我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAbQU6PJmp
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDl7hCkpBrw
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVUp4pWJNH
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzh8PUiojBq
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjdmqFZrio
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieVJwjiqrJ
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfOCbmsUxP
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8kFrsEUKt
「妳是…？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERmPH3rTSD
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDM23ml0aF8
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaSIURpMdn
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBsZxC2Moh
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePDkTFBNgH
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXtSLUOR2d
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrKdNF53Rd
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwghsakidto
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLErgl0rPc9
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3jA6KWt5V
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqiJGcqzoH
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPGkxEnJ3p
「妳是他女朋友？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKeBWbK18D
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1THhuzomx
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM69J9a9oLF
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQF25GUaht
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUU9REDOSv
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUS9m67kFb
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lhHZ1lj6c
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5weJrrNgP9
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0buQoShju
我一時語塞，沒能回話。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoY3IuGqOc
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaukBNxrov
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS14o5J2knB
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4YqpdBFGJ
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACYOklEGUz
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8sVhjmgoI
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iYZkqVpFx
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKl5qywheY
「小姐貴姓？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCw87M2zsqk
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtFXf3tzvG
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhy9qHJP1nN
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9N34Zo71V
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3A55RMPKT
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUg3drnr4B
「糟。」我心想。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivnyMmHj4C
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cBcQreX89
她隨即關上木門。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3t1TjCnwzm
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19cJQhnRoL
「她知道我是誰了。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcU3nuGO6Tb
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1y5JJH6uQ
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAGaJCiNyK
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxXsdblH6N
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziCofNnn3r
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvrK5O2MVb
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwHop8UJf7
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkKk0Cq6J5
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiD9GcnyWqP
就這樣升上了高中二年級，470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8zbccMPsp
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHTMHemJ7t
迎來了人生的轉折。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hJNZawe1Y
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbk1BujhQb
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskx1F79nsq
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcJt0lpmzt
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVGPm0WAV3
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBX9ditVUP
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIagu0TVR7
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZytE6WV4w
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDK3d8m82IA
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwug94SW1UP
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKusecVSxW
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHygyzfmyT
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMBxT2yixj
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajgGvxwBpy
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrkJcOyhPL
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjausp3Kzev
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLU86HgnQH
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLYbDvxvWn
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡto89uutMjb
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zN58VsGNd
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyroYUFPi3e
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlxJe723Bo
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRbH75XUrH
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxObSmg3j5
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdf7hVBcerX
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlw9me8MKA
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjLAQCDrGC
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCK0zXSqvI
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOYpdcG7Kd
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEoXTnjWvg
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzGocbBQCz
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYmEYb6CXp
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtH25KpQKx2
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0ZAnB0L3l
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkLhutWOz5
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vuD3HBRvy
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuUGN2Vyc3
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSOdh62iHZ
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41jqvpQKSU
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicZGEKbh7Z
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQU1OcU7Lj
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYJ4EtWTaB
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTGtjsxMdR
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TDwAbl3IJ
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrgUdaV2lx
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlOBPLjXlQ
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcz5mTFuDX2
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiQ2kAGIF8
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdJWf5LV3p
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBlG09I9Xo
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXQP4SquSS
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYauJhM7tCH
「爸爸。」我喊他。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPZERz4J2f
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LTssUqesX
父親抬頭看我。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hVeg84v4K
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIn0ovNpMi
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlrYGE3Lb8
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzqAXOQcD9
「我不知道。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6dUA3bPTW
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqXOA1hXVW
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlKVrXDEQa
「我和你一起搬走。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYIUDdZ37Q
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEm0B8U6rA
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiXn1jojOB
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7gK1et0hD
「真的嗎？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELgMI2QBQD
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotgUZMKDjC
「嗯。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnFril6chg
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7w5TQS9gL9
「…好啊。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCZntscztH
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nPDBoXx7q
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXeSHA1dja
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5L3jFlMoF
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6K68SiL5So
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUOfgA8FU6
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJIyBa0mjH
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZ1zW04hxe
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgN6DwX5LGU
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7no9dllKJe
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKczUYTcxuD
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWB0BT0R6rW
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mOIYR6qLu
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbOLd8NIcH
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGKJ1VCKa1
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcYK8AGGBW
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeqY10sCsn
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPfSwFTdbB
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Rxu5PWDgD
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Nfh3iWBb7
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrfW2c5mzZ
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDRWK8Er1I
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLJpLAnYak
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSosvjIiha
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqwogVEjeF
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUaXxWdEMB
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ct8Qroolb
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3ZDgUA4e1
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA10eSeU4ej
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwsJ8iN7yW
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimaMZtBuxz
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcZK2e4Dsd
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGazcv54sH
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yIggHrLcv
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqBQSjIWTQ
但那是另一個故事了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3L7bthtDTm
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqF4jtFCv9v
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNROZbYng4
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFf2VE7kCA
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mNcI1E5p6
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddPd76Dd3P
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlS5aza7r4f
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvmjBfyLfq
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEMoKTKcSr
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXx4kDD0t2
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6zl7sp2cv
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeF8dJp4oSZ
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ph0P1yAQT
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBItKGxuSJz
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlgy0tawV2
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtBjRpbzBD
難道逃出台灣了嗎？470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokcdbkushY
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHnYIwBq34
難道…真的死了嗎？470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNx6ig4w2q
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6g62Sc4yt
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAnhBl3zmA
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz12u5UkCgy
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDp9czhFYo7
但父親不在家。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDndWoH7YEs
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPeOizyWWK
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6F34lrTt2
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYH9JySidqN
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLVp9jotp3
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxm3cN7IGjn
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgzKep0UAj
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagJloJsLxh
「都是自己選的。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmIyOItq8u
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aMEgkeUpI
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OqKRdff5v
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztzdtwAzKk
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoCBsCXI9Y
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hhDmmbFGC
「乾脆，去死好了。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5NTUl0vo0
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWSqZKXxPx
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUkoVnNJU9
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTD7VliIYUe
待續。
ns216.73.216.2da2
