【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1eWT0ebDb
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvxOPjLyl9
以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2nO6rcuoq
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zfvF2Zeby
感謝參與～166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUI3TjlIIcA
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsI6BhsJpZB
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8c24jSL8fO
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WvuCTGgDC
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSTDJLGsNm
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCMk67CGpt
～～～～分隔線～～～～166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RQ47o9Xof
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIpQEYonAp
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jxlkDPOzn
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrByLnR9JyY
〈限制和自由〉166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZgZx097DW
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJ3edi7ujZ
penana.com/article/1024895166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlVH2I6fSV
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufTKADxdfU
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaro7HkYr9g
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mew6eEQ80
詩度 0。166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyY0iTrLtI
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsnHgOkO7H
～～～～分隔線～～～～166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDo9DC7SNeV
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrW6mlojCo
〈問〉166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIDvvnWOFA
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9PDVZxqTQ
penana.com/article/1024944166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1kYspEcTs
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6OZUklIWY
詩度高一點。166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOlbJTwVRY
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEXKlH8Skx
～～～～分隔線～～～～166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Yhso4s7bk
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡia4kuMYcWf
〈摩天之輪〉166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydHXSvr7tR
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMx2mnPxZ1
penana.com/article/1045705166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1H1JDXwLF
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6hujLixBo
詩度再高一點。
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3Dg7y4t60
～～～～分隔線～～～～
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7A57WIOMSx
〈蝴蝶酥〉166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkzHL4zgqQ
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUyv6I1CVh
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeR7Es8tcK
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzvX2h2cD4
詩度比前三首都高。
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3b7d5kEYK3
～～～～分隔線～～～～
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrPC0RUaLY
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnqiihJ76Y
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmyCmw06l9I
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdC9Muv6tk
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwVm2nhB1O
跟你分享。
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87c6F7kCfg
～～～～分隔線～～～～
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6929TrY9Y4
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtulg5S6UXe
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63A3Nrrz7f
【認識新詩的基本元素】166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSEaBN5A0x
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfz03L923JJ
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSt2QwcpGH
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4xESNotKj
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bTynuRnbi
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQqkPj3hEh
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOzabP4DwX
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LUu9odmWf
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKCF319SWg
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiF49w7S3U
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBqigIH8an
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4Ty03Szu7
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4z3UsOEwh
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LGWA98w6A
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLUyzh7S2O
【這次全新寫的感想】
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FkYkLkr36
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dZwJz0M4r
〈詠栗〉
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1X6w0Zad7P
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fc9o2u037
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dZiUB8UAk
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu85fGsahay
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdFyfoRNsf
如果寫成
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8V1XrdZsFx
〈詠栗〉
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69zBSc4nud
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCvBIvfLVs
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6gQ45LwOY
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzF1Pyxy3aH
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLypwHsb9Z7
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpBJUb2PL7
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
166Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cP7Utu5Ob
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
ns216.73.216.169da2
