我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlMg262IvA
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zt1JfpfxW
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmeKIvJBAQ
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGHHTRiRMz
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhMHgkbMUN
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yd7aUEm03
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡge2uOuKnfu
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnkSwnRbfD
「妳是…？」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJondVVGE7N
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9GvHTBsD6
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhTDkdw74Y
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmU1DjFxul
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZxXzA06Di
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrLzmPBRKG
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuM73jeGSe
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNk414nPpwG
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTRg3UrUHO
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeKXhsyAfF
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZ0yRBnooS
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6srdqbJ1uY
「妳是他女朋友？」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMotc2hk3S
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYanBFA3ZWP
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOdipj0V6a
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrmuSkr2RL
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5AXU3NKbX
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTehGQOWNG5
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfkm14JNSH
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBn4EpzjiP
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIil5RrhfZ
我一時語塞，沒能回話。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWo2V1cAaA
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriXCtvNdLa
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5P83R74rd
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvgS6dyT2A
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzzF8r8vjh
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53wMtapXyc
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcw1O7ifEv
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyzvjf5sIr
「小姐貴姓？」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08JHiy6uIc
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDJnziZQXy
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaR0FBIEjWb
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0MnkILGlk
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFMb1bDsSw
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyAjss01c2
「糟。」我心想。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48h4GIYGWB
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMwaC5L4OW
她隨即關上木門。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymu9SmkV87
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfYyngdmdH
「她知道我是誰了。」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVS9KQXGJVs
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDcxboIMiF
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHa630PD4K
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqqL3HV2gl
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbmbHmKfGE
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPNrLwU2or
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sxwhXQewk
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9adxg7EXX
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviR6gdS2SF
就這樣升上了高中二年級，469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOLyKQ3y1T
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYcMA7hJW2
迎來了人生的轉折。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUthpnHxFnv
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCjWmlKc69
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoFSqlMOoI
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATkB7KaSLk
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCilVvtQ46j
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DXlE58C7f
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNMxqHPGMQ
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqABDsWdp5u
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhk9KHQiSNR
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVRzKbauZD
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJOWx1ugXq
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe054YhELZB
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEEYTUMcow
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLy7i4rM6J
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMlNaJhYT1
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8egfo63wt
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EAiQlzP4s
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXFYIihyu8
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8cgg6ceXa
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspLipwCnwR
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKse2AAbOeb
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOSZlxleoa
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPD909Jk0Q
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZdAEFw94h
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwCPs8ZvFC
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OdkeA9NnM
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsJHD7vWZE
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTheSpnqV93
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzG3pBZWJL
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoejyrveWV
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMvRoUgnnX
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmV6kKAT72
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcMlejgYal
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjcbTACgSb
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHHP3PfgRI
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsEc1tzapa
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kipcUsopy
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0s4TMsXNJ
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UN5j6AnC5
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUPzL4JicY
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7A717LABx
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFu3gd4YJup
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuACEeVrFOx
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OFSeZ5Zxt
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMWv7yGgfM
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWf8axbmwi9
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7K3uSceys
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDc6N0lSqO
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdX7C3yi5lb
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfE0sPae74p
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80W5y1x7Zq
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6BCHhaaoV
「爸爸。」我喊他。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEK8exA4KOE
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyTGI1dtFX
父親抬頭看我。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1ukC6v33E
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6QMb9VoIC
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREHCTZE8Nv
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvDtR8Z4bE
「我不知道。」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfb1aH8i4T6
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9s0SbBnzP4
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeZvnFtSFD
「我和你一起搬走。」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ygG6y3vWq
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEtmKMu8h6
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh40INsTQFo
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFI6LKBxxp
「真的嗎？」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeoLKdT973
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6alU60g0vk
「嗯。」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvEvsP9KdA
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuereH7XDXn
「…好啊。」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnSngPI7El
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPU7VIDpv5z
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27lTLOQpL0
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCh7RoB1XKE
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNyt64aQ0E
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGSlcgSth8
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7608YgxXr
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6bLIVDOf2
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNkmE7fOFB
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfLJm7tbZ2
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhLiWrSAWU
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMSrj3OteW
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGegRHRZLV
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOEgKUyKWE
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFigQebRruE
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGr9RCfT9M
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOt65ilgUy
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHUEDKeVf5
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolESYmk62Y
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5NyG6GbyA
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZ2r0DVdWM
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV13S9vOH7A
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQOhKZ7aDr
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKgiJesilA
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLbvuVRvmq
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuu5GMsxPM2
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xrgvg2jnj
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vlw4WxJxB
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWsgLK3xFQ
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7n6fdhq2Pj
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCJyckv5dA
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡur5KmFQXTP
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxnzFMUqo0
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXWJAWytH4
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9C4tABBipb
但那是另一個故事了。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyP7EMSDfXu
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyz9fQqbzBb
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmEwQypPP7
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0qgHs0eba
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbL6nms9wG8
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57LFbwiRe6
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFKVy9XHui
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24ErDQPBi9
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjgpwLulUY
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rxozVN7sZ
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwYK5nyXGZ
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJEapYwJZm
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZy4WINqd3
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYsVMRinaa
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelf2mSrj8v
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjU6bTwS44x
難道逃出台灣了嗎？469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6YKaSpnwL
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI23qoeCQyw
難道…真的死了嗎？469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVcPwi16hK
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPUokAOA9x
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHQEB0LXeZ
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORv3zTyzRZ
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2FIh74w0F
但父親不在家。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVMiWl7DNN
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiT5IgWbr43
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAnLUjQxb6
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUhExof4k7
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyfyv5Eaao
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1yg66VkcX
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqGOSbLtzr
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgebdgVjph
「都是自己選的。」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyclQovIvMS
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wOxJ3fS4m
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYryZchInI
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTCnOQHEC1
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uVLOL8YuP
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLIv04g2T5
「乾脆，去死好了。」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwz81pne3Me
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTi3dXkJzas
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0q0eykZnXo
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5FnOvf8HP
待續。
ns216.73.216.2da2
