
燃起盆內的炭後,我連忙狂灌紅酒。本以為要兩支紅酒才夠我不省人事,豈料一支經已綽綽有餘。很高興,我能在感受到熱力前昏睡過去,免卻更多痛苦……908Please respect copyright.PENANA40hOXIqvNK
908Please respect copyright.PENANAwFyauy6MAu
不知過了多久,我漸漸恢復意識。908Please respect copyright.PENANALXPavzAjTT
908Please respect copyright.PENANALuZJjJ4Ojb
真是失敗的傢伙!連自殺亦告失敗。908Please respect copyright.PENANACMl5c0rE0J
908Please respect copyright.PENANAuEQyjlnnzw
我目光散渙,緩緩掃視四周。我正躺在地面,在床和房門之間。估是從床上滾下來。我望向火盆和剩炭的位置。咦?怎麼不見了?難道包租婆到來過?除了我,只有她有鑰匙。難道是為了免卻報警帶來的麻煩,乾脆取走火盆和剩炭作罷?我要控告她「擅闖民居」和「盜竊」!噢!我在亂想甚麼?我仍拖欠她租金……908Please respect copyright.PENANAdqAHalZMoi
908Please respect copyright.PENANAxFKJmiNtph
勉力撐起身子,才驚覺自己一絲不掛。我徹底驚醒,連忙檢查身上有沒有傷口或甚麼的。沒有。挺直腰板站起來,金睛火眼環視四周。自己留在房內的行李袋、日用品、衣物、雜物等等,統統不見了。十分不對勁!難道我真的死了,自己正身處死後的世界?我是鬼魂?昔日看過的鬼電影,讓我很快就意識到自己已然死亡,是「鬼魂」。908Please respect copyright.PENANA6VPnyn4g3R
908Please respect copyright.PENANA9qEoZp0C3h
可喜可賀!終於死掉了!我難掩興奮,馬上測試自己有沒有獲得甚麼超能力。908Please respect copyright.PENANA1AuYmiqQPg
908Please respect copyright.PENANATf4GlZYEh2
穿牆過壁!我直衝房門,不痛不癢就穿過門板,來到門外的走廊。冷不防,背面有「東西」撞來,利落地穿過我的身體,繼續開步走。一頂純黑色鴨舌帽、一件灰藍色男裝汗衣、一條深灰色三角骨褲、一對白襪和一對破爛波鞋,各安本分,併湊出一個人形,一個活生生的「東西」。908Please respect copyright.PENANAIglhbvAuBa
908Please respect copyright.PENANA6QH8Y3ms8m
驚魂未定,我呆站原地,眼巴巴看著那「東西」掏出門匙,扭開門鎖,進入附近的單位,關門。十分平凡的舉措,以萬分不可思議的形式呈現出來。我意識到那「東西」是活人。他看不見我,而我亦算不上看見他。908Please respect copyright.PENANASYrNpcqSEz
908Please respect copyright.PENANAz1zLFwrfpo
我心神稍定,穿牆進入他的房間去。基本格局和我的房間一樣。一張鐵製碌架床、門後一個趟門衣櫃、門側一張小桌子、天花吸頂燈、窗口式冷氣機,沒啥特別。908Please respect copyright.PENANAqhFQv4zcdx
908Please respect copyright.PENANABgfGCb8A3W
他沒有開冷氣(包租婆徵收的電費貴得出奇),逕自坐在床上清衣落褲,甩鞋脫襪,只剩下一條內褲。內褲對上的位置,有一堆泥狀流體,沿著既定軌道排隊。位置較高的,色彩繽紛,依稀辨別得到是三絲炒麵的食材碎料;位置較低的,彎彎曲曲盤踞著,卻紊而不亂,由淺至深呈現令人不安的啡黑色,以濕潤至乾癟的質感訴說它能產生出何等嚇人的惡臭。908Please respect copyright.PENANAK7d491ttZJ
908Please respect copyright.PENANA2oaomG7Uia
我轉身到其他單位參觀去。目不暇給。杯麵麵條被無支點的筷子扯到空中,自動輾碎成糊;鉛筆在書簿上飛舞,留下歪歪斜斜的醜字;一根香菸被火機點燃,在空中來來往往,將白煙硬推入無形的管道、兩瓣墨黑的氣囊。當白煙經管道和兩條小管逃出生天時,香菸亦慢慢消逝成灰……908Please respect copyright.PENANAzNYimLIz29
908Please respect copyright.PENANAXXRxCOxmjU
單是遊覽大廈裡的單位,已花掉我大半天時間。到我下樓到大街時,天色早已入黑。街燈黃光依舊黯然,身邊卻是一番有趣的風景。無數衣褲鞋襪四處遊走,甚至穿過我的身體;車輛彷彿有思想的,懂得自行看交通燈號,適時開車或停車;商店的門自動開開合合,讓無人的輪椅安全內進;超級市場的貨品,佻皮地由貨架飄入購物籃,或是悠悠直接飄往收銀處,由旁邊的銀包為其付款;餐廳的廚房裡,刀起刀落,食材慘被利落砸斷……908Please respect copyright.PENANA6IY8DUW76E
908Please respect copyright.PENANAHRvNvsV3ik
我在廚房的角落看見正在溶雪的牛肉塊。淡紅的血水流在工作台上或滴在地上,再悄悄溜到溝渠裡去。肉塊是啡白色的,該已雪藏半年之久,死氣沉沉的。但就是這堆毫無生命跡象的肉塊,讓我再次察覺生命的「存在」。908Please respect copyright.PENANALSJ0ihXnXF
908Please respect copyright.PENANAxcp3qUNqU7
這堆肉,是來自多少頭牛?那些牛生前會吃甚麼,糧或草?住的地方會否很逼狹,就像我住在劏房裡那樣可憐嗎?牠們會親眼目睹同伴被屠宰的過程或親耳聽見牠們的悽厲叫聲嗎?會傷心嗎?908Please respect copyright.PENANAJgSuYptd4g
908Please respect copyright.PENANAlaj4RSNNk2
「請問,有沒有見到一頭小牛走過?」有一成熟女聲從後傳來。908Please respect copyright.PENANAWJn6GysblJ
908Please respect copyright.PENANAfekUWSn3im
