"Stop walking so fucking fast." Maverick's voice sounds from behind me, along with his heavy footsteps.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRUxS9yqIu
"What, Maverick?!" I spin around on my heel, making him come to a sudden stop in the middle of the hallway.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvBfNpMmdN
His eyes float around, taking in the passing stares before grabbing ahold of my left arm. He pulls me to the side, by the lockers.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKybUnsw1d
"You're mad at me." He states blandly, searching my face that has every bit of anger and annoyance written on it.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnT61Qu1kh1
I'm about to go in on him but he stops me by putting a hand against his chest. "I can understand why." Dropping his hand, raising a shoulder and letting it fall, he says; "But you didn't seem mad at all that night, Lilli. You did it without any resistance." He arches a perfectly bushy eyebrow. "Why now?"
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizK5eJDWKU
I make a dismissive sound before snapping at him. "It's not about-!" I pause before adding too much detail. "...that."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjEtAEAktG
Maverick rests a shoulder against the locker door. "So then what's it about, Lilliana?" He asks as if bored with the conversation.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RiQj5qhmB
"Are you so serious?!" I try not to raise my voice too loud, remembering I'm at school. "You know what, never mind. Clearly it doesn't matter that much."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdypZUoABCu
He groans. "Let's not make things complicated."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTc1xsdi1uh
"I knew you knew what I was talking about!" I then bring my voice to a whisper. "You're the one making things complicated by completely ignoring the fact that we kissed the other night. That's a little awkward, Maverick."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNYDDYXe7b
"I'm not ignoring it, we just haven't had the time to talk about it yet." He states.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxU8nXjBlI
All day I've just wanted to be left alone. I've kept my eyes low and head down even in the presence of my 'friends'. I don't want anyone to talk to me, look at me, be around me if they don't have to.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivzOhxcoxM
It's not about feeling like anyone knows that I killed that man...not about feeling guilty...it's still about being incredibly confused. The more I think about it, the more I feel like a ward is the best place for me. It's like I'm living in some kind of alternate reality, in the continuous state of an out of body experience. To be sitting in classrooms all day, walking the halls and living daily life is delusional.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGcytLUWeu
"The party tonight will cheer her up." Bella is telling Quinton as they approach us. "Won't it, Lilli?"
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HZElSUVnL
I shift my weight from one leg to the other uncomfortably, giving a shrug and keeping my sight on anything other than them. I'm really just hoping neither of them sense the off vibes between Maverick and I...or sense
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YoZvp0xgh
"I don't know." I give a shrug. "I was thinking I'd chill at home."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnnJq4vXmi
Bella gapes at us. She doesn't reply right away, as if waiting for the laughter or any hint that I was joking. "You must be kidding." She laughs, face twisting in disbelief and disapproval. "When was the last Friday night you stayed at home? You never do that."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdXrSf48K6
"Yeah, Lilli..." Maverick agrees, making me dart my eyes up at him. He raises a brow as he stares down at me. "You never do that."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVvzFQxLps
Mentally I'm rolling my eyes and cursing him out. In reality, I'm not given much of an option but to aim my best fake smile at Bella and Quinton. "Okay, okay. I'll go." I tell them. "But keep in mind I was sick just yesterday." I lie, moving a pointed finger between them both. "If I start feeling worse, both of you are to blame."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOLvDHgmff
Bella purses her lips, hip poking out with a hand thrown on it. "Like you're really sick." She says sarcastically.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFNdEYiD1T
Quinton nods his head along with his own words. "If anything, it was a hangover."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNZNv0YGPR
Well that's not completely wrong.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEVBR3widX
Bella, with the help of Quinton, has progressed since Kennedy 'went missing'. When I say she's progressed, I mean she's learning how to pretend that she's moved on. It's still fresh and new to most of the school. Everyone is just now learning how to make this their new normal.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvv9zd4WJN
Hearing Kennedy's name mentioned in almost every conversation you're apart of or pass by, has dwindled. The teachers aren't constantly giving saddened smiles throughout class.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl10wENzKNR
"It's high school." Malachi had said. "There's something new to talk about every day. It won't take too much longer for this to pass."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsPDNfbzHq
