但現實是這樣又如何?1014Please respect copyright.PENANA60PV4Uz0rz
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA57GqRStW67
沒法理解,沒法接受。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA6926oMYYjD
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAdt1LwH7VaI
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAFWMulNuFku
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAnGZ3HOcn8N
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAa71sF73kjc
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAlFnDHGpKq5
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAG1xhQtLjMw
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAZSmX0zoSmo
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAm9Hm7ZBx13
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAvGGKRyyYZs
現在卻。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAdJGELF3xNo
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAQQzls3xlJR
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAFDwACKeSa0
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAQmVecQSFfP
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAOXIUHWB4TY
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA9yVG2pA1M7
因為我的童年…1014Please respect copyright.PENANAorZSWcBrt3
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA2OfJSsBWOR
…真真正正的,結束了。1014Please respect copyright.PENANApzA08Nx0FA
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAshayIacA2t
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAOrXnJh8Crw
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAX8f50cmwmS
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1014Please respect copyright.PENANAkRrfHGNZBJ
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAjUvLordYLI
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAmN2FIkvvVr
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAhusjLPa37C
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAIEl0ZZ919l
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAMllUKSBUMD
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAnhqcui8teT
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAK5DIHbiOuV
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAgumMq6QFsb
1014Please respect copyright.PENANACG3aTIYhVh
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAfQ7dfYiVLI
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAVjxbPBw59m
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAjfnfZjwW1H
1014Please respect copyright.PENANASpxhVrbd1d
愛慕她的好。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAAiE5pAnDFF
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAHH4iMkjnoy
便要接受她的壞。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAXequkt1Z09
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAGLJZNVMMkG
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAaLsBSonbtg
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAdjp0vr1Qtx
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAeUWOyh9bTY
1014Please respect copyright.PENANACgUb1dZvb0
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAxqQ7xMmtmK
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAUjWAwz2bX4
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA1tYITh1DJw
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA4EprLRzMpE
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAyjK4zMZAlp
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAmFAaKnPi8w
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA7KKCSXDJNz
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA10v84WEseG
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAs1g7Ze7wrh
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAwTkiv4cEYn
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1014Please respect copyright.PENANABbGSWxACeX
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAroHd7Haa26
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAFfEs2GRkWd
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAZHTJeKlYK2
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA5j6OiL4Vzg
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAOhe73UdKOI
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAUDI9QIQtHx
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAgFYwgmG0rS
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAgQgd0Bu0JB
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAWi0Rhk8BaY
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAvBB1FSU175
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAw4kbKUaikD
然後,我推開了她。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA1ZqnZIGg2m
1014Please respect copyright.PENANASuT74xDP3o
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAde6exx4K1V
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA4xlCT3JQNl
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA5BnxbDf0wZ
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAhhuGajcuBt
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAJHnp2bq213
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAaMnj7FVbbu
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0s4PTQCBr
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAHFgo84ClAv
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA8VJhBvyRKE
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA7WNvMtfppD
「係…?」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAeAlFV8o6NU
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAAy8GA7DC8s
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAcQgE5KjLGX
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAM2Pa4dBTaD
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAQv2WQRck77
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAP0V8p6DyXt
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1014Please respect copyright.PENANARRwXB27xbk
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAWSLclSSrpO
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAsltmFMV4pT
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAFDBMZGOfUD
「我先唔係。」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAPRhp3baZH9
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAvDNVh2niC2
我早就不是甚麼好人。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAkmdXdlxlmf
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAjH3QfOXCEq
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAX5zYxXvAwN
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA72R3GwRFOi
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAhCe8vS5sP1
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAckOCmHgdas
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1014Please respect copyright.PENANArcaznkSHHM
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA2UygjVoGRD
「……」1014Please respect copyright.PENANApzWrmXtNPQ
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA1a6PRNahtB
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAhfmTol4lgN
1014Please respect copyright.PENANALdTlfmXo75
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAohwdXQaTz0
1014Please respect copyright.PENANApN0UDvrTFC
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAb6TRysbWF2
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAcw2bh5ZpQW
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAaKLSoFZnuN
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAlYM8sDgHov
