x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpCp3S0aX0
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuXeRBbew1
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4ddnzrkgm
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI23Zv6sYZ9
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncy8dYRlML
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjil0pQie7a
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaed3VjtuC
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4j66wnlgDx
為何記住？我解釋不了。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmu81W1m5M
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Z4fXatD44
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrE3z6rayR
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡresN13K4oS
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTuYoGm1SF
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUk2ovYe7ds
其中一個是他。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkuj5OzkXm
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ62ZxYnXOL
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5iIrZVkiO
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCpBN5lrLF
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthepABgVpI
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgXB2EyJos
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jnYvSCR5z
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8kcgzL6Wk
「你遺下銀包。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFv5qNlkYhQ
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3pqaCo5hE
「謝謝。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbMeMk2D46
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNLJ8vsAgh
「不用客氣……」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpDNm08DD9
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfiwHuY5uY
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3umPblo4U3
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqonZ0sNF6
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZixFHCilB
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpjTGzntvm
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsRv1iUpRf
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡss3LiV2skJ
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyenEiRX04
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyNo4Brr0Q
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKn1kySgkJ
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCkUEo40wI
「我是文班許家偉。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqci9aGNWa0
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0etY1AAwf
「我是理班李浩榮。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHtDabhKHN
其實我早已知道許家偉。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06Qc7NVq5M
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs518yLbO4n
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5omvtxpRSs
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWC5NlCCl6w
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MJ5V0BOzr
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLstCsZYvi
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0n0Kqfgjk
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BlYKCb3iM
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EtBHSXrnr
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreslqFEA6l
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKAU92T3FX
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdC0dbk1MdB
不服氣。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI89MwLo4k0
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCEAOoChiI
繼續觀察他。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNJFCEuquO
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrSyOOs6qo
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gIf9vVS0j
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiod2S7Q11v
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLbkVhnC8F
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnwSsQ06po
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ns2yID5OH
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDX6na5b0L0
我急步追趕許家偉。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2Z6oRsR8u
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxF8MQiuvP
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnIZFpbz2B
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpS8EWd6ZH
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTn9s5Dh1Y
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyefRL3Bq9
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHjw3ps70d
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOuZ8SdfCq
「你遺下了銀包。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjhT7IasTr
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuTntTb8Qm
「謝謝。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxcuK02liT
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOloyn7oTG
「不用客氣……」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHjsvYoA7l
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0QxyJ3rnt
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMv59pYwdn
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ASQY8DcR5
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMTdfPYFJL
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOfSOBchWx
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8z7zHbP8j3
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLBmd7My3K
我望入他雙眼。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJN0Rb5uSm
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxoqKhQJY5
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxFJXXpeuv
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3ap2aJn4s
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftE7rwrF3j
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXD033alcIT
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ220b2xrVdf
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuiCebPp7D
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqDkjPEhxq
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AWvDGXwwB
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqZGgKvehG
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vJrS6UWlq
「我是文班許家偉。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yTD2HhvRL
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnojlrTrzQE
「我是理班李浩榮。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaf6pyr8h4
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXh9Csb8pOv
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYNGP1CZCy
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZEIkBEZfC
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpHABbgVYQ
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlBUBQXuYP
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEomOsDAbA
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnygjeCNtUH
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLM6tZl5mDU
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1QIKmzcQM
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXsL5Lp0wc
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTclplQ4q5R
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVtRXsdfJg
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswtHczJjeb
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BDflzDE71
但我沒有阻止他。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡei7hMfBpQf
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEBi5OJRuY
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOo5pvQwla
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHJLHgTxMK
我慫恿他繼續說下去。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mm0QajBKQ
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOupfCClJb
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Y5yoXIZ8w
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEYqQoPEgJ
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFTAMSfIgg
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Kw05UKa4Z
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LURm1q72A
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfOdx7Bcnq
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaxfKOPLlZ
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjpK7Gx6aZ
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFO0dtMdZY
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlALRNpCJl
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Sx8PxVa5h
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAld0Lp6vM
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwLF9alSFH
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmc50PKeGQm
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRqIWDSVKN
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtJFzZ4oN7
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYuPPjv6RE
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAurHTmWIv
但我掛念他。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSXW1a5Dbn
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1A0zb9AcMy
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GMfAzWXVV
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZUIX2vxVi
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrUNVBurjl
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQQEx5dS6M
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5idx9H22sE
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgSFX4RLup
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXp3RdY3uDe
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fyDqnmbAP
不要說。不要聽。不要見。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmY5I9kD7Gs
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1bWdfimdq
希望時間會沖淡一切。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOM4rPljqz
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIJ9RQIIAa
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv408e8DFxf
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfKxmZmHoE
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BsvQW1A4R
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KSp31enpO
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERpm6cGVuO
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRkFf5y1aL
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3llu2OBmIw
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCwyuBcMzq
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPxSksNz2v
「我也不明白。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLKtHuB8gD
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD82ok52hz4
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VyJMZFQF7
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtuhEwqZds
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaxIa0RvZM
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaqbCa9PYY
