但現實是這樣又如何?1086Please respect copyright.PENANAR2bFiTe4ZV
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAF3QmHjLplR
沒法理解,沒法接受。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA4VA89pXbis
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAKn3BL4BKvO
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA7ZbEi23Ucc
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAQs4TYncXLH
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA2eypDyCasC
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAC1DS2kL5IK
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAbUs2pgliVm
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAl0eiFDxR25
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAzfgfGhpTcG
1086Please respect copyright.PENANABhAGdOTR8y
現在卻。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAm8depalI2U
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA4RJpxl7ge4
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1086Please respect copyright.PENANADBnes94uWo
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAnPASuqVxte
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAQXDkQ2c8JB
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAULwywVYrGe
因為我的童年…1086Please respect copyright.PENANAtM0vfH9amV
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA8FFSqdOpbN
…真真正正的,結束了。1086Please respect copyright.PENANADWPXBjRZu8
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAKPJ1WWVnHO
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1086Please respect copyright.PENANAvv7HkECT91
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAxVddPPdWmv
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1086Please respect copyright.PENANAKmjXeSc4Zz
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAfly2FikLbM
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAs2GDkxWmQo
1086Please respect copyright.PENANACU96LHcvrN
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAPS4cUViyOK
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAYlAZt3W7SK
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAY4EwLFVckB
1086Please respect copyright.PENANABTdUiyWdD8
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1086Please respect copyright.PENANApBHA6IPe47
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA0B57rG9FCb
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA9NNmwo2Shv
1086Please respect copyright.PENANANcXY5HqVS7
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAt1ACEDfOxf
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAMDeyOJVzLc
愛慕她的好。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA7FU01rCPya
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAXajEhTVCpd
便要接受她的壞。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAi5bNRFf09o
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA9yUNHSk9TZ
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAJrMIDCxvpg
1086Please respect copyright.PENANApdekBs6cIz
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAudGKZ69jgI
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAHWuPPuLPCN
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA3wrC5cBxgj
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA4JC3xD2fRS
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1086Please respect copyright.PENANACQkzcttG13
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAG5nAObuGAe
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1086Please respect copyright.PENANACOXGRBBwMh
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAYcpxUn7j0U
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAHQFAEwHSgY
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAQ3pVO6H84i
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1086Please respect copyright.PENANA2Lk2hJK5E4
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAAGMEfSRCXa
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1086Please respect copyright.PENANARLLUBOERlg
1086Please respect copyright.PENANApWiYkiYlOl
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1086Please respect copyright.PENANApqDxkRY2BQ
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAoDow1tOoX9
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAUpKx8U5yhU
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA3UvjtBrwLk
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1086Please respect copyright.PENANAvfJQpWHlBa
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAi7sJ04BHs3
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAyfocg0hAzU
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAUE7GvVDdcj
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1086Please respect copyright.PENANAPrtAQObtWv
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAuY7wlbZqB7
然後,我推開了她。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA3GJIbcJsVh
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAuMOj8KDPTi
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAT7rPBfUA7y
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAp36LaVoBJS
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA6jIMQD8FnK
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA7KIYCrXVS1
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1086Please respect copyright.PENANAzgR7V62tbA
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAYoPhmxsjy6
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAUTId7pTMfS
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAe7JnbBnSLM
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1086Please respect copyright.PENANATSB2DqJjYP
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAPLc3HxbNoU
「係…?」1086Please respect copyright.PENANAmxUfgNSSz3
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAfKmIE7bImC
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1086Please respect copyright.PENANATzBxtpgoEP
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAjPm7VSAw1l
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAePPLK0Iyxk
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAuEO1yPQf0K
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAcfOOluMZEy
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA57IASZoohV
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1086Please respect copyright.PENANA6J63jvO1tC
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAwCpvlxzbgF
「我先唔係。」1086Please respect copyright.PENANAQNGpCBXgOj
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAgtJFcBTIVV
我早就不是甚麼好人。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA2PTr1Qx20r
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAygTpqTS0Af
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAU4Inl8uI6V
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAys1Z2YPzhU
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAPh1GMNHVk5
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAzLwY2NRFRf
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1086Please respect copyright.PENANATlrJ25QtCA
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA1lCtCqJna9
「……」1086Please respect copyright.PENANAVqYCsKfb9k
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAHT0X8l7myj
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAP42kWO4BKR
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAzBr35SRh5z
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAelWI3pHemB
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA9dVOfiRNKx
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAfxApgU4wha
