《請跟我交往！拜託啦！》 - 第二章數學課！

「同學們，請回位子上坐好。」一位沒見過的老師在鐘響後走進教室。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgu9AV8Yar

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同學們面面相覷。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmhkOAwFS2
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「那個……您是不是走錯教室了呢？」身為班長的我起身詢問。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMB6KA4UCZU
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「啊，你們的數學老師請假，所以今天是我代課喔。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwZRR3Osq2
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「咦咦？沒用的老東西請假？」賴妍驚訝的問。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8n2FiBtpT7
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「請不要叫數學老師沒用的老東西。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX17aeTjRZp
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「那改成老不羞好了。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSr7oqBRP4
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「更糟糕了啊！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRctREK6Hz
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「咳，總之，」代課老師乾咳一聲打斷我們的對話，「請各位打開課本第……為什麼桌上有酒瓶？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMTJveA1CV
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「因為上一節是化學課。」正在製作燃燒瓶的簡澄說。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciSwUdc1Tv
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「那你桌上正在燒的酒精燈是怎樣？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaNhrx6wcE
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「老師，它正在暖身。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDymwc87Tyo
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「它是要暖什麼身啊！給我拿回去實驗室放好！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeIASu1p96
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「我要去！」賴妍自告奮勇的起身。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmtzMasWe2
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「給我坐下，妳不值得信賴。」我不耐煩的說。「三岐，你去放。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRtgbRBDx7
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「那我改姓三岐。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9wZpRzpjo
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「才不是這個意思！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMk9UrvoXEY
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「而且為什麼是三岐！」剛剛還趴著的三岐抗議。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIhdEN51zF
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「少囉唆！快點給我去放！」我用課本敲三岐的頭，「別跟著搗亂上課秩序好嗎？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOXkC1F9lG
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「汝等下級生物，竟敢命令本元帥，看我痛啊啊啊啊啊啊！」三岐的話還沒說完就被我再次用力敲頭，不過這次用的是不鏽鋼水壺。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnxpWAjKvi
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「元帥好弱。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPM4ES8zFJ
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「你根本是想殺了我吧！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFOMwqhcnb
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「同學們！請安靜！」代課老師看起來有些惱火。「全部給我翻開課本！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPUrp2exl7
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「老師。」賴妍突然嚴肅的開口，「你覺得數學的意義到底是什麼？數學又是為何而存在？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnU2lh77Kc
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「數學是為何而存在…………？」老師陷入沉思。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQtYRFvduF
除了賴妍之外的同學們臉色一沉。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexlF39iulW
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「老師！別中計啊！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSrizTYYcI
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「這傢伙的腦子才不會思考這種深奧的東西呢！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5INKmqq3A
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「她只是單純不想上數學課而已啊！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6IptkfXTg
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不過老師抬起手制止了那些警告他的同學。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1TDWjz1ea
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「我認為……」在思考片刻之後，老師開口，

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「數學是使生活變得更方便的工具。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jJV5tnDNa
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「真的是這樣嗎？」賴妍問。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIevYX7rL7v
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「古埃及人與巴比倫人靠著幾何學的幫助，建造出了許多壯觀的建築物！牛頓發明的微積分也間接造福了許多人類！」老師越說越激動，「所以我才會選擇就讀數學系，成為數學老師！數學對我來說就是世界的真理！就是絕對的信仰！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VAkcj7Wqm
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「那……如果我說，」賴妍緩緩開口，「我能反駁你的論點呢？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1E7avxv1VH
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「什──」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1s9C9vvPmG
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「如果我能證明…………數學並不是世界的真理呢？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBw8UFPWrz
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「臭小鬼！妳明白妳在說什麼嗎！妳說的話是對神的褻瀆！」代課老師憤怒地吼道。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzb7RZCBfD
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「那個，班長，」坐在我後面的男同學輕聲對我說，「這部不是日常番嗎？為什麼會出現戰鬥番的台詞？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqomBDBnnQ6
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「我也很好奇啊！而且現在不是數學課嗎！」

