我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUykMHBEu4
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNylYrCc3Kh
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OrBOEQVAJ
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGW3QMyJx1
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9KxKp7HI9
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkT6zwkUfm4
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkd1lWGewY9
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZAzv9XGHG
「妳是…？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bIcYBYKnJ
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DXUSYIJcj
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82IAwX0wAf
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Lh4jWeXhl
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmz1R1zBHg7
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOucUF3A2TS
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLFm3ClTII
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8K2o50z1Y7
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6APEoB0xy
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOG6KkFA3X
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZARuI035T
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTDVxzue1z
「妳是他女朋友？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmk6F4bms3
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOkcmm08QP
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGYCc2Aori
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGilX9uGkQR
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YBCnADXU8
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQC8TSitMP0
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbgASqj7kT
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjY4Ew2aJT
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5ljdBEA5I
我一時語塞，沒能回話。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZ2Fjk5F62
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXFE9R8yZ2
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLa4fRoWT5
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkVdJwUzdn
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH13F7D1wkB
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRDjgJMYU2
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUX3QdOmfaJ
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5D9Q4pdkMd
「小姐貴姓？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8woNGuWPT
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8O35oobl3
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBX7prEQSRw
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvS1MufFdG
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSjXGQPTPw
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWcu7oYSv1
「糟。」我心想。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM54BTbceNi
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHPHvEueBb
她隨即關上木門。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWnUvkTWUP
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwlNkq2KyK
「她知道我是誰了。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4nebLDefr
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqu2HgCfTAK
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzw541NxND
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnjG4NaI8q
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIInCKeybD
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxTBso2FNt
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5OqOtDM3i
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPWgCprjBd
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioCDO13xgH
就這樣升上了高中二年級，470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLOHFXMuGC
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKRT5uBHEn
迎來了人生的轉折。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxKG84ElUr
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjXkhs3osj
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGm91AGnL7
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFViIWkPmVf
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowft54qFPb
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkH9jzQCzJy
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7bU7ucIpH
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVvaIQSE1I
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdoUN75LEB
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhxAakz6CU
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeV38On4a5r
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdZlRQ6LUF
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQMi5opocn
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIclSuHVe0n
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUIuUrmkn9
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JmdplhnB5
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZTHx8Vy7t
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwy2I2CU96L
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrwHfjKpEq
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlxvDpSrVb
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQDJ01LHbB
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0ibwSRcBl
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJOXzC8kwI
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSGVeDYZLw
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZpizjr4KG
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vz0Li6Qpd
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyVqljGhvB
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUE0I5hHDK6
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6W95pLBgwG
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1OA5juvnO
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwLrPFtkPH
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqwhUWPtDq
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFxH5LvcM4
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eTI7UIZvR
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRdtAc1go4
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZccjTSsWN8
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugOqbFoIQD
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXNA0nDtom
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGL09K8pf8i
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaZhKNlm0H
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHL1neifs8
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iZDOyOjWG
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhK8EDuFHd9
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJK4OTFc0qx
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDoHoTrerV
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwWIQYhBDc
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheGh1NjAuF
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJOq3mYwQF
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzBbvs1z7H
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBgK94X32o
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNHt5OoLFW
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5fM2tkF5n
「爸爸。」我喊他。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTw5D3rqrL
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XG8v3Pkg2
父親抬頭看我。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qYfHIgJkN
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXBgJwtAdJ
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LpFi6puOF
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQ4LWvfzL1
「我不知道。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSw60BDCuk
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLHzmpfHga
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuBnuOvlax
「我和你一起搬走。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdfDBFivFs
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkRGDtiHcd
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrShnD2Mm3
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhrOPDguiW
「真的嗎？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjYPvYH35s
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviLkcvy8pM
「嗯。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNKA2bh1oL
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbLYpnwFrH
「…好啊。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1UzeQOzU7
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNQMGawT9v
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrAV0bljbF
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhJWUqTbuN
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5ILpJeIJw
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQ5y6p0oAg
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjjrIxFUR3
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyCt2fnivn
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKanQVjcFgB
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcO2ILVvusR
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcVRy1SDTM
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoGj69evi8
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDBWSn2TqX
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDTRKKYUNw
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcBIZiSTQD
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvcD7VrGGw
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMGFJNf8YO
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2vsE95Chy
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnt4E8KylPa
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EyA8KFsWO
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAQhhvSzI0
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLxZemU1L7
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAOuguBvF5
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2hcYtlKZA
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCitr5lAcP
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzqUJqSjLn
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsWq7OsbfF
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzTyA7Dsni
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3Ohf8Qhti
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtLlxCcuFk
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QtlEzA6UE
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJvFxKqEvz
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPQMqKinvJ
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8S17phJby2
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAog49kSuvE
但那是另一個故事了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUjJSft7FD
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZDTO700Lx
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSrBMaYEyo
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69zXUVXE3U
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWk7n7ixMC
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgqgH4Ppgc
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqeWidQMf9q
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lqVeyJ0UK
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWN1xf8Z8cg
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBbHQ5MG0s
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfx5J3IAB9k
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡew8prUVQuJ
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9BQOS6QKV
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJiJejHiKI
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3C8O4mrGk
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02LBUzkGgL
難道逃出台灣了嗎？470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTA3XuEtLg
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJt0ZVop6k
難道…真的死了嗎？470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4LS05sTEf
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4URSWGfmDE
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5UL7ZXtrB
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHDaEMmRo8
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dCUkPfQK6
但父親不在家。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnFQQrKfYZ
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHqgcuzV39
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14x29MbZs6
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8YAsFNtrB
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6gPzayiWD
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAniru9cBE
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfdJJFLePX
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhdXhCaPDj
「都是自己選的。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxJvQREDWv
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP95HESXdAG
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jHmuTym66
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wQLj67PuG
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtnUzHjT4O
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6evFuJlCLu
「乾脆，去死好了。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLytgma5It9
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zsp6a3gW5
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSgN4CKBaP
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgFC7iXHk7
待續。
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