生命中那些難以擺脫的桎梏，都源於一種深植內心的成癮。它像是手中那團不熄的虛妄火焰，為了維持其片刻的溫暖與微光，持續不斷地將生命中那些真正重要的資源投入其中。對我而言，最初只是一支交際菸，直到那個漆黑的夜晚，坐在電腦前絲毫沒有半點靈感，咖啡壺滿了又空、空了又滿，疲倦不受控制。站起身準備洗個冷水澡，儘管距離繳交日期尚有餘裕，卻總有種今日不完成之後便也不會再有動筆的感覺。又默默地坐下，打開窗戶，火星閃爍、煙霧裊裊，一陣眩暈伴隨強烈噁心襲來，猛然丟下手中燃起的菸便衝進浴室，隨著數次乾嘔晃了晃腦袋。走回桌前，撿起未燃盡的那支菸，又默默吸了一口然後咳了兩聲，紅光被我捻熄在桌上喝完的易開罐上。最終，在天亮前我闔上電腦，檔案也在這個過程中完成，那也是我真正意義上的第一次抽菸，我也曾以為那會是我的最後一次抽菸。
Life's inescapable shackles often stem from an addiction deeply rooted within us—a self-inflicted burn. It's like a ceaseless, illusory flame held in one's hand, constantly fed with truly important life resources just to maintain its fleeting warmth and faint glow, all the while consuming the addict from within. For me, it began with a mere social cigarette. That pack, from which only two had been taken, sat untouched for a year. No one around me knew. Then came that dark night, sitting at my computer, utterly devoid of inspiration. The coffee pot emptied and refilled, refilled and emptied, countless times, I don't recall. All I knew was that fatigue had spiraled out of control. I stood up, contemplating a cold shower. Though the deadline was still distant, a nagging feeling persisted that if I didn't finish it that day, I'd never pick up the pen again. Quietly, I sat back down and opened the window. A spark flickered, smoke wafted, and a wave of dizziness, accompanied by intense nausea, washed over me. I abruptly dropped the lit cigarette and rushed to the bathroom, shaking my head after several dry heaves. Returning to my desk, I picked up the unfinished cigarette, took another silent drag, and coughed twice. I snuffed out its glowing tip on an empty soda can. Silently, I stared at the screen, typing away. The document's word count grew and shrank with each keystroke. Finally, before dawn, I closed my laptop. The file was complete. That was my first true experience with smoking, and I genuinely believed it would be my last.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzNFc1HofK
這團火焰，其本身或許一點都不重要，甚至會帶來身體的不適與內心的空虛，但你卻無法停止自己對於失去火焰的恐懼。這種恐懼，並非源於對火焰價值的認同，而是對它熄滅後可能帶來的冰冷與未知。就像隨著參加了許多活動，我心裡依舊抱持著對吸菸者的輕蔑，許多工作也需要保護喉嚨，平時就是甜食飲料，辣口重鹹都多有忌諱。收在袋中的菸盒變得褶皺卻沒有再被動過，直到某個極其相似的夜晚，又一次地坐在寂靜的螢幕前。只是我始終不敢承認，我從未迷戀那個味道，卻也漸難以遠離。
This flame, in itself, might be utterly insignificant, even bringing physical discomfort and inner emptiness. Yet, you find yourself unable to stop, driven by the fear of losing that flame. This dread isn't rooted in valuing the flame itself, but in the coldness and uncertainty its extinction might bring. Similarly, despite participating in many activities, my heart still held contempt for smokers. Many of my roles required throat protection; I usually avoided sweets and sugary drinks, and was generally cautious with spicy or heavily salted foods. The crumpled pack of cigarettes remained undisturbed in my bag until another strikingly similar night found me once again before a silent screen. I could never fully admit it to myself, but I never actually enjoyed the taste, yet it became progressively harder to stay away.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUPTX3b4K0
這份成癮的本質，在於一種非理性的依賴，它將有限的能量、時間甚至健康，持續地灌注到一個早已失去意義的黑洞。它不僅存在於物質層面，更可能潛藏在對某種習慣、關係，甚至是對自我認知的執著中。你明明知道這團火焰消耗了你最寶貴的資源，卻寧可持續燃燒，也不願面對它熄滅後可能帶來的巨大、卻充滿可能性的黑暗。這是一種自我設限的囚籠，將你困在虛假的溫暖中，無法真正走向更廣闊的光明。
The very essence of addiction lies in an irrational dependence, continuously pouring limited energy, time, and even health into a black hole that has long lost its meaning. It doesn't just exist on a physical level; it can also lurk within an obsession with a certain habit, relationship, or even one's self-perception. You know perfectly well this flame consumes your most valuable resources, yet you'd rather keep it burning than face the immense, yet potentially liberating, darkness that might follow its extinction. This is a self-imposed prison, trapping you in a false warmth, preventing you from truly stepping towards a broader light.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9S5G5OduV
這種對失去火焰的恐懼，深究其因，往往是一種精巧的自我欺騙。我們並非真的迷戀那團微弱的火光，而是恐懼火光熄滅後可能暴露的、更為龐大的黑暗與空無。這份恐懼，使得我們選擇將目光鎖定在眼前的微光，而非直視其外無限的未知。我們對這團虛妄火焰的投入，成為一種無休止的迴圈：越是投入，就越是感到資源的匱乏；越是匱乏，就越是害怕失去這僅存的微光，於是便更加瘋狂地投入。它形成了對重要資源的無底洞，吞噬著時間、精力、甚至潛力。
This fear of losing the flame, upon deeper examination, is often a cunning form of self-deception. We aren't genuinely enamored with that faint glow; instead, we dread the larger darkness and emptiness that its extinction might expose. This fear leads us to fixate on the immediate flicker, rather than confronting the infinite unknown beyond. Our investment in this illusory flame becomes a never-ending cycle: the more we invest, the more we feel the scarcity of resources; the more scarce they become, the more we fear losing this last bit of light, thus leading us to invest even more frantically. It forms a bottomless pit for crucial resources, devouring time, energy, and even potential.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyo1qxIjrc
這不僅僅是行為上的慣性，更是心靈層面的麻痺。在持續的燃燒中，我們逐漸習慣了那份因投入而產生的「忙碌感」或「存在感」，將其誤認為是意義的體現。殊不知，這只是在燃燒自身的生命力，換取一種暫時的、虛假的滿足。那份對失去的恐懼，就像一道無形的鎖鏈，將我們牢牢地束縛在原地，即便遠方有更廣闊的天地、更真實的光明在等待。我們或許意識到自己正在以驚人的速度消耗著生命中真正有「質量」的事物，卻因那股對未知黑暗的巨大慣性與抗拒，而無法毅然決然地放下，走向真正的自由。
This isn't merely behavioral inertia; it's a numbness of the soul. In the continuous burning, we gradually grow accustomed to the "busyness" or "sense of existence" generated by our investment, mistaking it for the manifestation of meaning. Yet, this is simply burning our own life force, in exchange for a temporary, false satisfaction. The fear of loss acts like an invisible chain, binding us firmly in place, even when a wider world and more authentic light await in the distance. We might realize we're consuming truly "substantial" things in life at an alarming rate, but due to that immense inertia and resistance to the unknown darkness, we find ourselves unable to decisively let go and step towards true freedom.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqX8O380Ca
