Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUC1BMzYbGI
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lAPdRFSeE
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSOfxJRWKV
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nvBtztEgU
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvXEzSbVUM
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVsil0s65P
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbXyhYxz5i
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZ0qEAVu2Z
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNLnARj6qu
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRQc5UyUDe
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxsUocJTtq
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Eh12BT8Y3
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgNAtKcgKg
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZ9nCFR3Sq
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rfp7UkQlg
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTYkLoLs3p
我：當然沒有啊。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmyk3I3wFWg
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6etw6olog
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeuY2TNuZO
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyEs0GNvSZ
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgs3W7vR2f
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2sgoGC2jd
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8HyvRliKl
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xdGy7f4BV
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBL0F8fMCr
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahmsPd1SVL
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbf1HXvu9p
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihkHaiR63o
Priscilla：係呀。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9R1nMnIADJ
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64ECEXUCtc
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrtvRbLNCv
（我對她微笑地問。）420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSS0noQzO0
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbc7i3UVVZP
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurXfIkuomQ
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqThcQkkve
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQblFnDHJDB
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOgDnyUU0K
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xzhWmAQ7c
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGYrL80EeC
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89MKEtK8aJ
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CfMmHpa8s
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVRV1Og8Gk
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTAgSs5tAK
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ515cBgY10F
我：不如就開個account啦。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0j0rcVd4FB
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9iXn3KbpW
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2f6PqHANEr
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvF59p3AkU
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBMfVscWmu
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxD6QSiX6J
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6pJIUDYMK
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kFgh0MpzB
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvaVJbcye1
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UEiLMEgdc
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLLpbbz44Z
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUiyu0OgRC
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH97EEcSNed
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobszhvAIJv
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2ff1KKHl6
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7YLu47ZHw
我：睇完先再算啦。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOR2yZeYdaB
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPByfh3I2Hx
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfH9GSWGVm
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7UYhXeMm3
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2i0UMv5Dt
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24lK1rNHkC
-----大年初一的早上-----420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFy310YIe3N
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzsx9TKpOW
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipBNbeuKF0
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKg6CUlCDsr
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSul4Nz1KtR
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ukfPhS3X0
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXE79RB8LY
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCcQIjyGYc
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nOuudxACu
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRwEh8kYLL
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8Is9RAXOq
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7DgkVQ1H1
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBJW9dvwiA
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Dm10to5X1
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcLg7ebt2r
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSQ7Sgzbsg
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiwznHWvDN
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmNi0ff0gP
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAyxFlkj7x
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BR8D1DrLY
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshEHkkyAs1
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOCSxJTfAk
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8WEuwi1gE
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh60LZRJPJs
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUkBlcbD6i
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8dKDDEVF8
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8padzKedj
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygtXEJ0AC5
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ytQFJ17PT
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WM8B1j2Sv
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZfJZETHxV
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpjnVxX2kk
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpORATWs4IN
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBf2rwmqEH
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsThDeAvWS
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepbGpqvYZT
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4AccvlZKF
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7v7rAfH7lB
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFjgszQs7U
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQCVQ4szon
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNpkI8Ex77
我：咁拍咗幾耐？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIao6JnjN3I
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPqMOiHdw8
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46KnzAhg2u
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgh8i9sJq3
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoohyUt9hKG
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkHPvUjxWr
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWspVMsxyB
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NLWls1ScL
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllXK31XAUR
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtjPp2UN7O
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvidcHL8A8
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9R5tCfY2Dy
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEitjAG2s5
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTIFIDMBqM
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMfXJbPm1b
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabBqgc65O3
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSiMJ6lbp5
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5LHZ2wXlV
說著，我又說起自己的情史。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aIPznbLdb
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47bn65XFpM
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TatfaKwst
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xxlI0pZjS
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgUvYKYi3R
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NiaR9sROD
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrvEiQZ6eo
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07o4XInQ8V
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzX2b3RGUzw
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtNzjGeIMH
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBL4lGWK4u
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQR9QtSRmi
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDykgZGlPJ
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOh30jQ2x7
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkieXBTomI
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8b5wBWXsJE
我：最後拍左一個月就散。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlydH5NBZd
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItFq1XMN3C
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HQvi4k516
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJ8uE3LD1W
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUy3GcKbwHq
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNElJ5UcYpi
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7w3mPbktfl
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9sSlOyNQl
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdk6zdWzf2
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMoo3OyIB1
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTN3kHuksF
這頓早茶，以AA制完。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTJG6in3nO
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2zUgesKkd
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJBqzm9xgq
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRowdRjJAu
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNncv56G62J
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwz8qbXWLqk
我：下次再玩啦！420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPT837Cop9Z
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QdVtTjW8Y
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzPF7rxoEX
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuPqZh36ae
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbLEeDwFoc
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldDk9iGaQr
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCcZz5tPQF
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