x
I told her once—
"I'll be your confidence."
Because she had always been mine.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4xJ8Eb6Dw
From the beginning.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRg7NtKHa2
She lit sparks in dull moments.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cY8b1QJBh
Listened when I didn’t even know what I was saying.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bYpxLao30
Talked like every word was music, and I was just lucky to hear it.
So when I saw an internship opportunity from Flipkart — open only for girls —32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISkgpObHF5
I didn’t hesitate.
I told her.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDD7inw91x
Knowing full well she might hesitate.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESo5TIZ65G
Because that’s me when it comes to her.
Never missing a chance to be her helping hand.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2UPvav6n9
Never wanting her to miss one step toward something better.
She thought about it.
And she said, “Okay.”
The day of the test arrived.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcLZZ5zJVF
We planned to meet in the library, afternoon.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpr725EBlyQ
In one of the quiet discussion rooms.
I reached early.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYDhhtMwsM
Maybe because I was eager.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4jlYQAV5w
Maybe because I thought, somehow, today could fix the cracks.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qlXMUE4Ro
Or at least remind us of how we once were.
I had everything ready: the laptop open, test page preloaded, my heart strangely light.
When she arrived, I gave her my laptop for a while — to finish some English assignment.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dWQFopz9z
And I took her laptop.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLOsX387Fa
Told her not to worry about it.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuv7E8GtOsY
Told myself it would ease the guilt… the distance.
She smiled.
And it felt like I was doing the right thing.
But then… I did something I can never take back.
Not because I wanted to know who she was texting.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6B9bDZ8xK
Not out of jealousy.
But out of that quiet ache —32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIApI2smIsn
To know if I still existed in her world the way she lived in mine.
I opened her WhatsApp.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueyN5tVn1E
Typed my own name in the search bar.
What I read…32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlNAnJICgx
Was not what I was ready for.
At first, it made me smile.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHN6chJDRC
Little mentions.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqgOC63suM
Small memories.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEYVJXneey
Familiar tones.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM44F8KqwOf
But then…32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3z9n9HAyJ
The words changed.
"I feel awkward around him."32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXLNeHGDxc
"At last, I feel comfortable talking to someone… than talking to him"
It crushed me.
Like being stabbed by a voice I once trusted to save me.
I wanted to cry.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULKV9Mgnmc
But I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
I just stared ahead.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlYMAIlF8k
Acted normal.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zKRd4T1aT
Pretended the world hadn’t just collapsed under my feet.
Because that’s what I do best.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZHMYeIEb3
Break in silence.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodfO1tt7Hw
Smile with scars.
The test began.
I gave it everything.
Some questions were easy.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKmJWq6TUV
Some weren’t.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPphcv8uTG
But she never saw the storm behind my calm.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPwESU8aR4
She didn’t know the war I was fighting in my head as I smiled, as I helped, as I tried to just be a friend.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFZIvoF90w
But I had made a promise.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Mvt57o5Gn
And no matter how broken I was, I never go back on a promise.
Later, as we packed up to leave…32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJxYVOKKFb
She noticed something on my laptop.
Her name.
Saved as Stranger.
She asked.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zQcsLKmFf
But I didn’t answer.
Because how do you explain that someone once felt like home,32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxDrJSOFV3
and now they’re just…32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvZwoQuCK8
an address you can’t return to?
I still see her.
With Ren.
Laughing.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHx6TB6ng4
Talking freely.
No awkwardness.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHYb0Yh0PG
No hesitation.
Everything I ever tried to be for her…32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1N93Bq5O2
he now is.
I never wanted more than friendship.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePD6EvwMjS
But somehow… even that was too much to ask for.
I buried everything — my feelings, thoughts, jealousy, guilt —32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFo2YbhnfB
over and over.
But no matter how many times I tried to bury it all…32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFn4ZH2hNWX
I always ended up the one grieving.
But it never seemed to be enough.
What changed?
Or maybe…32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRRRGTUxn8
nothing ever did.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI279rW54wN
Maybe there was nothing from the start — to change at all.
Now the buses have changed their places again.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZzQiM2ex5
Destiny playing chess with people’s lives.
Alice’s bus — no longer somewhere in between —32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCEX69QXzd
now parked neatly alongside Ren’s.
While mine?
Still at the same spot since day one.
Watching.
Waiting.
Trying to understand the stories whispered by the evening wind.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGL2Bz89Al
And the answers it hides in plain sight.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaZqIWRLwr
At last,… all these are just words.
Words I wish she heard.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHXmhhwbf8
Words I wish I never said.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWRdGi2l0B
Words I’ll carry long after she forgets them.
Because…32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6smJtKTjz
When I saw those messages, I couldn’t bear to read any further.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UGmmXWOwA
When I sat across from her —32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKr2cH5L3wY
And she had no idea that she still trusted me,32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGN5Js1KGA
While I was doing the very thing I swore, I’d never do.
I broke her trust.32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcukcNHLow
I betrayed her.
And the worst part?
I still love her enough to hope…32Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbynZEIXNhZ
She never finds out.