最重要的是，代課老師已經在不知不覺間步入了賴妍「不想上課」的節奏之中，這才是她被稱為瘋狗的最大原因。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeQti1Ftfz
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真正恐怖的地方還在後頭。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnsOUmGliz
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「老師……你知道數學的英文，Math的意義，其實是Mental Abuse To Humans，也就是人類精神虐待的意思喔？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrFOzhNJXG
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「那只是討厭數學的人提出的可悲巧合而已！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSVWpngR10
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賴妍歪頭。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcn3oawAdDb
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「如果數學是真理，為什麼有人會討厭祂呢？」她問道。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAWNHWHx0k
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「因為世界上總是有許多自以為是的人！他們只因為生活不如預期，就怪罪到神聖的信仰上面！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVoD4RPkkEL
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「生活不如預期？你是指生活中的事發生無法用真理解釋的情況嗎？還是生活並沒有想像中的便利？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Ek1e0UeKz
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「世上所有的事情一定都有辦法用真理來說明！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJ5k1kAOlx
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「真的嗎？」賴妍正色道，「那我舉個簡單的例子吧。您有看過商店中『買二送一』的活動嗎？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjCRwh8hOz
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「當然有。」代課老師不耐煩地回答。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9kuZiynDn
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「那麼一加一等於幾？這只是單純的數學問題，不是腦筋急轉彎喔。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSintA5AOk
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「一加一等於二。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLh3RFfRtp
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「啊咧？奇怪了？」賴妍故意用困惑的語氣說到，「我只付了兩個物品的價錢，為什麼我得到了三倍的利潤？好奇怪吶～」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPs4ERpP7gJ
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「……咦？」老師愣住了。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOo2cJXnQg
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「這樣子算式就變成了『一加一等於三』而不是真理所說的二了呢。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSfo5wyaB9
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「什…怎麼會……」代課老師開始感到恐慌。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZqXWFy3GC
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「老師別中計啊！那只是一種行銷手法而已啊！」我大喊。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSVdhn2KxZ
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「我…但是、但是一加一應該……還是等於二啊…………？」代課老師緩緩抬頭，用困惑而渙散的眼神看著我，就像一位瀕臨崩潰的精神病患者。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbo3asV1Ri
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完蛋了。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsGZrJgDe0
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「我再舉一個例子吧。」賴妍再次開口。「剛剛說了一加一等於三，但是這也不是正確答案。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRx7zfZ5QG
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「您應該也知道結婚是什麼吧？就是長期的一對一賣春契約。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1cwm4lBbF
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「才不是這樣！」我吐槽。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDqwTv5Bbt
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「好奇怪吶。住在我家隔壁的王叔叔明明結婚了，為什麼最近兩個月，在王阿姨不在的週五晚上，還會出現另外六個女人陪他過夜呢？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2v5owVGwTI
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「這種事情你應該早點去跟王阿姨說才對吧！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFiAuYRF2e
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「咦咦，」賴妍不理我，「一加一不是等於三嗎？為什麼同時又等於八呢？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3Fg60zuqM
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「為什麼啊啊啊啊啊！」代課老師抱住頭，驚慌失措地尖叫。「為什麼真理要遺棄我啊啊啊啊！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlxfZsPVR8
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「沒錯，就是因為人們被你所說的真理拋棄，才會轉而討厭，甚至憎恨數學。對他們來說，數學不只不是世界上的真理，更不是讓生活變得更方便的工具！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lDgpdTOBS
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賴妍深呼吸，補上了最後一擊：「對他們來說，數學只是讓生活更不方便的枷鎖！只是阻礙人類發展的、根本沒有存在必要的、無用垃圾而已啊！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgFdN9uAKC
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「啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊……」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUbl6uJKqn
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老師緩緩蹲下，雙手抱住膝蓋，露出自己長久以來深信的事情在一夕之間被摧毀的表情。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwUhz2IGTL
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這時，去化學教室放酒精燈的三岐回來了。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlfaoUt1ip

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老師彷彿看見了希望一般，朝著三岐跑過去，抓住了他的肩膀，用力地前後搖動。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXbJsp9tPi
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「同學！一加一等於多少！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi05cV2q4X6
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「咦？」在狀況外的三岐很錯愕。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuUaOjZJWf
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賴妍露出了勝利的微笑，坐回位子上，舒服的翹起二郎腿，抓著桌上的白蘭地仰頭灌了一大口。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZerZwXP8y
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「到底等於多少啊啊啊啊啊！！！」代課老師瘋狂地大喊。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EFQUnNUbG
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「等、等於五十……」一天到晚吃麥O勞的三岐結結巴巴的回答。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFadfKL0yDj
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「三等於八、八等於五十……等式應該不成立才…三又等於五十……啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！」代課老師崩潰了，尖叫著衝出了教室。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMlSC76qxO
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全班盯著三岐。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXinwm0bTvX
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「欸？我做錯什麼了嗎？」三岐很錯愕。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiRCyWrGfs
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賴妍抬頭看了一眼教室牆上的時鐘。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4O8WUgS0Vr
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「呦喜！多賺到了半小時下課時間。」她握拳。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jiizxlZCY
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「呦喜妳個大頭！他被你弄壞了啦！」我慌張地大喊，「全班快點出去幫忙找代課老師啊！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnwHVTGaBR
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當日結果：319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIa1DGlbY8
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在數學科辦公室全體數學老師的幫忙下，於放學前在校舍頂樓的花圃角落發現了喃喃自語著「三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十我被神拋棄了嗚嗚嗚我要成為一棵用費波納契數列整齊排列的植物三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十…」的代課老師，並送到附近醫院的精神科治療。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRa3dvxXc1U
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賴妍被記了一支大過（目前總共七支）。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHg89yDe1Ht
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第二章 數學課！

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第二章數學課！