With the next early autumn, I had now counted 24 moons with you.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57QyarVz92
"No" became your favorite word. And now, and this was new, you could open doors.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc42kR4QXSu
The pantry. The cellar. And to my deepest dismay, my study. A place I had explicitly forbidden you again and again. For reasons that would seem rational to you, if you weren't an unreasonable little imp with too little intelligence and too many ideas. I heard it every time. From afar. The sound of a brass, albeit worn, doorknob being pressed down by sticky child hands. And then carefree pattering on the dark wooden floorboards.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYYD4Dl4Ff
"Leonora." My tone was calm. Far too calm, because I saw the danger. I found you on the chair in my study, arms stretched out like a young tightrope walker. In front of you a table with vials and phials of liquids, most of which I still had to identify, and a scroll made of animal skin, older than Grellborn's back pain. I had not sealed it. Because I was tired. And thus careless.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0QueZPNOe
"Look!" you laughed cheerfully, with a phial in your hand, its contents shimmering dangerously green. I had no idea what was in it. Something from Grellborn, something he had once bartered on the black market. Probably in exchange for a cursed bezoar of a ruminant or whatever else he kept hidden in his thousand drawers. I froze in the doorway, rigid. My arm outstretched, a finger raised. Like a conductor trying to prevent a cacophony of chaos. My left hand slightly defensive against the approaching danger. My body leaned slightly forward, as if ready to leap at any moment.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8xebHWTlV
"Leonora," I said again, slower, warning. My gaze darted between you and the phial in your hand.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXyF479Xen
"Don't. Move." I said clearly and unambiguously.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMNMkz0sd5
"Why?" you asked and I swear, by all dark gods, Nora, that tone was exactly like a queen denied her dessert. I stood still, because I knew, one wrong step, one unconscious provocation on my part, and not even the most renowned necromancer could piece you back together. Nor me, probably.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HYRLr4yuR
"If you move," I said, clear as a mountain stream, "you could explode."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYo5YZLTNIK
You tilted your head: "What expode?"13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqnaNDcNho
"A state in which you..." I searched for a phrase you might understand. Found none quickly. "...would hurt yourself very much." You considered.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwKrwkxwVG
"Aha," you said cheerfully. I stepped closer, slowly and every step calculated. You had been carelessly swaying the phial. I drew in a sharp breath. And then, in an act of ultimate rebellion, you simply poured the liquid out. Onto an ancient parchment. The liquid began to steam immediately. The parchment began to sizzle and dissolve with a crackle. No explosion or fire, as I had feared.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xOMBGlWqc
I blinked.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpempbfL0El
"Leonora," I said with a calm only maintained through centuries of meditation, "this paper was older than you, Grellborn, and my cynicism combined."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPlXOgVlae
You giggled: "Look, moke! Maic!"
I pinched the bridge of my nose between thumb and forefinger and sighed. You had already climbed down from the chair and came toward me with a satisfied grin. And I? Took a deep breath. Then I turned around and made a mental note:13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvFEo0fclb
"Grellborn. I need valerian. For me. This time for real."
I handed you over to Grellborn.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY30bzyZLrv
We sat in the great hall. A room that pretended to be a living room but was, in truth, a jumble of carpets, antlers, clocks, and wax-clogged candlesticks.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAX92sWcQK
The ceiling too high, the windows too small, the paintings too suggestive; and not a single one hung by me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7exq8cbvp
I never quite figured out whether this house had shaped itself around me, or if I had simply adapted to it like a sulky guest who never left.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm77y9zY0Ib
The fireplace spat the occasional spark, as if it wanted to remind us it was still there.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPLtap0kYo
Above it, a stag's head glared at me with glass eyes, as if I were the intruder.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7B8USBFqbX
I couldn't really blame him. He was right.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ269spLiQ0t
To the left, three red armchairs and a matching sofa, upholstered in a fabric that reeked of outdated taste and disappointed hopes.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5JAM2GdsU
To the right, a grandfather clock that never kept time; I didn't care. Time had long since lost all meaning to me. The chandeliers hung from the ceiling like lost spiders.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrarZHBZ4gd
I had taken over the house about a century ago. Not bought. Taken.
