With a couple pills and a blunt in my system, I feel much lighter now. My thoughts aren't racing with every bad outcome holding this information could cause or all the reasons Maverick has pissed me off in the last couple of days.
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I'm able to sit with my knees drawn up on the couch, head rested back...relaxed. Without the substances, the two of them convening in the kitchen to discuss how much of a burden I've become would've bothered me. Maverick treating me like we didn't some storybook kiss the other night would've bothered me too.
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Yet all I can do is sit here staring at the ceiling, wondering what the fuck is happening in my life.
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"So we tried to figure out a way to make it pretty." Malachi announces their presence in the living room, coming to sit on the arm of the couch I'm on. "We tried to figure out how to say it in a nice way." He reiterates, rubbing his hands on his pant legs. "Yeah, we couldn't do that."
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Maverick, stood leaning against the doorframe with his hands in his pockets stare at me, not blinking enough.
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"So what are you waiting for?" I ask boldly, lowering my head to meet his eyes directly. "Just say it."
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Maverick was only hesitating for my own good. When I basically told him to spit it out, he eagerly jumped on the opportunity with slight pleasantry.
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"Lilliana...no matter how hard it is, you have no choice but to keep your mouth shut." He tells me. "You're involved."
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My head swivels from side to side, looking between him and Malachi who's just looking down at me with a grin. "I didn't kill anyone." I remind them.
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"That's true, Lilli." Malachi agrees. "But you've been keeping your knowledge a secret." He then shrugs, glancing over at Maverick before his eyes return to me again. "That's not the sole reason you don't have a choice though."
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"I care about you a lot. I always have." Maverick's tone tells me he's being honest but that's nothing new; I know he cares about me. "Which is why I am going to warn you..."
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My eyebrow instinctively arches, realizing he's actually about to threaten me.
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"If you talk, if you slip up..." Maverick continues with emotion in his voice or on his face. What he's about to say doesn't phase him. "I'll have to kill you, Lilliana."
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I anticipated the threat to piss me off. It did the opposite; it turned me on. Maybe it's the high. Maybe it's because the longer I stare back at him, the more our kiss replays in my head. Or maybe it's because that I am, in worse ways now, as crazy as him.
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No matter which reason, they all make me crave more of him.
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"Well, Maverick...My will to live isn't that great..." I press my lips into a thin line as I shrug. "I'm afraid you'll have to think of one better."
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From next to me, Malachi is following the conversation closely with a grin that's widened now, as if he's watching a movie. He's here for the show, having to always be present for whatever plan is in motion. Strangely, if Malachi wasn't here, he'd somehow, from somewhere make me feel like he is.
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Maverick wears his own from of a smile now, letting it almost reach his eyes, seemingly taken back and pleased by my comeback.
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Malachi, extending an arm and nudging my shoulder says, "He was afraid you'd say something like that."
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"Which is why I did in fact...think of one better." Maverick tells me.
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Instinctively, I look at Malachi in search of an answer. His thick brow raises up at me, remaining arched as his eyes dart towards Maverick.
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What could possibly be more effective than threatening to kill me? What could be worse than that? As that question gets thrown around in my head, an eerie feeling washes over me and the house's atmosphere. The air becomes humid and still, what was taken as a normal silence before is now uncomfortable.
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My legs slide down from their bent position so my feet reach the floor. My hands find the couch cushions on either side of me.
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"I don't want to play these games." I address the both of them. "Instead of showing any amount of concern about how hard it's been for me, you two decide to tell me you'll kill me instead? Now what?! There's no way to beat that."
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"How much you wanna bet?"
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Maverick's abrupt question leaves me speechless, sitting there peering up at him like a dummy. I don't know what's more insane; the fact that I found out my best friend is a fucking serial killer...or the fact that he's able to get so intimate with me and be a danger to me all within a matter of days.
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"Bring her downstairs." Maverick instructs Malachi, waving a hand before disappearing from the doorway.
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I impulsively jerk away from Malachi as he takes my arm and stands up in the same motion.
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"Get the fuck off of me." I snap.
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Although he complies, he says, "You know you don't have a choice but to go, Lilli. Don't make this harder than it needs to be."
