x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPzqKQO4kH
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMhV9ecJcx
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzgax3piLm
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWMujCAAiX
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRqQhJrzdF
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEOxDD1mQ1
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpOdp6a8b7
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkLXkMqCcl
為何記住？我解釋不了。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoDhaYWACt
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBrnsHLgQe
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMRU1FLBpt
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXbMDxPkRn
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMeD2KAHk2
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzv6WPsUenN
其中一個是他。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBig8Hu6nG
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUsLZ79Dyj
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6pEruWYlB
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gtiec8KJf
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj02Vkj4rfh
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5D9sN57YF
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhI3OVxHXPB
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetypm0IROn
「你遺下銀包。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wJI9XJHz3
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM03M2rbKnq
「謝謝。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIq4lvV6fd
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSL0JOtBtsS
「不用客氣……」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISwZFfSlXn
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWelgP7cNQ
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8gZg00eQ4
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVx6YO5fo2g
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnIfwhuc79
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH93Z6lOSmc
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aa02F0dZ1
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08AbtMmSgx
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbr5cvkC7G5
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCg98dvvElU
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VwKryJBaF
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0skLNxUHnD
「我是文班許家偉。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXl8AS4Ji0p
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLa6GSvhjIL
「我是理班李浩榮。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XnuTPjwXc
其實我早已知道許家偉。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDwwp82kmP
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9iZJDOuHHu
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHDGA1TrTW
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6DctSlVok
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Im09BrBHl
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmyJd519VS
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUNFllywaY
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvWVaIEA9X
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UuMpYLj9h
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0EXQQTMOg7
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCM25W20RFO
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdIrdEjStQ
不服氣。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRZTGOcV9I
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQViB4aU1fj
繼續觀察他。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHy7q0Ytzn
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVq2R9lRqs2
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSWHDfG85z
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nxwaEPRvY
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCV5gHAh7Yh
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSYpVWEZqs
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9iJMK44kU
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3PqLw9sto
我急步追趕許家偉。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFsHr2xne3
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErYurqEiFo
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmsgT6s2Bo
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLuCcbY3tt
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAibscYu4cC
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6v2vwXUjV
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDZYG7cMSx
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNem7jVyhn
「你遺下了銀包。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqICFGU4Mf
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4GJ8ICvrS
「謝謝。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX70sTixgLU
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZQ9melrBr
「不用客氣……」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHn3aObl3Q
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXoCRvDytu
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxZHh4kZPu
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb93T2LtaCH
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHJV8OyQvv
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUTtYiJYAc
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiObvFbx5H
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hhsgX8I8S
我望入他雙眼。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttdywJNgsf
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SHXpZ7E5C
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7sFGvQjKm
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCHQgoubAE
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUBKEsmFAa
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37VRfudkHH
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHA90DnBYQ9
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldwbBS3Iv1
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVpaKjdxHi
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPJpGqXk7R
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvVJI1kz3X
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSRtwkiBr8
「我是文班許家偉。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEoUQv0f7D
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVC2exgrcL
「我是理班李浩榮。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopSyTxVbgi
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRy253FQlm7
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5OFSIRtwr
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSMwJT0K9G
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjNTzXFirB
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAiywPjuvt
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RH5NqvWsd
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CbzavL2vf
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGam5UPuSF
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOc0sh2FgM
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJCzXt93NM
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNeMrqhBbY
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNB8mqNynQk
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehe3oKFQUK
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pcOHO1wyD
但我沒有阻止他。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRbwmSHWJr
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJu4Dnv88T
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnWL26SXGh
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBinBezRltT
我慫恿他繼續說下去。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9G9VWOUpH
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOOsuQUeIt
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sDTzwV28z
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUcIy5ieXV
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtW4DH58jC
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjnkofbe7p
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjstkVtT6R0
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTDEQek9cs
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzP2ikYxEk
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5lcqWsDr3
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrVBbdYSDm
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2dTRK0FXe
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3ibc2qunF
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv766H6OpkI
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGo23lyz9C
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXtYXTr5eL
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuzC3L24d5
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTH6PyLYTW
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMabI4UHXfL
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUGHYxgrmz
但我掛念他。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmMzpYgrKw
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4NK86J19S
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMIzap8gfT
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4GFSWdTuX
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4TzIeXHxw
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNG7LXp0bk
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAH0EF8pRN
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ217g6QayNE
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWcVnBQYzA
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwuyX1BJ77
不要說。不要聽。不要見。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsI9wg7G0j3
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rAa4n0N3p
希望時間會沖淡一切。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaSRhMMegp
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYh25UCo8v
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgbOzEXJSEj
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknXmnY4grZ
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQ76GsfIv2
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnkuXbFA07
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocgj6Sqn4d
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUvjJZBrkv
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSQeRKpB0E
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xGkDnN7l7
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqU4EjV78uh
「我也不明白。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMhRXtnEYk
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXj9IZbiUJA
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsWrQFHS4O
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUO48xWDwn
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AoxSZjhM0
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDb8MI29kQP
