我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAuYHFrbfu
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunA7l6SUmd
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeU1z715da
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2OFayqP6t
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaH2lFsO08m
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMWiAGedSc
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzkYiNNZi7
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzj08Hgo8jw
「妳是…？」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2wxt523Bt
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGGSNx4ArK
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmw4VmSvck7
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwPFMvdQSy
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfmRUZ3rWV
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvTnwfcTZ9
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNliciwOLS
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmBZkSJKSX
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhT4tq8DD2p
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PkOuz6WJG
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJF6e1vdCOo
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazqmKX5iZm
「妳是他女朋友？」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfk6vNqqB0
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiIKw5ZUhj
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqWRPzMkRe
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKsyfQwM54
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpys4ijvGT
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjLq0ij6sV
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylSjaufyMj
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nVAAXrPde
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB39tXarC2j
我一時語塞，沒能回話。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqK4k2TSaj
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrvzMtXpMp
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiSdQeVExl
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVflwniyZLP
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm763kSHTDE
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAm8T3Q645
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGpMInGieq
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SW32bHypL
「小姐貴姓？」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bMP9N9T3e
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDUqqMo8ct
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyeub2XbKF
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMzFx72ItH
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNciKSciup
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1wd0IbgCK
「糟。」我心想。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpQo2cGTIt
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNZJZw5v3C
她隨即關上木門。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2aZkOue9N
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqoqqdko9G
「她知道我是誰了。」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvAxmtzaZ8
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fi33lvRWU
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMK4XOLmXv
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmj720M0EFF
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRg2Yd912x
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvK3TnYCZG
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbPh7Yt84Q
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEB0T788JM
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDY72pZgqBH
就這樣升上了高中二年級，400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EUH3X4mNS
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRlcs1a7CO
迎來了人生的轉折。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqpUYseVlP
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVuQ8vMBai
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeb7zDzupRa
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNotOmzG4y
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTCpEMilyn
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Gsdise7yw
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jNPJ7ABQa
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhih6buQVBm
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZdywn9i4J
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpjkppDYio
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31eFmuQRiE
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEhvMimvLa
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZFBRxrKgD
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKXNBaC8WR
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbfKRvSOwA
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xNfD5ONBF
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDT7i9nlnFR
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6xHFYXxow
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJBhS37d9N
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMSUrF20B7
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrDxOGcYhP
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcKMGCJLiZ
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CnfYa94Sg
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesZymZHVkK
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIX9Rdqd4z
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJB43t5U8mT
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIawDKglCO
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAu3C871eP6
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwnScaatgi
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUDz6lGdLV
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAUnlwd1kg
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVY4DgwTdxj
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0meQxC7Lww
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKE7hNk9Vl
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuo9FhTOSx5
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWELPhKMEhd
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmO5xWdbRLg
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlQ7XHCfyE
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwRyQcVTPG
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2egnM4Yafu
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUPNgSdxGv
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmINTQOk95m
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiau9zMryv
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzu5i1H8Au
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx19cGjy7EK
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1T3j1HmxT
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvX8DfBzGN
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzVxbPaTcy
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnnI7W9MVT
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaxL3Tr3Jo
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCmqTyG2Ag
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EeLLR7UKX
「爸爸。」我喊他。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlbC9MUPX9
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7Je8U5r1n
父親抬頭看我。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwiOI4YoJd
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8Nrz4ZH81
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEe9y9sONAc
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1M0iBxsNK
「我不知道。」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBzksrDEgY
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2T116PyN2
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4t936Ew31
「我和你一起搬走。」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssBCysUFiV
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfJW4gfyKE
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuWm0mw2Aa
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHP1rJ2O4w
「真的嗎？」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotpUtIJYZi
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNWSODqERG
「嗯。」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGGC8iSEkf
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJL1nUPuBe
「…好啊。」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ahk2HhVzB
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRjhDNe5ES
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSmi9xEw0g
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxhDtQmj3G
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZBPSs9AIf
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zHgDaEvud
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuomz0foHk
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDi5mfan8I
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gz1xGrwdw
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYXP4VInPo
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYN3c8EBAal
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJelGUnHpdI
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjlqZkgE4W
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaP2mNvpux
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMmpXhu5G1
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIdhFkGuy6
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhvU7kUQJP
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7smdPJbPN
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWj8RAivDRK
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2Y60mXCH4
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqvQltzQ9W
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATasGAFm76
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37eLIhoSvU
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLo4YHP5Dj
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCixbZb0KW
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OTji4PVAC
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05NKQ3b9m3
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImRv9LBO1n
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3TQC04jd4
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oj2XFtN5M
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lLAqmWNjk
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOlSkHdViu
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65MrdIsi8q
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZu5eliQvUS
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusFp9YVlI8
但那是另一個故事了。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlTRHEQE6Q
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulIVRa4jfH
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyk1mhSj6pA
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0Nc1ZHAmq
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDh2bUKuOv
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78NWwJfZOF
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXj8TzuYoA
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4YB7QHIt2
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwXb3IVKw8
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBjOnab35u
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ioq2XOQ5e
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmzV8j9YKg
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAAreev8dC
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sX5lkHp67
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ399RhgB5XA
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynGQjrbpkl
難道逃出台灣了嗎？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nxOyldVqH
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWiuHmWPv8
難道…真的死了嗎？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeosdBU8Ghm
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1zlPwTSGd
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXl4Gdt4HKB
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPS7gVomxrJ
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdr4nHUYpxm
但父親不在家。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEFzmXlDt2
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0uGGALMW5
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsqWYulYXq
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppA81phuvB
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYcDrl90Vi
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsyoxJEWoX
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1ttc0iiAy
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LF6PKRmji
「都是自己選的。」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrHTSoi76X
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVBQdlpfNT
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07YczdASDG
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4j5JRftK5S
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChbTQty4cm
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PYSKjYmIE
「乾脆，去死好了。」400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASBjw0WII9
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdt8S4FWVl
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiF2ZEhY5wG
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQ8Mfk49pj
待續。
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