日子還是這樣在過，學校裡的夥伴不時耳提面命「大考將近，獎學金不能拱手讓人」的事，我知道他是逼著我轉移注意力，也就順著他的意，認真上班、認真上課、認真睡覺，好像我換了個叫「課本」的男友，天天與它相伴，沒見著它的時間，都在夢鄉。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ015rGlmziA
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaDSd58MbX
但，無論怎麼讓自己逃開，總有那幾個瞬間，會被回憶淹沒，尤其是，酸楚的回憶。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBtNx3joKg
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9R4PymmEx
我把自己關在家幾個禮拜，直到被朋友挖出門。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBoeSx7BIv
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisadQnIuPO
坐上朋友的車，也不是很在乎要去哪裡，明明身邊有人，但全世界好像剩下自己。
也許這些，都是失去愛情的症狀。
可笑的是我連自己是否曾經「擁有」愛情都不確定。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4B4GSSG79k
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bTbcBXNEZ
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgOHnVTwxR
朋友載我到熟悉的山上，我以為他是要去山頂的土地公廟拜拜。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmu2JvcFwj
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9XnArygf4
「妳最近不是很愛爬山嗎？帶妳來山上走走啊。」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BM7RL2miW
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cNxYSS2TL
「……喔…」
我心裡一沉。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXgnmA0RAm
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPae8cdLXly
他不知道我為什麼開始爬山，我又怎麼能怪他呢？569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4BFepTnTu
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwm9sBDgDo
我們延著樓梯，爬到了山頂的土地公廟，便隨意照找了個地方坐下，那是山頂的展望區。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwohYLLHprv
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoN0GpK5up
「那是什麼山啊？」
我指著橫過城市、遠處一座被雲海包圍的山。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUGhLJmQNM
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz9MNIRhyTN
「我哪知道。」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtv8GP1PuX
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENPfIkVHET
「……說的也是。」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTMlj9mkLc
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJPUJ2Jaqd
我才發現自己的愚蠢。
那是我和張先生一同爬山時，我很常說的話。
他總是像個「山的萬事通」，有問必答，即使在我看來那些山都長得一個模樣，他仍能數家珍般地，念出它們的名。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyk9pv8KPV
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWqrZkG5vv
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmx8wXa5Z5
黑兔子找我去唱歌，在包廂裡和另一個女生朋友故意想弄哭我，不停點悲傷的歌來唱，一開始我只是笑，笑她們無聊。
直到某首歌的歌詞刺進我的心裡，痛了那麼一下，我哭了，就停不下來。
兩個女生見我掉淚，居然也跟著哭了，還哭得比我悽慘。最後我還得幫她們擦眼淚。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Z36XsJ885
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0kt9kzHTY
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxb3LnUmpCV
我很努力要自己不去怨懟、不去記恨，但總對自己被欺騙一事糾結，同時也怪自己不夠聰明、不夠謹慎。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMessM4RZdx
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXmZPD4ehP
無法灑脫。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8L2RZNRgMs
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8F6Ie9niC6
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yyluRib5B
我還是持續的爬山，但不明白自己是因為什麼而爬。
我害怕自己是為了不忘記他，所以更不敢面對這個問題。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLqF7qXRnS
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQTAeehoFu
直到某次，母親找我一同去爬山。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejQdy2Emn9
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsRJJsMGgW
那是一座有著神話故事點綴的郊山，山上的涼亭裡還用木板刻著傳說。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4riiTmvAR
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkVB16Rhfk
「這是我和妳爸爸第一次約會的地方。」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWg662FiZT
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjDbMXQfI9
母親突然提起父親，自他們離異後，母親甚少和我聊父親的事。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8YkREd0ez
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbbTaqOtzb
「我喜歡運動，妳爸爸不愛。我喜歡在舞池跳舞，他只想坐在沙發聊天。妳爸爸體能好，明明是蛙人，運動神經好，私底下卻懶惰得要命。」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjiX40uP0D
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGcQZ5t0ah
「但這是我們第一次約會的地方。」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhvuYPGgbs
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3FeB7BpVv
我不知道母親為什麼突然說這些。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfJuHn4TnZ
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelrH9iFfDv
「妳和那個來過家裡的先生，應該沒有再聯絡了吧？」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWL36NPeUWA
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6QKgSscdC
「沒有了。」我立刻回答。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJuXHuaIA0
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0H4VJGDvu
「妳一開始喜歡上爬山，是因為他嗎？」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByg804o1WA
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JqBgCMVCk
「嗯。」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPia0mF2yY
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUwSF13Ba7
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoZUMc6uew
「那他留給妳的影響，就夠了。」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AcB9TbPEh
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6A0TPvyiy
我還不明白。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiCOCHWrBX
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAn0zb5dDU
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLLGxqbZo5
「妳本來就喜歡小動物、小昆蟲，剛剛一路上來妳都在跟我介紹那些蜘蛛蝸牛，山區就是讓妳更親近牠們的地方，妳這段路爬上來有想到那個男人嗎？」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxz5zKyRiYL
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sJeqtc5CU
「……沒有。」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvNTrdY3ui
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyZUFCS3kI
「那妳還介意是誰啟發妳喜歡爬山嗎？」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbauSR4Eqf8
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZmFOsLma0
我盯著她，努力消化她的話語。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85H9GVOZcy
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIAR2HmiU7
「不管事情是怎麼開始的，只要最後有好的地方值得妳保留就好了。」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAbhzBapZ2
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vqsEZ9SvC
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43etYcxAz6
「妳沒必要忘記。」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiuVRWI8RV
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdNZnrFJrk
我的眼淚差一點就奪眶而出。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15y6k1qnVs
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsG5t0d8ss3
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBeRlHPiw3
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQnqZ42cYX
後來。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvudvrsPiiD
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyeQnAYWL4
學期順利結束，我依然拿到系上的獎學金。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALFmBu1Puh
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZ9dNYOTMz
真正了解我的家人朋友，都沒有怪我隱瞞他們，我以為會面對很多責怪，卻意外收到過多的心疼。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxj436l0ioj
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡba7CJq13iL
我去爬了更多的山，也因為山結交了更多新朋友，也間接因為爬山認識了現在的男朋友。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwJDDgLI9a
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpFHPpbkIB
在之後我曾和幾個好友在居酒屋裡，酒酣耳熱之際說完了整個故事，朋友們聽到我查證的過程，開玩笑的說「妳怎麼不去徵信社上班啊！」569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueE3uLZAAL
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmO7uPujrtQ
而我真的在因緣際會下踏入了徵信業。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7byD0aVhaW
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAXH4OQlU2
看到了更多更多事例，才知道感情的故事，真的都是一個套路，所以我們總覺得「這首歌在寫我」，「這個故事在說我」…因為我們的感情路，好好壞壞，都差不多會是那個樣子。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIa5mPDeIGw
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LEZfVvlGx
我沒有繼續怨恨他，但也沒有原諒他，我只是原諒自己。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4sOkjbiiN
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbm26tKutl
在寫這篇之前，我偷偷地搜尋了他的名字，發現他們有了個可愛的女兒。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCY7W6HJLCk
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQL1BOcpNf
「希望你專心愛她們。」我發自內心的想。569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JUqnSolwX
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92EdDJP6vH
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbSWgbDZRk
569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWKZ30yGnh
完。
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