. 628Please respect copyright.PENANAGCIwCP9bhX
628Please respect copyright.PENANASJHYmEkjL5
"You're such an idiot," Rozii says to me in the waiting area of the shop. We'd decided to close early and send the employees home, since it was basically a ghost town.
628Please respect copyright.PENANASgYTtdxfGf
I suck in a deep breath, and then let it back out. " I know."
628Please respect copyright.PENANAq9fQOUb4ik
"Why did you let him go?"
628Please respect copyright.PENANAYW3UKp7PTz
Huh. Good question.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAdQjWW1RHsT
Why did I let him go?
628Please respect copyright.PENANAc5JLEApSQx
Because I was scared. Afraid of what I was feeling. Terrified of opening myself up to be hurt.
628Please respect copyright.PENANArAcSgqAV9D
"I... I wasn't ready for that, yet. I don't want to get hurt, Rozii."
628Please respect copyright.PENANAYH3HgAY2H0
As Rozii is someone who has had her fair share of heartbreaks, I would've expected something like empathy and/or understanding from her.
628Please respect copyright.PENANA8J0fQV1u4C
Instead, she rolls her eyes so far that I fear that they may get stuck pointing into her head.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAcYfHqPW2TY
"Do you love him, Ezinma?"
628Please respect copyright.PENANAhTj6pRePdP
"Yes." I don't even have to think about it. I know this.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAzvBGxM4ClN
"Honey, you're gonna get hurt in life. It's inevitable. That's the fucked up truth."
628Please respect copyright.PENANAxV2fvFJBVI
"Gee, that makes me feel a shitload better."
628Please respect copyright.PENANA6VNQW75qcg
She smiles a broad smile.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAyE91Vi6cyy
"Bae, I'm always happy to help."
628Please respect copyright.PENANA5vETFIlEQ2
***
628Please respect copyright.PENANAiVpuCwXhWy
I've been on Netflix, binge watching everything possible to just get Desta out of my head, even for a little while. I've watched everything, from Modern Family, to American Horror Story.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAYEEN2sP0dN
And I can't forget him.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAjH0xyzQV6i
I don't want a Phil.
628Please respect copyright.PENANA7JqVyApIxw
I don't want a Tate.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAxMXC1Csvbi
I want Desta.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAwSicC36lbX
So I call the one person who I know always gives good advice in shitty situations like these.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAysbB0ir22F
My dad.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAoiIctPSxPr
He answers on the third ring, and I gulp nervously, and almost hang up.
628Please respect copyright.PENANA2smeMPlsWJ
"E?" What's up?"
628Please respect copyright.PENANAmnmGlDb1UH
I fucked up.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAjcYSPmCL4E
"I need your advice."
628Please respect copyright.PENANA5lwcKG79SE
"Sure. What's on your mind, hon?"
628Please respect copyright.PENANAD9nQBKBUeK
"What do you do when you're in love, but you're not ready to be in love?"
628Please respect copyright.PENANAUUnQhTSdsX
I hear absolute silence from him. Well, not completely. I can actually hear crickets chirping in the background, which means that he's probably in the living room; my parents keep the louvre windows in the living room open, and consequently, the chirping of crickets outside is audible from inside.
628Please respect copyright.PENANA8PxAFfUdmJ
"It's about that Desta boy, isn't it," he says, breaking the silence.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAoO5avcqdax
"How did you know?"
628Please respect copyright.PENANA111m16FAdZ
"The way he looked when your mother friend zoned him on your behalf; he looked heartbroken."
628Please respect copyright.PENANA1WyJBYdE1C
Wow. I officially feel like shit.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAN0swpvGybX
"Honey... love isn't something you pick and choose. It just happens."
628Please respect copyright.PENANA7dyVPMOXwC
"But I don't want to get hurt."
628Please respect copyright.PENANAsR1b2RXbz6
"Aren't you hurting right now? I can hear it in your voice."
