I wake up in the morning with a sore throat, and tear stains on my face. 596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO98K34zgTr
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fEGwOVIJG
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhM2IgKhTW
I was crying in my sleep. Great.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeJbIVEh11
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eL2nrxzzu
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP38MpUMo4E
What's even better is when I feel the two steel arms wrapped around my torso.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI87zYtUMqd
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9htAWUjldF
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoRQFOJgRx
I open my mouth to ask him what the fuck he's doing in here, but he beats me to it .596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyziQCcYCQR
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dQ11GTUoX
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJB75sxXRpD
"You were crying in your sleep — bawling, acctually, screaming "Why, Amy? You calmed down the moment I wrapped my arms around you."596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxv78cOxNp9
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoa1vtMUcc
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMumz663EJC
I say nothing. Absolutely nothing. Because even though I was in a tremendous amount of emotional pain, I would really have preferred if he didn't comfort me; this is the kind of thing that causes strings to attach. I don't want him to build up this idea of me being this emotionally broken girl that he must always be there for, because truthfully, I'll never want to keep him around for that; I don't want a crutch. 596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYzH4Yc8lK
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTFguEfIfm
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlLE2dHxy5
"You know... It's okay to feel."596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdG5KXvWP6C
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xDmFhWmTJ
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNujuYht9iJ
"I don't need to hear this bullshít." I hear this all the time, but I don't listen. Because if I do? If I allow myself to feel on a regular basis, and not just when shít like this triggers me — I'll go mad with grief. 596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMWeqDiYj5
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04JLH6DnSS
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhbldBLaWg
"It's true."596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14ZbfCda82
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt42PgYCH9c
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQ8Pnmvr8R
I lie there and say nothing, afraid that I'll say the wrong thing.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJriyvH3PO
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgQ5SHf65x
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8peCoXvvwl
"I have a little sister. She's seventeen now, her birthday just passed in October."596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFr7d9C8Zf
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrkGY9ZVkN
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXBIXLr23s
I look at the cieling, wondering why he's telling me this.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PesW5cbpj
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGX3oCzCsR8
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapABwSSPW2
"She died two years ago, five days before her fifteenth birthday."596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgiRWV5bTp
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfk1BbQkTQV
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFM09o7rOd
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwM695nRvp
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTduTa8dSl
When he speaks again, his voice is thick, and cracks on the words "died," "five days," and "fifteenth birthday".596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeHNkeb3Kr
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Ds3nFPD9T
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmJSB8RGqn
"You said something to me yesterday; something of interest ; you said "she is my best friend". Is. Present tense. So I know that like me, you don't remove titles from people once they die."596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKPAurOrem
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgifg3NiF7
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAJl3BvZHy
I'm looking at him now, just staring at him, his eyes filled with unshed tears. I can't believe that he picked that up.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSN9K9EWA9
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gNTuX2UOX
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOzPOZxF3G
"You love the fùck out of her... yet you won't even let yourself properly grieve. You can't keep that in; I tried to do that with my sister. It nearly killed me."596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkuexBxocW
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBYxAavKNh
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEGySNKekw
It isn't the same, though. Too many people who I've loved dearly have died. My mother, Amy, and other shít that I just don'teven want to think about right now.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFAT2Rmii2
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPUxsjm2Ar
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIwDdFK8ux
Additionally, there's the anger that I feel surrounding Amy's death; anger at myself for not stopping her, but more than anything, anger at her for making that decision that lead to her death.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm93jnQI6Rc
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhKcOb8FO7
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIOEP8VpsY
He starts talking again.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2oGxgKznh
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsihP0sXSj
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WyP6uyRp5
"I hate when people ask if I'm okay; obviously, I'm not okay. I will never be okay. My sister is everything to me, and therefore, I am reminded every day of the pain that I will have to endure for the rest of my life. I cry about it; all the goddamn time. But life goes on, and even though I will never be the same, I will never be okay, never know happiness the way I once did, I refuse to not grieve; she deserves for me to grieve over her; and I refuse to let it consume me, because the last thing she said to me was to make her proud; do whatever I think that she would be proud of."596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaNIqaacI0
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumvRCxBmkA
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9x6W4tUSP0
Tears are running down his face now, and I use my thumb to wipe them away.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JNrvLrEX3
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5yv3x3wzz
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzwuRKTyfC
"What did she die from?"596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafDwcmHEn1
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNg13wYus6n
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXjWUDJtAz
He sniffles a bit, and then says "leukemia. She knew that she was going to die; she was hoping that, against the odds, she'd make it to her birthday."596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkekndAJGL
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNPopzO8mT
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PgAwAgnCa
I didn't expect that he'd be so forthcoming with his personal life.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbM4qoNfBeJ
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1xcSFkx7D
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRcHD44ri8
Didn't expect that for once, I wasn't the only one feeling this kind of pain.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFK69Z1ozO
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUBHI0Ddj5
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLeEs8KLpG
So I do what feels natural; I let some of the pain out.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JSdcHqwH7
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCkdlstpAR
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21zR4DZPOX
It's a frightening feeling, grief. What I felt last night when I was thinking of Amy was nothing in comparison to what I'm feeling now.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sKpgZpR49
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCg279UdmdH
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgMrRdFODD
It's as if your heart is being squeezed and pulled and broken over and over again, while your soul is being dragged across hot coals and battered and bruised and pushed far beyond the point of endurance.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgfQSd8CMM
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9VOe24Lfl
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QrJdzhzB6
And this isn't even the full extent of my grief; this is only my grief for Amy. I still have the pain for my other loved ones bottled up inside — and honestly, they might stay there for a really long time.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7AeDPcnJl
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEJKpIkSUT
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypnaLNRXtF
Like I said, if I allow myself to feel, I'll go mad with grief — and I already feel myself breaking, unravelling at the seams from letting my feelings for Amy out.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYdy0OdtlO
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZKo6FyjNh
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡET1bj99HQm
Under the "Ice Queen" façade, I'm a fùcked up emotional mess, and this is the real reason why I refuse to attach myself to anyone. I've dealt with enough death, enough loss for an infinite amount of lifetimes; I'm not interested in setting myself up for that kind of pain again.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6dbO14DlC
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJIdUB94X6
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dn47usyUR
It is with those thoughts that I hug David, then get up and leave him on the bed.596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPH2oxkNS0
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7DqQVyoXH
596Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUUgOHmeyO
I then lock myself in the bathroom, and try to regain my composure — only to break down crying on the floor.
ns3.145.109.53da2