我初時沒有意識到對方是跟我說話,未有理睬她。但無視對方半晌後,我才猛然醒悟:怎麼我會聽到「聲音」?自我醒來一刻,我就沒有聽到過任何聲音。要不有如斯精彩的世界在眼前,恐怕我早已被這份異樣的寂靜嚇破膽。908Please respect copyright.PENANA5XM8ZXLdUS
908Please respect copyright.PENANAZE4HePZnrz
我猛然回頭,和身後的一隻黃牛對上視線。我十分肯定,牠是看得見我,但我不肯定說話的是否牠。牠也是鬼魂嗎?曉講人話是牠的超能力嗎?908Please respect copyright.PENANARel32RCKHS
908Please respect copyright.PENANAzBj3h8K61P
我搖搖頭,連退幾步,心生見鬼的恐懼。908Please respect copyright.PENANA96bCJstY1N
908Please respect copyright.PENANAXBV8oghz6v
「那真可惜。」黃牛沒精打采地搖搖尾,轉身穿牆離開,消失於我的視線範圍。908Please respect copyright.PENANACzNYCTw3Ur
908Please respect copyright.PENANAjY4GZF6CTv
心神稍定,我才開始後悔。我該跟上去!可能會遇到其他鬼魂,從中得到更多關於鬼魂的資訊,甚或是知道「投胎」的方法。908Please respect copyright.PENANA5cpKVunaqe
908Please respect copyright.PENANAOZnEjpWn8b
衝到大街,已不見黃牛的身影。908Please respect copyright.PENANAvWzYLbqjav
908Please respect copyright.PENANAY97LBWyQEy
牛!牛!牛!你在哪裡?我扯大嗓子,高聲喚叫。聽來很白痴,但我無所顧忌。該不會有認識我的「人」會看見我的滑稽相吧。908Please respect copyright.PENANARiorZRnXkw
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沒有回應。908Please respect copyright.PENANAkiKm5Eb7DN
908Please respect copyright.PENANAHV1nP0gw75
我隨意跑向右邊。一直跑、一直叫,苦無回應。昔日由街頭行至街尾,需時二十分鐘;現在用上跑的,時間則更短,估計要十五分鐘。我這疏於運動的瘦削青年,一口氣接連跑了十五分鐘,竟沒有喘過氣,大腿小腿均不覺痠軟或抽痛,全然沒有肉體的負累。我會否還有甚麼未被發掘的超能力,可以有助我找到那頭黃牛?908Please respect copyright.PENANACTUDbqTShs
908Please respect copyright.PENANAUcCVgMPqsk
飛?飛上半空,該可以看見牠的身影!我模仿小鳥的拍翼動作,拍動雙手,上下上下上下。可惜,雙腳不曾離地。難道我太重?難道雙手的力量不夠支撐身體?難道我根本沒有這種超能力?908Please respect copyright.PENANAUJYiu67nep
908Please respect copyright.PENANAMq2W0KCVvc
「哈!」黃牛的聲音在我身後傳來:「你在學飛嗎?」牠面帶笑意,從不遠處緩緩走向我。908Please respect copyright.PENANA0ZmIH1tv2o
908Please respect copyright.PENANAKdGWNpCH4e
我被牠突如其來的現身打亂了思緒,變得語無倫次。是……不是!908Please respect copyright.PENANAhKLXi7o9CC
908Please respect copyright.PENANAl5zz9wj7kP
牠的笑意更深。908Please respect copyright.PENANA17k3jxTbTv
908Please respect copyright.PENANAoXh6xHkNBc
真糟糕!我被一頭黃牛恥笑!908Please respect copyright.PENANALErAcTJCLW
908Please respect copyright.PENANABi3Hod0m8z
我在找你!我連忙換個話題,避開窘況。908Please respect copyright.PENANAYRCKlbYbPh
908Please respect copyright.PENANACg76fb8Jj3
「我知。我聽到你的喚喊聲。」黃牛收起笑意,換上鄙夷的眼神:「不過你一邊叫、一邊跑遠,教我該怎麼回應你?」在牠眼裡,我該是個愚笨的傢伙。908Please respect copyright.PENANAPzMk9g17Bn
908Please respect copyright.PENANA5pqrmKT2kq
你可以大聲回答我,或是直接跑過來。我教牠。908Please respect copyright.PENANAjBBHS2TvBu
908Please respect copyright.PENANAGYffXfykbq
「是你在找我,怎麼要我主動方便你?你又不是要給我甚麼好東西。」黃牛毫不客氣:「看你的狼狽相,該是剛斃命不久的。想要找個前輩來倚靠吧。」908Please respect copyright.PENANABEk05chTMS
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被說穿了,我語塞。908Please respect copyright.PENANAEQWMR4MagK
908Please respect copyright.PENANAHhfykVG2kE
靜默了好一會兒,牠率先邁步離開。沒奈何,我如喪家之犬一樣跟在牠身後。908Please respect copyright.PENANAQr1EE38gaP
908Please respect copyright.PENANAKjIdt177oZ
不需再細分人行道和馬路,想走在哪就走在那。黃牛喜歡走在馬路中央。牠沿著兩條行車線中間的白色油漆記號走,四蹄故意踏在記號上。無聊又可愛。908Please respect copyright.PENANAhjpqKcC7gH
