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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRU2EEViKt
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LCOBeGygl
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCce0Oy1yro
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WWl3CkXQw
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPjc11apvM
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrNEzhMDKy
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuNqVK2Axm
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvh8ZMSeZrp
為何記住？我解釋不了。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhT9Q7emTH
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30hjN7Osxa
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgxiE3oRoU
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31pFDH8N3W
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dEvr7oNJo
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcoTZhTBCd
其中一個是他。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpFKL8nP5K
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ537yHITy2N
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIO0Erep2M
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDG7ZUFMkxm
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZDxB30bwA
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnVde0WtfJ
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNG8lGNXPC
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyD5iAA8CSQ
「你遺下銀包。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxNthmBZ3g
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00FexleSc0
「謝謝。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUGGLCtmkv
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9H2Jm4gGP4
「不用客氣……」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJAlKngUBL
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2z3rByPnL
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxpK9xIiUQ
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfW6034Z9m
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5CAPRJgQp
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡke4tcTyAJK
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5eIWDn5wU
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJ10oEdxCq
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNPpgvPjYB
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTAaSYj4a3
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkEJOLBdmw
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeU6fp8NDW
「我是文班許家偉。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPPzrZYF2x
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3oBF1FKvm
「我是理班李浩榮。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvhg84vwnE
其實我早已知道許家偉。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomLFjuFm4y
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyloIIkwn5x
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttHYwVhZZ1
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlO4OavZGV
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcO2vOiXGBI
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsh21ht4dsu
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQRJ1sG02v
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpi7wpZS0Uk
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwfLHZKYEI
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUj2D1SGHgu
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MIZ0wsmTE
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIThXJXe7YH
不服氣。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKdfpXligj
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uRDmHUboN
繼續觀察他。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3atHMB8Mgk
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRq1wilBeyW
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8kppYcOP4
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESnNiVTBO7
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhf4EvEiS6
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFiowuEPGb
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6miA8TswD
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOquKl2SnhM
我急步追趕許家偉。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuGREcbhp7
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NBEk3OsVJ
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwtUI8wKW5
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOpvd0mJKj
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5jrcdQlS2
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySxEEPwWER
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGi3G67YnTl
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AOS2VtAi2
「你遺下了銀包。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65EFs3iqAB
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbfjB2cZ7T
「謝謝。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwX448HT1z6
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeGMKVFo8J
「不用客氣……」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfUuMrhjVR
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaI3LkWo73
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJi0GArWH0
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHI429t3jOD
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1m1Ruy37li
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJRgC4rUfp
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqVHXMY34O
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8B3mIjOdQ3
我望入他雙眼。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi98A418cyk
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTpBPShIeN
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQo4NFOZUlv
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ35o0Hcufs
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt55yWhdvb1
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXoDB7yXhFw
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScE0gfMImr
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfTWiAkEJ3
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXO8twsWug3
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqY8dc9NIho
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnWfXiwGBF
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqRpvE6jYp
「我是文班許家偉。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8ZGlMOtoP
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4VYqW0JUK
「我是理班李浩榮。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1CFhWZAHS
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgN0cVhqbPK
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5BunVXQ8C
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFyen5p1jQ
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFr8jAaVHV
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHR9WtRTb0O
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhzXDw1Nve
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmEQCLRZDy
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlZcoEZk5Y
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbfXB91YYC
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtxB3CByvz
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mbBwpdWeL
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIlU318jQG
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8DL5aR3s1
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2VBaDWMNz
但我沒有阻止他。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJF6fUWzI3f
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf47KZxgVXM
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvsccwac55
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ze1tWRDtO
我慫恿他繼續說下去。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmNKLzTv2Q
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgw4TcqDEnU
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ypk3hjU1K
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzyKz7VpSY
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29InvABdgH
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxC3Py5t0X
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6U5FHghDH
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wB5au0E0c
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwevSvnw3c
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBecdsUtYo
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpTqtFGKBN
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWeXb4aapS
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYqvE9Wfsd
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5z9sgfQVFn
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9pwi1KvgZ
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hNobQroPG
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGQfQiO4q4
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfyekQhNXw
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEhBDJIQJe
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrutQrvunto
但我掛念他。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhUAQpNPXC
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjT1seTaTZ
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv64ZrkwJ6Q
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkmmWlKPLH
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFbN7l836f
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZLhwY4Jeo
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOTi0NPZKw
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3TEzlBGSR
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphMmke89JV
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywMJHqJPWf
不要說。不要聽。不要見。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDwOzEapJp
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXXL7jBcCt
希望時間會沖淡一切。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiStCWCpgNY
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUc2sHyJtce
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjx8URS64t
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbusI3fMdSi
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiGHKXVYWY
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FtyicG5es
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlSfR1hbIG
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLfvvSj12t
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9aoEK19PE
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeadWBq3gQu
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWuK9HrCv8
「我也不明白。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwE8KOmtAv
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMjonCA0E9
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2M8JhNe7Nq
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6dxLcKY9x
