我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IksK837bH
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jlY5OxdS2
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlsmlGcT2R
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46VhgHRxId
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZbR92O8ge
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEq7Pg0bM4r
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1pJcUzmlS
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKs9RSOpesq
「妳是…？」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVzmW981o7
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0uDzGddJr
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXjTi8lPbB
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm60el8SWgs
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeAcYLNO2k
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUQxI2DgAa
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIhR96Olou
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrjAHWXqnt
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8ybnpBXVw
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhM3mih2Vx
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWhOCNAxY4
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLiXV30LSG
「妳是他女朋友？」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYe4XHdS4j
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmu9tl78I4Z
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LacYwLW3M
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkASMOJISv
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56iFiq7dkM
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAd7LYe56ZI
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzAGiB2Dih
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1CvhNY9l5
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPBWpFhRnU
我一時語塞，沒能回話。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWThGGavLp
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8mqFfNlKU
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKzi9bknin
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3gJ3o2m5n
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6Ug0XDdVd
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKAloJyzr8
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSZOydkeX9
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmOTlX3o90
「小姐貴姓？」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7Go4r6egQ
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLEQzbWKiG
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJmZA2jnNH
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1c6KMO6n42
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddhTuyRueG
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYGVwJXZAh
「糟。」我心想。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NJzEelzjL
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDoy1hjCER
她隨即關上木門。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XiQfIgwM2
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFiLqKl2lC
「她知道我是誰了。」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WCjE7fQBL
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchC2Y3lNfd
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmtujF6Sor
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvkPzb5OZ7
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvkqZoi4im
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18x1nNZVov
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBLu7gzkLf
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqunEUYshEL
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdO2wbHHpx1
就這樣升上了高中二年級，403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSytspk9jjv
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTx7VcBNgu3
迎來了人生的轉折。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMtMVJp8rM
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqAF4X8XZd
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBueDdMzXN
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIZ2DDKVko
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRs3sW83lUS
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYE6G94wiM
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvgwo5rxr9
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGKgevPIUO
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz9FFVm8qKp
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2nkzcBVl7
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMzSGEUFiY
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUWsfzXHiq
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgIWBVkour
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxBYNDE9Th
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡID7X8XvbP2
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGwjvYPYnz
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrw9nLyAQZ
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kUYKGS8I6
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89IY9CRxik
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6v9B8pzoy
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xEBiyCZxV
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbJYor7Di5
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02owtHQQRq
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjDng73tHA
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpnmD3jMZv
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNJ2OZny0b
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLzkHQiSdt
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqv8P1oYSnW
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7p00scvJRc
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3V9LM4lnnB
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZydkdKmP56
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1padUSL4v
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvjRsbbhku
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hnG4uFrms
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqygXbIVn5Y
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoNb8uSrvK
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF72pTDZiMw
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9x9i7qvDD
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOWM6f3xVq
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jLBAVN0cE
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBYdDeSLhQ
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUTN2Vs7OQ
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAi0E8uwhVz
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihsRsaGHY2
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dXX7ay11g
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgKC2qFVsy
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70XD4lvrQn
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bCq6pcbGx
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQlrprCIzu
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJH4BqOQ5iN
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMYa8rD2WG
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGtxzllSM4
「爸爸。」我喊他。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8SpASU5xs
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUEGLo9w6P
父親抬頭看我。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OlWcToqvM
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJh2Q1C7Fwx
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtORQo2nPB
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9wLKL3TcU
「我不知道。」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSNgvkDANc
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRwJGQqaZy
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMWRCUqhDc
「我和你一起搬走。」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUbPohn4Er
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4KFEQEQVa
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZKCzqJyZ0
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtS2WpcjED
「真的嗎？」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TdD3tLkkm
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHIyXPX4M8
「嗯。」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH34y3Mw23j
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWBHTc1lr7
「…好啊。」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBHnu3fhgK
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDWlgXC55g
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wcmi4oaYO
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLMCTSIhjF
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwrQHMUdJt
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViuQ32TAcH
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfC9TZbKDm
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmMt4Mo4Zf
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLhjrHFakl
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLr5qPQEKtc
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUhXe0CWlD
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0pUvGwlWg
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4T8y0aRsf
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmN4vPTsUvV
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecvnnPOIMN
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLw5f13KTCH
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEkaeChecL
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXE1FhcMS3K
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NcqSWWuzG
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyMIwQ1rhy
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOAe33wGOq
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78qH0enLCQ
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf38bzdtPkE
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMW552zOX2p
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7jeOUMSVU
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIcqHQuYQn
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07dbuprsfh
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGx1LqBafvw
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYplnTCaVy2
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eHVPAFGTx
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFskMTV4vP
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwEF1bpcST
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0Qo56Tv7r
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtJrmKws44
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXmMl7EJoq
但那是另一個故事了。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiygtxYw8tx
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TRutVv4vD
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgbtcCxTv2Y
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0K2pdQWdg
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlh7ELT6D0
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGK77gSQWFM
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMX0R4br8Qg
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9om2AnqDj
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAn9ildThq
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAUeJMqiD1
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡId7HBMO86B
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwsXIVhVtI
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuo1Hk5oo8
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmuCiG3eYn
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsEdTKokxP
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難道逃出台灣了嗎？403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyc1u2xYaT
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難道…真的死了嗎？403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWGXteKuJj
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一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45WOLKszol
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但父親不在家。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YbekowXMI
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBykFejeFk
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxU6SjuyBt
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我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMC6MbgZFbe
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那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZN83tVSjw9
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「都是自己選的。」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazPegGZ0RM
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1LYiLEYOx
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPERhfUDkU3
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「乾脆，去死好了。」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCP10595Il6
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiO7YdaJvDA
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSG2M3FIau9
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待續。
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