x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEPGQO9qjP
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsea6B3lCz
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg95pjlxsa7
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsl4tjVQyK
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYDcqoiV20
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJJeGHw8Fb
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhf9MyRZxvV
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxkc0KteFN
為何記住？我解釋不了。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsLVP7S6fq
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHGl38p4wu
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQW6lyWDxe
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZNhRJEOZ3
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ja1oBSIj9
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmXjl9mfpo
其中一個是他。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkJ98l6wrV
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWzLFLJPnW
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGzNQCX6jC
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeE9k7YMds
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpUp6dp408
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepftaV758C
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQDPIlTPZh
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoscebuBsaq
「你遺下銀包。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGbrlmLVfr
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpjmQMbrDu
「謝謝。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIz7jb20Fxr
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwZd6QA4Cs
「不用客氣……」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOygoagxeFc
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHIGbXeUU9
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOr76Q55m3
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxbDARQY1A
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4348xyR0ck
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvlFr7fJ9k
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCbMgqSN43
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6y4G7QtNxs
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKno0Qfw2si
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcKA7yYrqG
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfRnsgfnNO
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUx38v08WbX
「我是文班許家偉。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhtgO9pY1i
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPC9nd4d9W
「我是理班李浩榮。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvhZms4dER
其實我早已知道許家偉。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPe7bxr2pJ
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7FTPm1q9Z
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyPJ4a4aDO
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuAlojpGcR
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1Wb3p0KtW
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GcSU5TVIN
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqN22wM6nS
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsLodvtqWg
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQE7LAy0s9
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerYk5FH2pP
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3BeoBpKbp
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiNNKlufF0
不服氣。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvI9P6Lbwyq
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCs08pTdB8K
繼續觀察他。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhWVXco2lE
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRBlyogBs7
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhqCjh11KL
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQkJsZ8FZW
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQ2SR91mEX
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgH60pyhAa
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRm0jvySfuH
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9AEQrqf60
我急步追趕許家偉。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpZadPSmcu
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHe8uH6PVe
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1VSme1A3i
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLcbSRXgRQ
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePSP9Ddp61
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmk3zZK5wq
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6j6QLTa8L
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xLHrJmYlF
「你遺下了銀包。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxsBXoIpgb
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgRDogboc1
「謝謝。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsvMKyaU02
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoY9epeLDm
「不用客氣……」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EhLp5r1ea
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3GqL8ePyu
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6mpiJnXCf
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoBDgK21Bw
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FUsOFIFzr
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImEeKIWfhj
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaJiznU9VW
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgid4sdWlSq
我望入他雙眼。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqTUD2rtsN
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYts106b7gm
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HjYTc77HB
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvG63I734Nh
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe524CThbVC
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJFziJYp6T
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOqwDn6DuM
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBQhHXyGJt
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WX0eYWgnM
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfie5klg1cn
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIbWCHaPvj
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmHKp2L9By
「我是文班許家偉。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxOl0P2HK2
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡph3f93ukok
「我是理班李浩榮。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIJeshzGNz
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWmKX0YrDy
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIzYOTRQgJ
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgsmeG317d
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsr0BiWKBJ
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDllRlyqon
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7zmCpFxtw
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbAzOqVSoT
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYt3FxkoGoh
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdbC5iCD6S
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9K5K5aCWR
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCjPoK5taL
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiO5FDRyAc
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLt6UzmhXPn
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPpyewzO6c
但我沒有阻止他。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNL818V9bPl
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡML5mVObdlh
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiKEqAQFcj
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtF38yVxDHA
我慫恿他繼續說下去。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37BuNg55ne
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxJbIGOLbZ
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxmWQgErlu
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTb1jeto4cM
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EQBGCHh5k
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOKb9t6jiQ
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdfkJ423UQ
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMnCPmWCtK
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhucHzqxoPi
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSgVQJee5q
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrLGAS0zdJ
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIUDNrk72K
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsD85fPHIUt
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwfqI76RrC
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLfbaBmyuU
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMzCgkmSpN
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAnDMDnaPB
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2es68WgIWg
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSOiU1sRCJ
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFFRuPP5GG
但我掛念他。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWvZatPp1T
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3DNRgfUA6
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEL0cqpMCG
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGXy8ny6li
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DPFTaNYt7
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJ2T6KHjt8
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvWMe4RnJ0
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw96FnCD3WD
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ezZglmxtM
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVO7lnR8gc4
不要說。不要聽。不要見。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2ocG2m6K7
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaqijiHrj7
希望時間會沖淡一切。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSieI0upQu
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1aQ1gR82A
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHhTBaEYkN
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXSezh7HYI
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBfgaY8oPX
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN58sbi165r
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUA9I9gBE3
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQJkFY09bA
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxJyON4EOV
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Q2ROjQae9
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1KSJQuuwy
「我也不明白。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGmVOwR65R
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2BEOmTbl1
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hornsWXOq
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBcvb1g4hL
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDHAVPOfFY
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpXl6Utbu3