Bella still gazes at Kennedy's locker when she walks by it. But it's different now; the feeling behind her eyes as she looks at it. It used to be optimistic, hopeful that one day soon, she'll get to see Kennedy opening it again. Now, she gazes at the locker solemnly, a part of her more than likely knowing that Kennedy won't ever come back.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTN0sG8i64
Although we aren't that close, especially nowadays, I still feel a twinge of guilt every time I see Bella and Quinton. I'm still waiting on that to go away like Malachi and Maverick said it would.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSM4c2VZ2I0
________________________________
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1CC4KtkQl
I was lucky Malachi had made a little pill delivery to my house; it got me through the remainder of my school day, through small talk with my mom. Since everything has gone down, the small amount Maverick has been leaving me with isn't taking away the misery like it should. Malachi gave me enough to triple up on doses for a week straight if I wanted to.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKUuujjuNu
Although I don't ever want to, if I'm forced to look someone in the eye, it isn't too hard when I'm three extra doses in since I woke up. Conversations don't feel as tragic as before, feeling like I'm in a spotlight even if it's about something meaningless...but I still don't ever plan on having them unless I'm approached or talked to first.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDor3JxgB3
Maverick, unknowingly is losing the reigns on the frequency of my bad habit, our bad habit. I blame him; if it weren't for everything he told me, what he made me do, I wouldn't be seeking a higher high. He shouldn't be too angry when he finds out I've been taking more behind his back.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQcxv32BDj
Currently, two of Malachi's pills is getting me through this party.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnN8mSFEmY
They're aiding with ignoring the fact that his attitude after the kiss could mean a million different things. But at the end of each day, Maverick is only hurting the situation by blowing me off. Without them, I'd be fixated on the fact that he's able to go about this party like all is well.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAvUAEQvJL
Instead, I'm pretending to listen to Bella rant on about the little things Quinton does that makes her think he likes her. Fucking duh. Times like this makes me wish Kennedy was still around to do 'girl talk' with her. I can't do the whole bouncing up and down, getting excited for one another thing. And I'm not sure how to tell her that I just don't give a fuck.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZ9RO48xqz
From the kitchen, Maverick is knocking back shots with Quinton. If I know them as well as I think I do, Maverick is probably egging Quinton on, daring him to match him. Maverick, always feeling the need to play games, knowing good and well that Quinton handles his liquor like a sixteen year old girl getting a buzz for the first time. It's gotta be some form of bullying.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoEQq8eYdG
Malachi is working the living room, putting his gift of persuasion to use as he makes money off the bags of various drugs in each of his pockets. Despite it being dark outside and in the house, he wears blacked out sunglasses over his eyes, a wide smile on display as he weaves his way through the crowd.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOryq8khmdD
Seeing them enjoying the party, smiling, talking, makes me wish I wasn't always disassociated.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMz9aHM0CUk
"Are you even listening?"
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqGVIa4UD7
I blink at Bella a few times.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEJPmFSZkD
No.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3B0npjcH7
"Yeah."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgS7teDpHjo
"So you agree?" She waves her bedazzled phone in my face that is impossible to focus on with it moving like that. "That's totally flirty."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofyxWjIlyR
When the phone stills, I scan over the texts about them enjoying each other's company. Honestly, it's so cheesy it makes me want to vomit. I can never understand some girls desire to have such a romantic, sappy relationship.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8nBxTDsDb
I nod, trying my best to seem into the conversation. "Yeah, I'd call that flirting." I even put a little life in my voice to satisfy her. "Just tell him you're interested already, what's the worst that can happen?"
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqh6kuTV7g
A presence lingers behind me.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqwWuK1Vm5
"Anything." Malachi answers for Bella from over my shoulder. "You should know that, Lilli."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKVAcVdhCj
Even though Malachi has once again announced himself by saying something sarcastic, I'm kind of relieved that he's interrupted us. I didn't know how much more pretending with Bella I could do. She's killing my high.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUNzlYivLo
"I'm only kidding." Malachi chuckles, waving a dismissive arm out next to me. "She's right, Bella." I can practically hear his mental laughter as he tells her; "Life can be very short."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gBtHcKVyR
I can see the curiosity about the nature of our relationship floating through Bella's mind as her eyes flicker between us. She doesn't make any comment about it, not that she's given much of an opportunity from Malachi.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Q5JyZQ8vI
"Mind if I borrow her?"
