Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7gqNgwt6X
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm240WGUxdc
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMt9puzYIH
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvUGhLY2N4
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11BrRJnvkW
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRGTZNE2P9
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcS3coKcZHS
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8NhlAQwyB
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4U6xoWegw
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiyX4enEZY
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSsMMa87Js
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZESKZt7nu
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlK6jn3MfwO
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuok3xeyG0v
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeNXWUy7ak
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OPx2iUj3o
我：當然沒有啊。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKSuOB8B26
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY03xUry7ep
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnx6mbr9Fhq
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6u3ykXl0R
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4PFeXOkVd
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgVgkrgWh0
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiN9SVOMoKb
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkSfBJffRI
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPg1W6uqZi
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetLkWPjYg2
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rrtbOKnwq
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuTbPr5oMX
Priscilla：係呀。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0egg20mx0
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkb5Ooa2Ay
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg546lTKdts
（我對她微笑地問。）505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHHySzzEkW
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzuc3mdhDM
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3m92sm0C5O
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPWN6lrFyk
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoFJmXjtOA
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2YSFoCwLm
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLP2gz2R4t
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0qGoQT6Ms
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnTaR9IP7N
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkkwYXpuIY
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCshL6a9Wz
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7sXLY8Hdh
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNotRantI3
我：不如就開個account啦。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBtVq0RrjF
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTTUMbfL8x
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDC7xWxOiB
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeVNQ8tXnR
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEsxVtzAJj
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRidaIHvUR
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxMF4fnIqg
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUe6GetXiF
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcCX2FkB3R
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGkLBDszSg
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBLitFcmuN
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRr3jDHZhG
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHQwAmgW2P
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFs2WaqDn9E
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLr2OtwB2h
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4cfO5nm8W
我：睇完先再算啦。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrOUIZ7ihB
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZewVymAiOQ
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ewten4KI8
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaDqRhCbpD
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlFB5M46HE
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMAuaX2e6Z
-----大年初一的早上-----505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGr1pKkIL7
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMEukMGEGM
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4igQfZ56fl
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3XYKc6vRW
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1LlDdI4oH
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSucqv5ZoJ1
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQNugGhDe6
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIwc52Um1r
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4P7tpmDsI
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGzlnDYWGw
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfF8H9Bbbm1
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJoUmbqEIhT
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0I2lgPA9xN
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBI4i6HRSa
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yjQUfxZr2
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXVu5tWiQs
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjfUvTm8K7
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSKsMJHSf1
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiROx9adon
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJ28cvVOrE
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgFdj3NEwJ
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JHORAujH1
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhChXsDEb3
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGaupMD5W4
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pqyqVM0Ha
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkz9q9uv7nF
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtriRKInZA
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXOksQjT3U
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Hnf82E9ut
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmIogbMylV
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKnDljg7Dh
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAaY3ADoLA
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Ur824NlmS
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSdBLh8bXh
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ru3SywdK8
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dzpoPCMys
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hdUD9ZGJi
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJbXygJLiI
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYLHNvzMPH
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlUK8r6uBe
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwOacgt0zy
我：咁拍咗幾耐？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGPqfFTwB2
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dthoNbT7O
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7n2a3GYkrY
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4rzwUFzGX
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5c8MCzgt6
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsj8XRVajaH
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwr7ykEjrcB
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOtl4Fp71K
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWbm0yzCsI
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbMTpwUDJB
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdjKgihDif
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MdInMcNFD
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoPNw4jchq
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VE8Bpixw9
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAvEr20xvy
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7Qyqy4MYe
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasO5Go97ae
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZoTB24TUu
說著，我又說起自己的情史。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKO26lxowJ
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0b2RLUle5v
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGud7FF9so
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsvOme6Tuk
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARqmOSM77u
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3igJA07S41
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmH1VpmML2k
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglGNmRY2Z0
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTpDelTEKT
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokoS72DoEv
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSwKgVYpl7
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88KGNDf6uX
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNjjUNSfaa
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3Cwv4nIMP
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2YsW6tvYG
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqA8ja7BP0B
我：最後拍左一個月就散。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVc8PUWeUx
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNwdTZum6P
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PuJBSoS3I
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFeNUp1mo6
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdMkLwjBU6
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1ne274okB
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVTxtW1aYx
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSyrgttMX8
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgmxOjRBe1
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ekZLvAsAZ
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWP6iA1ykM2
這頓早茶，以AA制完。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEU62q4IjU
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMokFXkRURi
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFuSL8Ip49
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡab0UPflkcD
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYZ1oambwq
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4hPPYasqG
我：下次再玩啦！505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUnJKVhdyM
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eywzqjxUZ
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mwfVw6orL
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hjFlk1KFY
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDJjxllnbw
505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9BVIdnVM9
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。505Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfooUuLN6jz
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