Back then, the plague was sweeping through England, and the former owners had decided, quite unanimously, to die. A few of them were still upstairs when I moved in.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9VwLJTO5N
Some bloated like overstuffed pigs' bladders, others still stiff.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUV6BdX7UVm
I was polite enough to bury them in the back yard. No flowers; I was merely a pragmatist with a shovel. You'd played in the grass there the other day.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHNrSa4Q1p
Of course, I said nothing.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOzFzUTbVO
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As so often, Grellborn had simply invited himself. I wasn't truly bothered. He brought you warmer clothes for the coming months (you had already outgrown the old ones) and even a carved deer, with which you played on Grell's lap. Grell assured me that your provocation phase was normal for toddlers, even if overly taxing for the nerves of a guardian.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7xtSE6837
"This is a really good sign for once, Szandor!" He beamed over his wrinkled face, half covered by white beard.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtwc1k6vWH
"For once?" My eyebrows furrowed.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuJBYxCCOZ
"She trusts you," he expertly ignored my question, "if she were always sweet, she wouldn't trust you."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7vfaJYCtr
"Trust," I repeated, "a dangerous instinct in beings with such soft skulls."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCAk9t8oFD
"Godbless, I'd have every scribe sign this if you'd believe me then," mumbled Grell, as you let the deer vanish into his beard.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xWQeoIOOy
"She doesn't say no because she rejects you. She provokes you because she knows you'll stay."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MHb94oSv1
I blinked slowly: "Wonderful. So it's a sign of trust when she sets fire to my scrolls with alchemical fluids."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DMJcmzEEU
"Exactly," he nodded, as if I had just passed the druid apprentice's exam.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByEVx5bHOx
"What nonsense. She contradicts everything. Even the weather."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzp6YjER55O
"Exactly." Grell leaned back, I wasn't sure whether it was the chair or his brittle bones creaking.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVEanjdoB6
"She threw herself on the cold stone floor last week because I wouldn't give her a second bowl of carrot mash," I said with a worn-out voice. Grell watched you silently, with that old-man's smirk; neither sentimental nor foolish. More like someone who knows the abysses of all creatures on Earth and still pours milk into his tea, just for the fun of it. You looked at him and laughed. A soft crackle in the fire accompanied your joy, then he spoke again:13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWSMZP2ZBJ
"And yet... she falls asleep beside you. Trust is not always a hug. Sometimes it looks like a tantrum on a stone floor. You never screamed, did you?" he asked suddenly.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOnTeIWYe7
I snorted. "I was a quiet child. Disciplined. Compliant."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubPqXStSOK
"How unnatural," he said dryly. I wanted to contradict him, but I realized I couldn't. I tried to remember, any moment from my childhood where I screamed, cried. But I found nothing. Only insignificant images from a distance.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZxsC7HYAM
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You were just about to explore Grell's fluffy beard, when once again a raven landed on the windowsill. You waved to it. It was the same one that had appeared almost daily in recent months, always at the same hour. Over time, I began to recognize it by small features. The little feather that always stood out slightly from its back. The slight scratch on the beak. I stepped to the window. The raven looked at me. No frantic cawing, no wing flapping. Just that gaze. A gaze too long. Too aware. I crossed my arms.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAaSQVqmCo
"Grell..." I began, without turning, "you have nothing to do with this, right?"13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTm8IhzJ3fH
"With what?"13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2l1D34B6O
"The raven."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1a0ZofK6kw
"Godbless," he murmured, "you think every creature that survives more than two days in your estate was sent by me." You, meanwhile, had slid off Grell's knee and came to stand beside me at the window. Your little fingers touched my leg to keep balance.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQg3XTPxv9
"Caw!" you cried joyfully and pointed to the feathered beast. I said nothing. The raven looked at you. Then at me. Then back at you. A caw, softer now, almost watchful. The raven slightly lifted its wings but remained seated.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhDuN3067K
"Birb good!" you said then. Just like that.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDXlgIpEln
"He's a scavenger." I stated flatly. You nodded with satisfaction, as if I had merely confirmed your opinion.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdPs7IDYuR
Grellborn giggled in the background like a cheeky maidservant: "Ravens don't come without reason."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLeSrUOa68
"But you said you didn't send it." I turned slowly to him, accusing with a spider's gaze, though that never intimidated Grell.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItga0KSUt8
"I didn't. I'm only saying, if they come, it's with meaning."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SmoloiUeq
You wiggled your toes beside me, still toward the bird.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQ9zHnW7KM
"And oh, wise Grellborn, once forged by lightning, what do these avian vertebrates proclaim? Is the end of the world finally upon us?"13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kSOcSFd1C
Grell kept his pipe in his mouth as he stirred his tea: "In this case, probably not. Ravens often herald change. Sometimes they appear when a shift is happening. Sometimes they are messengers of coming fortune or misfortune, who knows for sure? In any case, they embody wisdom, omniscience. Or a threatening kind of truth, Godbless."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTkesaSUSp
I sat back down: "Your knowledge is as fuzzy as your memory."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiT9H7bO6kM
"As with all things spiritual," Grell grinned like a rascal and then fell silent. And I knew he knew more than he let on.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURmJDivWIb
I hate it when he goes quiet. It's never disinterest. It's too-much-knowledge he refuses to share.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFaMGss3lK
"Grell, if you know something..." I pressed again.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ifmNVirrY
"I would tell you once you're ready."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDY0qdtQoUs
I stared at him: "That's not an answer."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrFpAVopE2
"It is," he said, "just not for now. Have trust."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aDRa8VNSa
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Then the raven flew off and you watched it, fascinated.
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