但現實是這樣又如何?1008Please respect copyright.PENANAAttp6hzDK1
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAyq3BUiupUd
沒法理解,沒法接受。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA6V1gO42EVG
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAAFmibsT7It
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAw6AgN56W3j
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAtAx7pBGvGf
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAaXKi2rb9vy
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAXsN55MXet4
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAa3YtmJCwUp
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAcddHqyFDU1
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAVKoh1bG6EU
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAzt3b2aRWEv
現在卻。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAYJwKkRNmQb
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAKhWNGSEXes
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA4Zzzdq68oG
1008Please respect copyright.PENANARtcFAERThe
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAAC8OuGPAGs
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAMfNsL83x6b
因為我的童年…1008Please respect copyright.PENANADKvt483MJR
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAR4X45bVAVm
…真真正正的,結束了。1008Please respect copyright.PENANApNQU2vJxrO
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAGFrwZyubvE
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAVspOZgMzdA
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAjms89ueqND
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1008Please respect copyright.PENANAXuHeTjXtXK
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAxzEmp8Lq4b
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAiK2uBddCuH
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAjhX4kAjWyU
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAvTzx7BnFnt
1008Please respect copyright.PENANA0b4x8YkeLn
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAD7T4RHjZ6v
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAeehpghVBnM
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA1rsHCLGFeT
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAMn15JIbzRk
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAWH3ctcM6pg
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAkKMtyDFT3J
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAqlsXXpXCmz
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAJyZYgVOTX0
愛慕她的好。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA1bLTsdjZ8B
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAxtFIoMeB06
便要接受她的壞。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAuEIgMT2H7J
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAcMDhNsijia
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAGJLXenry9F
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAUOlkjbfsZd
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAk7spCkRLKK
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAear17QeFNG
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA5ll5ykHClk
1008Please respect copyright.PENANA4NvCiTUxc8
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA5UKfbiKQze
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAe27CvmDHIs
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAKY79Y2xxsh
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAwjESafp1Cg
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAPMmKU8MSzd
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAZe571WBg55
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAa3cc4lYJ8d
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAyRzlpR1X3m
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAksoSF0cPLZ
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAIVEllz3yy5
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1008Please respect copyright.PENANATrF8Jx8ZGU
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAT29fvHnxJC
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAUvlzPKjLFN
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAJYcWTfb9va
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1008Please respect copyright.PENANA7EggMMyjs8
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAl9aYYzfsuF
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1008Please respect copyright.PENANARed6nBGJp0
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAqNvEW4LKmc
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAMxxJVA0hcy
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAPh3TzCvmZY
然後,我推開了她。1008Please respect copyright.PENANABBr3EuNS0z
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAlgxoxYsban
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA7E7uealvbv
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAuJZ48L8FHp
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAy2dUWHex5w
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAndMaVEpvKt
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAUPgXE4t5Fl
1008Please respect copyright.PENANATcMmGaAwqb
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAT1mXEild3G
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAcTPpMFIAIz
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA6Zov48YC82
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAjHmQreWPw6
「係…?」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAm9spy45Xax
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAdguZnzvbfb
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAiupWMJGW8W
1008Please respect copyright.PENANADPN7sDlEAT
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAajhRV0384q
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAsiTUJYVzSg
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA0AdFHEjpx5
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAIruP8sMCLB
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAaEPHrE1lBq
1008Please respect copyright.PENANA7GfPjem8lC
「我先唔係。」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAwbZiODr5Jc
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAHzHOd8Ta4q
我早就不是甚麼好人。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA0pZDqCrxj4
1008Please respect copyright.PENANA8aQgDS8g6n
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAS1YQFGlqJd
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAq87Uwh9gBT
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAM8gHS0nvoe
1008Please respect copyright.PENANANaCTIDglcG
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAmc0N8gUgUo
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAzwaUji49JB
「……」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAvS3uJSW1F5
1008Please respect copyright.PENANA1y417UQhpK
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAnuTgfpDapb
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAUbS6WxtHNq
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAbVgtP2ESnM
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAK9vxISusV7
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAEltNsjPmcK
1008Please respect copyright.PENANA4k1MUs9FkJ
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAgiUFth0sIs
