在TG上,大家互相交換照片,今年的動漫節我只去了兩天。529Please respect copyright.PENANAv5bXuPHLeN
529Please respect copyright.PENANAOtQKTW3Zrm
Annie看完我cosplay男角和女角的照片,她看到其中一張我cosplay著女角跟一另一名女coser的合照,便回應:529Please respect copyright.PENANAlhSmNYXv10
529Please respect copyright.PENANAvP3dDR8S7X
Annie:你隔離嗰條女好靚,你啲frd嚟?529Please respect copyright.PENANAGjXUqvTljB
529Please respect copyright.PENANAgzaGyApaiV
我:梗係唔係啦,啱啱先識嘅(笑喊529Please respect copyright.PENANAr91kdIFN9V
529Please respect copyright.PENANAhDw7KHzDj0
接著Annie也給她的化妝照我看,又交流著化妝心得。529Please respect copyright.PENANALhV0OW9yiL
529Please respect copyright.PENANAJvtdOYi8gy
論「擠牙膏式」聊天戰術,對我來講cosplay、化妝、寫網絡小說,這三大話題是最長壽命的話題,能用來談很長、很長的時間。529Please respect copyright.PENANAn1Zin0dAVU
529Please respect copyright.PENANACJ9FNFvlJ9
總之,我最終目的就是要把她約出來見面!529Please respect copyright.PENANA9Q0bg9j78v
529Please respect copyright.PENANAKSSQnqyQ34
每次我以cosplay裝扮出席這類活動時,都必定認識到新朋友,男女都有,也是同樣cosplay的人,然後他們都會跟我交換IG。529Please respect copyright.PENANAUr9lZM0wT7
529Please respect copyright.PENANAjFF2a2WZWP
在我的IG裡,粉絲頗多,主要有兩類:一是從cosplay圈認識的人,二是我從網上寫小說而招來的讀者粉絲和其他作者。529Please respect copyright.PENANAFIRCz8CRkC
529Please respect copyright.PENANAwqX9aiJRMb
每逢我發佈小說的宣傳文,只有十幾個讚好,但當我發佈cosplay照時,不論是男裝還是女裝,總會引來多3倍的讚好,真是人靠衣裝。529Please respect copyright.PENANAVDvxDbGMZK
529Please respect copyright.PENANAYikZnxoZ2S
因此有人會覺得我的朋友圈子大,但其實這只不過是假象;因為我都很少與人會面,平日頂多都是跟我唯一好友Jason見面或獨自一人到cafe消閑。529Please respect copyright.PENANAQPBTBK7XFh
529Please respect copyright.PENANAOeCHvlu9ao
Annie:你個樣本身可以好女仔,出街實冇人知你係偽娘。529Please respect copyright.PENANAQt8YmpEsK5
529Please respect copyright.PENANABN5Q901Ghk
我:但冇計啦我太高喇,實出賣男兒身㗎(笑喊529Please respect copyright.PENANAI0V6fxUWnF
529Please respect copyright.PENANAzxQsDRX7fs
Annie:其實我好憎啲男仔睇樣529Please respect copyright.PENANA6YVhBHxvOO
529Please respect copyright.PENANA77o8ub3qVo
我:做咩突然間講呢啲嘅?529Please respect copyright.PENANAhR0G9sV7Oi
529Please respect copyright.PENANAEAohIF2JPj
Annie:以前試過交換完相之後,條仔嫌我肥,就即block我529Please respect copyright.PENANAYhF7ZgzZbs
Annie:我真係好自卑529Please respect copyright.PENANAG025VHVvUe
Annie:啲人成日都同我講,話我個樣唔差,叫我扮下靚就有529Please respect copyright.PENANAMEFa4cZxs3
Annie:佢哋口口聲話唔介意肥閪,但係行動上就好誠實咁話我知,佢哋跟本介意。529Please respect copyright.PENANACBg6pa2AfL
529Please respect copyright.PENANAdinOuyWhuy
其實我也很清楚知道,這個世上沒有絕對的零歧視。很多時候人只是出於禮貌,而在表面的社交應酬上,包裝自己的說話,但心裡仍然保留真正的自己。529Please respect copyright.PENANA0oKutMwc8E
529Please respect copyright.PENANA89L18sV3l1
所以我的世界觀是:適者生存,與其努力去改變世界,倒不如學習保護自己。529Please respect copyright.PENANA3XwRXMRLjU
529Please respect copyright.PENANArZptDLHluK
偽娘也會被歧視嗎?當然有,只是我比較幸運,身邊的人大致上都是禮貌跟我相處;或可能有人心底裡不喜歡,但我相信既然有人不喜歡,那麼總有人喜歡,每個人總會找到自己的一套生存之道,多訓練自己的敏感度,便可容易地觀察人心,從而使自己作更好的決定。529Please respect copyright.PENANAr5as38ZP2M