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAVZjMLPmdKN
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAJsZsSY5OlV
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA66rjJW9NSg
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA9CMxj4oCw8
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAY7334thGWn
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAYKUxJZTXZH
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAVzSna5b5v1
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1086Please respect copyright.PENANALvWnZsS7aQ
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAnPXZQRxLwz
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAq9eaZl7V0p
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAOMu6jGdlVI
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1086Please respect copyright.PENANArcXAiwo94M
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAdeMtx11Yin
「呀遊…」1086Please respect copyright.PENANAyzRyjdE9Vy
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAIvgPpblMi1
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1086Please respect copyright.PENANAMxWvJCqoFi
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAKRslkzTwmC
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA2CWhfSptBF
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAwAp2x89kPw
做不到。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAkGdtyU4YVZ
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA15TE9q77bd
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAITgScOTUk0
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAIGnKJJr5RX
做不到。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAnnJWRPjUjd
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAc2iLMxQkW7
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAogFaxPwhO2
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAyfvufxms2u
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAT4dQG2Pf50
1086Please respect copyright.PENANANXZhhNKbWT
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAnYhgWV4Vy8
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA9xBr56zoSj
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAbT23HV1Wgh
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAfSFp1MilNs
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA8UsYSmQw2M
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAuQ7jwvJXjQ
既,沒法坦白。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAlYuxGc4ygQ
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAxm4372JvIA
又,沒法斥責。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAZLGWQfC8TU
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAg0nRqdQOEV
既,沒法接受。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAHuYyzn7QdN
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAHcQtIptJvo
也,沒法忘記。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAvwZj6iAopo
1086Please respect copyright.PENANArK3KRzL30P
而且…也沒法理解。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA1z1QrRvQuW
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAy27Jrv8NXY
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAH2pejRjjgZ
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA9KDylc8EhE
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAOAvJ8oxWnZ
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAKul3F3BsfI
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAIpAwzqNY9c
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAcCwql5YV5l
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1086Please respect copyright.PENANAtSicA9e8Mn
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAJXMuNGvWnF
「……」1086Please respect copyright.PENANAhbzHTC0jfr
1086Please respect copyright.PENANARaP9bkICdM
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1086Please respect copyright.PENANA63sagIPXTE
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAwIAs65vuMH
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAsN0Mset4vQ
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAsrvYgGHWlL
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAwsrsClY324
1086Please respect copyright.PENANANZ9oy5FiAL
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAiTvIjXyKJN
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAfnK6AAWOhx
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1086Please respect copyright.PENANA6RJ3yuYhKs
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAAfwWiWp4RB
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1086Please respect copyright.PENANAQSabgkJEDn
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAKuqBY1ej6J
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAlgLpoKMpz1
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAG5qK8hfmqR
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAkgH7Ji7xfn
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAuYpTRU41XA
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAHKyA9qcLEt
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAx4Ck9rjbtr
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA5kmcRbhp4E
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAAqV5557X63
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA4oFuVLTokO
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA4CaPoNxinN
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1086Please respect copyright.PENANAHfhUKU2did
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAV1z7Z4mhhe
咦?1086Please respect copyright.PENANA13B3s4DxCi
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAXgOr5kAGqL
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAhWNhbbcLFB
1086Please respect copyright.PENANApZz0hsm7sp
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA1pOgFZCzS2
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAViQcX8Sx6V
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA0dgNwEudQi
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAT2nzculAvW
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA9MQ2ze2F6Y
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA3ScrpvYsvd
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAhLcDJtn5Bx
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA6FZdoasg7w
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAxqCzEgE6Hu
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAAk8jOGiOfK
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAOp9rXMnzTR
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAeoaGynL8XJ
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1086Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0BrBvF31p
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA6xaDrgkHV5
…我真的不想。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAmkaA6sRSFR
1086Please respect copyright.PENANA7o9UDka8yZ
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAdq1XqyOUt3
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAPynhtTqXgJ
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAMxwnFQ5hgO
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAgQjb3IeMsu
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAVUOgiBiJ08
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAXDYyu7K2vF
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1086Please respect copyright.PENANA60ccVURb0C
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAP2oJD8oQ5o
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1086Please respect copyright.PENANAOTpgup2wkm
1086Please respect copyright.PENANAW1w8zOAl0V
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。