《請跟我交往！拜託啦！》 - 第二章數學課！

「同學們，請回位子上坐好。」一位沒見過的老師在鐘響後走進教室。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltsuRB9J0A

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同學們面面相覷。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYRElYMDHh
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「那個……您是不是走錯教室了呢？」身為班長的我起身詢問。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezXpZHKHe8
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「啊，你們的數學老師請假，所以今天是我代課喔。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaKg0KUR86
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「咦咦？沒用的老東西請假？」賴妍驚訝的問。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAm9FyKfkLv
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「請不要叫數學老師沒用的老東西。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zu9qM9aWR
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「那改成老不羞好了。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4XHSdT8yd
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「更糟糕了啊！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7sNRqsEUe
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「咳，總之，」代課老師乾咳一聲打斷我們的對話，「請各位打開課本第……為什麼桌上有酒瓶？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPQaucNp6F
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「因為上一節是化學課。」正在製作燃燒瓶的簡澄說。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2M2KeCTP4
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「那你桌上正在燒的酒精燈是怎樣？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYO9kh7dVE9
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「老師，它正在暖身。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtXJferCf0
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「它是要暖什麼身啊！給我拿回去實驗室放好！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVPCxXiXaX
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「我要去！」賴妍自告奮勇的起身。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xLC4HMUVP
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「給我坐下，妳不值得信賴。」我不耐煩的說。「三岐，你去放。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3JKmJc6VW
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「那我改姓三岐。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyk2grRQXlH
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「才不是這個意思！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0uA8YIQwD
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「而且為什麼是三岐！」剛剛還趴著的三岐抗議。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYjVRfVxFs
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「少囉唆！快點給我去放！」我用課本敲三岐的頭，「別跟著搗亂上課秩序好嗎？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhK3EnUARIF
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「汝等下級生物，竟敢命令本元帥，看我痛啊啊啊啊啊啊！」三岐的話還沒說完就被我再次用力敲頭，不過這次用的是不鏽鋼水壺。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK06Syx6yjV
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「元帥好弱。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfxKFt5lNh
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「你根本是想殺了我吧！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Qp8xn0i6D
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「同學們！請安靜！」代課老師看起來有些惱火。「全部給我翻開課本！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvGXSaUlHl
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「老師。」賴妍突然嚴肅的開口，「你覺得數學的意義到底是什麼？數學又是為何而存在？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZmglF7s4z
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「數學是為何而存在…………？」老師陷入沉思。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinaZ4TCSiy
除了賴妍之外的同學們臉色一沉。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaM8HnuSEL
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「老師！別中計啊！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgI0h1b0pc6
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「這傢伙的腦子才不會思考這種深奧的東西呢！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFL23mZB1k9
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「她只是單純不想上數學課而已啊！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH65AKTTgzy
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不過老師抬起手制止了那些警告他的同學。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUs4dLGfJw
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「我認為……」在思考片刻之後，老師開口，

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「數學是使生活變得更方便的工具。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVfWobBhHO
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「真的是這樣嗎？」賴妍問。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sHKdf8hPH
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「古埃及人與巴比倫人靠著幾何學的幫助，建造出了許多壯觀的建築物！牛頓發明的微積分也間接造福了許多人類！」老師越說越激動，「所以我才會選擇就讀數學系，成為數學老師！數學對我來說就是世界的真理！就是絕對的信仰！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5XYmyYmJx
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「那……如果我說，」賴妍緩緩開口，「我能反駁你的論點呢？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTqUL1CrO3
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「什──」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBU1Zb4OTJv
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「如果我能證明…………數學並不是世界的真理呢？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1hOHPqKHK
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「臭小鬼！妳明白妳在說什麼嗎！妳說的話是對神的褻瀆！」代課老師憤怒地吼道。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlnXHKd21B
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「那個，班長，」坐在我後面的男同學輕聲對我說，「這部不是日常番嗎？為什麼會出現戰鬥番的台詞？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8hwJbgx3k
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「我也很好奇啊！而且現在不是數學課嗎！」