529Please respect copyright.PENANAJHhat7gvyK
所以在前面說到創建Tinder帳號時,我都說,即管大膽表明自己是偽娘身份,當有人被我吸引進來之後,再慢慢過濾誰是真正交友。529Please respect copyright.PENANA75hq2kml3D
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或許有人問:你這樣不辛苦嗎?不做偽娘就好了。529Please respect copyright.PENANA8igwvPqmAR
529Please respect copyright.PENANAsrpG99siAu
我會反駁:食得鹹魚抵得渴,為心靈滿足而選擇紋身的人,會害怕生活上的阻礙而放棄嗎?529Please respect copyright.PENANAPXUwNcksMx
529Please respect copyright.PENANAmzNBEh7if5
我們又繼續聊,然後我嘗試開玩笑地拋出一句。529Please respect copyright.PENANADsDBtJG4BH
529Please respect copyright.PENANASHcB6Wu8gw
我:我好想食豬扒飯。529Please respect copyright.PENANA7brSplrqy6
我:不過我想食你件豬多啲(笑喊529Please respect copyright.PENANAwIaAyvw1RB
529Please respect copyright.PENANAFFLW1P9g3q
Annie:我唔係豬扒!!529Please respect copyright.PENANAcOII3joBeF
529Please respect copyright.PENANAlq9ovIUb4f
糟糕了,我講錯說話,焦慮的我想嘗試修復。529Please respect copyright.PENANA0A91kEGepK
529Please respect copyright.PENANAcsCgf8t98M
我:豬扒都有豬扒嘅好(笑喊529Please respect copyright.PENANAJpdVj93gHa
529Please respect copyright.PENANALxa0vnUi1H
Annie:可以啪啪聲嘛(大笑529Please respect copyright.PENANAEGuQmHNRsV
Annie:同埋,我呢啲高嘅係叫坦克車唔係豬扒529Please respect copyright.PENANAfFF7XjUXXf
529Please respect copyright.PENANAswTjwG72U2
最原始的對話版本我已經忘記了,也刪了;總之大概記得,我以「豬扒」這個詞語來開玩笑,說過幾句;但是勾起了Annie的怒火,而我又嘗試熄滅。529Please respect copyright.PENANAP0Lja8Me9G
529Please respect copyright.PENANAUnMhSHEpvt
我:噢,原來我一路以嚟攪錯咗豬扒呢個term嘅用法。529Please respect copyright.PENANAKubnzFyFiO
529Please respect copyright.PENANAZpEwXvHaIY
沒辦法下,我只好裝傻混過去。529Please respect copyright.PENANABW0hSpZYF1
529Please respect copyright.PENANAiE1NwVDXnO
本以為如此便蒙混過關,於是我們又如常地相處下去。529Please respect copyright.PENANAsUe8jsoAe8
529Please respect copyright.PENANAPN7XaMpgcm
接著幾天後,我又約了一個攝影師在派對房裡拍攝泳裝照片;但是照片要修圖,要等待一陣日子才有。529Please respect copyright.PENANA0AmMFZBssz
529Please respect copyright.PENANAPH1kn0c3R2
這晚我又跟Annie聊到半夜三更。529Please respect copyright.PENANAICLtYsIkTL
529Please respect copyright.PENANAVyEbwiJaDB
Annie:你去影泳衣咁有冇相?529Please respect copyright.PENANAuYB9iset8X
529Please respect copyright.PENANAF97YYTyQGi
我如實地交代暫未有相片,只有一張我當場的自拍照,是上身照,相中的我看起來與一個穿三點式的女人無異。529Please respect copyright.PENANAWN51pTfGXn
529Please respect copyright.PENANAzmCThcI4fF
艷濃的妝容、長長的啡捲髮、以及黑色三點式泳裝,露出大面積白皙的肌膚,正正是我當時的打扮。529Please respect copyright.PENANAtR1oY9EYqa
529Please respect copyright.PENANAAmJmEcDlV3
Annie:慘囉慘囉,連你都咁靚。529Please respect copyright.PENANA8qQKAKSRZW
Annie:我一見到有排骨精就有種想保護佢嘅感覺529Please respect copyright.PENANAI95KllTVTH
Annie:驚佢俾風吹走529Please respect copyright.PENANAE6kuI4Yx9U
529Please respect copyright.PENANAq0WfNBl8ib
我:你講緊邊個排骨呀?(笑喊529Please respect copyright.PENANA2bGVFxRQW9
529Please respect copyright.PENANAiRzPKyjMyK
Annie:我好唔中意啲男仔自大529Please respect copyright.PENANA6CQXWDgmLG
Annie:見過有啲男仔喺網上露佢自己上身529Please respect copyright.PENANAKnz4c3LUah
Annie:佢以為自己有六舊,有好大條J529Please respect copyright.PENANAAhDN7qBoIu
529Please respect copyright.PENANACxZrLxXElq
我:俾著係我直情同人講:我冇J㗎(笑喊529Please respect copyright.PENANAxPzxIGqdzU
我:冇六舊肌同大J,咁咪做返女人囉(笑喊529Please respect copyright.PENANAvazSh9KaTY
529Please respect copyright.PENANAZFgZuj0isS
我不像一般的某些直男,在網上放出袒露上身的大漢照。不穿衣服,我都會,只是我不會這樣表達而已。529Please respect copyright.PENANAXaFNtXDwmo
529Please respect copyright.PENANAfxFRnRHYMD
事實上,我的確在Tinder放過一張三點式泳裝照,還有假髮和妝容;並不是因為我對自己男性特徵(例如6腹肌)沒自信,而純粹是因為我喜歡美麗的自己。529Please respect copyright.PENANA6cHEuxRNrG
529Please respect copyright.PENANAM8ExhZRBSC
以火影忍者的語言說,大多數男人都是使用鳴人的「逆後宮術」,而我則只是在用「後宮術」,一個「逆」字只是男版和女版的分別。529Please respect copyright.PENANAD19ArIbyKg
529Please respect copyright.PENANA0nx7oD3I2D
Annie:半夜三更瞓唔著,突然性起,傾吓性?529Please respect copyright.PENANADOFQzVLCeg
529Please respect copyright.PENANAfB7tZHcZxD
我:你做乜咁突然想講18禁呀?M到?(笑喊529Please respect copyright.PENANAc8QXzNf7Qm
529Please respect copyright.PENANAhJq7LFCe9w
Annie:係呀,你又知?(笑喊529Please respect copyright.PENANAQEoBmaudmc
529Please respect copyright.PENANALtsWFHRxxY
我:我憑直覺亂估咋529Please respect copyright.PENANA8mOyHmN0BH
529Please respect copyright.PENANA21GXKZtNec
Annie:好奇想知你唔打飛機㗎咩?529Please respect copyright.PENANAMUCSOc2KN2
529Please respect copyright.PENANA6U5v1LrdCM
我思索了一會,然後回覆。529Please respect copyright.PENANA2uG2ek2OIK
529Please respect copyright.PENANATkjhq9gwxe
我:打呀,但我嘅性幻想唔係男女扑嘢咁簡單。529Please respect copyright.PENANAf0O3M96684
529Please respect copyright.PENANAhq4W3X6qKf
我的性癖,是戀物。事實上對於女性的胸、陰道,不是主要的興趣;因此如果有大胸妹子在我面前引誘我,是沒有用的;唯一能刺中我「死穴」的只有女裝。529Please respect copyright.PENANAbgASyhbb2T
529Please respect copyright.PENANA2B0PWEKZwF
Annie:我屋企都有兩件sex toy529Please respect copyright.PENANAxyNf9fRbpQ
Annie:我試過自己裝上假J然後插落第二條女度529Please respect copyright.PENANALzyJJ1xhE9
529Please respect copyright.PENANAl6fAAx7xlH
我:你本身都係bi?529Please respect copyright.PENANAMJsU6Jlj9P
529Please respect copyright.PENANAa6yfQhYYZx
Annie:唔係嘅,只係貪屌女仔好玩(大笑529Please respect copyright.PENANAA6B5B3IEZH
529Please respect copyright.PENANACrm8nM0y5J
我:話說今日我去私影時都就嚟出水529Please respect copyright.PENANAtwnXWJLoaS
529Please respect copyright.PENANAQjhvM3ALvM
Annie:你都冇閪,點出水?529Please respect copyright.PENANAOwfJme9ZvX
529Please respect copyright.PENANAREGq54hYgr
我:人工閪😏529Please respect copyright.PENANA9dLFZcqSag
529Please respect copyright.PENANAfYbxqwvX9O
Annie:😳😳529Please respect copyright.PENANA9O4glxP9P9
529Please respect copyright.PENANAXsp9BYX0VY
我:你嚟上我啦(笑喊529Please respect copyright.PENANAcBxKTAWrri
529Please respect copyright.PENANABxSJzFzd7J
今晚看似她已經把我說的「豬扒」拋諸腦後;另一方面,我們已經聊了1.5個月,我三番四次約會她,她都不出來,漸漸地我也被磨去了耐性和動力。我開始有點迷惘,下次應該如何提出約會,還是只保持網上關係就罷了?