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Side eyeing him, I reluctantly rise to my feet.
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When Malachi puts his hand on my back to guide me, I take a large step out of his reach with a glare.
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"I can walk on my own, thanks."
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"Yeah but can I do it because I want to?"
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I shake my head in disbelief. "What? No." My tone came out annoyed before I start in the direction Maverick went.
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The closer I get to the door, the more I get a gut feeling that there's something bad waiting for me down those steps...and I'm not just talking about Maverick. There's something, someone only moments away from shifting my life's direction even more.
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I can feel the heat of Malachi's stare on my back and how close his toes are to my heels, following a literal step behind me. Although I'm never quite in my right mind, I'm aware enough to know he wasn't lying when he said I didn't have a choice but to go. He's making sure there's zero room for any other option.
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The anticipation and lack of control I have isn't scaring me; it's making adrenaline rush through me. The never knowing what's going to happen next, teetering on a line between good and evil, my soul being in the hands of two murderers every day...
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Life is getting less boring.
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I need a psychiatrist.
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Confusion settles in as we approach the door, hearing soft music playing from downstairs as Malachi reaches forward from behind me, pushing the handle down and swinging it open. The song is calming, with a rhythm and blues type of feel, mixed with jazzy energy.
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It's unsettling is what it is.
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"Why are you hesitating? Go on, Lilli..." Malachi urges me with mirth. "You're so prideful...brave...you don't give a fuck..." He pauses. "At least that's what everyone thinks. Don't tell me it's all an act." I take in a deep breath, letting it out as I try not to get too annoyed with him. "Go down the stairs, Lilli."
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Maverick had been standing there in the middle of the large furnished basement, patiently waiting on Malachi and I. He faces the stairs, both hands held together in the front of his waist, loosely gripping a large bladed knife.
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"Fuck this." Is my immediate response upon spotting the knife, quickly spinning on my left heel and turning to get the hell out of here. As I knew; neither of them had any plans of letting me leave but it was a gut instinct to retreat. There's one of two options when in a moment like this; you try to get out or you freeze all the way up.
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I'm not surprised that I turn and don't even make it a full step before I smack right into Malachi's firm chest. His hands grab my upper arms, keeping me locked in place.
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He smiles down at me, those perfect teeth on display. "We discussed this."
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I hear the chains rattling from somewhere behind me
before I see them. Malachi doesn't loosen his hold. My head drops to look at my feet as my ankles are suddenly being shackled, bound together and ensuring I make it absolutely no where before one of them catches me.
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I shake myself out of Malachi's grasp. Realistically, I know I wouldn't be budging if he didn't want me to but I still shoot him a glare once I'm free. "Real nice, Maverick." I wave a hand towards the ground. "Thanks."
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"I have been nice." Maverick returns rather aggressively before letting out a long exaggerated sigh. He then repeats himself in a calmer manner. "I have been nice, Lilliana."
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I stare at Maverick, watching a million and one emotions flash across his face in a matter of seconds. I watch as his body relaxes, shoulders releasing some tension as they lower to rest.
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"Take a second to see this from my point of view, Maverick..." I begin, finding it unnecessary that I have to explain this to him. "I tell you it's been a rough couple of days; you say you'll kill me if I talk. That didn't scare me and now I'm in a basement with two killers. What is with this music?" I point to the speakers. "Not only that but I'm shackled and one of the killers is holding a knife. I'd love for you to tell me how that could be anywhere close to nice."
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"She makes a decent point." Malachi announces from over my shoulder.
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Maverick then directs his attention to Malachi, saying, "Remember; the knife isn't for her."
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"Also a decent point." Malachi then touches my elbow with his fingertips. "By the way, the music was my idea. I hope it's helping take some tension away."
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I roll my eyes, shaking my head at his needless input. "It's fucking weird, Malachi." I shoot back at him before facing forward again, directing my words at Maverick. "What do you mean the knife isn't for me?" Is he implying that it's for someone else? "This is stupid. Whatever you guys have planned, let's get it over with already."
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Maverick starts for the mini bar against the wall. "You know I don't like to be rushed, Lilliana." He reminds me, setting the knife down to unscrew the cap off of a bottle of vodka. "Don't you see the lengths I'm going to just to keep you alive?" He pours a triple shot into a glass. "You've put me in a bad position here. All you had to do was keep your shit together for a couple days. Instead you spent it sweating; something no one's seen you do in a long while."
