Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQWibbAhph
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WCOq5C3ny
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SH1zTm0gU
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPt8L0UZJc
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Brpw3FNtV
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKCBg1gmN4
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7dnuY4Xqt
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY64cFcHRo2
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqsewqJVoW
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaBp3rx4zH
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxehB22SCJL
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjM5fpNWEH
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1UHhG4KYd
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbttZPBPcJ
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIMYl9v8w6
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdfHU0gDjL
我：當然沒有啊。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoScfMQGyh
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPN5JpwWwVQ
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQm98Zlx1ms
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ca1RMPFU0
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5nzpz5UTz
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4wR5dube3
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGI8dPlP578
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1xxYaGFiZ
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ICz2sarhg
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HtmeZ9wVl
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VjIMk5Mdo
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLE85DCs6SF
Priscilla：係呀。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dZ3NdaHDX
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOIAmULJrn
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBXPQonJUc
（我對她微笑地問。）425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpXbnlRnMA
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroEmaSD4cU
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5t2Vt0Zjzt
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDr2YabZ9Af
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbxBKKRiKK
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDfvi6kH0a
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg245lNYYWP
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJShX2KiTS
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkk7mbRrTw
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJcUdPVkyx
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Uf5r5aVDu
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQ1DnVgTUG
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PAmNmk1rx
我：不如就開個account啦。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyMxufI73Z
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMaF11KVO3
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzPSIGdowt
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYKWV7ORuk
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPQvTaYGXl
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ds9dqT39G
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KiYQ5kDx7
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJT94CVGGZ
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡae63fSZOX7
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU048E7DogQ
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqaw3gatpT
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuFo4LxjYg
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcdjxct3kH
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNPTztRsqB
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLue7TAR5K
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXt81nPwaLO
我：睇完先再算啦。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqxusa4MpL
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORVnW7GtSV
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8T3J99QVXt
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPm3DB290No
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7IuO3DGKK
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cq623v35b
-----大年初一的早上-----425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolwp4i5Opl
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGBeMSqoDN
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6ywWxx96e
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgAS88bSkR
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZe70vmP2yo
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZDrHMIAK6
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxf02Kz7xS
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQT7PUmwuX
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgD4i013zUR
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfUrpGaqik
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlPTJXQn98
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuBSUBrY6t
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YRVMOvsux
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMyqi09m7J
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYTQMhREHc
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SSLaNSNwP
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOCjQnJrs4
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1a0f2nCaCA
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHjb3MV41H
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayeulbMhwy
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMr82yuofA
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQrpQRjPDI
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVRuPUeHJs
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFLuFlwIun
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVkeuT2CXt
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhspvOiBmC4
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmriyB1ifSc
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYASXdxcyj
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXid3KGmHhm
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXl16yL0qX
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLvf0BGrAb
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssyLDGGeG7
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKx3gHO5hBm
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ct8ZTNaNt
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eyfH6XLn2
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNcrHpa3Bs
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0WXOUYVS2
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsMPq4SD03
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEsa85y5aq
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHluMxBy11c
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaWsIX6rkb
我：咁拍咗幾耐？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaNq8QWjIR
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwIxbHfGJo
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC84JcfHS5k
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrmGxq6In0
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC17xloXA9V
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxjXaS7q50
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkyv36Ei9P
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2CF38e9e8
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LDb6XYmhq
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhINh7TInDE
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLV11N6QDp
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANTGP0njvl
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYrWSXqRoX
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5rCgl9UEJ
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADxh8Y8HfK
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbMa4bRQQp
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8FnPqMvAh
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pyxTIDqpb
說著，我又說起自己的情史。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRp0binF4G
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV33WsXh6dE
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0q7mBSn8iV
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelWspC5tZ7
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jHAdw787v
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQuEWTW4LE
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVeVQGZgFR
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8ZZf2sTFB
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22M5o3IM2I
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEzwBp7Z7K
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jAFOI9M4U
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3G1v1OWro
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LNm38b42M
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNqCdv9E4V
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ200AVDi3rg
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmopxWFxQ7b
我：最後拍左一個月就散。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprjexHp2be
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mXkGEauA8
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmESYMdz5xp
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7SggW3ipo
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegwINVb9ri
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYZPnjo0yt
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo32roLAM7z
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JfOZI8Wju
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIQLqrkynY
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcrnAYhlHl
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HQEf9tQ1S
這頓早茶，以AA制完。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6XtQkomip
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VtIn4rzGl
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2duvdQued
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSj7B5GpIt
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1m5eOw0Lr
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTU9WeAxOwl
我：下次再玩啦！425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwyd0TpwRg
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQF7GxPiZI
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxg0Vnjhqsi
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbtfCEUqtN
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWkLJ5trAP
425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeOkzMgyfw
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。425Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFSbB0Yzlc
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