我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Yu5n8bZIu
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXi0oPW6Npd
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTlepI2zZP
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO58rhSXwiQ
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWY4wd65vH
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0JkSErTmL
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxlG9B4h1H
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcl66frvPZ
「妳是…？」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeRJBQkKMa
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRS6UKUPgl
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNctACuo78w
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhDMhGPjtY
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqapde7UcYB
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zF9pp8vSq
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pgm1ORl9N
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7fk6xrr1U
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0UgleNgOw
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMfAMI227u
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwF7xSA1r9v
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgdzq7ZNWt
「妳是他女朋友？」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1J50N8LO8R
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0WasV8QnN
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUk6pX9yXsP
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUApWEmvOL
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rNWEJKova
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXdMMotc5P
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0AXbgxsZi
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhyYe2JDVm
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXELwkHHIIK
我一時語塞，沒能回話。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzfk2Jdw0r
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfh6cSTpciK
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLauquSrnKK
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzBryKbGoX
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtNHjOT9tc
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYCi9Dp9Zx
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2zTeiHjqx
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajciw0JWqV
「小姐貴姓？」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡud8vcLgHDS
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRYWlTD4Er
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7t1cmzT5wq
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKKmukd8eX
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7tkjPSjOf
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLdyXsR60n
「糟。」我心想。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jnin1ntUB
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBrLdXSSYv
她隨即關上木門。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecBiAFKJzU
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB58xi6WEOH
「她知道我是誰了。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFxq6zWknz
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZPmyZ9tBh
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW93RaQiPwz
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOh8Na31l5
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTq8Bnu8Vv
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAs9ayexEgl
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEygVSQpn7N
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEetqlmKxG5
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6x5pFfuJL
就這樣升上了高中二年級，398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGeDYEYUTb
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAqlv08COG
迎來了人生的轉折。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZB3D9zqJ5Y
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNGyEDYBjI
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5djIkfmxA3
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmN8NHSaUPb
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBCRWzoKNH
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oLMDDL2kG
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIkzSq8okX
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7j373OPk7
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvlQox00Zm
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLNtQdgmP1
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWiqTbBQaW
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3883A80OgD
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZx1RdlzpG
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmo9mDuHS5
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2glgFy3kY1
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJLjzlSW9t
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡew8flALYG9
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGpVNk5Xp9
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCA9ixL9XCU
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1YqLcZCJg
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkxuhggFXp
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNO6T5g6Wqc
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsjX4XUoSN
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDH533L2gfF
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvNJ0yPc02
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVWzwamAyz
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAu92d1i8ZL
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX98jgLJe52
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPrYrL1ZQA
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3Joy9RRdI
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClI7kG5MAl
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4jrPm45FL
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRZni7rSne
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1J2qFBsFw5
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pp5iewvUA
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iw9HaZmPC
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbcCa2KnJO
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhtt6NFmOY
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72oyIz25ML
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVoXzBsUUY
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4Ji5TevQ4
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsUAkaysZC
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cLbG36FvR
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLFY7EaF4A
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBc4KtYD04J
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Cw45VYHa3
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEs8IUS61p
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxnQxFMpRH
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKCCwekpE9
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8nNoZPjkr
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHrehVJseV
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtW2gaRAYCL
「爸爸。」我喊他。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFOQ5bUEth
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrz03Onner
父親抬頭看我。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMA64wJJAy2
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnEOjc1sUY
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOa7knG40Cv
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0E2LXpSwpa
「我不知道。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sEVD0gU73
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxipFYBFaeD
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2Ar4dBB2Z
「我和你一起搬走。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjftm61DESd
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qNcX7uknn
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitLWUarZoV
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6t0cVHyYYJ
「真的嗎？」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR3AwzGCNC
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75ehUVgQLw
「嗯。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYHJw69g1g
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgHerpdgC8
「…好啊。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9pprfQMtK
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfyIC1OISc
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvP375KOsr
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxK8fq2Zqo
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkDaB5DoKF
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYZNvA6Ojv
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjHc0rCuWs
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdphSpCLBP
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQHQRD2nLG
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvZu4kKbsT
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQS1Ogytj0U
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkoQkU0Qvf
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSwJGW0waq
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLf2gR8IHez
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDjXEGlAwu
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytUElP46GY
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpdzxk7GwL
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8L1qa21fkz
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2USu7EetsT
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhA66Bi1Dn
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2WLLaJe9X
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6jKOaW4Ht
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkKq6bKIzg
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucxmxAgA9n
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqb2PP2mQvB
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlpy3tRlRp
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTYGafSRCK
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvusOX3l8o
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi73eeKIDuX
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6osT98WdOm
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfI1iq6wOB
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7mBnmLciF
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1qVvjyVmi
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNMEeZSeQZ
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5WDHFDTRl
但那是另一個故事了。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrKt0Exg2c
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAgHhP1sBP
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05Nr3zW6IV
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeheUvOekB6
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoTeoqe5y2
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4SgcDRwmW
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA177qDiCtW
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxk04pkWScb
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcU7nqUWPT
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvCC7cMD6i
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6GCtEziKo
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡia1RknoQNt
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tJ2EHECIY
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsxVeFO825
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0ujHtZeOZ
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntKGZVjn7V
難道逃出台灣了嗎？398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxPiTj70nm
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNh92WprfH3
難道…真的死了嗎？398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwi5tTdrDw9
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxroGCFuaY
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvKjr7HuK0
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCd1M6h2Dn
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgvfOTF7Z2
但父親不在家。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywe70NqHJG
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftIYEH1sGr
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAUFb5JnMW
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2crhFT979
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYLHfSXkeD
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIlBAnQgHR
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGSojw9A6X
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURg5P75PVH
「都是自己選的。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKR0UKhcBRQ
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZWyeYtu6r
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2htlFzBTW
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EWYbpcvok
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlrmPfgYqL
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSoQo0huGFU
「乾脆，去死好了。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GGAetfV4I
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuaq1svOsX
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpx6t8uvF74
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHR4Ysh8ia
待續。
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