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJs94LhcFs
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOH8r4e1Nwb
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsqPJ46pBA
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCD3Szwi1e
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJcNUQJoca
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLeCt1jpuj
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyUGkTdfQA
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEAcV3zDyS
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1KeZVS9Gk
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmABHw19LKz
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZXYSLxzDu
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYZlQNzHvh
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4piaSFeLIX
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGdYTkeZon
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37Hbqhtnmp
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2x9iijMT4
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBn0Hvcff22
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3d1aiaHtgY
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaSTg0Ldfg
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZK9eNTxzIf
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeIuy1rbyS
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUH83vXPjP0
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1uP5yBoBy
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9s3LyivTwy
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAM7YemFFb
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mKpq14Gvs
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUCem9T5iZ
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為何要走到這一步？530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqZrzxIzBx
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7LleJkGDI
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmyTe41nBs
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjR8tsRU73
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOuwGGW0Bf
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8BtRwHnli
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRMGIs2I2t
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQI4lfx4OL3
「別倔強。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0bLIIgAW8
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZQjzfb2dQ
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsu7JQ5M8kz
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCoVXWm23Y
「我想你放棄。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakHsoP5nIi
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfZtGZ8CjP
「原因？」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDBMwRd3dJ
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ534Bk5TsiF
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6NWDrB9b8
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR04J62KB4s
「我知道。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkb7oMJb5Y
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowNzLxOcnS
「何解還要繼續下去？」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFEijLjeme
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvTnRVBUZG
「感情易放難收。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZNYj7d2XD
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJiZX61Fn3
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIdqeGOuCI
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFf59n0tDPM
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37NeboufMo
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrfV7PMCZR
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2GFm9AGpq
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUP0LLIPAMc
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUasuiNYDu
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvIWNJHF8i
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUr8qyyNdSo
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPUBp74fSo
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yGQprBvnL
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNmivo9MHo
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrif0ZecWa5
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgVK6Qzrae
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtU3YJ6k95H
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG19c1goKno
小醉。半醉。大醉。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODWgoVVHZr
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAK40Yl7tt
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTyhudwPfL
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoo7SNPk5f
「直接講我愛他。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2BaJGYObV
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQeEAVxcHl
「如果他拒絕？」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDafmTsd85D
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zW50MXgou
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfKv4H86yQ
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaOhCGje3j
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOJK6rKQUy
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFS7rrV7Yl
「我當然是高興！」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEr3HkwPjjC
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYg6PkfvXx
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5rI6bsXqY
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8oFmDIjd9
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZYm7iPMRs
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWTRbQRanD
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8gIFq3evh
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZX9gO5rnON
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWutwUc0kS
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTEA7NJyls
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlAcXv1bJx
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJZpfqob2d
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FvcC4E04U
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWhP1eFRN2
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnoGizZH6G
「你仍然單身？」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyZoDtvdSn
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlOflcchg6
「是的。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHSUjwyVEY
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyM9mum9AO
「要我當媒嗎？」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wufT50B4O
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cmDejp5O1
「不了。難為情。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcUq1dRjug
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NVzmPTyfn
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UqsB3r8EK
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrOcDUgWwQ
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQRFvVGXGX
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ugo3y6ecu
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJr651aS5xW
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7wNaZmTyw
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTqlrMzDqk
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡruG6nlKzw0
回家吧。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Uupo0YNmr
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCT23TQLzvh
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06b4UBQviP
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhigXR5BNib
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuM2iVfvdc
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycJABCySlY
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTo1iLUHlp
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qEDbM8gGz
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBghKjzzoFR
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7rEbATC55
大概是一見鍾情吧。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4FQ6ezYu5
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9KaLh4R8y
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGcNuhBLfD
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJsNkD3Ifs
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy43cQBM508
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQc1mFRGCSg
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkRdiK6jAv
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQTxTkcUhG
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfw7EdfXdF
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2G7gU3JEbD
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtsBhE9bwc
百感交集……530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgkJeClfWI
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXUo6dvgG2
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBApgMu6fK
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4rHC9Fs53
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9XgxmA2JR
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21hvd1zALp
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GNtVr4Xje
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCU3oXncvH
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZ1eZudXnb
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkV86zRqb7
「認得。你是文班的。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIGZVqjnBF
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CXlIYHK24
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwOatzKToB
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閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3977T7pkuG
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBKV3ATLW9
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJguaya04W
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSc42VarBQ
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFfNQ2vMAm
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcg1poMuE7s
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSjQj533rt
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeQO38Q2f6
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdNaj0kM3o
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQhFMHgzIO
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNKqod7qG0
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtdDJArg2r
我哭笑不得。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZHI9z2mEp
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NDbtxVjyd
無意跟他繼續對話。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfwoP3zWvy
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZz3Jf5IZI
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrUYLcvJNL
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdH1qbAAMW
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
