Naming you... was arduous. Utterly excruciating. Every name that came to mind sounded too sweet.
It gave me shudders. Too ordinary. Too tainted by centuries of stories and associations, whose sentimental ballast repulsed me and which I had no wish to be reminded of.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGKdLK8kjV
Humans name things to bring order to chaos. They name the things they fear to get a grip on them. Demons. Diseases. Babies.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTNnp3KANm
And yet, language is always power.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0UCBT6ETp
Consider the shrewd negotiator at the market, the eloquent diplomat, or the sweet words of a lover who accomplishes more with a whispered "please" than with a thousand swords.
A name can lead to glory or to a lifelong curse.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hHajuzk8O
Barely born, and already everything depends on how deranged your guardians are.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsoCy9eF8f
I mean, just imagine it. A screaming bundle. Incapable of thought, incapable of making its own decisions. And then someone comes along and, with full conviction, names it "Gunhilda."
Or "Egbert." The name of a man who still has breadcrumbs from breakfast in his beard and listens with moist reverence to last week's sermon.
Or "Hildegard." Makes you wish the child had remained nameless.
And then all these saintly names for the common folk: "Hieronymus," "Benedikta," "Theophilus." As if divine grace could be summoned by a baptism certificate. Ridiculous.
I couldn't assign you to one of those name-bearing tragedies. Such names stick.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuXuYkDUc5
And in the end people would have thought I was responsible for a "Milburga".16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqM9jbK3BA
I'd rather perish in sunlight than be associated with that kind of public disgrace.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGH2fktbsum
A name can force something unformed into something tangible.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwC78B4v4F
And that was precisely the problem.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzdp25dexk
You were unformed. You were nothing tangible. You were an anomaly.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9i19Xvz7v
A little question mark with hunger.
I couldn't call you "the child" forever. I tried. For days.
"Stop howling, child."16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPxUxxmZUI
"Come here, child."16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6ghEAaHLq
"Sleep now, child."
But eventually, one night, I found it. The scroll was brittle, eaten through by mold spores, the edges crusted with wax.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHSqjWvxqJ
A ragtag collection of forgotten theories, half-alchemical blood mysticism, and name etymologies from ancient houses, bound together by someone with little care.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3z9RDtLDPy
I read it while you slept, and I didn't know what to do with myself.
And then my gaze fell upon it.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyQ5j02hLX
Leonora.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOEgriLbsP
I frowned. A clear sound. Melodic. Aristocratic. Almost too beautiful.
In a footnote, barely legible among the faded lines of ink, it read:16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzOOhlTX1Z
"Leonora, presumably from Alienor, Old Provencal. Meaning: the stranger. She who does not belong."
I paused. The stranger. Not belonging.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdHXoRQEF0
I looked down at you. A bundle of blankets, with those large, dark eyes that sometimes studied me as if you weren't helpless but aware. Aware in the deepest sense.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9r26sbBm1y
A name that doesn't promise to belong, but refuses to.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9bDSCKjA3
I smirked. "Of course you are."
Finally, a name that didn't drip with optimism from every orifice.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xlEpXWDor
But I kept reading. Unfortunately.
"Later folk etymologies also suggest: 'the luminous,' related to ancient Greek eleos, light, mercy."
I stared at the words.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRTQvkOm1P
Light. Mercy.
My eyes rolled in irritation, and I felt offended by the implication.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SHaolqRX3
My mouth drooped. I pulled a face as if someone had served me poorly spiced wine.
"Of course. No name remains untainted," I muttered, exasperated.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfYh4q44Pp
I should have torn the parchment. But I didn't.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNMol9fuWN
Leonora. At least it didn't sound like some cheesy village milkmaid.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiHbYujZ6P
I slowly rolled it up and placed it on my knees. Bent over your basket, sighed. Still not entirely convinced.
I read it a second time. Leonora.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoUIJFcl1c
"The luminous," I whispered and laughed softly. Of course. Of all things.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAnKMS1C5Q
A name like the brightest candle in a godforsaken crypt.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlsE8s8G3n
I should have discarded it. Should have kept looking until something darker, more fitting, imposed itself. But I didn't.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSX9ev30M4
Because I remembered my own thought from weeks ago:
What happens when darkness raises a sunbeam?
I leaned over your basket. "Leonora," I said, tonelessly.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFD4mAoBpH
"Then be the light. I'll see if you blind me someday."
You cooed. I raised an eyebrow.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIPwDm4V6X
"Don't get too used to it. Names are masks, little one. Now sleep."
But I said it again. And again. And again. Until it no longer felt like a foreign object in my mouth.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfxVKDbTXf
But like you.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQGVPYem80
16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlBbcbmsbd
