日子還是這樣在過，學校裡的夥伴不時耳提面命「大考將近，獎學金不能拱手讓人」的事，我知道他是逼著我轉移注意力，也就順著他的意，認真上班、認真上課、認真睡覺，好像我換了個叫「課本」的男友，天天與它相伴，沒見著它的時間，都在夢鄉。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgJGhdxo49
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiU7JOsaCmj
但，無論怎麼讓自己逃開，總有那幾個瞬間，會被回憶淹沒，尤其是，酸楚的回憶。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlKZOXvvRY
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaykgO0UeMS
我把自己關在家幾個禮拜，直到被朋友挖出門。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLq5uxb3BS5
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlkluGY4Jc
坐上朋友的車，也不是很在乎要去哪裡，明明身邊有人，但全世界好像剩下自己。
也許這些，都是失去愛情的症狀。
可笑的是我連自己是否曾經「擁有」愛情都不確定。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5hatgtwp8
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDL78OnjoM
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbVimqMaci
朋友載我到熟悉的山上，我以為他是要去山頂的土地公廟拜拜。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQkZ1y1HM8
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrM7vCplUn
「妳最近不是很愛爬山嗎？帶妳來山上走走啊。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGeuCQWGgl
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3Xqr8iZNo
「……喔…」
我心裡一沉。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYtX0n7qKc
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xHpANnJcG
他不知道我為什麼開始爬山，我又怎麼能怪他呢？537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBskIyRP3i
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiD7nfmFNXr
我們延著樓梯，爬到了山頂的土地公廟，便隨意照找了個地方坐下，那是山頂的展望區。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbj9I0i75c
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyRLRPT7cL
「那是什麼山啊？」
我指著橫過城市、遠處一座被雲海包圍的山。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvz9KOI7Mx
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46BQBBcIT4
「我哪知道。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVrbm3nrlt
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dMYF2ouQ3
「……說的也是。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LGtygm816
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rBeoDA66p
我才發現自己的愚蠢。
那是我和張先生一同爬山時，我很常說的話。
他總是像個「山的萬事通」，有問必答，即使在我看來那些山都長得一個模樣，他仍能數家珍般地，念出它們的名。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvj0DCIIUr
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57cGEKqV12
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliOm6VhZq0
黑兔子找我去唱歌，在包廂裡和另一個女生朋友故意想弄哭我，不停點悲傷的歌來唱，一開始我只是笑，笑她們無聊。
直到某首歌的歌詞刺進我的心裡，痛了那麼一下，我哭了，就停不下來。
兩個女生見我掉淚，居然也跟著哭了，還哭得比我悽慘。最後我還得幫她們擦眼淚。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBqqQA0SH3
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHLQb2vaS1
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NknIW9FJV
我很努力要自己不去怨懟、不去記恨，但總對自己被欺騙一事糾結，同時也怪自己不夠聰明、不夠謹慎。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9On5YX47R
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETpfuaUhmG
無法灑脫。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTsaHuQPWt
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wne6bZRkX
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZEoLNX5ET
我還是持續的爬山，但不明白自己是因為什麼而爬。
我害怕自己是為了不忘記他，所以更不敢面對這個問題。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SiElcfixn
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyNJ17FIl7
直到某次，母親找我一同去爬山。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQS8J8Q2uqn
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqIiwHUB86
那是一座有著神話故事點綴的郊山，山上的涼亭裡還用木板刻著傳說。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5dEjv35Co
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡogOcZOB7X4
「這是我和妳爸爸第一次約會的地方。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDQUSeAkhX
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKyl76EQeU
母親突然提起父親，自他們離異後，母親甚少和我聊父親的事。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiW9uf0K2ru
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPZpILQmY8
「我喜歡運動，妳爸爸不愛。我喜歡在舞池跳舞，他只想坐在沙發聊天。妳爸爸體能好，明明是蛙人，運動神經好，私底下卻懶惰得要命。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhBWkszINr
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33H2evFUSa
「但這是我們第一次約會的地方。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFRaLCENpG
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KfSNmzTtI
我不知道母親為什麼突然說這些。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRXpC6cVoh
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ003vzuGAtZ
「妳和那個來過家裡的先生，應該沒有再聯絡了吧？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4Yl8mJwy2
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIJh0uoTNe
「沒有了。」我立刻回答。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhP8oIYeqV
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zEyyTBenR
「妳一開始喜歡上爬山，是因為他嗎？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvXkdKsVLt
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCAm1Fnv1c
「嗯。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yyG5inGJD
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOGgfpJli0
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7pTKPImQZ
「那他留給妳的影響，就夠了。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTI23mfPOGd
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAw7kuSRve
我還不明白。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrVbpi7FY7
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVxKvMsrRD
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUi571qSC9f
「妳本來就喜歡小動物、小昆蟲，剛剛一路上來妳都在跟我介紹那些蜘蛛蝸牛，山區就是讓妳更親近牠們的地方，妳這段路爬上來有想到那個男人嗎？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8S7Gb72AIz
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8lB4OiS7C
「……沒有。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvuuWi2Ghd
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MPTsPKDjJ
「那妳還介意是誰啟發妳喜歡爬山嗎？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZaGlENw8Y
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVJ0RfzZg5
我盯著她，努力消化她的話語。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtE0gbSzgo2
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42aTMDGX57
「不管事情是怎麼開始的，只要最後有好的地方值得妳保留就好了。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsydYNuotn3
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFLMnpcULF
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8HeGJZ2pF
「妳沒必要忘記。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwHkgLXc2W
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9DitHIMgQ
我的眼淚差一點就奪眶而出。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡik8SimI9cs
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkInv3Dv4i
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3oyk0JED0
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後來。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuihHN3ocVn
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84JbOFz9gG
學期順利結束，我依然拿到系上的獎學金。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9D4BduAaGg
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWiN2po912l
真正了解我的家人朋友，都沒有怪我隱瞞他們，我以為會面對很多責怪，卻意外收到過多的心疼。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0h5Kzmh8eX
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ945nRw9EwE
我去爬了更多的山，也因為山結交了更多新朋友，也間接因為爬山認識了現在的男朋友。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQq4Uj0xxd
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XVmXCyTA2
在之後我曾和幾個好友在居酒屋裡，酒酣耳熱之際說完了整個故事，朋友們聽到我查證的過程，開玩笑的說「妳怎麼不去徵信社上班啊！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQ6IbJxCDB
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8cEQC3zg4
而我真的在因緣際會下踏入了徵信業。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPN5kHPMysW
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAll7bLNS4F
看到了更多更多事例，才知道感情的故事，真的都是一個套路，所以我們總覺得「這首歌在寫我」，「這個故事在說我」…因為我們的感情路，好好壞壞，都差不多會是那個樣子。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VGqdAHnZG
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStMKymA7jf
我沒有繼續怨恨他，但也沒有原諒他，我只是原諒自己。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoEtfkQ8md
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJn38wUThg
在寫這篇之前，我偷偷地搜尋了他的名字，發現他們有了個可愛的女兒。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQPljhKRWC
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCA6QH7kiHv
「希望你專心愛她們。」我發自內心的想。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLTBNOBpyr
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPohZR8iV1r
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完。
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