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我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCggrjj09K
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggOvKteygi
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBDVZP2wH5
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0eZzkHjLQ
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWYBC543uY
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9X2yEAw23g
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLo3ZrzWNrs
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqjOI3Ok4C
壓力似乎一併消散。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Fbrzw5egl
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZrrUDlBu4
茶盡。我再續杯。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDe0YlPHZj9
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFBHpRUi0R
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlCgdo3ljF
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZVWD00UBy
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PCOKsqdvZ
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbddBuW5SP5
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Tjvfshl9G
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VHahJ99X3
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02djVSU1HI
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsWgNCJra6
夢醒一場空。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7wCVcJTam
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUEhokwQQI
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2m4dK64wAh
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUQ8TZaKHN
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycSCWdHQoB
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdZEb4VyGA
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoKaFY0WyZ
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfzhykQJ57
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUe0HuGiTy
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyATcJXx2O
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO48BQkr8JG
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfbdqB3X0u
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChkIc62W2q
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDTw2L4sTO
我沾沾自喜。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3V9rbFjqO
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXfgu1XxZJ
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLY6Xmb6UqR
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIZMLF0RBQ
但我沒有向同學們坦白。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bbaQvLpgU
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRoiLwahFv
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyozxtZlgHd
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1x7EWzrKVt
努力，努力，努力。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnq5ZKbgKJ
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2XZp4sPcX
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡif4tVsFAq4
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tMzYYo73x
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7dysJRrUc
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQo43wOouTH
以為。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nZOFv2KtU
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqeLahH6TT
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkkxTHYoWq
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XHZ11ZpOR
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3K91ccJ0A
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUVjXxhh2t
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnK91DZJAy
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7QHKeRTGF
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2ucnB9tJc
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KcoM4NKQr
我的作品感動了我。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDqGWQ7K0C
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqybjPTLmdD
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiI7CzXqKF
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb82lcLTent
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Bvz9M0NGO
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxc6ect8Uth
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsCZT11Z9v
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoMfPr6gDY
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXLrxqNotw
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznnjw1Q1yi
熱茶又涼了。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zmcx9cNbX
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoVBcuRVvo
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZIpGxbVjU
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oPB2hPHhk
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznejhBOdoq
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41eVmxm1Zj
我的作品只感動了我。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvASho4qSC
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CI3Bck4an
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96QEag4CIN
