又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VnTIeOmuc
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnP5xorAvBo
「…係？」我回答。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Wcyypx7g8
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVp8AQpcpS
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFu5Wr02bs
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYGMyzCFcc
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWRKZ2Lv4u
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdFoYsevxK
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkgIPMktRO
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZssbpC8m4
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3PvlbZ4w2
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nq7zvk7z0
我等著她最後那句。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Pj3jUXOF6
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb69UpxjPod
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OxazN4aR0
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrG20cpT2J
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhivbnu7wds
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiX092QJus
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEt8dARzk9
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMpLYdldgR
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqHt12hAh7
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0NEmhh087
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchmHtIqPgl
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIy7jvQMV46
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡognXICQpRP
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4S9w1j9fb
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYctdQoHsaI
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeXNWNNYw3
「咁…」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGV2ZYETKO
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AZDKDOA4k
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALeZ4HzcaQ
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgK96DDWqW
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDS5cOw1A0Q
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJgsKNHPvL
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRkCIPU5do
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrE3jwhe6D
「嗯，你講過。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtjAZviKNH
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGS54bLR8s
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmamT0njhM
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6HSV7mhck
「咪笑我啦。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqOdyhM0VY
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bHOOsUeiW
她笑了。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8ZrLH3cEr
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUakajeWJf
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4VygSv63s
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBU4xTzEdaU
「係好夢定惡夢？」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTvcXwXnEg
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGIXICpJYi
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQzQ0xgF4U
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjqHvL7qNB
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1ceYrYGF9
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPAjmpOub7
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRcCyGGwOl
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKFk2Zzh32
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtSe073Ahq
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYxn0gWA4w
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8TLfm3JZp
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwSWzX8W3U
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2E19aK5sHb
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRKMWN1YHj
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorYO8TSbtJ
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2OLTHir4f
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHtfQJzBT8
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6o87dqSJYJ
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQfMlGBMc2
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTYuPzPNjh
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpGgcGW7IW
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhvcAiM5lg
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiwhvaN2rC
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPWZfIpSsy
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaDyEoV3aC
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJcQ7JqhMo
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32TdDtABQm
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRzqRi7UM1
萬物的崩潰。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlY7vjCaLCU
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQA1hgq6NT
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwN7AlkSGxs
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7seXiNfIZ
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXbnrOYgX3
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxW0D5Y3W2
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUO0K4uZfga
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhM9X6T8qIy
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzhhXEfpVv
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfnLTModcA
愛的反面不是憎恨。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCq46kyy0f
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AdtwnK4bD
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuCuFsMIwA
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFuxl8Lo4c
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRfwiSFfS1
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BNWjPz3V3
這光景，我看過。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoWj6vWzrS
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBLlvmuOGD
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiP2T4H4P3G
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Qjp3BVrOH
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztdQruDWMD
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTzJzHuMwX
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1Fsy3nJNI
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8hmz6kyfY
「無可能。」我搖頭。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwa3MfpXiZ
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBbAoPT7q3
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OpmaRXfm3
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2WkEvwbBQ
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡReK6XgbTdY
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnDx75lNZW
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ozJWNvn80
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5NPMKwxZV
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3wq0n1HFh
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GNo6bO36f
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiqvptAgzj
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeS32CsvEwk
甚麼也再沒需要了。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtp5Aoar5b
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZeKltZRW8
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULYuvgK7HK
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCPjQZdoby
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxhOBKxZFy
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HNO2lEvJy
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXKTVqvMb3
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnICoWqbfT2
話畢。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdb37HjSXk
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIi95xjPdw
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFg8G5OqUf
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcpogWob6c
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLQzHdqINd
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9oOmp4nUQ
她沉默了片刻。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhJ55ldXg2
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZUjV21ZBL
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2jhuG8gfU
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseVE0Xi3dQ
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMQt99Ui8x
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhQT4TRNyR
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QBkk0Mikj
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6vLeYIJLE
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrYd6fqJ4L
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdJJmnBP1P
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZjrQkXXlx
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCYFUcqAOo
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzt7g4pgxPS
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQr1FUPSld
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQsUOGnbvV
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iVdrshI5R
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYFzB7IqIT
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uuKHP6n0s
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8BC3fm8k7
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxMcF2k1kW
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18DlJO4uqX
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjafTQVnvKp
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsO1ZFa87gn
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFs09RBCHzx
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXpNzDAEoI
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYKfcNEvE8
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CXf3Hw8u4
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rrAcaakhk
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9P1Pm5PTc3
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzw54WIr1VP
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqz1yHuLQqX
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHPGKGOy6w
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAa8xBcT1f
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMw0ZyRi6Mp
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjItgPxdN3X
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNXH57Ijki
「……」1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0MJkFogzg
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4Hxo7EmEM
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr54uhFSjVl
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5EMqoRZ1o
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgj3oA0oF0D
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpTZ47ng9F
夏天，也到尾聲了。1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSjhzWq72B
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