908Please respect copyright.PENANAraEv9VrTwe
「你不需要害怕。這裡沒有誰能傷害你。」黃牛心情愉快。908Please respect copyright.PENANAFyU06d4gG0
908Please respect copyright.PENANA9dFQHFIGIG
全世界只有我倆在?沒有其他鬼魂?我不明所以。即便細小如我城,按道理,每秒也該有數以千計的生命消逝。人類、黃牛、狗、貓、老鼠、蟑螂……醒來至今,早已過了大半天。除了這頭無禮的黃牛外,我沒有遇見過其他鬼魂。908Please respect copyright.PENANAHgHLL5XAw1
908Please respect copyright.PENANAmb8d3GqdcY
「不!當然有其他鬼魂。不過,沒有緣份就沒有溝通的機會。」走在前頭的黃牛狀甚感慨:「此時此刻,我倆除了被『活物』穿過,同時被無緣份的『鬼魂』穿過。鬼魂的數量遠比活物多,但我們感覺不到對方的存在,亦溝通不了。」牠故意走上人行道,任由衣褲鞋襪穿過身體。「這是『朋友』告訴我的。牠無所不知。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAyT4qgQ8zG5
908Please respect copyright.PENANAOOOGAFdmcm
我跟黃牛有緣份?我想像到自己正被無數鬼魂同時穿過,但我無法想像到自己如何跟一頭素未謀面的黃牛有緣份。908Please respect copyright.PENANAae7XLPSuyD
908Please respect copyright.PENANAOdZqNgwIVP
「我有要事在身,不能照顧你太長時間。」黃牛想起了甚麼,眼神顯得落寞。908Please respect copyright.PENANAE6ftP8b4NN
908Please respect copyright.PENANAmrhRxm8TM0
我強擠笑容。不如你介紹「朋友」給我認識,我就可以直接向牠了解更多,不需再麻煩你。908Please respect copyright.PENANAcZ7sOQNMwx
908Please respect copyright.PENANAEtBbapw5QR
「你朝著那個方向一直走,就可以看見牠。」黃牛冷冷地用尾巴指往某個方向。908Please respect copyright.PENANAqMFzuGlv1l
908Please respect copyright.PENANAYokuOhlPPS
在清楚了解狀況前,和有經驗的黃牛分開,是不智的事情。我連忙想個動聽的藉口,好讓自己能繼續跟著牠。你要辦甚麼要緊事?需要我幫忙嗎?當是報答你的指導。根據剛才的對答,我相信牠有一定的智商和歷練,不會提出天方夜譚的要求。908Please respect copyright.PENANAClPcn7gGii
908Please respect copyright.PENANAOubUYu7dXV
黃牛愣住,仔細端詳我的表情,似乎沒料到我會主動提出幫忙。但我很有信心,牠會留住我:當智商去到一定程度,動物就會懂得使用工具,包括身邊的同伴。908Please respect copyright.PENANAoGyQa2LQsC
908Please respect copyright.PENANAu1d9jrXktp
「我在找兒子。」黃牛很感動:「我生前眼巴巴看著牠被人類帶走,沒能找回。現在失去肉體的束縛,才可以了無拘束去尋找。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAbsImNRMC4o
908Please respect copyright.PENANAciASwb1lPl
我馬上想到一個關鍵問題。假設相遇是必須講求緣份的話,黃牛找不到小牛的唯一原因,只會是「緣份已盡」。若是有緣份,無論如何都會碰上的。在約二千七百平方公里的我城,高樓林立的環境裡,我和黃牛在某小小餐廳的廚房裡相遇。除了緣份,還有甚麼能解釋茫茫宇宙中的遇見。908Please respect copyright.PENANAwg5TiFcbEA
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我沒有將這番話說出來,還裝模作樣地詢問更多有關小牛的事。908Please respect copyright.PENANA3PHsHN9D8V
908Please respect copyright.PENANAXIc9tvGsNl
我們可以去牠逝世的地方試試看,看牠的鬼魂會否留在原地。小牛在哪兒去世的?908Please respect copyright.PENANA8kzh4uNDZR
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「不知道。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAgF49FXYNpY
908Please respect copyright.PENANAUOYrL9joLn
我們可以去相關的地方看看。小牛生前有沒有甚麼喜好?908Please respect copyright.PENANA7Lz425t4qf
908Please respect copyright.PENANASLt4lVxwDo
「用尾巴驅蒼蠅。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAAoecOsVcay
908Please respect copyright.PENANAldTtdDguhV
小牛被人類帶到哪裡去?908Please respect copyright.PENANAENQUy99sDQ
908Please respect copyright.PENANAjTZcKKHaKx
「運牛車……」908Please respect copyright.PENANATXNhPzd9TY
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基本上,所有線索都斷了。只能靠緣份。908Please respect copyright.PENANAa6WVHPHq0C
