Matthew James Henderson is above me, naked and it's a familiar sight. In fact if anything he's built a bit of muscle up, I'll never forget his olive complexion and brunette curls. I remember a time when I dreamed of our babies having that exact skin tone and green eyes.
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We suited the guys up, obviously. I wasn't even aware Jay had condoms. We all know each other. The amount of times Matty's been this intimate with me, I've lost count of.
I turn my head to Rachel and kiss her, passionately she reciprocates and then I pull away.
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I sit up and climb into Matty's lap, he's overthinking this. I can feel him against me, his hands stroking up and down my back. Slowly I lower myself onto him until he's inside of me. I bounce and move my hips into him softly.
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"Taylor" he gasps. And petty me recalls how he didn't say one word when he was pleasuring Rachel.
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"Mmm baby" he says and I melt. Feeling him inside of me and hearing his voice.
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I lay back and he lowers me down onto the bed staying close to me. I'm letting him take charge, like I know he will.
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His mouth is on mine and he's kissing me, with fervour. He stays close the whole time, arms locked around me like he used to. He grasps my hands and holds them intertwined in his fingers above my head. I look into his eyes and he kisses me softly and slowly with every thrust. He circles his hips and I sigh my head falling back.
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"Mmm" I say as he slowly moves inside of me.
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"Mmm" he whispers and he pulls my leg up slightly to get deeper. He thrusts into me quickly over and over and I close my eyes. Breathing in his familiar cologne.
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"Fuck Taylor" he whispers and he's super close, I know him.
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"Matty" I sigh feeling him in me.
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"Mmmmm fuck" I say breathless
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I arch my hips and it makes him flex so hard in me, just like it always used to.
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"I need you" he whispers and I explode around him crying out and moaning. I feel him let go. His hands in my hair kissing my lips, my neck and every inch of my skin.
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He kisses me softly, stares in my eyes and then blushes.
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"Okay?" I ask him, he kisses my lips burying his head in my neck.
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"Mmmm" he sighs planting soft kisses on my neck.
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"I love you" he whispers.
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"Matty" I say breathless and he smiles.
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He moves off of me and lays at my side propped up on his elbow. I turn to face Rachel, I'm shocked that Jay hasn't cum yet and that he's no longer having sex with her. Something tells me I'm going to need to change that really soon.
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I kiss Rachel and she smiles at me.
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"Wow" she says looking out at the view.
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"Wow indeed" I say and she's kissing me again, she can't keep her hands off of me. And I can't keep my hands off of everybody. I'm a little worried about what myself and Matty just did. I got carried away, it felt like it used too. In truth I completely forgot about everything and everyone.
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"Shall we go outside" I say softly to her.
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"To the pool" I say. I still haven't looked at Jay or Matty. I almost said I love you back to him. But I know in my heart that I was just caught up in a moment. She smiles at me and agrees.
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Walking out of the room to the en-suite I come back with several towels and I hand her one. I look at Jay finally and he seems fine. A little distracted but can you blame him? One I'm naked in front of him and second I just came for another guy. My ex. What was I thinking? I'm in trouble.
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And not just 'you did wrong' kind of trouble. Matty's going to cling onto me now which is exactly not what I intended and Jay is going to well... who knows what Jay is going to do?
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I don't recall seeing Rachel have sex with Jay at all. I was preoccupied. As we walk out of the bedroom I grasp Rachel's hand and pull her back slightly.
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"How much trouble do you think I'm in" I say and she stares at me.
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"Jay is chill don't worry about it" she smiles trying to placate me.
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"Did you two" I ask softly the guys are walking ahead.
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"No, I tried okay" she says.
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"Oh" I say feeling a whole range of emotions cloud over me; confusion, denial, sadness and finally guilt.
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"Can you distract the others" I ask her.
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"It's worth checking on Jay, because I don't want any fights" I say desperately.
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"Of course" she smiles.
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"Taylor" she says before I walk off.
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"That was super hot" she smiles. I grin at her and then pursue Jay.
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In what universe was having sex with him the right thing to do ? I chastise myself. I've almost caught up to them. I can't even walk quick enough. My anxiety has gone through the roof, what if he won't talk to me ?
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"Jay" I say softly and he turns to face me.
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He catches my mood straight away and stops.
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"Are you okay" he says instantly checking my waist, his eyes assessing me. I melt and almost cry.
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"I need you" I say and he kisses me.
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"Sure I'm here" he says. Matty smiles at me softly and walks off with Rachel. I thank her mentally for having my back.
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I wait till they're out of earshot. And he just watches me, his expression unreadable.
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"I shouldn't have..." I say softly.
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"I'm sorry I shouldn't have let it go that far" I say.
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"What Matty ?" He says softly and he strokes my hair back.
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He looks into my eyes, stroking my hair.
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"Yes" I reply.
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He kisses me softly and I deepen the kiss briefly.
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"It's a sex party, so long as that's all their is to it." He replies.
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"Can't blame him. You're literally the epitome of beauty and sexyness" he chuckles.
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"I love you Jay" I say looking at him.
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“I..” he begins.
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"No" I shh him as he goes to interrupt me.
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"I love you. So much never doubt that” I say my hands on either side of his face.
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"I knew sharing you would be challenging." He says.
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"But fucking Rachel was next to impossible" he laughs.
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I chuckle slightly.
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"Just couldn't do it" he smiles.
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“When you’ve spent a long time having steak for dinner, you no longer desire dog food” he laughs.
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“Jay!” I laugh.
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“Can I please, please have a taste of you now” he asks and I smile at him.
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“Just a taste ?” I laugh.
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He pins me against the wall in our hall. No words, he parts my legs holding me up and he’s in me. I wrap my legs around his hips.
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“Jay” I say unable to contain myself.
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He doesn’t talk to me he just keeps thrusting into me. He’s being possessive and it’s making me wet.
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“Mmmm” I say and he half growls back at me.
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“Fuck” he exclaims not holding back on me one bit. Pounding me into the wall.
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I whimper and he releases in me fully holding my hips into his. I let go and he kisses me on my lips over and over.
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Slowly he lowers me down whilst kissing me still.
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“All mine” he says breathing ragged staring into my eyes.
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“That was amazing” I say breathless.
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“I’m always all yours” I say.
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“I fucking love you” he says holding onto me.
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“Don’t leave me” he whispers super quietly and I see his insecurities in that moment.
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“I’m not ever going to” I say softly.
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