我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN13JaL1tTh
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWuEtCyuPx
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGl2AINnolr
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUznxt1dlX
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXG25uPCck9
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjhS66yEN7
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAU7Dze77E
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88mAHvdgQL
「妳是…？」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxAyDoDGoZ
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIKLmgLUo8
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKecPLtTmAA
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5mFVk44dY
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhtrVlDeNF
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡughpw5FhbH
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLjenPorYQ
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnkf98K0LU
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazikbP6saH
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxewEmsedh
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cnQlqygBF
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmw4x3ZkUhh
「妳是他女朋友？」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzj9WzljjGW
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBZXrxLtjq
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡau2appWcrK
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhoNETbe91
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfCpsYIawx
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFetRiPHg3I
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuWDvZR3SU
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoBpbbX5Dt
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSyEK7VfMG
我一時語塞，沒能回話。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnAnmXG9DD
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpzqzIUCJ6
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnM5ghJmW9f
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPl1S356u3T
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpUC6fvDGV
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmbmmeEhFa
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfseQ3K0KCH
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj75EMfxiQs
「小姐貴姓？」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡby2sDOciKp
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1VJo1wp2o
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVHBFTOeXF
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvklK4BcmvR
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbO585KMwc
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aazafE7Qn
「糟。」我心想。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIfdcMvsw4
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFw48rtobR
她隨即關上木門。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNg1whRb6wD
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdORCMEWHv1
「她知道我是誰了。」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAOI1OCy9v
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVNoe8hLUJ
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSsdoHFbps
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zXCCuLHEI
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LvKA0zJpW
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQGpgYh3Kj
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgquvtW8T1
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAbc7Ifg3Y
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJmyHedeLW
就這樣升上了高中二年級，432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDLcaYK5FZ
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbM7JMctwn
迎來了人生的轉折。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJA7fs2gDvX
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEogEb2xbn
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXqSPnvaZq
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvhlbLLu75
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMP7uNxjGmf
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5oCk8tIrR
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXEeWquZYN
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3In9UxbMC9
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3VobXCZVx
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Qmq0O7KJb
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGoynd5D8I
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsI4Kf4KKI
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YzM4jSPzU
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrCt5zzKZY
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nXxJISFEb
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXtMDLC7if
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6usTAOFEnP
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbF1J5PoajE
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQN4Wz0uiTW
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuTQmemNbv
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FbRQepOs4
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnEff7YJ69
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5VZUpLjkd
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMBmQUcE9O
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaN2DFlUrq
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAHPafsTHI
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7k7x89fkw2
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPc6DgrEB28
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybe618JtIU
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjURKX37J42
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniemwYNlKE
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwCFVIV4uu
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAslfMmr8Q
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzuPIPmli2
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgvgc7xFjf
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJ9kVlo8ME
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicWNEYqWqH
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4xjf74Z0I
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSaMiBHSOM
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0ajGsq6cc
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEhA6RjBKH
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9f3K6YZGE
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpMa6kkqOZ
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuHZwYNb1u
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡls1RUoAenF
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwZPGX5iVu
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHfaMhgRYg
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wpKHE4P71
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJ4jBh7bGa
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bp49Invze
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpb4Dl2OQHY
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNOrfzNnSO
「爸爸。」我喊他。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGGtlVmjbU
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12lkcbzB4h
父親抬頭看我。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxq5NG2VRx
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8X7b0ZktJ4
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCcT5y39mq
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhS5Qhupnw
「我不知道。」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZ4KvnJStx
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1XNABSDbl
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzv14FuJeo9
「我和你一起搬走。」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLC8gcrpXnJ
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPNLVEx1WV
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFprx3jSHOr
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTBse5cq9i
「真的嗎？」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmi3dZB2aE0
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwio6oPQUR7
「嗯。」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0miXKo4Qc
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARyAjCpLeP
「…好啊。」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkapBXtkGH
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiC0eoiGAE
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLmKuP7ZOE
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopNilSqjTn
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqh9FeBWph
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3C0DV8z3Ck
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUCbM6C2Kx
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1J8voFpSo
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf72YkJS2Ef
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkESyfl7Va
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGzJGqRMAE
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvYDPO5KL0
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0ZqjerBUc
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpJJ5nGh3L
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNL7ENPtK6q
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9myTSA7nJ2
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpQVrC8WYt
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmrolDPyJe
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8lpsx8ahh
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgeNpS4AYIY
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3yt5LJFQ7
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡto0aCXOp6s
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3Kfonneis
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyrHkNf83t
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbv05wtaqI
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgIZ7sWVuW
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssbJdDopvD
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmTOXQCR8I
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVpS2aAkmf
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcX7fpTEQ3p
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5IbQluQmG
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr60OpFrtHJ
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhDAId979H
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwGaLTdzcc
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wrtL6ViNa
但那是另一個故事了。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfaLAACSj2
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5EbvmK0Su
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Gq4KFkEtP
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EAvcmxGlG
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5Vzty67cl
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAN34NmrRlr
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLHvjWCh3A
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4P7rCE1qL
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4VTabNIVy
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljbhHh61NC
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSaDzztBAk
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjp8qd5KqkF
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWnZiKNBi7
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpTO3Agpuo
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUHmaMznUz
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsb0vDyuw4f
難道逃出台灣了嗎？432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0QwjAAzmg
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVtdyxeCaG
難道…真的死了嗎？432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZWKgSFaAC
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFVkcsjZgb
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNKzpSrVYH
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHvbRxWgbK
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqBNy5pzLF
但父親不在家。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFbWsr5g50
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxh7VJS3hsJ
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvamGZQ9yC
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvaLjeqEuO
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGt4uxC26t
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaa6QF6VKy
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZzkxqxVot
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFPWG8mxy8
「都是自己選的。」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6qfyzWJlO
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTu7NYYELO
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTi2QWqzJoB
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwnGWA1e6z
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8fMqFxMWq
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlmSLfO9sf
「乾脆，去死好了。」432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSyuCGhVBv
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsNZrXIe5c
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDclk4A0au
432Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrJeN11PAG
待續。
ns216.73.216.19da2
