Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2qnv7bvxW
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOFp9gsqx2
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGQ38yODED
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamkTwP1cfP
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYUOUHePfA
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0nrmSA8pW
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6OKFr4am5
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKT62bV6RfT
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJvi4jOGTI
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqCv33042v
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJd8jmcq7JS
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTDG1zrnBP
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07FSVogAX3
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQjH8zRpXH
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhfx4WIF9w
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9a2CGFrXx
我：當然沒有啊。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4IJKyf1R1
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnLHQGmhm7
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt148SKOvIY
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMiM1ybXQ0
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiYvFMef3B
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8egD07zjNd
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fVhaogk1a
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cxfWaa3a1
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUigg7bvcsR
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnM0S2yVjD
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jYvoD69oT
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVw4DT62aZ
Priscilla：係呀。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0m7AGf3Yg
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvzN4YM3lx
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzvGTHS5dk
（我對她微笑地問。）421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROGno8R6Ps
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3SDWwYX5p
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgBKJtifrJ
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjGWhQ4nD5
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6liOQoHx7
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTtGF1Yfvo
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGfqvY2hFA
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWsHZtdiq0
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLvOS5E54u
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXpuFvtbQW
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoc3qljoVPa
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90yJjqD9fy
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8Oz5HwuEI
我：不如就開個account啦。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpVZJcuuby
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsNXoAE3GS
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRq9ISXnms
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekpmBVYa8D
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qYCCSWzOk
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYuF8gsoeb
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCyUajkR85
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYc9T7BwLG
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5om8TSdeXx
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8DdcN7n5v
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIse7oJkdsN
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNKL6Q4jqB
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4fCoIzVIR
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mbhaQWRks
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmB8WmdWFX
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZ1hfZlr5y
我：睇完先再算啦。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4apn4m6qA
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zF3DLtw3B
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWx9JSNilY
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNipvMWtusB
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfO0zNvuYJ
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmI8sbcFArr
-----大年初一的早上-----421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeZxQ9hAng
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFsA4sVBQw
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74Xp8KfMXm
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgw6kEORyvV
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MDQjICs5i
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqItCDmvaB
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWtPRr7X1O
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcQ37hHcSm
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97bj8OI15v
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlZHq2MPXY
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yDo5PWl0t
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGAq3fCFxk
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoL3qXD95Ky
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLB458hCXp
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypHMwbz9cu
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHNtVFrDWo
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1fysESvG0
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsv0sFxKw5y
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpTilaLkWv
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKzpSS5g4F
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lYEHEVPwb
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtykcFYw9AF
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfu5WIqruRz
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QYUDbY37l
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lfCtn2aCG
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaR2mMGJuid
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPcKKpjHc5
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasqUCH4wcV
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpjh5FFa8z
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AggwX7AX6
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36xygpKsij
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxWhd4lYs6
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnrF6vNEXR
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KFZZDpb5H
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8R5U9OKBY
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNWo18cnDa
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiMFdZ6Bz5
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcr2qCHqmX1
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRpMS5EKNa
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwhPtOJH6h
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcV9eDHGjH
我：咁拍咗幾耐？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTddSMi7wXb
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojVfLQTtWA
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VkzezulPv
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzsMrYHwep
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbxAoNFPsu
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScbhVogDzb
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07MmVWFVi5
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6S8INQGls
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wlaHCawj7
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwE0p2aHB8
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6y9kfQ9mY
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzwm28gEwe
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhw87Ny9yHc
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ918jWEiPfo
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tvZ0KhpH1
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpcwaFM0pH
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw53m97ijV3
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVedwM3URhG
說著，我又說起自己的情史。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlOClxzzEs
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwDzj7jezk
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimVaRzuPjy
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMFELn652b
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvqIiywQ0b
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yyYBBAAlo
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFX4DBjk8GM
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHxA7KvTeT
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnJ6mS2mbs
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9zUsenhVz
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrs0dWLGfs
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzR3lhol6kI
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZuJvIto2c
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNe0A61Wc8W
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ir96PC72G
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUMwACwhcv
我：最後拍左一個月就散。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VbLmmblku
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjoOL3DhT3
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmUcFlujSi
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfa3NYLTJtZ
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yW3Aspy5J
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KQtupy6oM
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODdXx2fKxA
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKzSalv7Tw
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AwyjNoE8z
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UI4z8ySr7
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13WSm3XJSZ
這頓早茶，以AA制完。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCNKWrhq68
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Nj4bipkcD
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvp5Fn84gSp
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYUu4o1eSS
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyEc0ZlK8o
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm48B9J0Igp
我：下次再玩啦！421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LdSpenEbM
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8bCwSzqHx
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwvCBdQgji
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjgvq7HwgW
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQtxR5WARK
421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcF4xaEH9Yf
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7aagvvtIN
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