我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUu9XSwD1NH
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfogab2fAP
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8IQ4mHvbT
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKOJRnqX4u
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6wAYaOsci
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrJJowR3fW
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3jPJXUKxs
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WXTgueD4L
「妳是…？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aLb3OmXqe
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMkqWvKEiy
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmXgGQiwd2
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTl5GNu53R
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxU6hp90iS
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22RZETnEa2
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdajQsJRLVj
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2D7RNMoKtQ
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCSihRbsIG
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90gwqk08FX
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hQVTxSkVB
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFWuYhNaI9
「妳是他女朋友？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8I5JKgJjzW
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwxFkSBnM9
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaovUfAyav
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVmyXvq6Ar
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2OoBUeXFY
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPk1IHeyYzf
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzAJcbQbz8
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAsTfsQLx4
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByd3pHMLME
我一時語塞，沒能回話。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsduPScKz0
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bxZRShjIU
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkVN0ZxEkR
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPBq1ECrsN
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEdvfs10qy
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTaXqTV1DV
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwmkrDvEdt
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BOwbOWhmc
「小姐貴姓？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwL29bkc06
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtzytdKrzS
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZGXFcxwTk
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqm9jE8oYiY
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbsVPVegfx
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZi3sscvZdR
「糟。」我心想。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUD4tfjNVI
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0brjhAecJ0
她隨即關上木門。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEWYcU7GRz
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnqgly8lk8
「她知道我是誰了。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE380XNQl9N
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzz0LjH4Zz
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8xcCgqKbN
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7Floxir0t
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9muaAMNRV
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWmL8IQRRa
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cCnWzDchT
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRwiQSjEEt
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7XdUN2RNv
就這樣升上了高中二年級，470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gZHYcQjY3
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpn8LVKcUyU
迎來了人生的轉折。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0ZFnjBx8x
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXdP5HaelP
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcHvCsu0fx
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYUSH5WXhF
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzaiSNe0pY
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQWEy9AuWo
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwhhWzePbs
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWLTle6EgX
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGyrZrJ45y
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWLZE4xKFp
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5ihDSU9cX
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCY38dC3xGG
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyqtCA559X
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssRkdmyogf
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3mPUewvyR
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3pBO4JsXt
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBsOOOyEVY
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVbfM55uyy
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRI83RyOIKc
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFPw5A0ZG1
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb74NyXLNYk
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuBm113zdh
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaEiCNmf7G
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQX8jo23T1H
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbDVw2DXEE
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3O0melCSG
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡon9MlULPHm
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGaYuooO1tc
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaqaZdDlow
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXudZWxx7z
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlqdv5pJK0
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckNAscmDaX
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyUdXtpD7Y
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdk8mTEyQP2
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaBZnQ0UtO
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sq2P7wpei
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRq8ALVzQF
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ylCAlwLsj
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kRjBnuP8Q
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgJa6N97u6
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGEhmkVIWQ
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2g0PIK54SL
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36MTbET69A
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLSp2jypFm
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSUkHDL0kH
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AmuWFYAIL
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhOfpUX2lL
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxdGt5iZZX
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuYl6BJYGn
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hboyUoOk4
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPAibiPcxf
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FLj6nNIHO
「爸爸。」我喊他。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrCZ5mEwnr
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfaWAkviER
父親抬頭看我。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivk5zoahVb
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CU4hiPBKN
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3euReCmJP
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiasw6PZZT
「我不知道。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7C0rl1MSb
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPv0idvjhn
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmB3mcbCmF
「我和你一起搬走。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTIhrsjF38
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpgISpcdaZ
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3L6qgj0lN
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9C2zPUNJt
「真的嗎？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOyekV1p51
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkwzn7GKt0
「嗯。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxhT2luGij
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hEXHbDRqw
「…好啊。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQWwbs4i81
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstTjszuV7l
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZ0borY1mw
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26F91aqdtE
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyY4sbmlw9
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9iAYOaYmd
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9p5LcmvzeN
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtU0uVstiF
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gzXWNbbCT
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtlOB72DDd
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vZY1PkgGU
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySXEiaiHlZ
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6YnBBYDau
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhf800CmqR
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4VgmD0FRH
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHEDBahq4k
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVlGfTp6MF
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjD4HENHBj3
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnT9kkBiMPE
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdipzD9jis1
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziumMy59wI
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3yeMkySAw
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9xzIm1LJg
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQ03Ktfq8H
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNt487UGKM
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrV2Wm2smF
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxI322ZDCGZ
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzeSeVsHljn
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTBLk4PQpx
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmC6MsRF7u6
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45a6H2Gdoh
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpm6GWzD8Lg
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxpkyWwxw8
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKEhPAVSTb
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAYsRzQorM
但那是另一個故事了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTAXjrsbn2
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0dO8hiRRVV
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3Kbm3RORr
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5k6Lwhmbqt
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjbzFcvUFZ
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIw4bma2Db
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBaXwcHCWQ
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5J1EOZDgD
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWbRiHm3wH
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKgCkuQLVy
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZ0OPd02Rt
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvSAtohB3a
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPt6jUbBM8
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHG8Q38Rw1m
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJvjQpcAKL
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2BpGIVkJF
難道逃出台灣了嗎？470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFvwBLBJP4
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoy2UU6Tu5
難道…真的死了嗎？470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLvZuiN8ug
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodwOQ6MHTg
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcvAM7n4s9
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCJ1mzDoXl
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ueRezmF16
但父親不在家。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rcTg2LmWf
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkBKkQZ1fW
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrJj6n26LW
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GjaYKVYdz
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz16wWEDZYe
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOp3wAPktuP
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAr7EBnEyef
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtDm7owrM9
「都是自己選的。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnbaQbCBTC
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7D4USSV6Dh
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxVO6ZW5rl
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqynxsK824l
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGrGY3Df28
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eTdSQAfcj
「乾脆，去死好了。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxmxqmjcBQ
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGnxPa01Jq
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUHJMKDw3G
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrSfWaaRk3
待續。
ns216.73.216.2da2
