Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjNIPyObVs
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxWJ7mJejm
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6DQI46p7R
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhymK4YzkPb
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4lcbVnWv2
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfixzTk4XXo
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkZyNpq7Ss
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUpiSIwl0B
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLjgL0DBd0
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGHfx4Dy60
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkgjsAn21Z
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSQxGno6UW
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsgF0AzCtl
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAWKmSzPRM
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARe63urX8m
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqI0bPpp1sd
我：當然沒有啊。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0IOiAfRnX
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiDkinzhRK
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtmbzM8nzV
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMOZVCQTjX
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdV506bbed
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhNo1sPsNQ
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnn5DZDtRZr
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYwyd49E30
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7FGmYd2VR
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCMbZGhlao
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLkxF1mjHS
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJUmVvsd2I
Priscilla：係呀。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2f8wr8oUWz
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX36cHoctoU
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSY4OcFfwN9
（我對她微笑地問。）472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwT9yxOI1A
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WXnWMAoV9
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6sMtE3Qqk
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhkCngjgkW
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvLwLLfzJJ
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTzIFxO6zB
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNAQfrT447
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYy3GExg3Yq
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhHFR4OmWt
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMtrLCqmzX
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqc1j5XZAl
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08OwPlkqYb
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5oKaF9N3z
我：不如就開個account啦。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFmEPM6lxJ
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKjQ7K1Eic
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9D2WC5T8ge
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbUWNeQFcw
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgm5gz1qDsi
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZsibaruTq
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPgMA7XMef
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfB1hx0Df5
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7u3uuyjLM
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbP1kCDIVR
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BUOs6KUxN
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHQni2ArXP
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hf5MoTkBD
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpylMhXlrFR
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUp1azxSDl
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVcJIyxR1jy
我：睇完先再算啦。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzN3SbpZKoq
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmI3oCBeH5j
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4RRrmvYGJ
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7651nH4556
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhi2BTvBGU9
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiJM63TazS
-----大年初一的早上-----472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWU7gI3CeMZ
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tZTweckNs
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoX6zwuJTH
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZfA5M10Yh
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijUXfTWL0W
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOoRnxuUQF
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZrkdXIpGE
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1ROn3WK3r
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoZR9Zy9wB
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCGi45VWgc
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeYm0GqWg5
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZQ4DhxlHN
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESxY77PFz6
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcj9bTOnOTp
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGLj5PJWeZ
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjiRho8ckK
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJQ068go1w
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3R7kbZxYeA
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg65wRLof00
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEcUhO1KjM
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpAdD7AEwr
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFhpIHGs1Y
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMq1YFye5RS
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpt4e267Qk
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOhPIbtFcI
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSOYGyViLh
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwRBtVytpC
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipbhpi7LG6
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YVk6CgxGf
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrReGDyvUkU
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5Fv4mdHcs
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhXZuAUB2S
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrq0rOcsoGK
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOwU4hgOMQ
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMR0LnLNiA
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhXarRz1bD
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJUorMbDEu
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWO9X9SPEs
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWH1yFNaXk
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYn4JnGA48
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuqJSazwEO
我：咁拍咗幾耐？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJrj4mCzjM
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJIJEjhzbn
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8sXvaMcK8
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iu7fDVLmb
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGw6ThToiTS
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTGLUvJI0H
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJm6PPOwla
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYMJHbl2Hn
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1v45hR3fP
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqRECcEQUq
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW10lJQFGUy
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWn05N1JLLl
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEatt5OMVu
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiWhDTS6Js
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAsLZeXim1
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tJtwQRtxM
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHHn4oPPKU
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGPTCatihU
說著，我又說起自己的情史。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIaMmdEiqu
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KLS0PyxRt
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWdY9ffpka
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡug011tmZCw
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKPJ5f7OmS
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6hF7rQlc9
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Jf4jcc7Vm
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTb3HG3lDv
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPemQTKhM4P
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXi2JCwVGQ
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjD94vZXcUa
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSEFD0Rpz4
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBtHa6qVCb
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOKsXLIIVH
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIjYoBih9m
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfDeY91oVa
我：最後拍左一個月就散。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFaSNiEw3d
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkwPxq1Gg5
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwh30CnFKE
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdtOCw1aqt
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvmTayW6gq
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2THv5Vnkp
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEpsjyqUop
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ817vQisbw1
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLrFw9bsxc
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4e9wGBeK7p
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9c2oaSa7s
這頓早茶，以AA制完。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NziDUh8ak
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ94JhCjuGn
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gxCsVPiVt
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlw8uDtMgC
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXsLVy0V3l
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2ULB4npCc
我：下次再玩啦！472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwwFoji4HX
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBTwV26zij
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL46DVD5WtN
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1j0JNN2uS9
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDn2Ik5UW6a
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsz1aU2jm7
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApBDvmJz38
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