Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYNiCzMykc
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7HLZChdUA
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9I6f70J5M3
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkEwKPH6i5
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oyPRSmUTG
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpbgEQfc8l
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCixt4DHRi
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuU3jJeHL1T
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMZ0bJDK20
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUUTupza2N
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EoTsyBG05
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdWMhaI88l
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonsZRFftw2
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhKA1NevnA
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwiTsah22D
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVDjdnq0W5
我：當然沒有啊。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgwv42M1Q4
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmdTNpDJpK
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4MzunVQlX
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmaIAyrRJt4
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1qGQxpUcd
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJ2ROpuSg4
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgqmhGLH2i
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN83lV2o7Yk
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fitV29I4v
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFCpqZ7Bjs
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5vBw1F1Fx
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2XXinUej5
Priscilla：係呀。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7K0xSO4Z8
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUHYxvEThd
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnX28ZvZqe1
（我對她微笑地問。）466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYliWM5njFj
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHabW9aAJyb
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJ0nYM0fSc
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJQ5dHJkGc
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAZaUMqiJH
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyWrg40msj
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpkPJt2Ivj
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGf3cprs6K
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oee7hgvco
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCC6GdZV9u
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHI2uFlRkg9
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpk8PEdZpeZ
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2jchddwdf
我：不如就開個account啦。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Bkk4zdo4v
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BhBeKUJM5
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8jTW9I166
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0Pb4t1P7e
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrjraIJcjL
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8tvDylI4J
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRVKaAXV3j
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzD0JlKviO
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfeLgyLbgH
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTzVAN8Xxz
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGJyzqag5Q
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vvqnfUZpn
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsk1VsgCNDW
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmfbRtjzzA
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQibweTHOxZ
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlVI8bcr3z
我：睇完先再算啦。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTWrIcWlwy
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5XJvZxScG
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TWWbN91AH
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZX6RJuPFI
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlBG4qltyO
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9cstjmg3X
-----大年初一的早上-----466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVnedntqwx
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4fJBKDjzg
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkNoJu1uFA
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2JCfhRTiV
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVZ3ZUkU0K
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSz337nxYg
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6Lcy9nsHE
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsKVs2EUEg
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2hWUyR6yG
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzqwVDrkQu
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxMvdXNofm
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEffYiwZmiU
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0XRkfr1Wb
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLS297PT1b
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQtccPWzli
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTTocqgE0U
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6Rmd3jWOS
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCpTgH8Ayk
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHm6fd2wbP
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oQKpkvClf
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJploxcoKA
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4vH4n79jL
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNbNQQ8Z5v
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9srebdt7M
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLn4M7EzPws
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiFnfQ1hM6
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9H1eo3sus
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7T4AbfJhA
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkCX1cBtAS
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpHHx4jSUA
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojPVMqW3EM
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJa9rfLpeM
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GM2mI3awJ
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgB0nk8giVJ
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjfFknN4nQ
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9w5PIgBNY
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuWV0ruxw8
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zhU04ztzr
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlTk9EkxJL
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQmGz2nNny
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4m6KR6xB7k
我：咁拍咗幾耐？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeI2T6A5m3
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK10iqKjY2c
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiOO94cxyr
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNEIrG7o3L
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWp8i6i19f
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMY0NxgHdl
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzf1wKZh5kO
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLfRIsUyHU
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEb4vZTZ6F
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NF0pz1KmZ
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApSQe3Ydby
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY62nXJP529
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oC20MbjXk
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwdzzxzI2j
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHYAgYUMq3
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqyBMBnGPF
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97OgNybkKx
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAdvUKCJWF
說著，我又說起自己的情史。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCuYrqBRuR
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZChSpIpktQ
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwTrEMwb2q
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgOURUt6EL
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXiCDfwft9
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lu5DYD2RC
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJMTMhQTBU
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbA8Bq2AWI
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LuY8fXzix
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK56aaC49Xj
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pblJoxBjQ
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyl6gzEvc2
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGaW7yCgNR
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkusqIW3bo0
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡordieDNC2d
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8eIbePpN0
我：最後拍左一個月就散。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3Ra4QrqaO
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYd0OLl8uS
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dUj34y4MK
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMlt9aZogx
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVO1GYO9rA
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xlJyQpsWk
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8abY4jGlRB
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cXt7GqjmT
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzI2ukFpGO
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAlHRVixBm
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroKbHtiT6x
這頓早茶，以AA制完。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuVyKlrYve
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSE4HVE0jn
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zI1BWst9m
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zNO1ddzNU
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYHuTrUqZk
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DhNdztrKN
我：下次再玩啦！466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpgA3DrqSj
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwouYecVvI
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQeRdixe1e
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQW33rCQlPB
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSFfTzPqUM
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUlQq6JCfO
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Gcgq1JBLX
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