【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
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以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
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感謝參與～148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkrcVcmPSX
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOg5CFP5nRw
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsz4QxysmjO
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAw80O7kBj
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfRUTfqYST
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZmHxsjGP5
～～～～分隔線～～～～148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtM6IsgGsB
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6k8VV9OBGS
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtecKD6eKXJ
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〈限制和自由〉148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHHwnbcohK
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penana.com/article/1024895148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gMCbl7Tmj
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpN3UHvR2jT
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JGf2Djrv6
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詩度 0。148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjURvIITTN
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrowGcsv6NC
～～～～分隔線～～～～148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFP41oJainR
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〈問〉148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAutJWRwOd
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penana.com/article/1024944148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJkZEtb5uZ
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詩度高一點。148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDt1UZ7yfNu
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsV7qh0FJZ
～～～～分隔線～～～～148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zL8BPoXDO
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSECcCbAQ60
〈摩天之輪〉148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrP7LDyuosx
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9d0TEA13Fa
penana.com/article/1045705148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS37vJETJum
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詩度再高一點。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04zbhAYuYR
〈蝴蝶酥〉148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvsUm8O8si
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQ2xooIn1C
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMhWrat0Dl
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugH0dtfQvE
詩度比前三首都高。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplFJunTTlw
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hGEzEmoh5
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGh2QmZEhc
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLDSHTdCEk
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跟你分享。
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk5mOaW9zb
～～～～分隔線～～～～
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此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQlqBPezNk
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【認識新詩的基本元素】148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQb2uxhjk7S
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOp2lxPDCk
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHck9uuWd0
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtki0dg3PNO
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdDxZAlISb
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【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOv2Km88eT
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjNudBRtAL
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSizsJ40G7H
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAAQKcopSb
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kVPWWO9k8
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
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【這次全新寫的感想】
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我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
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〈詠栗〉
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殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
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剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zug0M3fRE
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
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148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8z6m8qgS4E
如果寫成
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〈詠栗〉
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaf6Rd4iUwM
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODhbnx39R8
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPm7KeoVqrH
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rx7GCREG6
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfqg4s8DQ2
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
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當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
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祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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