[1] "This Damn Company's Boss... Is the Goddess's Electronic Pet?!"
Crouched in the ventilation shaft above the CEO's office, Hoshino and I stared down at the "boss" charging below—
His suit split open, revealing a pink rabbit-shaped mechanical core stamped with:195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxREJ90cKr
[Model: Goddess's Beloved Pet #996195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwPtu6wCDL
Functions: Faith Extraction / Employee Brainwashing / Automatic Frisbee Fetching]
"Three hundred years ago..." Hoshino's voice trembled, "that woman said she wanted 'a healing pet'... and this is what she made?!"
My familiar wriggled through the duct, its phone screen lighting up with the unlocked "Goddess Cloud Drive":195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6eNeR9sei
"Your Majesty! Found the blackmail files! Just ¥500 to—"195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGoAoNkzzY
"BUY IT!!" we shouted in unison.
[2] Blackmail File 001: The Goddess Can't Actually Code
The first decompressed file:195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnatx9wu83
[Heaven System Source Code (Annotated)]
195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MSl0clZFi
def exploit_humans(): 195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgfGGnkqg7
if employee.emotion == "despair": 195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLauR0gHvtk
print("Work hard! Heaven awaits next year!") # LIES. No such feature. 195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0n4ReY7N5
else: 195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8h6w96Drd
activate("holy_gaslighting_module") # NOTE: Outsourced to Hell.
195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEm1KAE0U6
195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGm1tX4WTKh
195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Rwf3DoYws
"Hold up!" I yanked my familiar's tail. "Since when did demons take these kinds of jobs?!"195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrmSs5AeEz
Hoshino deadpanned: "Remember? You said, 'Let’s earn side income from Goddess contracts'..."
[3] Blackmail File 007: Holy Swords Are Just Plungers
A leaked video played—195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZx4aIlLyw
Younger Goddess haggled at a heavenly hardware store:195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewXq0tdGq0
"Just plate this toilet plunger in gold, add LED lights... Yeah, make it look like a 'Holy Sword'!"195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLI6FmwpRrF
Clerk: "You still owe us for turning the Roomba into 'angel halos'..."
Hoshino’s sword flickered like faulty Christmas lights.195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLviINsY6E
"No wonder..." she monotone’d, "it keeps showing 'Low Battery' when I stab you."
[4] Company-Wide Riot! When the Wage Slaves Learn the Truth
The moment we mass-emailed the blackmail files, chaos erupted—
Accounting Dept. folded overtime forms into paper airplanes bombarding the CEO's office.
IT Dept. hacked the "faith conversion" backend, setting everyone’s "ascension progress" to 100%.
Janitor Auntie charged the coffee machine with a mop: "My daughter’s overwork data was in THIS?!"
"Now!" Hoshino flung off her HR badge. "Go dismantle that 'pet rabbit' and reclaim your Demon Core—"
Alarms blared:195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPlehumG26
[WARNING: Mass Awakening Detected. Initiating FINAL PROTOCOL: Full System Reset.]
Ceiling panels shattered, unleashing chains that lashed toward employees. The rabbit CEO’s eyes glowed blood-red:195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJW1Nc6zlXE
"Naughty workers... become batteries~❤"
[5] Demon King & Hero’s Ultimate Fusion Move (Literal)
"Five seconds!" Hoshino tossed me her holy sword. "Channel your dark energy into it—"195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPiqMg7pgz
The hilt scorched my palm: "This thing isn’t dark-magic-compatible?!"195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8baGnMweB
"Shut up!" She gripped my sword-hand. "Our ceasefire pact said '50% holy, 50% dark'—"
The blade erupted in gold-and-black lightning. My familiar livestreamed:195Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GgVsaCDo5
"Ladies and gentlemen! Presenting the legendary combo move officially named—"
『S O C I A L D E A T H S L A S H』!!!
ns216.73.216.247da2