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAu5zar4PkeO
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAMdEyYOJt9M
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAw521myRzaz
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA059Ea6rdzp
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA83iNaZmxHo
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAgWJKYmuUP1
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA6qkCqEyzlC
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAPds5bGPBTD
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAQWUJTSsxYr
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAWz7n2k8IHw
「呀遊…」1014Please respect copyright.PENANALj3BrKgrZo
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAHn2na5Nwmk
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAjQyrFetv1w
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAvaZtaJQrk2
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAybuorAQEgZ
1014Please respect copyright.PENANABJZSRkZS6A
做不到。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA5CmRR9uEJb
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAskNLvOoVOi
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAUWxfTWVY6f
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAtVKGAJrp6L
做不到。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAIH7Gp5uhYm
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAuCurbHUpj0
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAtpY3GFeVuy
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAe8PGvZ7X8r
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAT5JTDqivhe
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAoOQ5S0dH7i
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1014Please respect copyright.PENANARBHXBUfuDY
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAjejbrxaLbe
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1014Please respect copyright.PENANApcozLIAzzA
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAbzQum3Mmjv
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAjJfpyULJmS
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA57Ula3OZLB
既,沒法坦白。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA1jO901B3aL
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAy2QqKPBs5A
又,沒法斥責。1014Please respect copyright.PENANADoSxpmHRnG
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAaw7qWDlx89
既,沒法接受。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAN78tX40pXe
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAAEEK08SD2y
也,沒法忘記。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAu70nd8UYrh
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAEm5U5vOv6c
而且…也沒法理解。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA70N3QIRDzE
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA42qgeZnsLy
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAaC9H02AIIz
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAUS7DYIpBTZ
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAj8pxmyGRbr
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA25eoXnZrz1
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAJDjmVmakyb
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA2LZRIqEWSa
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAIjCmEwHQPh
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAVW9NAvSCDM
「……」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAiYKIqFhBku
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAjS68rAdh82
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAmqY6exe94h
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAPpEQj21kur
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAGbz96BSR2C
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAUNAYHCCQIv
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAfhZvBieR30
1014Please respect copyright.PENANArXYHL6O5Lg
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA0Jn2yz9La8
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA0hs9aJHQZD
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1014Please respect copyright.PENANASnKpLN2Qj7
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAHdZNRsZx6A
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1014Please respect copyright.PENANAIXOmH7YL4T
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAxpOYrb0PKA
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1014Please respect copyright.PENANACxJFftyIwJ
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAyFFxHbtqsV
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA2UepEXuc1r
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA571WriG52h
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAVIoxWL05u3
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAGmklMa6aqi
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1014Please respect copyright.PENANADHjuUku0yG
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAvhR05SFsGY
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAP5ClZhnA9D
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAqQo5OaF2jx
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1014Please respect copyright.PENANA66U7a5JrpO
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAyQnu4busTk
咦?1014Please respect copyright.PENANAQpfX1IGnNm
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAWbdJf9uzrT
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAwdwNhUyt1D
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAADWGHLUnkI
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAPB6TOAviTg
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAR5Cv6v2XpB
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAAozj2O36gb
1014Please respect copyright.PENANADNbqOzGIP6
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA6eE8oMe41C
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAa3iSP30vTB
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1014Please respect copyright.PENANA8QiI2hPUes
1014Please respect copyright.PENANASlgEBC0M6D
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAyCaYqNyy4C
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAb5gyeI3PXv
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAllfDVXR9h0
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAlJ9IyXKJMe
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1014Please respect copyright.PENANAub1UNUX9BY
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAxZZaAzEmvl
…我真的不想。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAWvON5PTV7G
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAEEzzkSmOC6
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAYpmju3u040
1014Please respect copyright.PENANA5oARC6eErZ
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAocIml5UPyb
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAxxWPLPWWTC
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1014Please respect copyright.PENANALAwvRBCmcH
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAsWSziIHKrM
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAcY7dhqD7dr
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAJMeEhJLRR1
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1014Please respect copyright.PENANAHgrZFJVuVk
1014Please respect copyright.PENANAprzXdulf7V
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。