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQgpxeWJOx
Malachi doesn't give her time to answer either as he gives me a nudge in my back, almost making me trip over my own feet on my way past Bella.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96x41SfTeX
"Why so glum, Lilliana?" He asks from behind me.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50pMse3kuS
I don't bother answering him as he guide me by a hand on my hip across the living room.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjiWr5mYvz
"You're bored." He says factually.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1jHXmWyOd
Once he's stopped me by the wall, I shoo his hand away, only making him grin.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAm0EGSoqtg
"I'm not bored." I counter. "Bella and I just don't have much in common."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8YzG4VUrX
"I wasn't talking about being bored with Bella." He clarifies, retrieving a blunt from behind his ear and putting one of the ends in his mouth. "I meant in general." He continues with the blunt still dangling between his lips. He draws the lighter up, giving it a few flicks before the flame appears.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJUtoW6I08
"And you're still wrong."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHkxpDHXlI
Malachi's smile forms from around the blunt as he brings the flame to the opposite end. He then takes a few puffs, causing the smoke to roll and the blunt to catch fire. He holds it out in front of him, blowing out the flame before taking another drag.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCIkZBDcIh
"You're even more mopey now than you were before." He says with lungs full of smoke. "And we both know it's not because you feel guilty." He exhales, stuffing the lighter back in his pocket.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtuQHXsSkd
I cross my arms over my chest. "Then tell me, since you know everything, what is it about?"
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60ce36dJE2
"I was getting there."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIeQtwdqOB
My eyes roll dramatically.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjv9yFbAzHb
"You've had a very eventful past couple weeks." He explains. "Full of twists and turns, yes?" My eyes narrow, not finding him funny. "Today, yesterday, they've been stagnant. Your boredom isn't even coming from waiting on ol' Maverick to make his next move." He adds with a dismissive tone. "You just need some more action, some more 'wow' factors...continuous chaos to keep you occupied." He then chuckles lightly. "It's why you can't have normal fucking conversations; like Bella simply telling you about a crush. That's nothing compared to the drama you're going through, it is?"
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvHXwqZ49s
"You're really suggesting I want you and Maverick to make me do that again?"
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZcCQzQw5k
Malachi takes another drag. "Of course not, Lilli." Another grin. "I'm suggesting that you want to do it on your own accord."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBLsjvWmuz
That's just what the guys want for me. I don't want it...
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXquOVUJBrk
Right?
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NiQHSA9lD
They're making me question my own mental.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcPBKTkWWv
"Let me hit it." I wave a hand towards myself, urging him to hand the blunt over.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG30U6WveJm
A mischievous gleam appears in Malachi's eyes, paired with a smile to match.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySWu43krLK
He holds it out next to us, out of my reach as he instructs..."Say please."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugrz97lQIj
I notice Malachi's eyes raise from mine to look over my shoulder.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCBVUGAclj
"Perfect timing, as always." Malachi announces as Maverick stops to stand beside me. "I was just about to come find you so we could tell Lilliana about our vacation coming up."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkinJTErm4
"I wouldn't call it a vacation." Maverick replies, looking down at me and then back at Malachi as if expecting something.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjCkzrUiEM
"A getaway, if you will." Malachi reiterates, offering up the blunt to me.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajvu10Ugsb
I take it from him. "Where? To do what?"
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzL67fVeG8
Maverick hands find his pockets. "Atlanta."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwxrpQDNrU
I give them a moment to answer my second question. When both men keep that indifferent expression, I ask again. "To do what?"
