又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17va0BA5Dm
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzHM29ffZR
「…係？」我回答。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2wxvoZS7V
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfM187jggah
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMdveKpTbg
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcx6xWsqOC
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtN9OhLmASE
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLP5Z02heBF
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4DLqX7xPD
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmL8b4hHlVH
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeelyphZj95
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRnFOoDoCM
我等著她最後那句。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJjRvStKma
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kpFiRQ9Ew
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnZiWB3QIn
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0AvnZKJNq
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LTtEITqwf
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPH7AagOBK
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nRWEmCATV
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmay09bWt8
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYNNkzD1yq
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jMXELIzPO
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwR4bBVyFN1
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrsShmd79v
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgXUOe2x57
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkRAttJj7X
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jY7tgW8Ro
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbx7byL7cXO
「咁…」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLgDpqF9TY
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClnT9MlrSR
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEV8VcBEcT
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FtV4xE3YW
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2H0h2Ffxr
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuh1nvR57B
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoN8p2C5WE
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXEb71lxiw
「嗯，你講過。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3SdSHfUBQ
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXInIdGRLuG
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzGB4Ngeif
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lxz7PXQAo
「咪笑我啦。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06K0r8GYeM
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyqmb6VTAv
她笑了。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNHH09Ngfz
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXEuJVxshJ
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxOwMNEvb6
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmPPkNbgMF
「係好夢定惡夢？」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAug3zcxjY0
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡht2yu6VYpl
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRF7j5N89t
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapJslZl3o7
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXz4NFuNTYn
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawanj2q4R3
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFDhh5gier
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXWZTcCkEV
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTVIGxiiFP
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUalC0siys0
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gyVqJD4qH
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJV5fXYuiXD
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nRWg6F9tR
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzTOBXKRbL
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdi6g3D0v3
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUzjkIxYDV
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTG0CpZ3gHR
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfn65Nt356
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmLHAjupbD
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOKHIIRI9S
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT24j4DDDKl
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3v2fz5VEo1
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuj3XyCkWv0
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyI9LYuiDLf
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIFT47Ywc5
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbVdcNfaaH
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJA4Pl7jLR
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsPBwfMmbo
萬物的崩潰。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UhDnlSafP
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3rCNzdaut
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTQkTy3KXK
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhnETK5cXb
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceEpbttjNe
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLbZccgP0o
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveyQn401dp
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkp0Vmn4jJ
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUVyOswEKp
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmgIxKJcWW
愛的反面不是憎恨。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfokYZUjN52
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3VMoJYmO0
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaiWjFHesR
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwuDIrekzd
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8uZJBPqOl
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfLE8W61tt
這光景，我看過。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNZwZ658Uk
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMSl4PVY6y
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytz0EKFQ6u
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLcchPQhbB
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEUIaVrvh2
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvN28BOhgi
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oiRHSvPxv
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmAHZhmWC7
「無可能。」我搖頭。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozNqrNPDNv
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qL5eopy7C
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HiPo1pBfd
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhXyDofsKz
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBkUdRUDl7
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8eKzQADnO
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHw4sRbHdA
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfi8t0ISd5
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMwA1Am1mt
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlY18z7SoPv
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUbtMKNkrT
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmIJ5ZNwMs
甚麼也再沒需要了。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8KISHSgiu
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPdvf8V0hR
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwyDqLb5tQ
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisKE1PC8dA
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQCV41vugN
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CUJ3UgYAT
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDBhctvPud
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCipQIL8zb
話畢。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrVanwJqNz
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZncDfJjLuG
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡME1VFXJNv4
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRskzSUcXB
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHZQpcqUaM
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdgRu9G6p5
她沉默了片刻。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsTI7hQLxM
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvHaMragIh
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSrU8NowXU
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7UCD9UbMG
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjweI4tzS3A
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yzZ6UGVSx
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUduMGxz4Ak
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyURX9Kfmmx
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZqCweOrtD
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCkw0RQKMt
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHE0bzcn9N
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYa5nNgi6r
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30ByDzIzwb
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3dM39Kizy
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJPDu5vxSL
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqFRoGFlVJ
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xIoAavGeA
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7E5PprxDyk
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0t9w9S1imW
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsTCCaASPo
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqirQJbjahi
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRU6yI7Q9tX
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3j6YTg4Lzs
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QcnNH7dTx
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYkbP7Af6m
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XBhIyyrOt
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhd4xMZ86f
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjy8DKt6eF
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQX5PYic6T
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYm7Zf8P67
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXdHVsgxxk
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ316kjYuYTx
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6EiX5aBTz
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFW3PpkZgm
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUcg7TOYUg
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVpFtKBLI7
「……」1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRS3rgM2II3
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrCc5lmlqr
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrHZ2E5RaI
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvkTdCmHjG
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgpkOHWhCG
1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnV2kKSrQ8o
夏天，也到尾聲了。1011Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9k7uLnbwh
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