmHZGD
我趕緊抽幾張衛生紙擦他的臉,他的雙頰與眼窩都已經凹陷,我的手盡可能地放輕力道,就怕他疼。547Please respect copyright.PENANAUxfyCTj7PD
547Please respect copyright.PENANA4Mk2zZiAKa
「你很努力了,我知道你很努力了…」547Please respect copyright.PENANADw0Va6yaiO
547Please respect copyright.PENANAoy2h4im4F8
我抱住他,驚覺他已弱不禁風的事實。547Please respect copyright.PENANAlBs6ge3pPF
547Please respect copyright.PENANAasAZYVBRmz
這讓我倏地停止了自己的眼淚。547Please respect copyright.PENANA7LDpOSCWLV
547Please respect copyright.PENANAsq3jUhjaet
「沒事的,你的主會帶你離開,之後就不痛苦了。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAd0GAN3jidd
547Please respect copyright.PENANAoOHMsmKtuv
英傑在我的臂彎裡哭泣了許久,才安靜下來。547Please respect copyright.PENANAw8lyEDB9RE
547Please respect copyright.PENANA70euIUbK7v
547Please respect copyright.PENANAsr3wujEMOc
「妹。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAMvvetYK3Mt
547Please respect copyright.PENANAeC7WTEKv0d
「嗯?」547Please respect copyright.PENANArH7TRoGIDx
547Please respect copyright.PENANAvTI1MVftTN
「抽屜裡有一封信是給妳的。」547Please respect copyright.PENANA3kdQRbgFBu
547Please respect copyright.PENANAcVJ3F0dGqd
我打開抽屜,拿起那個信封。547Please respect copyright.PENANAlOWCst8HDt
547Please respect copyright.PENANATroyRJa45S
「回去再看。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAi1XuTKZ7rD
547Please respect copyright.PENANATjuYwAV7dJ
「好。」我收起信。547Please respect copyright.PENANAf7i71Rrr5N
547Please respect copyright.PENANAvzDtNRwlQ3
「妳回去吧。」547Please respect copyright.PENANA6z2qwydwFH
547Please respect copyright.PENANAadjz4YshSV
「什麼?」547Please respect copyright.PENANA4VAdbBiN9k
547Please respect copyright.PENANAAYctsrSNJg
「謝謝妳來…可是不要再來了。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAxMlrNbKgQQ
547Please respect copyright.PENANAqKg9lRrrNj
「為什麼?」547Please respect copyright.PENANADhcUBHJKVo
547Please respect copyright.PENANAOFcHNXFdXp
「我不想要妳送我離開,妳會很傷心,我也不想要看到妳那麼傷心。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAGIbP83TrFy
547Please respect copyright.PENANAaNgDboo7pu
「……」547Please respect copyright.PENANA2qJdTV5SSw
547Please respect copyright.PENANAIB9BqwPn4w
「回去吧。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAeoLb1J83YQ
547Please respect copyright.PENANATqasqjIh4n
他看著我,又對我笑了,那個笑看起來很費勁,也是他一直以來對我的溫柔表現。547Please respect copyright.PENANAWdZufnQ8ai
547Please respect copyright.PENANARsDYmZzCJG
不讓我送他走,也是哥哥對妹妹的溫柔。547Please respect copyright.PENANAh2xjIo9Nb4
547Please respect copyright.PENANA0myuPzlISr
我又抱了抱他才離開。547Please respect copyright.PENANADaTWjkRYF2
547Please respect copyright.PENANAmhJa4u61SG
547Please respect copyright.PENANAE8pV4IoIuY
當天晚上十點多,我收到他姊姊的簡訊。547Please respect copyright.PENANAGVmRQnRiwu
547Please respect copyright.PENANA1f0QvMaAlj
「英傑已經走了。」547Please respect copyright.PENANA7vHKZiomvl
547Please respect copyright.PENANA2RJgwSDB8v
547Please respect copyright.PENANAnHY9gIH3eF
那一瞬間我向心裡所有知道的神祈求,希望英傑能到更好的地方,希望他不要再受苦了。547Please respect copyright.PENANAOinSknQLX2
547Please respect copyright.PENANAQmrpHLLfQY
我打開信封,裡面只有一張書籤大的紙。547Please respect copyright.PENANA7AAL2HBuQt
547Please respect copyright.PENANABNpGJ094D1