908Please respect copyright.PENANAVVbBIilaBH
每提及小牛一次,彷彿往黃牛內心插一刀。牠的步伐越益沉重,眼神越見哀傷,牛頭越垂越低,四蹄不再執著於馬路上的記號。我於心不忍,沒有再詢問關於小牛的事,甚至為了轉移黃牛的焦點,主動講述生前的見聞……908Please respect copyright.PENANAR0Tm5wNEBk
908Please respect copyright.PENANABaXYudxWO0
無月的夜。大部份活人均已回家休息去,泛黃路燈的照明下,大街上只剩十餘套衣褲鞋襪在緩慢走動。部份偶爾會在過路燈口停下,讓汽車先行駛過。更多的是無視交通燈的指示,直接衝過路口,活像在街角亂竄的鼠輩。908Please respect copyright.PENANANpkKluvJA5
908Please respect copyright.PENANAi0B6CCciDV
這份無聲的混亂,散發出濃烈的死亡氣息。908Please respect copyright.PENANAJ39T2bwEdr
908Please respect copyright.PENANAFrGQnMyEQ7
生前,總渴求死後世界的安寧;死後,卻覺得生前的世界更接近印象中的死亡。908Please respect copyright.PENANAOlOXQauZ6q
908Please respect copyright.PENANAeArEhdqztP
生前,除了工作時間需要說話片刻外,其餘時刻都不需要溝通,枯燥乏味得與困在棺材等死無異;死後,我和一頭新相識的黃牛談天說地,分享活著時的所見所聞。908Please respect copyright.PENANA9fhv3VmQqn
908Please respect copyright.PENANAxQWfAKinrO
牠說牠的兒子右後腿有一塊紅色的胎痣。不愛吃草,但愛嚼草;我說我唯一的女友有一頭烏亮順滑的及腰長髮、精緻脫俗的五官、姣好的身材、白嫩緊緻的肌膚。性格單純可愛,善良正直……908Please respect copyright.PENANAweetgpxanI
908Please respect copyright.PENANACotJGrtQAx
「既然你愛她,為何你會選擇自殺?」黃牛畢竟是一頭牛,不懂得複雜多變的人類世界,沒能理解人類的思路。908Please respect copyright.PENANAnNAsSiG73o
908Please respect copyright.PENANAMbYxrKodGT
有數之不盡的原因。我不打算詳述,以免對牛彈琴,白費唇舌。908Please respect copyright.PENANAbh6ovXxaeR
908Please respect copyright.PENANAPlxuXROux6
「你已經死了,沒有肉體的束縛,你現在可以全心全意去愛她。」黃牛是單純的不明白,沒有批判之意。908Please respect copyright.PENANACb4qQCSyfl
908Please respect copyright.PENANAjByRJndcay
還不行啊!我苦笑。執著於沒有好結果的感情,是很痛苦的事。所以,即便和女友的感情再深,我也決定將其埋藏心底作罷。908Please respect copyright.PENANAIEWDyKEQAd
908Please respect copyright.PENANAX9vM8hWGWS
「原來人類的問題不會隨肉體消失?」黃牛衷心同情人類:「那可真糟糕!」908Please respect copyright.PENANANa0qKDL7WQ
908Please respect copyright.PENANA5QKP8YWD06
我無言以對。怎麼說?人類的問題確實沒有消失,但將我逼上絕路的問題已然全部消失。住屋、金錢、前途、道德、倫理、政治、家庭、事業、健康、生活環境……統統不復存在。908Please respect copyright.PENANAp554CzqH1q
908Please respect copyright.PENANAV1AJlw7XzB
很悲哀。人生的基本事項,竟是我尋死的主因。而更令我感到痛心的是,世上絕大部份活人仍然需要面對它們。他們有沒有能力解決這些問題呢?如何解決呢?908Please respect copyright.PENANAhi6ZPOT0bf
908Please respect copyright.PENANARZE7FXVHCJ
不!我不該再為這些東西動腦筋。這不再是我的問題,而是活人的問題……908Please respect copyright.PENANAgog1wHcf3H
908Please respect copyright.PENANAvwlljcfs6r
「或許,你可以守在她的身邊,直至她逝世。只要她一死,你不就可以馬上和她相見,永遠待在一起!」黃牛的腦筋挺靈活,很不錯。縱使牠漏算了人類沒有「一生只愛一人」這特質。908Please respect copyright.PENANAt9PTidj2nX
908Please respect copyright.PENANAfOG4Y18G7Z
我正要開口否決牠的建議時,眼角瞥見藍中帶紫的天際泛起一片淡紅朝霞。頃刻間,來到唇邊的說話被莫名的寧靜驅散了。黃牛似乎看穿我的感受,領我去一個「好地方」看日出。908Please respect copyright.PENANAZMopSjkUVf
908Please respect copyright.PENANAXb17mphwP3
寬闊的大馬路上,四蹄兩腿齊齊拔足狂奔。無視迎面衝來的汽車,無視交通燈號,無視規則,只知向著日出的方向跑。跑著跑著,我突然發現自己是一隻正在跑道加速的飛機。跑到前邊那個交通燈口,我就會自然而然飛起來。908Please respect copyright.PENANAD9N2MSMQVN
908Please respect copyright.PENANALNiJgkImzr
對!我一定會飛起來!908Please respect copyright.PENANAmNZCpdo5GZ
908Please respect copyright.PENANAFHPDbH4RIP
