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我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxIy82mM1C
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIPaAYOJz1
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1b4uoNw2S9
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY52YN5vt2K
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrJqFxUjsX
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZcTez6Rtk
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhXkpG1HgK
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItx2gr7uX2
壓力似乎一併消散。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxTWtiuoZx
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieVz1hv7Vx
茶盡。我再續杯。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiuvAtdppb
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Y0K4qna3N
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXbRU3LCjJ
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutaACQDTcp
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CKWRxQjG3
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UE6jvgQlZ
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocjQvVyWwS
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJKEjTyAIr
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDW0LbxGl2
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGq6NTA4uQ
夢醒一場空。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBtzNXEVf2
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4c5Rqt5YEE
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBfbT7bTfM
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmY4rvZJY5Z
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvZ38sxaCL
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi36DslgXJ8
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxp4JTp6AJ0
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKue3fqKWj6
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqazd87YlK
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pWcreSW1e
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUqTI99yUE
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiS7sfzaK3I
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdFCzJTfpQ
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagXxhyN1CH
我沾沾自喜。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡie8HNA14z6
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnkJKASEz2
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMJ0Z8C9Gd
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9WqDnpOWN
但我沒有向同學們坦白。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TXeFfHmac
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWcck6JOaj
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGbyZDt9Gc
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ATt4svZ8O
努力，努力，努力。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQOAqUkwem
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9s0WR0GI9Y
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Hnqop3JUU
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpY1alCgjGa
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWrSEwPP4V
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHiXNPuT4K
以為。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIG8P89jll
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4e8Fe76BfM
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5lTV1jiZ3
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG40M7Rquna
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4zrB5vdJY
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJkzKwJRTM
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAkr6qQZtE
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCxByOSZaG
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdIQxrIMmx
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEX9bqSMHgj
我的作品感動了我。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1I1da8nTF
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQrDXUTVKL
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWa2Afmn3g
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FFFA3nIVx
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQ8AnL7fJz
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmUdLb7x48
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViUoBWosC1
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡix79LWVCuS
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxh9trLlnuy
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJWx9J91qW
熱茶又涼了。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJEw00CQyB
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYoRT6sJnm
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzi2Wa3SQXJ
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyMpNXf3Tm
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSl9TwNfCuG
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJt6S6kmUQ
我的作品只感動了我。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8uJx0X8fw
533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYCTnCvTWU
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。533Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhFviyZeX2