547Please respect copyright.PENANAx4MGV4I0EG
「Dear 妹:」547Please respect copyright.PENANAf2s2XMx4TG
547Please respect copyright.PENANArxtpbPYw5P
「妳永遠是我的天使,547Please respect copyright.PENANAl38WUf9kJC
547Please respect copyright.PENANA9WL7sVOfzL
請不要忘記我。」547Please respect copyright.PENANAZSuOm1PPha
547Please respect copyright.PENANA6WSHEIvrsA
「哥 英傑」547Please respect copyright.PENANAWCDoGQ8z2a
547Please respect copyright.PENANAfrlXvfM1qs
547Please respect copyright.PENANAzcwlryDnRs
我抱著自己,放任自己哭到睡著。547Please respect copyright.PENANA2Aj4ELCCJI
547Please respect copyright.PENANAbDRT76j888
547Please respect copyright.PENANA3ZU2fm7uTj
547Please respect copyright.PENANAusIhnvV1b6
之後的每一年,我不選在英傑的忌日,而是在他的冥誕當天悼念他。547Please respect copyright.PENANAFdgcmK1Utp
547Please respect copyright.PENANAADDLcyOI78
每一年的五月三十,我都會寫一封信,表達我的思念,讓他知道「我沒有忘記他」。547Please respect copyright.PENANARdbSqPhaxW
547Please respect copyright.PENANAD8VP8b8bBG
前幾年每到這天,我總是哭,總是放任自己因為想念而哭得泣不成聲。547Please respect copyright.PENANAQne4WGO9qL
547Please respect copyright.PENANAt49VYVWshv
後來的後來,我漸漸不哭了,但沒有改變在這一天寫信的習慣。547Please respect copyright.PENANAIdCJ1ZNur7
547Please respect copyright.PENANA2q5xVQxCqn
英傑的回憶有時像巨石背在背上,有時像羽毛沾在胸口,無論哪一種,都是無法遺棄。547Please respect copyright.PENANAETxkfvsQeB
547Please respect copyright.PENANAalxeweLwBh
他走後,我便不再輕易評論一個人的好與壞。547Please respect copyright.PENANAE1SrlOPUaK
547Please respect copyright.PENANAVRlY6XjQjh
曾經我在英傑的新聞底下看見很多網友的謾罵、抨擊甚至是汙辱,我感到憤怒與心痛,想一個一個回應他們「你們什麼都不知道!」547Please respect copyright.PENANAPI4hqc11Ps
547Please respect copyright.PENANAoaCUPIbTzt
但我什麼也沒做。547Please respect copyright.PENANAZlYmQafXvS
547Please respect copyright.PENANAP0gCCw1ByT
因為那些人不認識他,也永遠不會認識他。547Please respect copyright.PENANA3EPM9SnZdS
547Please respect copyright.PENANAV6Qus2KyQf
所以我再也不對任何新聞或社會事件做評論。因為我知道,我不認識當事人,更不能體會當事人的親屬心情。547Please respect copyright.PENANA22vDzhGkbM
547Please respect copyright.PENANAzfk9aqAbVY
我回去念書,考進了大學,年年以取得獎學金為目標,只為不要白學。547Please respect copyright.PENANAgaK28TBuCV
547Please respect copyright.PENANA9pEbdlEaDJ
一直沒有放棄創作,可能也是因為惦記著他說過的話。547Please respect copyright.PENANA2QEtRQWf2N
547Please respect copyright.PENANAOIteHHz5id
說起遺憾,大概是我喊他「英傑」比喊他「哥哥」的次數要多更多了吧。547Please respect copyright.PENANAav6vxTQ9yq
547Please respect copyright.PENANAbnpRIwJJYq
547Please respect copyright.PENANACNgFsu3mbd
去年,我沒有寫信。547Please respect copyright.PENANA7AxYEekOyG
547Please respect copyright.PENANADd6SsoZ3GG
我選擇在當天完成他的故事。547Please respect copyright.PENANAtUyUNmXKvM
547Please respect copyright.PENANAy9fWEJkq64
他是一隻孤傲的鷹,獨自在天空闖蕩,受盡風霜,最後回巢,在家人身邊闔上眼。547Please respect copyright.PENANAwMisWlI6qU
547Please respect copyright.PENANAyawBtSD6KH
我是活在地面的狼,只能抬頭望著,用我的爪在沙上畫下他在天空翱翔的姿態。547Please respect copyright.PENANAlC2gdrhCcc
547Please respect copyright.PENANAFa36qsFwLa
547Please respect copyright.PENANAdNs6xHQVFW
這是,我哥哥的故事。547Please respect copyright.PENANAEqAtCsQv6c
547Please respect copyright.PENANAmqQWF4DDws
547Please respect copyright.PENANA7pM6A1mpTA
547Please respect copyright.PENANAC2wYysL89I
完。
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