我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVKNup7U7g
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZ7HkX46gS
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPPJ5kWyfL
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7NtkmysXE
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHlcfJshOx
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn83wtKmTfe
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8lu36F807
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHU6BCsdaL
「妳是…？」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36pVcBVtm7
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37UkNyHbe1
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYRZMJ7F0y
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpzpltZP8Z
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuW9A9vIXoH
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPQdtP1FyC
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdeVDXAGXK
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppGQUq6iSl
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3RIbr1bIU
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4p79Oxin1
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFjOgy7OMK
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYq6niPK1cC
「妳是他女朋友？」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8B8RU0MqhX
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMQ6iGNTBW
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguRel6cxlv
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybPmaKbzaY
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApj4xVbnvz
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrBi3P197I
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25KcCMkoE3
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkuX9fGogz
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZNervcs4N
我一時語塞，沒能回話。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrfxvsoMSd
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtE3gZPWY5Z
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡju1pUgv8DU
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXlkqO105Q
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHscgeakEc
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpoSWD7qmr
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJym18PZab7
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5CV5zbTLm
「小姐貴姓？」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAgVX4FBMp
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8Yzhg7Vjy
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbEevmjSKL
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgZJaeBnoP
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWlIUOdZIZ
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQs3adTd4n9
「糟。」我心想。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWrnMH2Dre
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmfjCdzo1N
她隨即關上木門。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HVxixuAVO
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iVIiwHTD8
「她知道我是誰了。」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SEoXJaoey
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Z1A1UApOk
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IQ0wlQ3LJ
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoW24WP5Fev
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHA11i3Y31
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8CxdUGDoe
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJv7zl4j26
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhUaEyRyEA
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZUU3uqsLf
就這樣升上了高中二年級，399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nvGC3aASw
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRYjmqv10e
迎來了人生的轉折。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLpHKtcx2W
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8j20qJJUe6
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMdiakskLL
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7o4vVFVfni
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIIAnvKoyC
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0qBDpGwoF
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzBv6gawqn
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8xqCz9kf2
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUuY0n21xj
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRKV2dgeVs
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGc5jbQg7L2
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3yWt350GD
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeraOlSmTBb
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MqdNrUPgp
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kWS1KZM2g
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFh3TwsmC6v
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAtRNTErA7
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAhUn17SiF
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQAHcsM5dA
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoINaN27Ms
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETnYJztC8y
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6s3ezFJ47F
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6e6Q4XoErD
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPTe81XtbG
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqS0AVk0zGH
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQ37jEaHC3
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJjCvd5PWZ
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPxiJgkZDh
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjg41UcuZz
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36gQJ1GbmV
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IcBQvF9Gh
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxJIjTwJ4f
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCNOV4sqqM
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQBkDBsM0N
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDXrhBp7GQ
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAIdqmpdco
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSkd1LiHwB
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8n5DOGDi50
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6fVshkVQD
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7gwIAvjV2
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYb9zwrQOEP
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5n7TISJkR
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkS459JWzAO
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRLOYO3HBG
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIjeNbzuK3
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPjlH4uoQ6
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcRLqgQy1L
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepMHUmwVSl
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMSkYoNPlT
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgWrw4YtnO
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3M5qQ7pyx
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKkTcLrew2
「爸爸。」我喊他。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBixIxce0qs
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSehLqRqurA
父親抬頭看我。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb54yidSkJ1
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PnOAjE37F
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzIUVw22dH
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1bPfoOBMh
「我不知道。」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOcRaQHyQZ
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDinTGws26
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡot5ah8mI7i
「我和你一起搬走。」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0M5WGp8O2Q
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzumcCNUHs
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRwuvUjs15
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7uw6kJvYr
「真的嗎？」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4k4wVV1sy
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMZZj5xdBl
「嗯。」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6clsiDmNal
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3ImRNDhxO
「…好啊。」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYT1VOXh7vz
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynml5KZG9W
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8lHf78MrR
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2pr2TM5IE
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsZOH3LhTO
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0VHxc9w8a
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKv9dKoZxVz
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhd96PquGPX
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiG2LLAB9b
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZEY1zSSa1
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhHiZbhIU8
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnGmdZxstx
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqbYTEQCzm
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocVCjXX64X
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZc49KbIj3p
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUUyi7xnlb
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCj4wn87oB
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqGo7NwKm3
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡraJdPcA692
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eWLBMgtcd
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFDRfpIYCm
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBCc98n90X
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePWdrPNCTV
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcREEC5BnN8
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NhzJexYLu
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDa5iyoMej
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkvZVZ9ro2
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYM1YKZVdPE
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpjM88inKf
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5EgRBGJEi
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWnc4OqlZ8
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡditOUpzt2N
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWf6mQqdBO
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUCydumIGm
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWzc62EoL3
但那是另一個故事了。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7cv3Jsusf
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiMkBPspHK
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnBCyUUwYd
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYiip64weR
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13XnGWkTrK
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL92ufgJNs1
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ThLCum6m0
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuVQhubQIv
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdByLWDuicZ
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hPt31qWww
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkRno6ecJD
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCoSj63n11
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAYpWtvATB
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSyslFQUXF
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rjsQ4f6tm
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxocuHjBHhe
難道逃出台灣了嗎？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27wXymLITo
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7ero57AXo
難道…真的死了嗎？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgdTimRdak
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6tW7UfKUw
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zeqqaSZp2
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrozeFYC8Y
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oGLtLggiq
但父親不在家。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWj31fRS0m
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHUYTtN8LV
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaih2ademG
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfC8oMrYpiW
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqVx6qTIdK
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsJ3aUgxoy
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4w8GU0fpjs
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNHIyEVS8D
「都是自己選的。」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsmK7meerB
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhe5FQO6Nyb
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGiglLjKVM
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2VgPoGtNh
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPEfageinP
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIGfzzZQtN
「乾脆，去死好了。」399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDubejQtEHu
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIc93fpb9Jx
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmerYH7Sy1Q
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvXEuktRgz
待續。
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