628Please respect copyright.PENANAbDxSjuefiv
Holy shit.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAcChv8TGmnL
That is so true. I'm in so much emotional pain right now, my chest hurts constantly, especially whenever I inhale deeply.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAgXcofvKZDr
"Yes. I am." I sound like someone having an epiphany. I am having an epiphany.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAnaARNUgbKZ
"Thanks so much dad. I need to go."
628Please respect copyright.PENANAMGilTMQSyi
"Okay, baby girl. I hope things work themselves out."
628Please respect copyright.PENANAaJDMLahi5O
As soon as I hang up, I dial a number that I now know by heart.
628Please respect copyright.PENANArP9u6Zbrn7
He answers on the last ring.
628Please respect copyright.PENANA1b9UsiLMSq
"Ezinma," he says, sounding like shit, but also as if he wasn't planning on answering the phone at all, but changed his mind at the last second.
628Please respect copyright.PENANA5GHbnc58S1
"I..." I huff out a deep breath, and try again. "Can you come over I need to talk to you."
628Please respect copyright.PENANAIsl7VV1FrY
Silence. And then:
628Please respect copyright.PENANAPHV4Bo5fPI
"What do you want to talk to me about, Ezinma?"
628Please respect copyright.PENANAhyuWmCYLg1
"The fact that I am deeply and madly in love with you."
628Please respect copyright.PENANAqlxUzr81d8
***
628Please respect copyright.PENANA316e9YHbqz
Sitting in front of me, in my living room, on the couch opposite the one in which I am currently seated, Desta stares at me with wild, stressed eyes.
628Please respect copyright.PENANASsmBa1QZQU
"Would you like tea?"
628Please respect copyright.PENANAfcEpnRMlh7
"No."
628Please respect copyright.PENANAgZYco8hmCK
"A drink?"
628Please respect copyright.PENANAjpnBt7O2HY
"No, thank you."
628Please respect copyright.PENANAoc9TDMXCi7
"A spliff?"*
628Please respect copyright.PENANActo2GN0p7U
"I don't do ganja."
628Please respect copyright.PENANAEUojq48Zea
"Oh. Okay."
628Please respect copyright.PENANA8roXZVIsbt
"You love me?"
628Please respect copyright.PENANA73TmNmYS34
His change in topic leaves me reeling.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAAcT8uCZnvB
"Yes," I say, once I regain my composure.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAuuol2s2qUK
"Since when?"
628Please respect copyright.PENANAaPWCJC16m6
A while, really.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAZTryZVWgzd
"I lied to you; it was a lie of omission. I never said I didn't love you. I was afraid of being hurt; I still am."
628Please respect copyright.PENANA8YaANbkJbY
You know that feeling of vulnerability that you feel after boring your soul to someone? You can call it bare, naked, exposed, and list out every adjective to describe that feeling, but it still wouldn't properly explain it.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAYJjWWbNkMM
That's how I'm feeling right now.
628Please respect copyright.PENANAYIkKt8zuZi
"Ezinma," his gravelly voice pulls me back to reality. I see the pain in his eyes, and once again, I feel guilty for hurting him so much, hurting us both so much. "I can't promise that I'll never hurt you... but I can promise that I'll try."
628Please respect copyright.PENANA8wGtpYANqW
And really, that's all that I can reasonably ask of him. We all fuck up; it makes up human. Nobody's perfect. You can take your pick at your favourite cliché line on this topic, but they're mostly true.
628Please respect copyright.PENANADpUzFnhloC
"I just hope that... that's enough." He bites his lip, and he looks so worried that I'll reject him.
628Please respect copyright.PENANA9qUFOUvqKD
I give him a small smile, and his face lights up in hope.
628Please respect copyright.PENANA3ek0gXegk0
"Yes. It is. And I'll try, too."
628Please respect copyright.PENANAVSAMfdS1Cu
628Please respect copyright.PENANAtRUX69hF39
628Please respect copyright.PENANArbKpfBEF9l