又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaOZ8cFPDL
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Tdx9PiF5j
「…係？」我回答。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dlTqISFbP
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWblFKhas6
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgO7NuuBiex
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVb3ylaST8N
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPEpiiEoZR
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXliJ7mdjz
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76jWcxTpfl
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5qfxs94Fe
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacQOfLdZT9
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoCKWzndt1
我等著她最後那句。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKHb9qcjHz
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kRAtU5SzJ
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAV2MhDNVR0
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBa0c0fWppC
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RqCR8gvgs
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLF8kA8CDPC
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Yts0xd4Q1
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNcor3qgyx
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF49VaD7Crh
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PX7GS06I0
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6N5H67nnA
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxPCm7HjYp
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavWTrs4TWo
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2QK7G08AT
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsM8qfVmvf
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4EqnpZcBF
「咁…」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnDGM89l92
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMb6ymeFtfW
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8luqDGPYn
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg14M1336UY
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNnj4cktly
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWB2AobQbGW
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx94vggOGpG
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rqGFWQhlI
「嗯，你講過。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1dPFJ7l6W
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZOrfFIPFg
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsK237iaPY
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBKoeJZYYq
「咪笑我啦。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHBXjCmba9
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JMGQhAqW5
她笑了。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1C5FQE3KTc
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPxjAubX9g
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28g49VRZ93
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaiDMaVOHW
「係好夢定惡夢？」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrfiwqQ2XQ
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbamnEmflCq
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNOdCDSwpY
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡco0zmyL7we
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnuZC3R1ND
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKM8MkFwgh
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJ4k0YIDIW
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyQgu4CFs9
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuThQ6zBGRq
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJsYClMFz9
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8X3bJTUyyk
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtp4gG7cfW
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFBEbR1bqb
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUHIVVptaF
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM66jl09fbr
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnmNPRC25Z
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDDo8E29aM
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3305EmTkLW
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrolohrlhVj
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBW0VcAJh0
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJN3Budb8Pc
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUSFcbdfkZ
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRcVniOVFJ
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVCstdGrLQ
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgPJIBdwwM
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQYucy37FT
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBujvCSIJD
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcn181jgCv
萬物的崩潰。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfAVQYFnSp
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUm1FYmB0X4
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKe0eebK04z
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDbHVLbbWg
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6qBL1hGVO
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgK7Ve5QNyS
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOF61xOxjFs
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLtOA3GeUb
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuy3AoWzuLc
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPkR5vP3Po
愛的反面不是憎恨。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRT4qGQwj0
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkYgJ7jjty
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvG9rF9mgY
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52YuzHnY3n
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZyKehfyRI
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxthrAeLXKM
這光景，我看過。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZsNmG1mM8
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiN2gdbDe4W
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcKP9wXmaO
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfUZ8IYox4
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCGAFZYoV7
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9MjxD2quJ
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDWI9bV9Cy
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVC3aEAkDCI
「無可能。」我搖頭。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mvWmrj2YH
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dw7AbMypx
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEI1XltUkOj
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOVEGM57PF
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1g7UVx1be
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuqJ3SWcqN
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaigTdllLHc
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrspI3gber
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCTgEjpOUR
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPZtCP7Fix
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoMg5k7GCY
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpsPlcttyQ
甚麼也再沒需要了。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRcj7zM69r
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBY2DFjPMb
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWQcqGNyqF
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpg8unnuLp
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4S2ivrJBL
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmj6Sl9iFC
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwWkV22K3C
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bgGspLQod
話畢。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6pxLD7r61
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQp8srGV77L
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmjKEs5dpt
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVGD0seLFE
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmUA8umGqY
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNLvmw8kpa
她沉默了片刻。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQQZ4rKtOi
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9Ks6GIYrj
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHolA7te0x
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqqVVDLaNm
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7IOeI14O2
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UbvmVEoiv
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOWUzFASEj
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWAeMVWum5
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhh0VBIj0MH
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9d00IQos4
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegfPhc9B5s
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseIB9HxOcG
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lPz1P1cQI
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMt5j0YESl
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzr8qvAdCAU
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMNHlCG9z7
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkI8TmQ4pg
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkpNlz5st9
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvoC6AfpQv
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojWRJDkz7e
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJpRfVU3cA
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2PX6EG7gI
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3Hx3rNw4b
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVu9nM7pPK
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aHJRlAesZ
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4vopnG9I5
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuz1cEUHAc7
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWTEzT8n0b
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5838Ja5hj0
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOfDK2XcKF
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3ClOTeYHl
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZZwxU2aDS
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKT3J3vd9f
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXshUroTATI
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbFbXDLdrr
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaX1cvt3WLP
「……」1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6u1soG1jA
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPv8QCbu2RT
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9091alqynD
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iLebFrQlS
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdP1hH4t6R8
1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnM4HBDmo4S
夏天，也到尾聲了。1051Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qqRDDBDZG
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