跑、踏、跳、飛!908Please respect copyright.PENANAQ1RULqt5CD
908Please respect copyright.PENANA7jPePVYbcy
雙腳離地,輕鬆趕上拋離我十多個身位的黃牛,還在牠面前來個花式飛翔表演。908Please respect copyright.PENANAg7jY83Yumq
908Please respect copyright.PENANASUa1yVG4JH
「哇!」黃牛被迷住了,興奮大叫。亢奮的身影,在車水馬龍的鬧市中尤其奪目。908Please respect copyright.PENANAlaSWK5sRUo
908Please respect copyright.PENANAB9hyYdJe4A
我回身俯衝,雙手一抱,將整隻黃牛帶離地面。牠比我想象中輕盈得多。是沒有肉體的關係嗎?管他的!快樂就可以!908Please respect copyright.PENANAsISDYSbOEs
908Please respect copyright.PENANAWSViIdwAdm
朝霞顏色更見鮮豔,火紅鵝黃亮橙,誘人耀眼。黃牛驚恐至極,又叫又喊。我懶理牠,逕自飛得更高,高過附近所有大廈,得到一個遼闊無邊的視野。朝霞變淡,取而代之是一片無瑕的魚肚白。懷中的黃牛忽而安靜下來,靜待主角登場。金黃亮光先行開路,將眾生靈的注意力聚焦一點。太陽冉冉升起,令天上其餘色彩啞然失色。沒有肉體的限制,我放膽直視太陽。908Please respect copyright.PENANAutLOMMSw6O
908Please respect copyright.PENANAcgoQBTflYm
純粹的白,純粹的光,純粹的能量。純粹的情感,純粹的快樂,純粹的愛。908Please respect copyright.PENANAE61kMysjrv
908Please respect copyright.PENANAslUdWyfzU0
「小牛!」黃牛高呼兒子的名字。908Please respect copyright.PENANAOJfLIVm70E
908Please respect copyright.PENANAZE1xdp599a
我高呼女友的名字。908Please respect copyright.PENANA5A87WByP4x
908Please respect copyright.PENANAFF9yB0uZY3
明明知道對方聽不見,偏偏就是想叫喊出來!明明知道你再感受不了,偏偏我就是愛你!908Please respect copyright.PENANAOYiTJOD7J9
908Please respect copyright.PENANAY9vIUAjmls
太陽高掛半空之時,我們亦回到地面去。馬路上,並肩漫步,相顧無言,無視心裡頭的大量疑問,享受日出帶來的美妙餘韻。日正當空,我們來到海濱長廊。踱步,閒話家常,享受海面的粼粼波光。908Please respect copyright.PENANArIOj9tD1JD
908Please respect copyright.PENANAFtUd75BXVn
「我決定了。」黃牛露出罕有的溫柔微笑:「帶你到『朋友』身邊後,我才繼續找兒子。你可以在『朋友』身上得到很多資料。那會對你找尋女友下落很有幫助。」牠竭力以自己有限的所知去理解我的世界,為我操心籌謀。果然是當媽媽的好料子。「我起初以為你在漫無目的地遊離浪盪,現在才知道你也有想念的人。思念是很痛苦的事……」牠將自己失去兒子的痛苦,代入到我身上。908Please respect copyright.PENANAyGIaaC6vUd
908Please respect copyright.PENANApcfN3mdIYf
我眼眶濕潤,掃掃黃牛頭上的短毛,加以安慰。料不到,與這頭認識不到廿四小時的黃牛,會有如此深刻的情感交流。908Please respect copyright.PENANAUyuIH73rwM
908Please respect copyright.PENANA9lDyBSEOq5
「好!坐言起行!」黃牛立即換上一副精神奕奕的模樣,衝向護欄,四蹄一蹬,直墮海面。908Please respect copyright.PENANAtA8JgaQspo
908Please respect copyright.PENANA0r6eXDpSkA
風平浪靜,水花沒有為牠濺起。四蹄平穩地直立水面上,不受波浪影響,如履平地。牠回頭喚我跟去。908Please respect copyright.PENANA6uMBAVEgf3
908Please respect copyright.PENANAuYw4DNUr33
我望望大海,再望望自己雙腳,不期然憶起兒時遇溺的苦況:雙眼澀痛,刺鼻的泳池水無間斷湧入鼻腔口腔,四肢激烈亂舞卻抓空撲空。掙扎無果遠比一擊致命的痛快更見殘忍……908Please respect copyright.PENANATy9p5n80bf
908Please respect copyright.PENANAGeczZSwWyH
雙腳猶如釘在地面,久久不提步。陽光很美,大海很美,奈何我不敢上前。908Please respect copyright.PENANACZXPDCsVy2
908Please respect copyright.PENANAVu8FhgCGOE
恐懼面前,時間彷如無物。我的思維、大海的波浪、粼粼的波光,都靜置在恐懼當中。明明知道自己已然死亡,不會再經歷那種苦痛,為何就是放不下?908Please respect copyright.PENANAaN5e10hodB
908Please respect copyright.PENANAiSIxSZa3iK
黃牛沒有催促我,輕輕抬頭莞爾一笑:「怕水?」908Please respect copyright.PENANA2r8au5fuLu
908Please respect copyright.PENANAbSmLPDRhMA
我點點頭。908Please respect copyright.PENANAmG2v0toUBU
908Please respect copyright.PENANA79pQsf4TDr
