又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38PlGJbd5i
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTxYV2UMkS
「…係？」我回答。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyThMyJyOlN
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqDTVkJcdN
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlruAhwwda
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmE1llVXhBC
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQXXoQ6OED
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQc1ReMorQr
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLTHfjyz2I
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheYZCFe929
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoSJbxyRi9
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopeksfkV1N
我等著她最後那句。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtf8vIEGd5m
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyadmuEqEk
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vBO8a0QY3
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCMLh2K9iE
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTbXAIHUkU
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ibd2kTV7Y
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZ39OKcM3K
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwTyHf2mcH
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfn3Agkim4Q
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigelfrD1Ya
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3hoEJn7Lb
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZy5iQGCW4
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxVxEj3zSr
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgK0HfwtWMJ
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsmedvsisY
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutU6g2cOvT
「咁…」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnJS9Luo5P
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EF0exJl6k
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HhqbALYf5
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlOkq1uw7b
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvofRgjF6Xi
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaC13BeuTcG
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXpvG3Rrb8
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKM6QmBVzux
「嗯，你講過。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Er9TMkmcB
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXvnOT6hxj
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3evkzaOHy
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSn3ypUOubJ
「咪笑我啦。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1laW0U3fVS
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7N4evwSwtF
她笑了。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkcIIf37Du
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bkRTS3axc
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4My4H6cRr
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpVGJu29x7
「係好夢定惡夢？」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHCpBWFSrg
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBY9YkamN9P
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKgAvkKaGk
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqHlY9WJOf
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt21cD1zPiw
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEzTGhy9XX
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkniDLWG4P
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJlLPVLzIU
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzETCWKmgg
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02752bSVCW
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIS0MVrpbIX
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEpqkNGGzR
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfs05Mtg36d
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzJKaOec9z
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5fDxoLWV5
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9jc5YZYSb
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7JJWr1Ceo
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumwePEDsJe
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJSweUyYwS
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2X2Xz23tT7
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfOKKrWXa5
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bgSNRVhVR
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuxtzu7cms
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWiDlgkuS9
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCp9LYff0u1
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthe8Ns7rBn
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBF32YgNVzQ
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqTUOGqnd6
萬物的崩潰。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22ubrkjnhF
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Os4PKGqBK
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrCoKxv39k
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQ2GJ4oXrs
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJVlE6fSQT
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1L9PB1uxv4
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzA4tKZigjC
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUOqehyeuG
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwYa7BolfS
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoyuSB02IT
愛的反面不是憎恨。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMslTqhP2P
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpORG06t0kd
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRCYo22ogF
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xDOXPOBJJ
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ765IyiBH8A
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIps7aAWOcZ
這光景，我看過。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JlgK55pzj
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD32wrcX8p1
我在曾經的自己身上看過。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTATc9mIDSo
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeA71cxJgE
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEqHhAd1s7
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6pT57Lj9h
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cZNfCsoPk
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrOpYOCVQf
「無可能。」我搖頭。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1n84SqJEJa
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJD92xhGrJ
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6bRoidrsF
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3t6zmXiRR
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡex1F9jvRWH
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpde42QO5Cv
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUedVzhvC7K
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tztTmLTZw
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07pHGRutDP
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQb4Cy6mOua
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmaGPxkTaY
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzm2jeARZ9R
甚麼也再沒需要了。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9wzyR5x6s
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHD4fece1Sh
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRfWqD72xS
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lSoU6KNu9
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgeHaoKRSvM
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEg3hn57l4m
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePKOUgK940
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3gmThmEkJ
話畢。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXLPZE45j2
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0e3clrxik
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3r1p1Go2s8
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTb2eUPx1Qo
「你想既，幾時都可以。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEevPbuU5dW
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYg2j5mthf
她沉默了片刻。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgQBf1yI9O
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDMxc5ZcUj
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRhKtpUBTC
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnx0TUXfUId
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKaRVEZpm6
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPkc7fZXGI
「無興趣。」她微笑說。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzs3FQUBbk
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUs5PKRgnx
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yS1UrsRLa
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4FSvkX3Yq
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8PWElvvjN
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1kkauyyDZ
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPExxkcLqg
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22rxxhivgd
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ao29buaNa
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFapWxcF45O
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡom9S5ECwlq
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5ZtVLrjwx
「連你都咁講，嗚…」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOprg05aSn
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4C9PkfClEg
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPlIqy1mTR
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXJIAYL75S
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKP5Cs5oLGR
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXRf7Rafnv
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6gD8m0gl6
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqZ3eRG0RE
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSACdgkS6zU
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgESD2lJHGk
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VcKuhDYPi
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6ICS6LTIv
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWliK0mQ1W
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHJbs9k8Sy
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ523wwOSJre
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9N78cNohq1
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxv5corRk8
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOj1HAqAtC
「……」954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZG2ggdYPu
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3tMsJgMN6
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdz78qfHjLZ
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jL3xuIV9I
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyybim36RHs
954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3a8kDkXq7M
夏天，也到尾聲了。954Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36GRphumJh
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