"No" I say and I'm pushing and hitting out.
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I'm right back in that moment again, Jacob's hands on me. Pulling at me. His mouth invading mine. And I'm kicking at him. Shoving him off of me.
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"Taylor" Jay whispers and I open my eyes to an unfamiliar room. His face just inches from mine. Concern shading his features. I glance at the window and it's still dark.
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"What's happened" he asks softly.
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"Just a nightmare" I say clinging onto him trying to get my breath back.
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"Tay" he insists.
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"Don't freak" I say, he will anyways.
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"I went to get Jacob yesterday. He told me that Sophia was his ex and that she and their unborn child passed in a car accident" I begin hoping he will understand.
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"He then forced himself on me" I say for lack of another way to express it.
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"I pushed him off and said no and I just had a mild nightmare about the whole thing, it's not a big deal" I say.
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"Jay he's a colleague don't make this a thing" I say watching how his body has gone stiff.
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"I just knew" he says angrily.
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"Jay" I say pulling at him.
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"No Taylor" he says and he's out of bed pulling on shorts.
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"He touched you? Kissed you? Tried to do worse?" He says.
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"This is my fault I should have gone with you" he says.
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"Jay" I say but he's out of the door.
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I hop up scrambling to get a t shirt on. It just swings past my hips and I consider myself covered. I rush through the corridor, hearing shouting already.
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Rachel is shouting to my surprise.
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"What the actual fuck" she's saying and I can't get there quick enough. Ross pops his head out of the door and looks at me with alarm.
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"Are you okay" he says urgently.
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I nod and head to the shouting and he follows me.
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"I didn't hurt her" Jacob is saying.
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"Look at the state of her arms" Rachel says eyeing me as I stand in the doorway. She's doing all the screaming for Jay. Jay is astounded.
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"I didn't mean" he begins.
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"Get the fuck out" Rachel says. Jay nods to Rachel. She begins to cry and Matty surfaces at the door. Looking sleepy, he assesses the situation as Jacob pushes past him. He looks at me and my arms and follows Jacob straight away, Jay is right behind him.
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"Rachel" I say and I sit down next to her.
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I give her a big hug.
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"No are you okay?" She's asks holding my arms out.
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"I'm okay honestly, it's not even that bad" I say.
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"That is never okay" she says seeing the scrapes on my arms and huffing.
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"Why did you not tell me" she says.
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"I didn't want to cause a scene. Plus he's had it bad" I say.
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"What the hell did he do?" She asks.
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"Just kissed me, tried to undress me. Held me in place" I say sighing.
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I stand up and she follows me out.
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"We need to make sure nothing awful happens" I tell her and she looks at me with an expression that says she doesn't particularly care about his wellbeing.
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I head out feeling the chill, the guys are standing on the deck. There's no fighting, Matty is in between Jay and Jacob.
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"I'm sorry man" Jacob says and I know it won't mean a thing to him.
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"It's taking a lot for me not to hit you Jacob" Jay says.
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"Nope we're not doing anything we're gonna regret" Matty says.
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"I think you should leave" Rachel says.
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"It's 3 am" he replies like a spoilt brat.
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"You'll be fine" she says and she almost spits it.
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"Okay" I say surprising everybody.
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"It wasn't right, it hurt. But you made a mistake." I say.
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"Taylor" Jay protests.
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"He was off his face" I say.
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"He tried to force himself on you" he protests.
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“He tried. But he didn’t actually follow through with it. Jacob is much stronger than me, and yes I pushed him off but I’m sure that me pushing him off was completely futile. He stopped.” I say and everybody is pissed at me.
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“Okay so he just almost tried to rape you” Rachel says and she’s pissed. I ignore her.
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"Stay." I say to him and it's just one word but everybody has feelings about it.
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Jay punches the wall. And I jump. Matty looks at me, his eyes going over my arms. He looks sick and I feel ugly and pathetic. I cry again, let’s face it, it doesn’t take much.
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“The sofa” I say softly. I walk off and back inside where it’s not freezing cold. I climb the stairs and head back to bed.
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Rachel is complaining in the hall. Ross I’m sure is ushering her off to bed.
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“Taylor doesn’t need this. Don’t make it a big deal. Let her deal with it how she needs to” I hear Matty saying. And I cry again.
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“I’ll get her to bed” Ross says and footsteps move away from my door.
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He comes to sit on the side of my bed. I move further over and sob. I feel his hand first just holding mine and I know it’s Matty.
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“Shhh” he says softly.
Once I stop crying he assumes I’m asleep and I feel him move away. I grab onto his hand, unable to face laying here alone. He sits back down and resumes holding my hand. All night long.
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