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He pulls a clear, plastic baggie from his pocket, back still turned as he opens it up, taking a pill from inside.
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"You're an a-"
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"Being certain of your silence keeps us together, Lilliana." He interrupts before I can finish calling him an asshole, stuffing the bag back in his pocket and turning back towards us.
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The muscles in my body begin to relax a little at his words and steadfast stare. Despite the circumstances...it's kinda romantic.
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"Don't you think that's sweet?" Malachi asks, leaned in towards my right ear, emphasizing his close proximity.
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"I was certain we both wanted the same thing..." Maverick tells me, taking short, slow strides forward with a drink in one hand and drugs in the other. "It's not what I desire but one of my life's necessities is to give you what you desire. So...I can change the course of how this goes any time you'd like...you just have to tell me."
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The heavy metal around my ankles is hard to ignore but it's not as prominent as my body starts humming. No matter the situation, the effect he's begun to have on me is impossible to suppress internally or hide externally.
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My chin gradually lifts as he gets closer, staying silent. I'm too prideful to say I don't want the alternative, that I want to see this through with him.
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I have an aspiration to die; I could choose to have the plug pulled for me right here, right now. It would take the pain away from what's left of my heart, rid me of the darkness that's taken me hostage...I'd be fixed. Or I could endure what's going to happen tonight and be his forever...bound and at his mercy, loving him and him loving me in an enveloping, all consuming way.
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All I have to do is abide.
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Maverick must have taken my silence as an answer, stopping his steps in front of me and holding out both occupied hands.
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"You will take this." He instructs. "And drink all of this."
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I want to ask why but I know I'd be wasting my breath. Instead I quietly take the pill from his palm and placing it on my tongue. I down the pill with the liquor, letting out a breath after it burns going down. I go ahead and take the last two shots left in the glass.
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Malachi reaches around me, taking it from my hand. He heads to return it to the mini bar, finally giving me space.
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"Go make sure everything is in order." Maverick tells Malachi, all the while never looking away from me.
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The drinks and amount of drugs I've done since getting in the car with them has gotten me flustered. As Malachi disappears behind a door in the basement, being alone with Maverick since the kiss is making it worse.
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"Before we start, I need you to know something, Lilliana." Maverick begins. "We've known each other our whole lives. No one comes close to knowing me the way you do. But you're about to see a side of me you've never seen before..." Maverick raises an arm, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't want to do this, really. I've kept what I do a secret this long for a reason." He drops his arm as he lets out a breath. "I've always known that I never want you any farther than right next to me."
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My stomach flutters at his admission.
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"After I killed Kennedy, I knew I had to tell you. It was eating away at me, Lilliana. I also knew that meant I'd have to rewrite our life together, rewrite yours completely."
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"I never really liked mine anyway." I blurt out before I can think not to.
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"I know." He states bluntly. "I thought hard about the pros and cons. You must be wondering why I made the decision to change your life for you, without care as to rather you'd agree or not."
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I'm honest with him when I say, "You've controlled the direction of my life for as long as I can remember. I don't see a difference here. So no, that question hasn't come to mind."
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He smiles, reminiscing about every choice he's ever made for me.
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"So why do you do it?" I ask impatiently when he doesn't answer the question he brought up. Rushing the conversation is silly of me, it's not like I'm in a hurry to find out whatever is in the room Malachi had entered.
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Maverick has certainty in his tone when he says, "To ensure that the opportunity for you to drift too far from me won't present itself." Pushing hair from his eyes, he continues. "You see, Lilliana; this has been something I've unconsciously done for many years. Only recently did I realize that no matter if our relationship holds any romantic aspect or not; I'd do anything it takes to make you stay with me forever."
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My body warming up could be because of what he said or the effects of the drugs definitely starting to kick in. It should creep me out; a killer telling me that they'd do whatever it takes to make sure I don't go anywhere. Being that it's my best friend and now person I'm in a 'situationship' with...it only flatters me.
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"Tonight, Lilliana...our life together truly begins."
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