「騎在我的背上吧。」黃牛前蹄曲下,半伏下來:「算是答謝你帶我飛天看日出。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAaUxsn4dtV6
908Please respect copyright.PENANAakNejeGwze
我毫不忸怩,馬上跳到牛背上起行。牛步四平八穩,不會顛簸。908Please respect copyright.PENANAdSQklv7aD0
908Please respect copyright.PENANAfJfufXultX
我問黃牛,你怎麼能水上行走。908Please respect copyright.PENANAuiKs8E3ghP
908Please respect copyright.PENANAtn89i7edBY
「覺得自己做到,就會做到。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAGFuNwHFWru
908Please respect copyright.PENANA8kRwjV8pPk
甚麼?908Please respect copyright.PENANAt570UTZnWE
908Please respect copyright.PENANAF9QfLuQfBK
「覺得自己曉飛,就曉得飛;覺得自己能夠水上步行,就可以水上步行。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAgDdX5XmbeA
908Please respect copyright.PENANA98KqlieRMZ
你怎麼不自己飛起看日出?908Please respect copyright.PENANAJXgkxBOyZr
908Please respect copyright.PENANA9joPr5586d
「我畏高。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAzI8oo2VpDN
908Please respect copyright.PENANAGVngCKibdL
我笑了,黃牛也笑了。908Please respect copyright.PENANAdswtlPpXgX
908Please respect copyright.PENANAZRinSv1s7o
的確,起飛當刻,我純粹覺得自己可以飛,並沒有質疑過自己能否飛起,就像我認為鬼魂定能穿牆過壁那樣理所當然。908Please respect copyright.PENANAQGZZJUCH0Z
908Please respect copyright.PENANACcUCrqwYYd
茅塞頓開。908Please respect copyright.PENANAp7jbzNHoDe
908Please respect copyright.PENANA8CYrKBabut
我雙手一撐,躍下牛背,站在水面上。沾沾自喜,一臉得意:「好。到你!」908Please respect copyright.PENANAkpVLefCXy3
908Please respect copyright.PENANAbaUNvNnv48
黃牛愣住,浮游於恐懼和快感之間。908Please respect copyright.PENANAqlAjOqMmcS
908Please respect copyright.PENANA1YZ5D245Q2
說不定,你將來可以教小牛飛,看盡世界的好風景!908Please respect copyright.PENANAphymA4fXq1
908Please respect copyright.PENANAzsy5A1Rd2H
黃牛笑了,臉露神采,四蹄稍稍離開水面。908Please respect copyright.PENANA3gQkvYhiz1
908Please respect copyright.PENANAjXzIkHGDFu
就是這樣!我鼓勵牠。四目交投,要牠忘卻高度,記住小牛精靈眼眸的深度。908Please respect copyright.PENANADEx9JLXx9g
908Please respect copyright.PENANAGnOOJx5NNO
「小牛!」牠高呼兒子的名字,就成功飛起來。908Please respect copyright.PENANAgTFXgN6CwY
908Please respect copyright.PENANA8iSbvy0I4e
我尾隨牠,飛越港口,在離島著陸。908Please respect copyright.PENANAmffEzYOjf9
908Please respect copyright.PENANAB6GrzUMgHt
烈日當空,遊人稀疏,商戶店員在簷下陰影搖扇乘涼。我和黃牛浩浩蕩蕩來到古舊的廟宇。無人。香火疏落如禿子頭上殘餘的髮根。我抬頭望向那莊嚴卻滄桑的木雕神像。這自身難保的傢伙,就是黃牛的朋友?908Please respect copyright.PENANA4Hrz1XbvlN
908Please respect copyright.PENANAlmoZaUSl8J
「小牛終於回來了。」祂的聲音像柔和的風,又像滋潤的雨,是聆聽者心中的風鈴。908Please respect copyright.PENANAVSC7u37Ymf
908Please respect copyright.PENANAfiB5p5CekA
「不。還未找到小牛。只是發現一個人類鬼魂。」黃牛狀甚灰心。908Please respect copyright.PENANAF7GLIq97RU
908Please respect copyright.PENANA1KLIuMk43k
「這是小牛。」神像肯定說:「小牛投胎多次,早已忘記曾經的『小牛』身份,亦忘記了你。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAu0FgNlXnVQ
908Please respect copyright.PENANAJVQxNzD2s5
不知是否我的錯覺,總覺得木訥的神像在望著我,以一種極其謐靜的目光。908Please respect copyright.PENANAJ4Yy0ASAtX
908Please respect copyright.PENANAsWt8miEVaT
「我怎會不認得小牛?」黃牛激動地喊嚷:「黑白分明的圓眼,右後腿有一塊紅色的胎痣,時刻擺個不停的牛尾巴,左額角有道小刀鎅成的疤痕……」908Please respect copyright.PENANAdv863TSS9g
908Please respect copyright.PENANA5cemUhquCf
「記得你家的風景嗎?」神像的淡然,反襯出實相的殘忍:「柴枝和枯草搭成的棚,棚前的碩大黃皮樹,樹下的大片青草地……」908Please respect copyright.PENANAXAhBuX7AIL
908Please respect copyright.PENANAX6uqNXsVaT
黃牛點點頭。908Please respect copyright.PENANAbE1MLjdwAP
908Please respect copyright.PENANAbnts0Au2Sh
「它們還在?」神像以簡單的一句話,引出黃牛晶瑩的淚珠。908Please respect copyright.PENANAewZGJ2Mqm2
908Please respect copyright.PENANAoQESh6qlXz
「不在……棚主老死後,子孫將地方賣給一個富翁。富翁僱人拆掉牛棚、斬掉黃皮樹、清走草坪,在空地上築起一間漂亮的大磚屋。後來磚屋被拆卸,先後改建成學校、住宅、大廈……」黃牛頓了頓,轉頭望向我,一臉不敢相信:「現在是一間餐廳……」908Please respect copyright.PENANAUlnZHzr9u4
908Please respect copyright.PENANAjXYtlh4s3N
眼神相交,我大概估到黃牛在想甚麼:這就是我倆之間的緣份。908Please respect copyright.PENANAc1XpKmq3ZQ
908Please respect copyright.PENANAeymugrM4JU
整個空間倏忽靜默起來,彷彿只有我和黃牛的存在。908Please respect copyright.PENANAZGRBOV5b7o
908Please respect copyright.PENANAIU8JLoLrvR
我們的緣份並不是始於今世,亦未必始於黃牛知道的當世之中。很有可能是更久遠的過去。在地球誕生之前嗎?是在宇宙其他角落發生的事情嗎?不過,那全都不重要,因為我們連眼前狀況亦沒能弄清楚。908Please respect copyright.PENANAbjy4mWFbqR
908Please respect copyright.PENANALPL4hvdII7
「昨天在街上流連,突然感覺到小牛在附近。我隨著感覺走,走到餐廳裡。找不到小牛的身影,卻看見你。我只把你當作和我有緣份的人類,沒料到你竟是小牛……」黃牛破涕為笑:「真糟糕!我竟認不出小牛。我真是個很糟糕的媽媽!」908Please respect copyright.PENANADvNwkrUhut
908Please respect copyright.PENANAUAXLePo1TH
不!不糟糕!世界時刻在變,認不出來,很正常。908Please respect copyright.PENANA6Q8DUIUZxm
908Please respect copyright.PENANATbGorCg5Nw
「謝謝。」笑著笑著,黃牛的身影隱去了,消失無蹤。908Please respect copyright.PENANAHX77IORssF
908Please respect copyright.PENANAgQUHWjYG7l
心頭若有所失,眼淚在眶裡打圈轉。我轉身望向神像,冀祂能指點迷津。908Please respect copyright.PENANAGETToA8bVt
908Please respect copyright.PENANAHPSS4Bctxp
黃牛到哪兒去?908Please respect copyright.PENANA3KQNvEfkqP
908Please respect copyright.PENANA5Rkg8A74YO
「黃牛到了下一個階段去。」神像說。神情似笑非笑,既冷漠又仁慈。908Please respect copyright.PENANAzBj8DrGets
908Please respect copyright.PENANA1hHxjKShVK
我沒再多話,隨意找個幽暗角落躺著,好好整頓思緒。呆望漏光的屋簷,看見空氣中的微塵,有光又有影。它們緩緩飄落,穿過我,落到地面。渺小卻必然。和我一樣。908Please respect copyright.PENANAFoa7RkSx8Y
908Please respect copyright.PENANA50O040RHaC
甚麼是「下一個階段」?908Please respect copyright.PENANAfRsHY6Q3pk
908Please respect copyright.PENANA6sfPApg57H
「投胎。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAskzzMpAY3m
908Please respect copyright.PENANATQKWM1KqaB
甚麼時候會到下一個階段?908Please respect copyright.PENANA8Rs4mhhtJ1
908Please respect copyright.PENANAu72d2AHeGL
「當你不在這裡時。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAud226mCFXG
908Please respect copyright.PENANA3wps7LbG3q
我如何不在這裡?908Please respect copyright.PENANAR8qQMSBDDp
908Please respect copyright.PENANAcIOz9dIhGw
「當你不想留在這裡,你自然會離開這裡。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAx5733dINYe
908Please respect copyright.PENANAjceUacl2B1
我已不想留在這裡……908Please respect copyright.PENANAjSe5ri7S8b
