Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8OzVb7NBl
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfOZB0BaP5
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKOt1C7Z5W
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sDLiqpuCl
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hDIE9Aah5
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVghC75EYC
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd090vQEf58
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0buYvDn5H
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsY5PZGYsZT
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAwdRC6Loo
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7Oo6QzEKB
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7nRRcGKC9
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4v5LHOQpwX
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOJARSrE6C
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxzqndcAd9
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHaEJoxtbv
我：當然沒有啊。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdl4LivBL8
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rqYSqDH7U
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCJMtBMk4f
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SKxMutt5Z
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCAYrv9BSq
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MIQX0pzwy
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5wE8nmUnR
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDG0NYBiILV
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lMn4TA3GG
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibIHx0BXtp
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3PUSIZySc
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AjNsf3LSG
Priscilla：係呀。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSTEAfOtBB
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtwSjs0mek
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuoLL8Uu0U
（我對她微笑地問。）458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmo4IYQ5gO1
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxh0mfvbjas
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvli5koxeB2
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxUUsHAaFs
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8g3M7fuNW
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWbyYRISa1
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxixYD3ckx
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZrLS44MpH
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGUHKszDVF
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Q1rrRuAMG
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP71m7Z4Wnn
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wNrfafdpa
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGftStUt6L3
我：不如就開個account啦。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RCpRnCaES
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfxGfSCSmh
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2dVxQVZhw
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwb56ODlO9P
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡod0Mnht1VX
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2cVqiMh5J
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzdhKwOyFV
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOpXHwe2t9
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhq1nJSNGrw
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VonwqkQrB
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5frEApFtH3
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5eN5CZLnT
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMdDY5WEWn
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSmjgtK9mD
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeMJFVkM8i
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2Y54f8hJ8
我：睇完先再算啦。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzGkfNwKC7
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡno58e29wOW
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Rfqs0Zw3p
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwxKSToPeJ
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0QbQ5T3Ks
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmGGHMBnxx
-----大年初一的早上-----458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHcRUVSgqH
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55DaFUnvFC
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGxXoGKsOO
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBhjhuve5m
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjzZNR3cYQ
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSbo4ycwhT
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2V73dHVVB
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wXpUU500Y
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSTjJzVFM0
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQM26WYsK1F
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWYfYrBo9w
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQBPlkDUbf
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DmaHvujnV
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihJDiHoF5q
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEk9yOpyxg2
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX55JlQkppB
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtq8WwnohX
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEnkoDWSW8
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CgF3GL7AD
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgJayv3OnF
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxTkjz14aF
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCekA7c1gN3
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24eePbb4am
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRMfhokvlR
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1obSgRhgw
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEGkSy8jWT
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfcZ7jGGEz
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRNqkgGea6
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mNSgLqsd2
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6p2OfC1El
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJ9tjM27dq
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1371vcluT6
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOXRgJIsGF
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuNBLcgbd6
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5ZyV7AKUw
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsDz0lsheY
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIX5ss18jEh
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOqRX66AZM
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeonhdHANq
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6QJD6m97O
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeU3oXLCqqv
我：咁拍咗幾耐？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUEnCjKgnK
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiEmT2F33F
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlkLw0ahVL
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5q9DVaMzi
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Pn6EzAauh
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTWOlSqQVP
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqb9G5ukvmb
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcd2XwRFMK
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qftU4lRgN
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvUeR3SJBB
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTORkuS2cs
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcE2bOhSRDo
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRsLiNhFri
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3fC6l0LUV
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikEbFVkgtQ
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3CrhNXDsE
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qSqvpawCo
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIzJkadNXi
說著，我又說起自己的情史。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcurmo3HwG
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCqYn0XB6U
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFXxw3z1oi
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvNhoDrEsa
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dsFREkjvI
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddprR2fdhX
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbIe9MZhnv
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mGn32pr0F
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJ8Suq7FCB
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgR0kspLHq
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIbW2BlrPo
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yBx2KOQwK
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEyFNqJZMk
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjg3Pcr9LT
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡachNP2cKKV
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7IBVBRY3f
我：最後拍左一個月就散。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaLXgmIvDy
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJGJspLvUr
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLkwtC3vzp
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuVbFb4tmv
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9dL7sgyDm
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0Ho3cnb8R
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrR8KiGzyr3
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94wyMuysOs
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZYhXTmmk4
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCExddEqgS8
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEt76fNwXgl
這頓早茶，以AA制完。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOE6sQczDX
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6LysEL05t
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uAl9TjFtI
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2yIkm92QS
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4u8AgLFcxA
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIo7Mg7jDJ
我：下次再玩啦！458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUMuLMXss3
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdCWXqUfXk
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9MTQGJ8RZ
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMv4JpGbgq
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt25AbEdr1Z
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72f3aMOnxh
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEuQOPFuNm
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