又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNW6Q3XSrGu
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YLAfyxG3G
「…係？」我回答。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xs0IzWVZW
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXKakHd66s
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJ6Qogx6FG
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDluD5LM0g
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4IuTXObvB
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaH2a9cVXpy
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbmoLk7pKG
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXVA5Dwy9f
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclvajzpzzm
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrWKzPKIpm
我等著她最後那句。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLxDPaqL3r
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5WQMUFm2v
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLh8DRItimj
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjZZubcgvJ
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8c6wK1bztA
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyk7LKD2PR
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLJWCyE9CT
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQvj6jaQ0b
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlnSKHXMtI
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVtcPYHoL8
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbQnNv3LWp
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvud0oZUKy
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMBnJXh2YJ
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7ezMiW6v8
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMMfbaFvBt
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRMXbit8hg
「咁…」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyxBeJGdIC
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQXcS3y4Ii
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXpBN8fmtf
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZn3dQr3u2
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriWTxRqb2K
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44WGYwqTcF
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqVJn1T1HQ
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEcRA8ltdj
「嗯，你講過。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnLaGLloOp
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsc8zfMQcj
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDI9HExR4E
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrSUG5Pjpw
「咪笑我啦。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX18eJybEa6
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMm0VKmUHcB
她笑了。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHRUq51Th9
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4F428yrPy
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCBgDqrzSI
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZirx4jxQs
「係好夢定惡夢？」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMR4l1X4g1p
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwKhXa4UK6
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvTbFhunow
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8rr5h5Huu
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuFDgtVr7I
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSF7rRAZ66O
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdMZjgAUHX
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJGJ1jnWtS
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsaasi49Cy
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgDiYkCmfh
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmidAd4A9kM
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNdgkpNws0
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiENqRCksw
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sraUVuXZw
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9mfIOmZ30
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHIqwfTdjf
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCDaq7yYB2
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecW4aB2CJJ
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBODDAEI4s
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0KetuKiZ2
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51m1xt0Ble
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBysRJgQfb2
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzpx2i0Z26
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZETrhs9as
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPeGLqhO6R
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLmJrpQ0QG
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdtcFt7YEd
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZKJZ2KeiP
萬物的崩潰。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOmq69vnbQ
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKoi2ghZ3O
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRICiOU7Lmv
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPp8l37R7R0
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1C98ODv4SD
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL20ZBSvNHH
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzALVwnBQbf
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIdwtKFScG
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIaufOVQkH
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwkOHgPu9K
愛的反面不是憎恨。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4SDwgRVuc
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5acGgafBE
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFwt7WtrlT
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XnYt1szlp
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDECw51Oqm
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMd7Rfg9vIF
這光景，我看過。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7zlvDCGHj
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY94zv82s8D
我在曾經的自己身上看過。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgimUWdaww
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeljSGzrMX
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3okpm8ca5
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2r24qfY6EY
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWY4eoEMBMI
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOGhAW2ZCZ
「無可能。」我搖頭。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe39HzboFTX
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE84VPCX7MG
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCT7DQlz1P
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvffgb2OcK5
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGOETKAxNL
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSvV33pS4v
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBc9Rfj0rRh
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXddsc15GNf
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmk70rekOTD
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTicUXrS5mk
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEALi4TWr8
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxCa6UfrIO
甚麼也再沒需要了。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWTaa318WI
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSAx1fMoM8
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHW1439tRl1
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntdwrA8Nhz
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtew9wzKcFS
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4geT1uweD
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEShUkXt8K
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8SwNiOImE
話畢。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjt76Ogy1I
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayhgMtqN04
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnenrBy6JNn
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iW1LQw3eE
「你想既，幾時都可以。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSb1TV3lnh
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGKoBgpKAS
她沉默了片刻。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7BCi3REOa
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnako9SxV4g
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeibvCfs6C
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyoNkwPXdv
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSASY3MmGg
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6U6i99XWU5
「無興趣。」她微笑說。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rr8njNWb4
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIa3qzBhQeq
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nvw9NdqNg
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCp4hUROC4
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5pTQVknbQ
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkfXlz1ljx
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiyGkgBXhB
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXchCi6Omj
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hXiV7kq1K
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbujhSNKUyg
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yJjgO7aiW
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXwUBkTm2Q
「連你都咁講，嗚…」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLWXBZFbM0
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtmRQJio06
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAgUEiO79s
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBzIGYVyr0
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulUwhgOvzv
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyH1VIbqFFf
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iuSFG598u
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ231LL1864S
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwm0subUaS
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4h8YVdfXtk
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8e9dJbmog
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqpp42vJKM
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCMFZDCpo6
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrMqGdFSWS
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzQRLLMlL1
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSHiVjIuWy
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrWfRjzKsI
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rIQaGPmtV
「……」946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBCEJggoUA
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriPlI2CBTB
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBJDiRHTD9
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTdg4A3niN
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoReO2cQUJ5
946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiWwzYTo1F
夏天，也到尾聲了。946Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQ5wtVsjGr
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