908Please respect copyright.PENANAEsM0KH07zx
「不。你想。你仍然緊緊抱著這世界。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAVe6ZNjmYiH
908Please respect copyright.PENANAJGwpgSQAZC
甚麼?908Please respect copyright.PENANARdqKqRLS58
908Please respect copyright.PENANATpZToMhAb7
「你認為鬼魂一定能夠穿牆過壁,所以你在死去不久已懂得穿牆過壁。當你覺得自己會飛,就馬上由不懂飛變成懂得飛。當你明白在水面行走的原理,你就可以立即踏步於在水面上。表面上,你接受了自己失去肉體這事實。908Please respect copyright.PENANA4N7Sw4Ke41
908Please respect copyright.PENANATdsW9iUQ9Y
可是,移動時,你會用腳走路或用腳跑;你感知周邊環境時,會依賴眼睛;對黃牛說話,你依賴嘴巴和聲帶。事實上,你的肉體經已滅亡,你沒有腳、眼睛、嘴巴、聲帶。你只是習慣性地以為自己正在使用身體。你仍然未真正拋開你的『肉體』。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAD281PbAfoM
908Please respect copyright.PENANAYhjZVJp2HZ
那我就忘掉自己的習慣吧。行!908Please respect copyright.PENANAIbm8et50sV
908Please respect copyright.PENANAMgtu7E4iyy
「要拋開你慣用的思考模式。例如,你一直聽到黃牛在講人話。但我告訴你,牠不懂講人話,純粹在吽吽叫。你聽到牠講人話,是因為你認為自己只聽得懂人話,加上牠是鬼魂,該有超能力。『懂得講人話』亦算得上是超能力的一種……諸如此類的。你仍然下意識地將自己在人類世界得到的觀念活用出來。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAmla8xv9vlt
908Please respect copyright.PENANAruumOoNoVg
那我就忘掉這些觀念吧。行!908Please respect copyright.PENANAoMr5V7WQNR
908Please respect copyright.PENANAFViZUFIcIN
「最後要放下執著。就像黃牛放下小牛一樣。」908Please respect copyright.PENANA8DAJDQdgKQ
908Please respect copyright.PENANAfYLYgsmYWR
我驀地想起黃牛的說話:思念是很痛苦的事。頃刻間,我分不清黃牛的最後表情孰悲孰喜,抑或是當中不包含悲喜。我亦分不清自己是否要堅決放棄那痛苦的事。畢竟捨棄痛苦的同時,對立的快樂亦會消散。908Please respect copyright.PENANAuyP7Z4Ka93
908Please respect copyright.PENANAYxI348ePW8
黃牛失去小牛會感痛苦,是因為牠擁有小牛時會快樂。908Please respect copyright.PENANApLj2GVLCHS
908Please respect copyright.PENANA7Yb6VmRwB6
當初我選擇捨棄生命,是因為生存讓我感到痛苦。生存讓我感到痛苦,是因為我沒能擁有那些讓我感到快樂的。惟失去生命以後,我卻發現「那些讓我感到快樂的」大部份只是過眼雲煙而已。908Please respect copyright.PENANABalqfNHkbB
908Please respect copyright.PENANAAOCIkaxhbf
無論生前或死後,唯一穩佔我心頭的只有女友一人。908Please respect copyright.PENANArqZFARpmgJ
908Please respect copyright.PENANAOcE6D4BYGE
昔日與她分離,是因為我自覺沒能照顧她。在這亂七八糟的城巿裡,人類能活得像樣已是很了不起的事情,養活父母、照顧妻兒更是人生的豐功偉績。我的人生結局,證明當日的分離是最正確不過的決定……不!不正確!決心分離和自殺才是真正斷絕緣份的方法!斷絕了人與人之間的緣份,亦斷絕了人與可能性的緣份!908Please respect copyright.PENANAaTpEcWMIFt
908Please respect copyright.PENANAiNSE83e1oI
我告訴神像,我決定多留一會兒。我想待女友死亡後,給她講解這裡的規矩,就像黃牛照顧我一樣。908Please respect copyright.PENANA9rpB9YFAr4
908Please respect copyright.PENANAO0Xllzgt1h
「未必可行……你們之間的緣份已因你的自殺而變得極為淺薄。除非,你們之間互相存有十分強烈的思念。就像黃牛對於小牛的百年執著。」908Please respect copyright.PENANAmzKLQXsOiW
908Please respect copyright.PENANA2gARHSn6Id
原來黃牛已尋找小牛一百年……908Please respect copyright.PENANAYfLaYFwPse
908Please respect copyright.PENANAECVSJuzb3U
「明白了沒?」908Please respect copyright.PENANAAjh7IZlb9i
908Please respect copyright.PENANAkBBNpIxDvO
明白!無論結果如何,我這就去她的身邊,開始我的執著!心念一轉,眼前景觀立即粉碎成細末,瞬間重組成一個小小的睡房。床頭櫃上的相架,放有一位高貴婦人的相片。我認得那溫柔的笑容,屬於我曾經的女友。
註:908Please respect copyright.PENANAHKPoFtsAC7
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