【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJdKp7CN2m
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3BShXqLS5
以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzW1Djxxo9
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8MtZEHO2z
感謝參與～73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4wWYPGxae
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLJxcuVlw0
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1Wl8LwVi0
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uDx1I59Gs
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0M9nvSRcv
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBqUYYn91I
～～～～分隔線～～～～73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07ikU8zXAN
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxI2JjOyng
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkrKrq4OIP
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBVnKrZ2XU
〈限制和自由〉73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr25kVEZmr6
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtUqzCP8F7
penana.com/article/102489573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9EZ6vQY02
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZzuiVTOJr
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aEZI8IHUC
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsTejT6Nu1
詩度 0。73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdiyXF86Id
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlensdghood
～～～～分隔線～～～～73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vBHsHX055
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoa4KO1yLa
〈問〉73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqoKypQg4K
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFIibhcp8C
penana.com/article/102494473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClZXWL5QsV
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzeqKksto9
詩度高一點。73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vlTZt6SOz
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6IUgAgVOc
～～～～分隔線～～～～73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjFUpONCKs
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVGcRHH83X
〈摩天之輪〉73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiPLIZSXqR
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtSFas7H64
penana.com/article/104570573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Z6i8wV4EN
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVC2kOOF2Hs
詩度再高一點。
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ734mQ2j1Ic
～～～～分隔線～～～～
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSowuqnCnU
〈蝴蝶酥〉73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1GgUrsnB0
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gbuBJAnFx
https://www.penana.com/article/159771373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rWSQNqhPL
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRsTimC9Z6
詩度比前三首都高。
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaWGQDLpqZ
～～～～分隔線～～～～
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEb1XiZa0v
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLWyuUuFXc
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AxclYzWHO
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDgFAPxrFj
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFqRf14G7j
跟你分享。
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1wx9EGDe5
～～～～分隔線～～～～
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CfzRnOTzo
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyTOUj0pab
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqvfrx97uW
【認識新詩的基本元素】73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjBcjQ3P3S
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1SGI4c6b5
blog.udn.com/shesiya/11359719373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1XGRDxdlB
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡez8ilzvtuC
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIY0WOqOOS
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVvnFFRaA8
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvwmirpuo7
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyiWTaKOV0
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBBiJHIoJ8
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApTxxzbTGG
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5DesJzG25
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2rUFT0vQv
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggdu4WLAsb
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0w5kz2fNfO
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC09SPGuFOo
【這次全新寫的感想】
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8wdjMAi0D
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnk0AGCgdBP
〈詠栗〉
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUMOJw6psb
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrsiAaxJNm
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMyi2VZaGZ
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7L408AcrBo
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEc2wl006n
如果寫成
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65SrsBAkBa
〈詠栗〉
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SivZLB5Ci
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1dfudB5Ge
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQrds8LB8U
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3aHz8UyGG
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaY6ccXr06
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzXUbemU0B
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHKvZk9ksA
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
ns18.119.126.238da2
