又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrBPhUZoAR
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRDrEe6wge
「…係？」我回答。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNuAUsTaTi
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5rwcjJAso
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWGrbSGdsf
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkzpfjkmRA
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmhPx0nbae
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMU2lgrgB0o
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpkeZTk8hD
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWbwIK7rEf
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSKAEe6uTu
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfD2GTcbF9c
我等著她最後那句。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFG7coQtEY0
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGcVTkmdqi
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NRxPUQ7On
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1S49miLYEI
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfwGlm15zG
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdpxE2NVpW
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvibt2ce1rO
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2t4RSwCHx
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GsuAsUknJ
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAqb9RJGqZ
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uD8H4KHeq
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrtCLZrlac
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJat4q7IL1
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFE7Bl2ZHDb
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5tbkUMjgs
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTfS962AkX
「咁…」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2ZeMFyoAD
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLHjDmYSLJ
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKOfSddczB
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFO7GekgLcx
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qO0RJmlCv
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaRL9SicaI
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKmIkGlHUQ
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQzDwyNWfb
「嗯，你講過。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFDcJHNU6q
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHTRVXZoxn
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHmNoWY5rb
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgg1BV1m0Dr
「咪笑我啦。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLU3QUAKpM
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnCu35liEr
她笑了。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpjfJdMknv
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfipeYVicqH
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmHZUZrqnk
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4knFBDNG1r
「係好夢定惡夢？」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolfmBEdlgy
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1VXDhyhg8
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5nPK3FRiv
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DrTYmNUuf
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6E57CchrG
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNec8Dwb8Er
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfilJfGeh3F
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61PUStBU7K
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfubOWVzpWs
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawSoiMwLS0
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCN6zf30VRz
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxRHFQ8TxX
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqLFZcyd4A
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgA3vxprZx
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZHalYSl5c
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9ulqIVUAk
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiZdj4kBCC
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSZrt2Oaqa
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Sp74sYuuQ
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWadkAYGE0s
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc808um79BA
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvh7FZiE42y
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhiT0q86q9
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUYVvoQe3V
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrvG2ifWqX
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UcTeuc8II
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6SYIOBoNy
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasDYZhlXjD
萬物的崩潰。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTY3C7M8m4t
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6nUmxPszD
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mzlmiUEqh
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUCR14GWBY
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEK7iFhqHLY
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynVDpPG3FR
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9iGwdVsYF
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIB9pxIRMH
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiWASe6SL3
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2PZaS1uO1
愛的反面不是憎恨。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaTgdf8Nx1
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvxiPMtCdr
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2vS3s592R
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RD3RTI3rn
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KUpGiZWGQ
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADbBNfx7Ay
這光景，我看過。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QVQw38avQ
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVmaEHwxZR
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFpqUSJQm5
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTltvPfrUXs
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjagBM2VK0
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzu4dLd1Ak9
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3qvnrYJIq
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJ5jZKnpfr
「無可能。」我搖頭。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhmfT9uR4p
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuautNECwN2
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpADWSZYRP1
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eqzr660Fb
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbElfNHCe8O
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡya5aqmGOA3
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡml6dv07O7J
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4bgFngbYZ
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLCe4JfnNp
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvT4Gwt46gR
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyS7qfCuf4m
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkBKDehYWt
甚麼也再沒需要了。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVIlkfVCvx
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwRuuoNsBU
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnfXFnzt08
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjyJNhStZV
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvkMajAvUg
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡom3Z7o4FY9
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTPvEgrh07
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuzIM0alhp
話畢。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4A8e5ihxPX
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8s3qb3w4eC
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWg3L8GLyj
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyOp6Y1bk6
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡri2Xg2Yb5x
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNe8NNF9r0k
她沉默了片刻。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Sm1AlawN3
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFH6eDtUKlT
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUm7YYpfn7J
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OFg2bWQJP
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJ21MaI0MT
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYd9RzrDZX
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJ9U1XHgzB
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2x2hz8b72s
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoa8F40vZtH
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjgrfQEylO
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfroq8HIJn8
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanDbyGty3b
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMnuFAg1Fc
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5IieN1V2EA
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YTpVxXb5p
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbSKhtkRwL
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyU1rtVd7fp
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeNJ29qksU
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XGXAf24H2
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJqkSdPLYY
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2jjB73NEi
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFKPvyYCI9
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bZZJWhVLt
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJLqoMQvQd
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GLS9XSDLS
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMeas45oFJ
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdBo06wi61
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazb1GTVZH8
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdS1bTRIF9L
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzStPXXeCFi
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CH52g1alU
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy32154YnDP
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUPRWmTiyC
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5h3jmXz5mY
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gP0OPLJJQ
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2JGd0GdLl
「……」1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkvd39dou6
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5P2RJxbkJT
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4m9eqDpwJ5
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5X2exa9eZg
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0z8xxgNt4
1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfy2ro2VSU
夏天，也到尾聲了。1004Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gJEdTrSgi
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