Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6JMyINPsa
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0cMqsPIJq
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktG0CaKGsm
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsnuBtmX0p
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1oEo5H2xY
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwIN2Q2ra3
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7inwudGpq
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4WDkEB9Ud
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6oA7kucKF
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjLM7omHKd
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8oKc7gAyj
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCwscnxkM0
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdByXHjayG
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhAnFBc7nM
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsdljCc1VU
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTTYYXirxh
我：當然沒有啊。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxC434TxsK
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPDGbuKsL3
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNUihNQref
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrJXiqlN9r
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiVAd33pHb
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOG02jqWGl8
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQD3IPxjSI
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG10A9pZl0I
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyN2dRbaWOD
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbCTrNQtod
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUbPuTEWGQ
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJSGgNJVeT
Priscilla：係呀。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0nZeUtMI9
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMn7iOKBow
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJ52dRaEY6
（我對她微笑地問。）504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQytYaUuTa
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmhBYUjXql
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlEIViq5qj
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlatWB3Z4g
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsT4H7gSEvG
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyy1Rc9DDW
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8t0XXrcHt
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpJuKegTZh
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83nUgJlTkR
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5i0exbHLfb
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYLjPoMu76
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuqAHk4T1j
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8eTiAHgYy
我：不如就開個account啦。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSImdP3Vt8
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JoU21SSDi
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObMUEVGnJu
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmgbHd8QTV
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUE2FNdwDt
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKsS1eUqla
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqld2bpIAF
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cOULNq9E8
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySjdUBPh0o
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRXBmaKIOk
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugamoyDP3r
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlN6zasUzsG
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mn6fQXqbn
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIgzkuvK6p
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqi9pc2xDsI
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYne0pl7UGW
我：睇完先再算啦。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbPPqoH6u5
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqwLXkoOzS
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilZYwvI39d
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ku7Ubi5Wf
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FLWVdLEoR
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSuu7N4fSx
-----大年初一的早上-----504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutKjsQ9EJ7
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdyQFLjQmc
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzX5RCGy65B
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMHApOfBT4
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96A2YzUj4S
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjkL9BDvFU
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjr5lGs5WrT
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzZJSTkNz0
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowteBShfBC
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOH8Xw4WZf
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcA6t7zFnQ5
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapX1aA6cbH
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSiDUNtTjo
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAuonOaIBX
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZHYZIT8zj
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRFBVwMPhN
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrhedH0NU7
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrBCD8v1nd
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RaslkOiSY
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekA7iWvzim
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaARVWDaO7e
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FgZallGFe
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiI0WQ3IOL
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuAOTDu4aL
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTp6Yt6C0u6
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaFLakPlzx
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLyfvzgAti
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATl9uDuozi
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTyFikSls4
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyrChAKYJg
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnoBG4Uxcd
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI85n3lr3en
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6t6wxx0Ax
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWiVUrAD2qH
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RGrQ9xBF6
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9kwEuTkrv
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPU2bjwJI3P
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktRqcOjdnq
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaJjpXtQLL
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TsjuyZIJ3
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNABDyrNi6
我：咁拍咗幾耐？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4BaHRjEkq
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJZTgudN4Q
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMT9y96AEp
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfn0nNT8ZfR
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWef3V0Z1Qh
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8HIvgfonw
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64EfEav0RM
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwF3zR4AXcG
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjR1lAMkVS
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrO3E8PG5K
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhakv5kLZ0
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOcfbRGLiY
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCknJpjWoDt
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmqP2N2mH9
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCI0dP2RN83
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsloLuTIuoq
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePAE3fsvWP
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMLGz4MJLk
說著，我又說起自己的情史。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqpXYgxiLa
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTc8Uy8hCX
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHMuBj7o1V
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIA1CS59LKM
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXybdudyNU
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYXsljrRvD
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN27OERicox
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPdIVYhhaX
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8WvfBmCpH
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdBWqwagK3
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcbhZi8i6k
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeysyVOZncD
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCus8rNJHWT
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD72ZlmrSPH
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicOAI7xqwG
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi96jgWWmDb
我：最後拍左一個月就散。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpfLHYQPyc
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1xht1U01Q
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLe2NSqq0xM
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8n5MWptryP
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7v4XlLnlGU
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHnvS41drk
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pFeCNfq3O
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkN1p6R3LF
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdmR7IkvBQ
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWXi5PgTu9
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfI1n7DWdxa
這頓早茶，以AA制完。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSa0uxuTa2o
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgoFjrZm41
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJwGPXSs9X
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPleaoMqXj
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYUJdW7ITp
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWnpZkHND2
我：下次再玩啦！504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfUQew8T83
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFp3TqjaMpu
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOk8Ox2AyIw
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nwfsrLvUI
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8YQ0yKnIL
504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsI91l6VLR6
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。504Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbw4w3c4tfq
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