我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOG0Qc51e3
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImTD5dSVhn
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATHKtfMpMn
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8ltMtjYZz
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsLLKdea1Z
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiAQCt968l
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8yyEC9a7g
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJyT9tDr6g
「妳是…？」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOobHrthMDa
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWiv41smyf3
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlpmpygPhS
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAlzTxR2tL
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGU5tSWGGd2
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6S4j1SCow
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRFglC5eC0
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeaHbkOaXL
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtrrXBXpIM
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaXHzpD3ds
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPwjs7doJM
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEg3g0pty3h
「妳是他女朋友？」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NsJ611BvZ
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwhxGQS4qR
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nE0SgMg8X
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudKojTwnZg
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEbZtBqCZj
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUKoLQKjjR
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdoPijWtYF
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7qQsgpEil
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qsnoj43N9
我一時語塞，沒能回話。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BfddIHClh
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFybKt3XjMX
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OxpLp5qTb
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21pxY4OTm9
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIxqpfd2KU
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUY0N859Sg
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1D0TGUcKtz
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSO3nYkkjoE
「小姐貴姓？」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoiSZbz0pJ
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyMKQPQgnj
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirLvAVOyAH
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJx4OAnvMM
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhylOMuEC9G
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZLO33HQqh
「糟。」我心想。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE27FGn9RIc
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUFS8a9Ucm
她隨即關上木門。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddT8KUUgvW
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBMYglTIbt
「她知道我是誰了。」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaMqfkbtkB
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVKYmaxvVp
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnL88Y9wLd
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTeeSLrm4t
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jzLRJBMVM
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHHNNhmtxM
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBz90rw3HJ
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXofNTu04t2
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrAAcjrGCB
就這樣升上了高中二年級，434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajIA7gMBDf
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iDcNQjBCK
迎來了人生的轉折。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSJP2cQGCh
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyy0xK2UbpJ
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjJU9mgROA
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOLT5xwwyD
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRODZGmfDE7
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2oJ5ffgtM
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiDvXBvrGy
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6IuHZkPDc
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvNbstDscM
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OUvmjHAti
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCvZekQL9W
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8LzmEagUp
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4NJcxxBsn
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFRzkSWLcy
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQ2Y0KULEs
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CZR8GUHYB
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡat00Bsz4yq
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiMO8dXRCE
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMR7viIThbk
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7xnROLP7D
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVxnEJvuMN
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7CCW2JtRN
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdCwhjKcsq
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuILEh9iBs
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmaOkgFB5f
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXLDpjdZyn
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpx2XpBaCn
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWNrYyenwx
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfAx8euTFl
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnac4bSZBg
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9XgrkzsOK
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72ynnLNceX
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVHNazSNlz
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdk2h6FlGcM
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3C8PUtMxHa
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFa4GhfL8xH
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8S8MtTdvPW
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrsrFba1vi
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHX7CCI8puP
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkKd36hIpx
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYzXvfM0y7
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTk9Dz5yWa
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgnXvYzMIY
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypCQzchvph
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCu0MLCKJ5S
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9TjssZ8Gv
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunkvnhRYB9
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHtRmSMGrV
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTgLaBZPC1
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGn3l3YgXr
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckAZpOQeYQ
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHFyzGHgbE
「爸爸。」我喊他。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gK8OH3KVI
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdHQrT4MTU
父親抬頭看我。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0bODHS5n6
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1RtWOiuTw
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5kiSA1Ym0
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICGxDkVmV3
「我不知道。」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmITCxFnF5O
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9i1jjpgiEc
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ouTKOi6S1
「我和你一起搬走。」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhTDS3sI5h
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLwjug2tjZ
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsMGlORR3M
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85UxYPczbW
「真的嗎？」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWZR6n7eFn
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswpcIh9fVN
「嗯。」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXmM4IrLzn
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Yl6JBYFdU
「…好啊。」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq10C75PJjc
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9NxLIeunY
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoF8PelZNCF
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQYnstPR1h
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkYWdiE1O5
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64jGiSbqnO
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2QnvQvsMP
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHK4kZHsh6H
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNOCd6i9gg
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡai0wmfC5Mm
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlaMlh7wZf
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlTLoRZ8hl
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKr41fh9HMD
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aVfWNl98a
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlhrFaCp3B
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpPwlcljQT
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBQhjd37g4
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtIx0tQhoA
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBOGD57Fm1
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNPSZFSoK1
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaKzs9TycW
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqexxVWfYF3
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXxWSGq7a7
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38whnKiprQ
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWjZvWMR9l
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSDo8TS1UL
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UDG0Z8S3h
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJ7T8L8Py8
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxX7cMDBGJ
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtW6OgDLM9r
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpqfxA6BfC
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxD3kUu5ug
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWQboFAtQt
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgseiEHynTu
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnknuo07Rn
但那是另一個故事了。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19e0llOZ5A
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztAeqwBvNZ
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5y83WcUti
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpCzWQFbv6
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlLP43R2t5
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0GC2F7TmQ
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6xSTttatX
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMGRtw7jM4
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqX2WYFZWww
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39XWRU7QWW
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftkTN71wzk
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEl5mmHYes
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhRK7UiiDL
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4w1jIbMxrM
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJFXigeGEq
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhzusjLATD
難道逃出台灣了嗎？434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPaz1Yna30
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjE9tfdryS
難道…真的死了嗎？434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEbTdVsPEF
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5Ywmmmud5
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkUUhDYYz3
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwQH2qpV0P
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVbhlUufQi
但父親不在家。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEriNNBvSqb
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuctaQnMtr
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IokAzLYkx
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZKP0eqefm
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuk2NLz77C
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUqsU3s34y
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPoVs5sARA
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELv1X1aw70
「都是自己選的。」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvFPMtRNTL
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJeuDzTHtA
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRI05QWsO4p
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXEhFEYoCa
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZMZcJ32lz
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsljYKXP6UP
「乾脆，去死好了。」434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMdCVVDDGN
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiDL0pgLxY
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIRPngYqKw
434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAc9Awj8rCI
待續。
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