I headed to the top floor bathroom. Locked it and sat on the cool floor. I am definitely the problem. Not Jay or Matty. Me. Not hormones. Or Rachel or anything or anybody else. Me.
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I sigh and vow to myself to be a good, non slutty wife for Jay. He's literally the hottest, the most genuine, honourable human being I've met and I need to change for him now.
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I head over to the shower turn it on full blast and pulling Jay's top off I stand under it. I don't cry or mope after all these are problems I've brought on myself. I wash myself down instead and when I've scrubbed myself away I tell myself I'll get out and it will be fine.
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I hear the door tap and jump. Realise that I'm crying, sobbing under the shower.
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"Taylor" I hear him say and I quickly get out.
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I unlock the door and Jay walks in and shuts the door behind him. He undresses silently and guides me back over to the shower. We stand under it together and I sigh. Resting my head on his chest.
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"I love you" he says.
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"I always tell you that I love you. I do. And when we have sex I love you so much Taylor." He begins.
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He grabs the shower mitt and washes me down.
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"I love you so much that I would do anything for you" he says looking down at me and he is crying too.
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"Do you love him" he asks and he just watches me.
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"No" I tell him. And I don't. I don't love Matty in the ways that I love Jay. He wipes his face and pushes his hair back. He looks at me as if he wants to search my soul. Finally he kisses me, his lips crushing into mine.
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"You just get lusty" he chuckles.
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I laugh wiping my eyes.
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"Lusty" I laugh.
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"Yeah you just get turned on and things happen and then you think about it after, when you don't feel that lust and you're like damn" he laughs.
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He couldn't have explained it better.
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"Jay I love you" I say to him.
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"And I walked off because I felt like I pushed too far again. He is in love with me. I shouldn't be using him. I am in love with you. And I was sitting there worrying because you didn't tell me you loved me when we had sex just now, and I realised how fucking selfish is that. For me to feel down because of that. When I've asked so much of you in the first place" I say.
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"Lust is okay. If you do love him that is entirely different. You're not asking I participated. You're hot as anything Taylor and I loved it." He says.
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He dips my chin up to his.
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"I love you" he smiles.
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"I'm sorry I didn't say it. One I've had too many whiskeys and two I was really in my head at the time, about the whole thing" he says.
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"Matty is fine. He is my best man. He won't do shit. He cares too much for you to cause a scene or kick up a fuss. It's Ross I'm worried about. He gets right on my nerves always touching you and trying with you" he says and I just listen letting him vocalise his feelings.
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"You know I didn't watch porn like other guys, I kinda didn't want to and I didn't need it. So I was never like obsessed with watching women be you know. But watching you in that position was hot" he whispers.
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"Did you like it" I ask softly.
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"Mhm yeah" he smiles.
I kiss him, a long drawn out kiss.
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"Ross will be fine, I've kept him at bay" I say.
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He looks at me and strokes my wet hair back.
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"When we get married." He begins.
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"We are for each other only" he says.
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"I'm yours" I say looking at his chest.
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"I can't share you forever" he says and he's gently putting a boundary down.
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"That's why just now I was like fine with it" he says softly.
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He turns the shower off and gets out grabbing a towel from the island in the middle of our huge bathroom. He wraps me in the fluffy towel and then grabs one for himself. I scrunch my hair so it sets into waves, I put on some cream and body oil and he just watches me. Pulling his shorts back on and pushing his wet hair back.
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I turn around hanging the towel up and looking at him completely naked. He watches me approach him and sit on his lap. His hands squeeze my bum and I wordlessly slide on top of him.
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"Mmm" he sighs opening his legs.
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"Taylor" he whispers.
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He bounces me up and down in his lap.
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"Jay" I moan and he smiles.
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He takes over doing most of the work even though he's sitting down. I kiss his lips and neck and I can feel his hands lifting me up and down onto him. Watching his arms bulge as he lifts my body weight over and over again. My Jay is strong.
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"Naughty" he sighs as I nibble his neck.
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"You're mine" he says looking at me.
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"I'm yours" I say softly.
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Unexpectedly I orgasm quickly all over him and it takes him by surprise. He gasps moaning and kissing me.
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"Fuck Taylor" he says and he bounces me quickly up and down onto him finding his own release inside me.
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"I love you" he says in my ear.
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"I love you" I whisper smiling.
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He stands up lifting me up and kissing me so completely. He fully carries me all the way to our room down a flight of stairs. I chuckle laughing as we make it there not being spotted by anybody.
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I grab a checked night shirt and put it over myself. He smiles watching me.
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"It's cute" he says his hands just exploring my thighs and how it swings just under my bum.
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"It's too short?" I ask him.
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"It's perfect don't worry you'll be on my lap the whole time" he laughs.
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I smile at him and he picks me up again.
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"You know I can walk" I laugh.
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"Yeah but you have me" he says.
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He kisses me and walks out of the bedroom back down the stairs to the others. I laugh and giggle my legs around his waist.
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