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0289De9PVn
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtnDy0YbLB
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CXagaF4FF
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQy2TlJ67W7
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZR3IK8uqun
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2eI8vQbd3
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQCGCWygGp
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTX7oEMcmJ
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZA9cLN4O7
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsqeK4zESw
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoIp19Gd1J
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgA8tWQFJy
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnczFeRs2kB
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrQRdEQRK2
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡom8ST01vaT
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaRrbFTKdN
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzvZM0zIwq
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuMakltWHC
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9L2hTdbn6
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYPP2TzjyK
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuzLpye5Lm
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NY53CDIrl
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5HaZDAjHf
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡff7JnjRLnn
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDOxZJp8cb
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvzK0jZCpt
為何要走到這一步？492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2ajpIOoxP
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVVkKOgRRi
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJg9OAHws4S
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNFobaFF10
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4383a9vms2
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAkLNNDJtj
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmY9HJQLhc5
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD06v20DmRx
「別倔強。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2POFV26IB
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtm5gERtr7R
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mO7HBIS6E
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPlQ2EFpc2
「我想你放棄。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ELaslI8XS
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDWKRzNkwE
「原因？」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwceQCkTkk
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQgOigOYbq
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhszmTirzw
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRtitOFmX8
「我知道。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQs3JRMGZqS
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49G95cyNUW
「何解還要繼續下去？」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UNPqAa5hf
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfTTWQsew5
「感情易放難收。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzclt0Jl2b
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzXSboTVlj
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Fv1KlybbI
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdfM0fm2W2
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv71rJOQwUc
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zZXkVg7rO
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwy3Os5jdtW
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusKj5Q4Wh2
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfijgKEx3dg
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNq8zKZ2VMX
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLOra60Srz
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPeWTFMFZv
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFLXg69RvB
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlIoZjvwHs
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyCnETWJHP
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiSKjt9Dls
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8Pk5KE74t
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpXhwvPUKn
小醉。半醉。大醉。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjP4hlbQfOV
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIrFRwDQ4A
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYm4ZfWJIg
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjVMHMZY6p
「直接講我愛他。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KpHEKdyjI
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXipmkzLYBg
「如果他拒絕？」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6mP2z3jkF
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXoniBioeZt
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqf4Rhz8iW
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwOyvFDd27
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OHQnPbTaR
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDee2PXX6Yi
「我當然是高興！」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uAlCohJIw
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVoZza5HlT
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEG8rJnK6La
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoowPHUzf2O
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejT07XMUCe
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFwifhdkM6
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iyDnN30to
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIAe0FhlRf
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2ujz5ujnl
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmdpO4s9gY
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQziwpC75xX
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNyywPjgJO
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iYOIWFzRD
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNd3Soopx8j
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBewrK2RpD
「你仍然單身？」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGJwdf43WO
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68aq8xUmmn
「是的。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaekJfEFqd
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKW3sG5qMCD
「要我當媒嗎？」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrRd9sjqOX
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDzkmYkiZh
「不了。難為情。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpcFBiT1OX
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnsvFE7KDc
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkdd6B3dqm
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctWcLWNPLH
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4VFZRhrT4
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXKACiiAgt
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8W1m2I2p9
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOOyXuldYZ
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2eyjMXjE2
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwF9OQbuzh
回家吧。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSOeeOfdES
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMkhfxUkuO
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGvcyIvEdb
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpViyMuInb
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7XphFVXsS
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkahZvpJYt
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbD4BUJqnMZ
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV54XIpwX2Q
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshPfr5jaQU
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHitYFWCepX
大概是一見鍾情吧。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0kdXUUTpr
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCe25KvNP9x
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyQfC2RxFM
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6q27fJ5Ql
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAQjibpH9y
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPevlGW86K
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VSPenFmux
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0cyezo1qe
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOHrMOhxSW
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KxjaNmVQ6
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8ZGL02X6t
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7QknJCIp5
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HMvdPUY4J
百感交集……492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2gNYhWzrY
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7x9PnO4Xb
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9muZCRwih2
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3pZbFZ9pR
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxfbppqr8L
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubUPTmn9oJ
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqjKW0Jd92
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBRSJlITRz
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKMItyUOaG
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJy71D5Xmq
「認得。你是文班的。」492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvNQbqGMmU
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQI8wlMw38a
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33bgU11Fv1
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyapT6FXqO
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1h5QBFLGkJ
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNjuyKibP3
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtf2TGDnBb
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDu1e0gRwK7
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAEmcT5LAy
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz00oeve3Xv
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9yUVqB8zH
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVBdUwxFQC
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiALEb6DfsY
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVu9nOR1j2
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpk6Zi58RQ
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzY0GburSTz
我哭笑不得。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3Xgxjx1q7
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFA46hC2q9l
無意跟他繼續對話。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoh9dQofmA6
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMLtDASs6s
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfJ5nHNhhw
492Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vvvHQudQW
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
