如果說生命的真諦是生長與能量的汲取，那麼，死亡或許就是這場盛大循環中，最為深沉卻也最為本質的能量歸還。而死亡所伴隨的，並非某種實質的「存在」，而是黑暗——它並非一種獨立的狀態，而是光明的全然缺乏。當生命之光熄滅，肉身歸於塵土，這並非終結，而是回歸萬物本源的最終一步，進入那沒有光照、沒有形體定義的空間。曾經在陽光與風中奮力生長的枝葉，最終化為泥土的養分；曾承載思想的軀殼，最終歸於土壤，成為新生命的基礎。以最純粹的形式，回歸滋養過它的大地，溶解於那無盡的暗中。這份歸還，也正是時間為萬物刻下的終極印記。如石頭歷經風霜磨礪，最終回歸沙塵，湮沒於光線無法觸及的深處；如海洋將一切容納，又蒸騰為雲，化為雨露，滋潤大地後最終回歸自身，完成一次次的生命洗禮，最終也將潛入那深不見底的幽暗。
If the true essence of life lies in growth and the absorption of energy, then death is perhaps the most profound yet fundamental return of energy in this grand cycle. What accompanies death is not some substantial "existence," but rather darkness—a state not independent, but the complete absence of light. When the lamp of life extinguishes, and the body returns to dust, this isn't an end, but the final step back to the origin of all things, entering a space without illumination, without the definition of form. The branches that once vigorously grew under the sun and wind eventually become nourishment for the earth; the corporeal shell that once housed thoughts ultimately returns to the soil, becoming the foundation for new life. In its purest form, it returns to the earth that nurtured it, dissolving into that endless obscurity. This return is also the ultimate imprint that time etches upon all things. Like stones, weathered by wind and frost, eventually returning to sand and being engulfed in depths untouched by light; like the ocean, embracing all, then evaporating into clouds, turning into rain and dew, nourishing the earth, and finally returning to itself, completing countless life baptisms, ultimately sinking into that unfathomable gloom.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cMg253dkq
記得我的外公過世的時候，那時候的我已經能理解死亡是甚麼意思了，但對於這位於我影響頗深的長者過世，我並沒有過多的表情，只是看著長輩們忙忙碌碌直到午夜，而我默默地窩在車子裡睡覺。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGFvSbHE6G
在他臨終之前我也去見過他幾次，看著他在病床上失去往日的活力，沒辦法再與我們嘻笑，我的臉上沒有太多的表情，只是靜靜的看著這一切。就如同燭火熄滅那般，然而我並沒有見證那一瞬間，只是在母親告訴我這個消息之後，默默地換上了適當的衣服，跟在隊伍裡面見證儀式的過程。儀式結束，終於可以回家的那天晚上，母親哭得很傷心，說著:我沒有爸爸了......我沒有爸爸了。
I remember when my maternal grandfather passed away. By then, I understood what death meant, yet I showed little emotion for the passing of this elder who had deeply influenced me. I simply watched the adults busy themselves until midnight, while I quietly curled up and slept in the car.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb10Sbn23vZ
I had visited him a few times before his passing, watching him lose his former vitality in the hospital bed, no longer able to jest with us. My face remained expressionless; I just quietly observed everything. It was like a candle flame extinguishing, though I didn't witness that exact moment. Only after my mother told me the news, I quietly put on appropriate clothes and followed the procession, observing the ritual. On the night the ceremony ended and we could finally go home, my mother wept bitterly, repeating, "I don't have a father anymore... I don't have a father anymore."19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwE7YGwxnm
我並不是不懂她的悲傷，也並非無情，但似乎從得知外公重病的時候就早已預料到這一刻，除了感慨之外，只覺得辛苦她每日奔波照顧外公這麼久。聽說他曾經囑咐過不要通知任何人，尤其不能告訴他那些同輩份的長者們。我一開始並不理解，直到這個消息一同帶走了他的一位至交。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7UgyU7Wm5
就像是一聲嘆息，順帶吹熄了屬於他生命的燭火，也吹熄了他好友的那點燭光，就這麼離我們而去，不知道那雙眼闔上後究竟面臨的是永恆的黑暗，或只是缺乏了光的照耀，又或者是真如各種宗教所說的前往了另一個世界。
It wasn't that I didn't understand her sorrow, nor was I heartless. But it seemed I had already anticipated this moment since I learned of his serious illness. Aside from a feeling of lament, I only felt sympathy for her, enduring the daily rush to care for him for so long. I heard he had instructed not to inform anyone, especially his peers. I didn't understand at first, until the news also took away one of his closest friends.
It was like a sigh that simultaneously extinguished the candle of his life and dimmed the flicker of his friend's flame, just like that, they departed from us. I wonder if, once those eyes closed, they faced eternal darkness, or merely the absence of light, or perhaps truly traveled to another world as various religions claim.