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPJfchhC1f
"We're gonna see Travis." Maverick tells me as I exhale a breath of smoke. "The guy we work for."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0oGXwkduL
I don't know rather to be weary or excited. Maybe a bit of both is fine. I don't know what seeing this Travis guy has to do with me but all I'm hearing right now is that I get to leave town. No parents, no burden of the dreary town we live in. It sounds like a vacation to me.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLydeXMUIsf
When Malachi and I's eyes meet, I know we're sharing the same thoughts as his lips turn upwards...this will cure my boredom.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpXHmlyfSQ
"And what role will I be playing?" I pass the blunt back, putting my hands on my hips and turning towards Maverick.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XKf6Bd3sI
His eyes sweep over me. "What role would you like to play, Lilliana? It seems you have your pick these days."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYrJzVJxo5
"The depressed drug addict." Malachi suggests with a shrugs. "Maverick's love interest." He waits a moment before adding; "A killer."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hZUdScIJu
"Malachi!" I snap through gritted teeth.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHW9dIKRwuh
"Don't like your options?" Maverick chuckles. "When we go, you just do what you always do...follow my lead."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9eMip2zoJ
I don't know if I should be insulted or turned right now.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gCXWH90BP
When Malachi was waved over by a few people, it left Maverick and I alone to stare at each other.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VZu3r2JY3
Neither of us says a word for what seems like forever. It isn't really awkward, it's more like we're just reading each other. We're both finding the same thing; readiness, vulnerability, patience. It's like we're both just waiting on the other to give the green light.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6Nig7ZmRl
Both of us know he's the one in control right now. It's not like it's ever been much different. He literally kills people for a living at only seventeen. I don't see why he doesn't just make the next move already.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyN87dhqLmI
"How are you holding up, Lilliana?"
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlSxf7Lr9p
The question catches me off guard. Maybe a week or so ago I would've expected it, but so much can happen and change in a matter of days. Him killing Kennedy, then making me kill someone as leverage has made him completely disregard why we're so close in the first place; our mutual sadness. That's something he used to be tentative of.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8Rorj4Re1
I am not only confused about the direction our relationship is going, but also why he hasn't even treated me like a friend, like normal.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYLJGs6nYA
"Do you really want to know or are you just trying to find something to talk about?" I cross my arms back over my chest, like it's some kind of barrier between us.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBi7JQ7UuRo
"Both." He answers bluntly. "But you know I care."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuHjZrdTW1
"Do I?"
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDPEonTYtx
Maverick's hands reach out, pulling my arms back down to my sides gently. "Yeah, you do." His hair falls forward into his face as he looks down at me, standing close enough for me to have to angle my head almost all the way back. "You just get stubborn when you're upset."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlnjZ7evfa
I look away from him, trying my hardest not to literally melt.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3WOkHx7C5
"I know not much has changed emotionally for you." He observes. "It just takes a little time."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJQYImpCD3
My face twists, looking up at him again. "Everything has changed, Maverick. Everything. The only thing the same is how much I want to kill myself."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2z25FITE7
"Which is exactly what I was referring to." He tells me. "We've only taken the first step." He then gives an expression of being pleased. "But it's good to know your worry isn't about what you did."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaA1WyKWhoz
Embarrassment washes over me as raw feelings are being put on display for the one person's opinion I truly give a shit about. There's no hole to crawl into, no hiding anymore.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNFc6Ghlir
"Of course I'm worried about that." I lie the best I can.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwYV6lwBQy
"No you aren't." He claims, leaning in a little closer to his face is next to mine. His breaths fan my exposed neck. "You're worried about me too. Us. You can't stop thinking about me, can you?"
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MqfEd4q9U
My face heats up as I fight the urge to touch him.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZBi0GvlCi
"Stop."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhvWhjFb7g
"I can't stop thinking about you either, Lilliana." His husky voice sounds from right next to my ear. "But that's always been a habit of mine."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SuuNarx5C
My heartbeat's pace speeds up, anticipating another unforgettable moment between us.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldSAWMmpoh
"I've kept my hands off you for so long." He tells me right before taking ahold of the left side of my neck. I'm sure he can feel how quick my pulse is. "It almost feels wrong to touch you."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4ZdE8TPku
My eyelids close at the feeling of his palm on my skin, causing a tingling sensation throughout my body.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQ4fiHFdLq
"Sorry to interrupt whatever this is but I've got something a bit more important than this to talk to you about."
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfl4D5szsFE
Malachi inserts himself at the worst possible time. I suppress a groan as Maverick detaches himself from me.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWGtzgUYl9
"Yeah, okay." Maverick says in a dull tone with a short nod before turning away from me.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqSt5gyejr
He doesn't send a word my way before following Malachi.
ns216.73.216.166da2
