Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcS1uDZPisl
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9j7GXJEiJY
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1lkZFYS28
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5ViisgYSw
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYXpoR2zTG
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDiVmPts19
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7RO5lcl4X
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZkfLBb0H0
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpx7IvI7BL7
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWr4ogQ61z
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2r8iuqFdF
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWltPwkCFT2
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQ3PknNRDD
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVlZICqK83
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoposuUTmHJ
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxxKlmAodb
我：當然沒有啊。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5uDNCZWY0
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtpz3HGp53
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUkPvixzlm
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdIKDjGFLg
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEuMbA6a96
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SSR8iAMZ9
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOTIBkhLhg
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pAalNOtuf
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6WSDh9R56
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqRnv4ACCf
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gHwug3K3O
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtORxD8ku3A
Priscilla：係呀。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgn5AZe39o
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2drxlKIwBI
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvyeiKquUk
（我對她微笑地問。）459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mb3li9U0n
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlH0arrjCJf
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44F90CVRTJ
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡah7tMFv5iO
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWtZSJcL5j
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRGDGUZwX1
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObS02iZ9S4
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsBpMlqjDB
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmT5rWPJku
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkM19Ck7bos
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczr3lWOiCG
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcUAtoVOpn
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfAXT2pue4
我：不如就開個account啦。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNehuD2dOj
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzmahg1vF1
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBK9WmS6Sv
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5DG1G9cQY
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VqykoyJod
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWUvoHNQak
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9tyh6eAQs
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2umwnfcO0W
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHgzu7Otdt
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTJvhe8LSD
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxLhcWgiqW
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1GcIWRE7r
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkFWNClm14
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyorjDV76lQ
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriy8DoK2PY
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vti0oAGIP
我：睇完先再算啦。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkARau3TKD7
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1EWpmC6jw
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJB3Zmzl6I
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEE0kesoGS
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoktou7oa4D
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOg2UyzdjVm
-----大年初一的早上-----459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGaai0zBBG2
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsp959sd1Na
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaxQjg6xaU
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoG4n0blnd
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLq6Ggo75X
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ad7CZpGsR
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEF1PMXyFb
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCu4DQcJ6B
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfhYHrPpxC
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXiixVAJgG
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIHN18XqOw
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHRMQOY0y4
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFQfhtT54w
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdiEsg3hvx
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfI7JWG6xv
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvFG3ZLjXr
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bg4cvHD5w
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3fXRkFiym
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ARr8u8wfJ
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvkLrdjpdw
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgkfGhPJIe
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XcGpDPabv
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sVALPR1aO
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlepyFo9qAO
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMuIaPEwow
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxirbsrKfO
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3N7q7iMR9g
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGU4Ul4kxnj
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvlzc5TYap
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNe05pCqLoI
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yCWZ53N2t
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QwS5Lbcuc
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrFcwmgXme
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2USg1jupRL
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6oGDYdBYx
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvzHOPsN6D
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKjmRPLCZp
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbw7K0El7Jf
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQirJccZECo
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5plx4iTuC
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzqnU4v2W0
我：咁拍咗幾耐？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCugrAXPXGJ
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhhj2hv1HG
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfslzA7KoV
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvj7GmLGabP
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKIN4dxiXm
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5B0582Elw
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAU7o56YmB
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkh4y8dL77
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaa0bA8h7G
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4sa2pAYQM
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAD5Yv5JYr
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjzRqs6o2o
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolEXTmo2lL
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoGFCl2pv7
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cRMhDegYK
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUgGY6dcW5
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcm6xARWb0M
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37s1CkMLc1
說著，我又說起自己的情史。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTTheSPMFl
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrs1Fjdm3mc
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCJMPUOlDy
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDT7qG6hfX7
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSKI0QKTYU
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmytYyBnGIx
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5xNt1Ljm5
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqNtmHyrOZ
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlr6gmQc5h
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn83yCETsJs
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BMHYKMYb2
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmljWZFnQHR
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKN6tLc5OYQ
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yQ81B4PDu
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUxRvaFec4
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQr9BBuUiS
我：最後拍左一個月就散。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JRg2IjUIF
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdAGPHwyZT
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCZJji8WM5
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRtoxWflV6
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEp0rpVFLK2
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcYYKsOi5Q
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9pUNaspz0
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHsixSzkn5
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgr2zD4K6YW
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBEvrcD13p
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoOPyUW7ti
這頓早茶，以AA制完。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2p93wUin4S
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0OjdDr0aS
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVpZMCq1xM
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4f9aUTjg2
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92agM6vnbt
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01nBCumXn1
我：下次再玩啦！459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIh6ZRjND50
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tXo5mHj9Z
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wpkO2qFW4
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wd4NMhD0N
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvhM0tpTER
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06M10uGJd5
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO10I9blGNF
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