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11kGvjf0yR
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG0AS5OHxH
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09x59Mk54d
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjC5EOVjPAf
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOF2Zyt5FZ
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbR06xIwjZ
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrwvGia8Ot
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYj1d35dp8
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzabEe2Dj0
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKnTvqiP6y
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LtGM26Ugc
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOczqrj3SI
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWC1FQGBMK
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLWmkVf4LK
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUcg7whFZ3
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDLaiN8N61
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OSKr8kQXi
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTfCnA9zuY
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSE7NXDprIh
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0TucfL3Ur
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUt8kuYjCO
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVVpBGny9T
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZqyBmyhFZ
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzi6xszAn90
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwDFB2Dtao
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNsNi3xiiI
為何要走到這一步？584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWAQkXFTd3
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1YMS6oxyj
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIS3CdSYeM
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnG3AZ9hX8
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4vBoNC0kE
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwE6GHaomY4
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRAxNG1esC
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJO9sUG6PlC
「別倔強。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbIv2W9oIW
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFHdYM9l3u
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YFZapI7qc
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjXXXEq5QH
「我想你放棄。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UzRhdHT91
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmM32CdEgIm
「原因？」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotT40LDBW6
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZBhIM3isS
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBVg3YsVQ6
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXzz4AgL98
「我知道。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRg6MemCfpZ
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoq69bplZBH
「何解還要繼續下去？」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhcNTYERCE
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnftavVrM4
「感情易放難收。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9Ixd2tZhU
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujHOSGgfut
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jVg8BThuH
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7N1D7p8ZY
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgFvGXjgoa
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9DMkPvrxv
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohNZvtIBTK
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQplQZjQGK
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZyqqGJYN5
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtETGEdYGt
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfKVL22LcN
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zjV0Kb0CP
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSrWvKrtg9
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVR1HMHw3m
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvv1i8eDPIm
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7nk49UcbQ
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehGHd3IqPc
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAM3FNSKH7k
小醉。半醉。大醉。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLIX7dJD4F
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgRk0zQoG8
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXglAe7Sd5
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYtezBOwJq
「直接講我愛他。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCPNTIGwrh
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HAmiOGT7v
「如果他拒絕？」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyyVgHhK0a
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbtRfijZVO
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsp5L0wJ43
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUftodOz0sD
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8FlI2viXR
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3q7VV5nVD
「我當然是高興！」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYD090nc88
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXy21YDjWl
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePfMllF4XB
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTWv4J58x2
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4l4pua0j7A
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LN9sLibp8
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuBkTjTVnW
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCpgxA9x2J
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ243zi4z5Y6
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWwpfXwQlE
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZLRN1vtUF
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDer3x3hUG
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zPkv1mzSI
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xBOd4MsVK
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡit3iUMdQaR
「你仍然單身？」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyspHUpTecp
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo38liZxbYA
「是的。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhWDJM3DbI
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLOAyYORSK
「要我當媒嗎？」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrd2JbbwhFY
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQ1dCgKXc2
「不了。難為情。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEu5N0tu4Nu
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDkfYvosM5
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9g7cJ3vEoy
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RhscGhyle
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4nIJ68VZg
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8B6z034Xu
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1vBSiU8zF
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yvrX0uOBr
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv202F35rXC
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1bLdgDeXa
回家吧。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffATIQTZZU
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiOGzW5Ynk
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeIEoS2yD0
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcX752J9UaE
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaXb3jP8b3
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySY3T15QYY
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJskIoGZii
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZfJvgw5ts
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbOXZQWZtd
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVS74DaqUth
大概是一見鍾情吧。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7hccyeLF7
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTO1yuBG40
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUDU2dvKZA
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRatZ8NXjj
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwThBLIsKr
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5KeNP9cvv
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXAGf7N8aR
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0ihXuTeoK
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVodrYmfdV
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLEFMLupiO
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrONm9MSikx
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTcIrnOfzS
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02N5nJXg5s
百感交集……584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTfY7wamuj
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkNWQRFHsv
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusyo1hrCFp
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9GXP4XDWe
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhvOjDHDGW
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqnkm8ATVl
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2KZEutGOl
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviJX7caL7J
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlr9P8TqviQ
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyURZ5Kim0
「認得。你是文班的。」584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebhjuGG7PN
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xt9Mxryhu
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUD7Iilfd5w
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGwzH2ASIN
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkPnMQJHrj
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIQsTs7typ
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXzyhiw0bD
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhd8RlYLq2t
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtK2r5A3fnC
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOdrNcov8c
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xaDXQUyvr
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYBfll58yb
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYBxnZ2gzH
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcu74VrBANb
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfa2PjrQfrv
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsG3azvhazY
我哭笑不得。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsasfmgC9I9
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4T88nNMf6
無意跟他繼續對話。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LKpZn1Pqg
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyGspIf6zT
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWS4JPSkUI
584Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbEGP48aqN
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