1008Please respect copyright.PENANASq52A41khl
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1008Please respect copyright.PENANABvQdaTgzg9
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAp0q9uXu6yV
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAdQdddcl7gZ
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAtbGnMZheTO
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAxxCvnWIMG4
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAHtZ10ngTfu
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA9upMw6Jaz0
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAlRkl28lihD
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAZThNTtqbu8
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAM8JVCEDzc3
「呀遊…」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAu9ndI2fwkb
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAVv7RdAX2ml
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAEXIzCZVWKH
1008Please respect copyright.PENANA3mQEAC2Xwb
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAu7QOUvUEUr
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAdPj0RsfL4r
做不到。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAOmhXNMA3Ct
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAbQZmLY6DWp
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAHEuQQzV0U5
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAYAOQhk0diJ
做不到。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAq0nYcs63up
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAJa1Dz8nBDX
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAPGI3DAUXbj
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAiCIFEBXdaG
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAENGmXdDdQK
1008Please respect copyright.PENANA3wtVYKyltF
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAnJCtT2IIAI
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAybkzD9eVIy
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAgwv9ph0ES1
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAfIMkCfc73r
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA42M57ubjaH
1008Please respect copyright.PENANASdLVp2JBVi
既,沒法坦白。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAbiN59Sw2Qd
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAql3Wv8nane
又,沒法斥責。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAKTQhn16a5E
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAqZN1k9dgae
既,沒法接受。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAZ70Q2NlLbH
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAgpvrkQI6EX
也,沒法忘記。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA42DplAsrEK
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAArcbclOWDH
而且…也沒法理解。1008Please respect copyright.PENANADNpikjA3xZ
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAuL96EfxRgo
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA8Fkfaw8nkw
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAN6Ltf1XOWn
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAoxELdod3tk
1008Please respect copyright.PENANA4GFx5NbFh9
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAkLABDZbMI5
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAyQUg309FER
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAzKTlHZL1cp
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAdvBzBdnY2X
「……」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAbFrAxh6P3d
1008Please respect copyright.PENANA2TeD8c6z2B
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAoQa3ks8zkF
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAHDd6jhEcxb
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAoHCTTYmGrJ
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAxb6aYdCmiM
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAGFwtUNlaGC
1008Please respect copyright.PENANA7farLMCLcM
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAHYHiIpLZgl
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAZhaEO5zqfm
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1008Please respect copyright.PENANALVBlUqavex
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAEcKhD8pENi
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAqfJ2PF2jNb
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAylmUaoeZ0f
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAvRWOwe3Eqp
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAB5WkOqxDrN
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAozp87Lu14X
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAiYFjIai5nC
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAZWubzosPyF
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAf5Rd5Vqz2i
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAHkaTOZ9wUk
1008Please respect copyright.PENANA94qqQ3J8qZ
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAjawFnItEWJ
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAoaIq7lSlNj
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1008Please respect copyright.PENANAgkGaPL3E49
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAtzIrLCJbbE
咦?1008Please respect copyright.PENANAmgt2tlQiFv
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAMiJaPpoUoj
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAUbAo5Bjva9
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAD93EdltXj9
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1008Please respect copyright.PENANALqz1an8pro
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAtXXsaslk48
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAbQv1IuoO62
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAL7Nf5Ocr3l
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAbVACxHBVNo
1008Please respect copyright.PENANA44Akjh1xQ2
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA52l5nabFXs
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAsvejlqb8Rt
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAu29bWb6kj5
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAf6ldgl2cnL
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAQ2KzTpL7ci
1008Please respect copyright.PENANALowj2jz49I
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1008Please respect copyright.PENANASnXT67EtFf
1008Please respect copyright.PENANACGCCc6rbYY
…我真的不想。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA4gJMAvU6Xd
1008Please respect copyright.PENANA7NI8Uvn8QI
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1008Please respect copyright.PENANA0AMTh5Rh8V
1008Please respect copyright.PENANARxszlmwHnP
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAOCVEDBeGHP
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAkRMQKppYwp
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1008Please respect copyright.PENANADxsMqtAGPH
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAWfBz6NNCBI
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAQdZ4sKdFeM
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAgxoTk0rRUB
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1008Please respect copyright.PENANAucGQfSX19l
1008Please respect copyright.PENANAd7fwNIbF2C
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。