隨這學歷的提升，默默地從職校到大學讀了研究所，也曾兼職過當老師，對自己的人生依舊有些不知所措，畢竟自認為所學還算得上廣泛，但面臨求職的當下卻也感到迷惘，我也曾自命不凡124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaRuo5SiPh
As my education progressed, I quietly went from a vocational school to university and then on to graduate studies, even dabbling in teaching for a while. Yet, I still felt a bit adrift in life. I considered my knowledge to be quite broad, but facing the job market, I found myself utterly lost. I used to think highly of myself.124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCNG5fw5QA
124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3X8L9f0waT
本來開始抽菸也僅是因為一隻交際菸，那包拆開後僅抽出兩隻的菸盒在身上放了一年，周遭的人自然也未曾知曉，直到那天晚上坐在電腦前絲毫沒有半點靈感，咖啡壺滿了又空空了又滿，不記得究竟喝下的是第幾杯，只知道疲倦的感受已經不受控制，站起身來準備洗個冷水澡，雖然距離繳交日期尚有餘裕，卻總有種今日不完成之後便也不會再有動筆的感覺，又默默地坐下打開了窗戶，火星閃爍、煙霧裊裊，一陣眩暈感襲來伴隨著強力的噁心，猛然丟下手中燃起的煙便衝進浴室，隨著數次乾嘔晃了晃腦袋。124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpwRdG0kc5
My foray into smoking began innocently enough, with just a social cigarette. The opened pack, from which only two had been taken, sat in my pocket for an entire year, unnoticed by those around me. Then came that night, sitting in front of my computer, completely devoid of inspiration. The coffee pot cycled from full to empty, empty to full, and I lost count of the cups I’d consumed. All I knew was that exhaustion had taken over. I stood up, thinking about a cold shower. Though the deadline was still distant, a feeling lingered that if I didn’t finish it that day, I’d never pick up the pen again. I sat back down, quietly opening the window. A spark flickered, smoke curled upwards, and a wave of dizziness and powerful nausea washed over me. I immediately threw down the lit cigarette and rushed to the bathroom, shaking my head after several dry heaves.124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vRjqA2Cky
124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Z90XzbjBK
走回桌前，撿起了未燃盡的那支菸，又默默地吸了一口然後咳了兩聲，紅光被我捻熄在桌上的喝完的易開罐上，默默地盯著螢幕敲著鍵盤，文件的字數隨著聲聲敲擊不斷增增減減，最終在天亮前我闔上了電腦，檔案也在這個過程中被完成，那也是我真正意義上的第一次抽菸，我也曾以為那會是我的最後一次抽菸。124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqWn2LypZJ
I walked back to my desk, picked up the half-smoked cigarette, took another quiet drag, and coughed twice. I snuffed out the glowing tip on a discarded soda can on my desk. Silently, I stared at the screen, typing away. The word count of my document fluctuated with each keystroke, until finally, just before dawn, I closed my laptop. The file was complete. That was my first true experience with smoking, and I genuinely thought it would be my last.124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAcVnTWNs5
124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkcXZnfMDP
隨著參加了許多活動，畢竟我主要的工作依舊是在校園之中，心裡依舊抱持著那種對吸菸者的輕蔑以及許多工作需要對喉嚨多加保護，平時就是甜食飲料，辣口重鹹都是多有忌諱，收在袋中的煙盒變得褶皺卻也沒有再被動過，直到某個極其相似的夜晚，又一次的坐在寂靜的螢幕前，只是我始終不敢承認，我從未迷戀那個味道，卻也漸難以遠離。
As I participated in more activities, given that my primary work was still within the campus, I maintained my disdain for smokers and felt a need to protect my throat for my profession. I typically avoided sweets and drinks, and was generally wary of spicy or heavily salted foods. The crumpled pack of cigarettes remained untouched in my bag, until another remarkably similar night found me once again in front of a silent screen. I could never admit it to myself, but I never truly enjoyed the taste; yet, it became increasingly hard to stay away.124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEUFPCJ1oD
124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdytozmhDwY
參加過一些聚會，抑或是研討會和發明展，在展會上也曾與各類業界人士能聊上個幾句，自然也不只一次被說過對我的斜槓感到驚訝，畢竟文組的碩士是個理組的學士，只說了句我也算得上一朵奇葩。至此之後我未承認卻也不再否認，我並未融入他們，卻也未有不同。是阿，我並不是一個優秀的人，只是在每個燃起星火的夜晚逃避似的學習著，那些我自己也不知道對我有何幫助的知識。
I attended various gatherings, seminars, and invention exhibitions, even chatting with different industry professionals at trade shows. More than once, people expressed surprise at my "slashie" career, noting that a liberal arts master's degree paired with an engineering bachelor's made me quite unique. Someone even called me "a rare oddity." From then on, I neither admitted nor denied it. I didn't truly blend in with them, yet I wasn't entirely different either. It's true, I'm not an exceptional person; I simply kept learning in a desperate, almost escapist way on those nights when sparks ignited, acquiring knowledge that I didn't even know would help me.124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYftGR6iWN
124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdVeDUkimF
看著學生手中燃起的星火，我不屑的說著:你們有甚麼壓力。學生看著我沒說什麼，直到我將他們驅趕，然後在他們略顯意外的眼中點起了煙，在我一句還不回家是要等我吃飯嗎後訕笑離開。
Watching the sparks ignite in my students' hands, I scornfully asked, "What stress could you possibly have?" The students said nothing, just looked at me until I urged them to leave. Then, to their slight surprise, I lit a cigarette. After I told them, "Aren't you going home yet? Are you waiting for me to treat you to a meal?" they chuckled and left.124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJUCvdMyvk
124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QQB2vYsB8
過去的種種總是在告訴我並沒有自己想的那般特別，卻始終飲鴆止渴的沉溺在周遭的稱讚與驚訝，儘管那只是他人的一句:真沒想到你對這方面也有所研究，輕描淡寫的幾句話就像是糖霜那般令人沉溺。總是在追求著有他人的認可，彷彿人生就沒有其他意義，我也終究是個凡人，一個俗不可耐的凡人124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQ7ehLtC1e
All my past experiences always told me I wasn’t as special as I thought, yet I continually indulged in the praises and surprises of those around me, like drinking poison to quench my thirst. Even a casual remark like, "I never knew you studied this too," was like frosting, utterly intoxicating. I was always chasing others' approval, as if life had no other meaning. Ultimately, I am just an ordinary person, a truly unremarkable one.124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3Ej7WmQN5