過了一陣子，我考取了急救員的執照，聽聞和見識到了更多生離死別的案例，只是平淡的看著這一切，又過了幾年，我的爺爺也去世了，他的喪禮辦的不算隆重父親也沒有多說甚麼，或許在他同意停掉呼吸器的那刻起，心中的某一塊已經空了，他只是默默地照著法師說的，一步步的推進著儀式。他沒有哭，當然也沒有笑，只是面無表情地應對著來來往往的客人和祭儀的種種。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHgYr6GPTk
我不知道這對他而言意外著甚麼，但我很清楚他的那份平靜和我當初面對外公過世時並不相同，只是靜靜地吩咐我們兄弟倆應該做些甚麼。我不知道他是否是接受了這一切，但那之後他就很少再笑過了，即便爺爺對他稱不上太好，甚至在他的幾個兄弟之中他總是需要承擔最多，也最常吃虧的，但他那近乎愚孝的處世，總讓我自嘲是離經叛道。
After some time, I obtained my emergency medical technician license, hearing and witnessing more cases of life and death, yet simply observing it all with detachment. A few years later, my paternal grandfather also passed away. His funeral wasn't particularly grand, and my father didn't say much. Perhaps, from the moment he agreed to turn off the ventilator, a part of his heart had already become empty. He simply followed the Buddhist master's instructions in silence, step by step through the ceremony. He didn't cry, nor did he smile; he merely responded expressionlessly to the coming and going guests and the various rituals.
I don't know what this meant to him, but I clearly sensed that his tranquility was different from mine when my maternal grandfather passed away. He simply instructed us, his two sons, on what we should do. I don't know if he had accepted it all, but after that, he rarely smiled. Even though my grandfather hadn't treated him particularly well, and among his brothers, he always had to bear the most burdens and suffer the most disadvantages, his almost foolish filial piety always made me self-deprecatingly feel like an unconventional sort.
身為長子的我，在父親忙於照顧奶奶的這些年，在傳統上不免需要作為代表出席許多婚喪喜慶，尤其是喪事的時候經常需要我獨自前往，無論是我的叔叔、堂叔公甚至到與我平輩礙於習俗他們不便出面需要我來主持大局時，向是沒有情感那樣，我只是靜靜的看著，默默地做著那些他們認為我該做的事，我並非對生命漠視，但好像真的沒辦法感受到那種傷悲，不是真的麻木不仁，但似乎到了這樣程度的事情發生時，我只是穿上我那一如既往符合習俗的服飾，摘下一片榕樹葉，然後靜靜地到，靜靜地離開，就像一陣風吹過不留下一點痕跡。
As the eldest son, during the years my father was busy caring for my grandmother, I often had to represent the family at various traditional ceremonies, especially funerals, where I frequently had to go alone. Whether it was my uncles, grand-uncles, or even peers whom custom dictated couldn't attend and required me to oversee the situation, I was like someone devoid of emotion. I simply watched quietly, silently doing what they expected of me. It's not that I'm indifferent to life, but I genuinely seem unable to feel that kind of sorrow; it's not true apathy. It's as if when such events occur, I simply put on my customary attire, pluck a banyan leaf, and then quietly arrive and quietly depart, like a gust of wind leaving no trace.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoLeVJDKBe
每個人面對這樣的事有著不同的態度，但不得不承認面對這終極的黑暗，生命的態度形形色色：有人會選擇漠視，對死亡的必然性與生命的有限性置若罔聞，彷彿它們永不會降臨；有人則表現出近乎無情的冷酷，無論是對待他人的逝去，抑或是對自身痛苦的壓抑，都缺乏應有的悲憫與體察，將情感抽離至極致。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCM9UlE9wh
Each person faces such matters with a different attitude, but one must admit that in confronting this ultimate darkness, human attitudes towards life are diverse: some choose to ignore it, turning a deaf ear to the inevitability of death and the finiteness of life, as if they will never come; others display an almost ruthless coldness, lacking due compassion and understanding towards the passing of others or the suppression of their own pain, detaching emotions to the extreme.
死亡，便是將有限的「我」溶解於無限的「我們」之中。在生命的盡頭，那些曾被追逐的世俗成就、那些在壓力下被動選擇的「高尚」，或許都將顯得微不足道。此時此刻，唯有曾經真實的連結、深厚的體悟，以及那些被時間磨礪而出的內在智慧，才真正成為永恆。或許，正是透過對黑暗的深刻凝視，我們才能更清晰地看見生命的珍貴與脆弱，學會放下執念，領悟到「向死而生」的豁達，並在每一個當下，更勇敢、更真誠地活著。因為最終，所有的一切都將歸於那無形無相的本源，成為滋養下一個循環的養分，而我們，不過是這永恆能量流轉中短暫的承載者，在光的照耀下顯形，又在光退去後，回歸那沒有形態的源頭。或許平淡從容地面對。並非對生命或死亡的冷漠，而是對其本質有著通透的理解與接受。在光暗，看見循環的必然；在失去中，領悟歸還的意義。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5cvVqiiAz
Death is the dissolution of the finite "I" into the infinite "we." At life's end, the worldly achievements once pursued, the "nobility" passively chosen under pressure, might all seem insignificant. At this moment, only genuine connections, profound insights, and the inner wisdom honed by time truly become eternal. Perhaps, it is precisely through a profound gaze into darkness that we can more clearly see the preciousness and fragility of life, learn to let go of obsessions, and grasp the openness of "living towards death," living more courageously and authentically in every present moment. For ultimately, everything will return to that formless origin, becoming nourishment for the next cycle, and we are merely temporary carriers in this eternal flow of energy, taking form in the light's embrace, and then, as the light recedes, returning to that shapeless source. Perhaps facing it with calm composure is not indifference to life or death, but a thorough understanding and acceptance of their essence. In light and dark, seeing the inevitability of the cycle; in loss, comprehending the meaning of return.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJVreblGtX