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPpwj0umIl
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdeNNnzHlA
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2efXS7enh
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmpdb8p5VA
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGDtQXStyc
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvDQ3t5B6N
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxmQLztP0J
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCUyI2Gtg7
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIs61dCXPl
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIAwgQY5OP
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZNr29G2NX
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnzTYVqcQF
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0C9dVV12Gw
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvE2NbCw3z
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzByfMd0Dd
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYwYbsWDqP
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrkHq0SNfC
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSnE7dWodX
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqYZyeYe9q
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLuuneVDdJ
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGpLygtRXU
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBT3eHia7ju
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEZre8xVRS
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5O6HrIDHL
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlOAPiZmvx
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UqJy4M2OO
為何要走到這一步？585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyB80DQtSrt
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRlmaMeUtn
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTSCY97k2Q
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fu8T6qOJM
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUA5y7U9J1P
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjGkr3Lzvr
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzjKYu810W
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAFWAHmvao
「別倔強。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaxRomiSMx
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fr57VFgay
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyev52XpIns
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xIJsouuOz
「我想你放棄。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiyS4jDAe3
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLXZ0lMVbz
「原因？」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4HQ8KRCig
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1uzi6uv5s
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyrpvGtX8Z
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlqdHwzdlx
「我知道。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6RkXwWEVI
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbBHCZ8IVK
「何解還要繼續下去？」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCa3eSoRppG
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxNM91yD8o
「感情易放難收。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1Fi59Jb1f
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZ5jBhBPhV
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5pwx5OIrd
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzCW2M2yM1
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqhwwt41C1
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcE2kCze267
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0TY524d2r
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTP5vbnDT5
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Uciar67A6
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nUsrXY1zJ
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIwe45wHao
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HXxhxTCVu
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4v7XSUx5q
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvZGFTtLTD
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNrcTmH0HM
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjT0VupmNwJ
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ajEPqegbR
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpQuQNilfD
小醉。半醉。大醉。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNYzH9nq9D
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQh2LVjdYv
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbiobTyiAP
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpI4FDT9SO4
「直接講我愛他。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xBxZjVHs9
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTB0Huykjah
「如果他拒絕？」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW81KyxbLjn
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClDUnPuDWL
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJXbZLHNMb
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1f2FvDW77E
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4luara043A
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2klwMzTwH
「我當然是高興！」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8tX2fPUoh
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSRdiqp3tY
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZdqQyvCZz
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrHRpnDDCr
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQYAfAXKoa
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Md8UCpAzi
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndeCkX4yH9
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdmcNkAPB9
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVLmuMR1Si
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64KKWK5BUm
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLImqdHHMcT
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UpINEqy13
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3l5tGarJqj
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5CBAOGKNV
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThyozPI0m8
「你仍然單身？」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQhH5UayM1
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjUfqM3DnY
「是的。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdQNDqHoGi
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPVKqlrFjc
「要我當媒嗎？」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwagNqGFV39
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3Wl7HrLJF
「不了。難為情。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnVBnMeU0X
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRhcuBD8c9
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsA6jcy7fF
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5wclrZkTf
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtJh1R7KYK
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88AVts5cwq
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyUN3sXF8l
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCZu9Faxte
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUJ7hanfK6
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHP4gsvOMNO
回家吧。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOnhSSbkPc
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HzW7ubQRb
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQxq1H57Li
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1arnVt8Ln
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbQPo1jLBv
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oYEbG2CbH
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngy4Z75Hrq
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRzc8pBDo1
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMUUfx6gMb
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJA7LfCn4Xe
大概是一見鍾情吧。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TueLYAMLR
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFW9Nyoid2M
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3R3nmgRJrx
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLYfFIbb2d
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0Q3fDDJiY
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU635rNsiyy
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKShzvFzWcc
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYz4f1TlNMj
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0B5gtRuIxJ
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFul8Y4RhT
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zq2n4CtBW
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPQdxYGtsr
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2GZnXrxri
百感交集……585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGw8QELdfDg
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgRIJPn1QY
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbdcuz4KZP
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCm695MCxok
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWmj75awsJ
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisehG0cIMU
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QMN4AYjhc
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxsT5LErqS
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡux8DSE2Pll
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxT4kIvrIGF
「認得。你是文班的。」585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvxUT0vHEz
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIp7gS2Iah
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxkm7rRvRU
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0rGF5vs9o
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQAxJFEYqP
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIFpma6UJ7
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3DBkeEBDF
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKM67GFPsCJ
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMsUSlxPQM
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRek3QB0Tj
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeorqPs3FIn
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfH92AcZaWF
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiP5z3am6R
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eGTaV3wol
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31i67yovaH
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyqd5bB5HS
我哭笑不得。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEuc6IhSyd
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAKBDIPmSz
無意跟他繼續對話。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRoYdH4LJ7
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvLbsuo7h1
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUlnFkj2Sn
585Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfFiKYHMet
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
