我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjJCknbSVJ
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaa1NFjj2T
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNE2qEsfSIi
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRF7K8A2G6c
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRiMx9a4W8
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jwj5N38nG
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIL4cOD2Hwc
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVUVKI4vff
「妳是…？」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfk2ojQAox
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypS8N566jn
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20BNDL02im
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkorup4y9ZZ
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR83aMGWNpW
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHhsVKyoOE
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6mT5E0r2i
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVegNXSCjd
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmStdmPuE2W
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQl2QI244m
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiqM0aCQAT
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FVGiDyDTw
「妳是他女朋友？」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwCuyuNIQc
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIeGQkSKV4
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmVSgr9AEA
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZqArgsO6Z
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPadT4GuMM
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjV51iJLBDP
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSkLn0ceeA
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGstsg88ZJ8
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCu15JuMohx
我一時語塞，沒能回話。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaeQR71w3li
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirOAD8fLZk
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RuG4Gj1gg
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL03OWLw7XT
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcAQYlhXTm
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsasLCWkxP
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrrDHYBxRU
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolXJQIErKl
「小姐貴姓？」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBtjdtBM5r
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSwIJ4l87f
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTBaaWVroy
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW86HDyvA0v
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGeEWpQ5Dh
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92Ht7Ur0LX
「糟。」我心想。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSFWGvDGKB
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3r6exDgFrS
她隨即關上木門。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJemzCyjAp
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WtxTQ4f4j
「她知道我是誰了。」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8n6r5GDFY
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfWBmctQML
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZFPyNgrN6
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJREMY3BAga
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhN5nszKM2W
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECqybFlYGM
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqY0sLU3p5O
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QesMlTnZo
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwIeCKucSU
就這樣升上了高中二年級，431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMML3wEOt7e
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnw8LF6Teo
迎來了人生的轉折。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoAVCTCkf6
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhMEaXw5ht
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIZQ4as1sQ
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbovwalSWf
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylX9b7uiiU
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOyWAQCT4n
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZONTM2vy4
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5toh5gBpf
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0W8J032aX
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCByqHOwgx
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkio9ShLP0
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6IW1QQnwx
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxi6wtffcPB
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZql61QG4JM
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEVo2UvIOV
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2tQW35BnK
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVdcTDFxlk
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5a5UfDGkA
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jiM7OiCsb
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡue9n65G2wb
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrOwNkWHEX
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxhT30xaIs
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeloufj4Qf
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKy2ma8djt
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhZpe4bb3N
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwjSyH3XKH
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxjx0Mgc13
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxHSiYvcZy
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZW9ms2X0I
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaTpvhJ08Q
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLUkYH0c83
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcfx3XoGUa
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcmoEUb0Tc
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8X1UZzyqj
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxr9sOD7WGK
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXUP4CxK21
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrtwDvy5z0
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VCg138r47
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKUZdx780p
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijnMUSAODF
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GZM9S51WE
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKf3O0ekUbi
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MzgQecPWN
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9cae8wAJo
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiulO67hZvd
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtaho67QGS
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Le5xdRj5U
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2ZFEsIJo6
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZwtpBWyra
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjU6m9eGfsS
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIe1yjwbzS
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxi9mMWvYD2
「爸爸。」我喊他。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08jMrswJ0o
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPawmLaS418
父親抬頭看我。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aBN4rXG5U
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh475sOVdmP
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlSIVTJkmg
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiDF2MpeHi
「我不知道。」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ699V5mDue5
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqB738gYAO4
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjYnw5G9X7
「我和你一起搬走。」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ70em1kmbV
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuzg8QYfd7
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeY6CWpkKF
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eH5YYTbY1
「真的嗎？」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XX8HhgxEA
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZmwU4JBms
「嗯。」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJe0ZUBZQH
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3B2mLwtOTD
「…好啊。」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnPgz4JbtP
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9P6Pj8mWm
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEr50PLzNe
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkurJSG4GY
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxzJLrhUgs
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwvPCfAbxa
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3SJNTWXah
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcm42V7cLfZ
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDZU8Yuopw
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtmMx483Ny
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2cb5cERnK
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOl605hk3i
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS04wmNh0YI
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjjCPNyr1U
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvnj0dq51a
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5LPhrVZXh
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqmOMQipzZ
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXs4taubxNd
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7FdmYBePJ
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32crrevijW
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUpasIybKr
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BEl0MJ2Lu
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqppCGXuZD
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8pKjf8zDv
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3O5KRI4Wtr
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27FZF8gXHs
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcM28qdXLE
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMLrBNQYPM
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KlyiMUcgX
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyEwuZ4gm4
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRvKmpvJZ9
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtybYlFnM6j
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpzCsfIv8c
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OzxvSjg2v
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjTbzxmx8m
但那是另一個故事了。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6x9HhZgyoe
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7TLmA3cQp
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfY5f6lzVj
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtZmS4Pbwi
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqqXePhIUg
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOFv0CHPJv
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdBK8DenfD
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJz2UCywzO
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ084ALT0l48
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnFrCG8mGO
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3G7ugx5Dt8
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRtR4efxeh
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2breoD35I
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxvy2f7gtL
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNrnQEuh1V
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITvZWFFCIS
難道逃出台灣了嗎？431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XWbJNq3Yz
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHYvNMExTh
難道…真的死了嗎？431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOMYLvg72d
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOynOHtO2Ki
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPskhualTC
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrHlFhkU4H
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Lc3C5dRUq
但父親不在家。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SKwMF7er5
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnJpG6cUvy
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKPVoJxWRn
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76YUcabvmB
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvUL5hDpDE
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9uZqYLv8Z
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjJIV64Adk
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7oqrzPmNv
「都是自己選的。」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdIUDRn2u7
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4izQcE2nv
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDg77A3YunB
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRU8hGKz2e
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwvi03Wx7r
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTqY2CVdjV
「乾脆，去死好了。」431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rmG8yQhsi
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6un1HFdJM
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp51b7577qg
431Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTainE2TTT
待續。
ns216.73.216.229da2