最重要的是，代課老師已經在不知不覺間步入了賴妍「不想上課」的節奏之中，這才是她被稱為瘋狗的最大原因。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9QJI33JRU
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真正恐怖的地方還在後頭。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGke03R3RC
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「老師……你知道數學的英文，Math的意義，其實是Mental Abuse To Humans，也就是人類精神虐待的意思喔？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCSD2HQhJr
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「那只是討厭數學的人提出的可悲巧合而已！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyyYvHsBnE
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賴妍歪頭。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uFyXjuuxI
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「如果數學是真理，為什麼有人會討厭祂呢？」她問道。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YTLyBTUZL
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「因為世界上總是有許多自以為是的人！他們只因為生活不如預期，就怪罪到神聖的信仰上面！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwG7SjHN9v
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「生活不如預期？你是指生活中的事發生無法用真理解釋的情況嗎？還是生活並沒有想像中的便利？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmqm9oVzHy
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「世上所有的事情一定都有辦法用真理來說明！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7riAtBolBa
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「真的嗎？」賴妍正色道，「那我舉個簡單的例子吧。您有看過商店中『買二送一』的活動嗎？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdPpGNTUTQ
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「當然有。」代課老師不耐煩地回答。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtidXWhpoPb
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「那麼一加一等於幾？這只是單純的數學問題，不是腦筋急轉彎喔。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnsEIkljiy
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「一加一等於二。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1V9ZoJ2qHW
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「啊咧？奇怪了？」賴妍故意用困惑的語氣說到，「我只付了兩個物品的價錢，為什麼我得到了三倍的利潤？好奇怪吶～」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhYcgVFJgy
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「……咦？」老師愣住了。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3u4j1bdPys
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「這樣子算式就變成了『一加一等於三』而不是真理所說的二了呢。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnV8v5DMcJ
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「什…怎麼會……」代課老師開始感到恐慌。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HiS2T5aFt
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「老師別中計啊！那只是一種行銷手法而已啊！」我大喊。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rVlBUqqpo
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「我…但是、但是一加一應該……還是等於二啊…………？」代課老師緩緩抬頭，用困惑而渙散的眼神看著我，就像一位瀕臨崩潰的精神病患者。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nPVTFUn9a
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完蛋了。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLCruISTc3
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「我再舉一個例子吧。」賴妍再次開口。「剛剛說了一加一等於三，但是這也不是正確答案。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTsOL01MpW
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「您應該也知道結婚是什麼吧？就是長期的一對一賣春契約。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34kiEvo64a
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「才不是這樣！」我吐槽。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdCJNzeiTY
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「好奇怪吶。住在我家隔壁的王叔叔明明結婚了，為什麼最近兩個月，在王阿姨不在的週五晚上，還會出現另外六個女人陪他過夜呢？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0zkcqtNK9
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「這種事情你應該早點去跟王阿姨說才對吧！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdaw5DJTRe
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「咦咦，」賴妍不理我，「一加一不是等於三嗎？為什麼同時又等於八呢？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNHf0tPOUl
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「為什麼啊啊啊啊啊！」代課老師抱住頭，驚慌失措地尖叫。「為什麼真理要遺棄我啊啊啊啊！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXP86xApjEO
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「沒錯，就是因為人們被你所說的真理拋棄，才會轉而討厭，甚至憎恨數學。對他們來說，數學不只不是世界上的真理，更不是讓生活變得更方便的工具！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5v2dnvuDZa
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賴妍深呼吸，補上了最後一擊：「對他們來說，數學只是讓生活更不方便的枷鎖！只是阻礙人類發展的、根本沒有存在必要的、無用垃圾而已啊！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBpGI69Fxa
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「啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊……」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgYxzO36Wg
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老師緩緩蹲下，雙手抱住膝蓋，露出自己長久以來深信的事情在一夕之間被摧毀的表情。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojX1z90sMG
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這時，去化學教室放酒精燈的三岐回來了。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhD7uGDvx8U

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老師彷彿看見了希望一般，朝著三岐跑過去，抓住了他的肩膀，用力地前後搖動。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFK7VUZZOv
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「同學！一加一等於多少！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7NpXaxaMu
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「咦？」在狀況外的三岐很錯愕。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3oywMZ2wJ
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賴妍露出了勝利的微笑，坐回位子上，舒服的翹起二郎腿，抓著桌上的白蘭地仰頭灌了一大口。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYKRKeTpRA
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「到底等於多少啊啊啊啊啊！！！」代課老師瘋狂地大喊。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Fv87flNNI
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「等、等於五十……」一天到晚吃麥O勞的三岐結結巴巴的回答。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpAgLUnCu0
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「三等於八、八等於五十……等式應該不成立才…三又等於五十……啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！」代課老師崩潰了，尖叫著衝出了教室。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgrWRlQxTZ
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全班盯著三岐。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKSFcjLbqo
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「欸？我做錯什麼了嗎？」三岐很錯愕。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39JYourNcH
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賴妍抬頭看了一眼教室牆上的時鐘。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOtyPLSJ3W
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「呦喜！多賺到了半小時下課時間。」她握拳。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OinaPloY7
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「呦喜妳個大頭！他被你弄壞了啦！」我慌張地大喊，「全班快點出去幫忙找代課老師啊！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZ4LoLP3S0
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當日結果：320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQ2hmsCIn3
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在數學科辦公室全體數學老師的幫忙下，於放學前在校舍頂樓的花圃角落發現了喃喃自語著「三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十我被神拋棄了嗚嗚嗚我要成為一棵用費波納契數列整齊排列的植物三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十…」的代課老師，並送到附近醫院的精神科治療。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKq9rgA1F9L
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賴妍被記了一支大過（目前總共七支）。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkAfy7uSnv
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第二章 數學課！

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第二章數學課！