十一、50Please respect copyright.PENANA0Sa3FlRQ1h
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──人心總是不足,我也不例外。50Please respect copyright.PENANAvYxAv0fvof
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言曇岫說過的話,宛如拍打上湖畔的漣漪,一陣陣不歇。50Please respect copyright.PENANAIIQDwAIrr3
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黎絳洵只覺得眼睛酸澀,水氣氤氳上了眼,他卻仍捨不得閉眼,想看著言曇岫更長的時間。50Please respect copyright.PENANAp0wGq1LLg7
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偏偏是現在。50Please respect copyright.PENANAyM8kibn6TW
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果真報應。50Please respect copyright.PENANA1sRZczfTMm
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「你,希望我離開嗎?」50Please respect copyright.PENANAHzP1Mb3dcy
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「你先前一直,一直去花街,應該也是有了、喜歡的姑娘,你不用再顧慮,很多事情,我的事情也好……我不攔你。」50Please respect copyright.PENANAqnTIKj44Zs
50Please respect copyright.PENANAJUuL3HuPxu
「絳洵?」50Please respect copyright.PENANAZfBHCfvNNr
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黎絳洵用力按住言曇岫的肩膀,不讓他回頭,「別看我。」50Please respect copyright.PENANAXKmW74AHqJ
50Please respect copyright.PENANAxHfQDe8VNG
「你還好嗎?」50Please respect copyright.PENANAssbP4Z0hrd
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黎絳洵低頭任額心貼著言曇岫後頸,「我只是靠一下。」50Please respect copyright.PENANAK3ayvk4yn5
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言曇岫遲疑地問:「你在哭嗎?從剛才開始,你的聲音和手一直都在抖。」50Please respect copyright.PENANAc8oORaC0Py
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黎絳洵一閉上眼,妻子的聲音與容貌和言曇岫的疊在一起,分不出區別。50Please respect copyright.PENANAsqqvfaFh4O
50Please respect copyright.PENANAMONSUrZCOF
前世那次,妻子似乎是聽了太多次旁人問起久未有孕的事情,夜裡,妻子低頭靠在他背上,悶聲道歉,黎絳洵說什麼都安慰不了她,那時他們都已知道,成親不是蓋一塊紅布在新娘子頭上就算禮成,孩子也不是時候到了就自然會有的。50Please respect copyright.PENANAB7vdeCNXoH
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雖然不是真的清心寡慾到完全不為所動,黎絳洵也不覺得有任何逼妻子的必要,只能在最後說:「你不用勉強自己,即便爹娘仍在世,他們也不會逼你,和孩子相比,我更想要你在我身邊,很久、很久……妊娠要受很多苦,生產更是生死關,我捨不得你。」50Please respect copyright.PENANArITVYwA0z0
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身後的妻子不知為何,忽然提起了這件事:「我背部靠近腰的位置,有一塊胎記,附近應該有一個像是言家家徽的疤。小時候,我偷拿了家主的印信玩,把印信過了火,從此留了疤痕。」50Please respect copyright.PENANADw7RoMEMHl
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「還痛嗎?」50Please respect copyright.PENANAOOdD4LGI8q
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妻子搖頭說:「要是我騙了你,你仍會捨不得我嗎?」50Please respect copyright.PENANAE2vz9pCbRw
50Please respect copyright.PENANAByWTQtAjkX
黎絳洵伸手將妻子的雙臂攬在自己腰上回答:「要是我身上還有什麼你想要的,讓你必須騙我……那就一輩子都不要說破,因為除去替爹娘平反的事情以外,如今這世上,我想要的只有你。」50Please respect copyright.PENANAApBhSUFjaT
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──原來是這樣啊。50Please respect copyright.PENANAeM732fJri3
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答案曾經離自己那麼近,他卻沒有多想,甚至因為忽略了重要性,一直都沒有想起來。50Please respect copyright.PENANAj4VRuoTPFR
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──黎絳洵,你眼中到底剩下什麼?50Please respect copyright.PENANA7jN1Vyk2nj
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「對不起、對不起……」50Please respect copyright.PENANAa793CiknoC
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言曇岫閉了閉眼睛,拉開黎絳洵的手,並將逐漸無法支撐自己的黎絳洵拉到床邊,儘管已經伸出手,仍是在碰到黎絳洵的肩膀以前,收回來了,言曇岫將仍舊用頭撞著他的貓抱起來,放在黎絳洵大腿上,重新穿好衣服後,便推門出去了。50Please respect copyright.PENANAHbVIpWz4Tu
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明明就在自己眼前,他卻忽略了所有提示,只顧著讓自己不要把兩人混為一談。50Please respect copyright.PENANAmlKeQwCRYB
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妻子無可取代,言曇岫也不是任何人的替代品。50Please respect copyright.PENANAJtStb4ECtR
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就是因為這樣想,所以無論如何都無法回應言曇岫,即便早就知道,自己不是完全沒有動心,可是一顆心怎麼可以裝兩個人?若然搖擺不定,取捨、偏重,只會讓所有人都受傷,不如讓言曇岫自己平復,只要他們不再相見,就有機會、至少讓言曇岫不被一生相思痛苦灼燒。50Please respect copyright.PENANAmXsW2dD2ED
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是他無法全然捨下,仍舊在意言曇岫的蹤跡,因此才會在已經來不及的情況下察覺真相。50Please respect copyright.PENANAsFl4vmennr
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──原就是我貪求。50Please respect copyright.PENANAbFZyM7S1rl
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黎絳洵摟緊不斷掙扎的貓。50Please respect copyright.PENANABTaQKoq3j0
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這樣的命數,或許就是他自找的代價。50Please respect copyright.PENANAgISLK9iZmO
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無論兩情相悅何其難得,是他辜負。50Please respect copyright.PENANAmPdxlL3AEF
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冷風吹開了門板,黎絳洵鬆手讓貓離開。50Please respect copyright.PENANAZs4g7E9yZN
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唯有一味暖香越發濃烈,直到視線裡出現了站在自己面前的人,黎絳洵才抬頭,言曇岫皺著眉將手中捧的香爐放在床頭。50Please respect copyright.PENANAjfRQ5apfdE
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「是我忽略了,因為很多事情擠在一起,沒來得及問你是不是受傷了。香料是我平常睡前用的,可以安神,你先等等,我去請大夫。」言曇岫始終沒敢看黎絳洵,因為他不覺得自己能做好,自然也沒有察覺黎絳洵一直凝視著他。50Please respect copyright.PENANAmMyaXBEtBB
50Please respect copyright.PENANARnT9hI6R6x
言曇岫正要離開,黎絳洵卻摟住他的腰,他走不了,也說不動黎絳洵放手,思索對策時,沒留意到黎絳洵雙手緩慢移動著,直到將言曇岫上半身攏近。50Please respect copyright.PENANApBpb516fd0
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被碰到唇角時,言曇岫頓了一下,才望向黎絳洵,黎絳洵順勢將雙脣完全貼在言曇岫唇上。50Please respect copyright.PENANAsFuVB27SHx
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──什麼?50Please respect copyright.PENANAK0juxFBpZp
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言曇岫能感受到自己的嘴唇正在被摩娑、輕咬、舔拭,彷彿雨落在身上的力道,逐漸加重的癢,顫成了陣陣的麻。50Please respect copyright.PENANAyx0c1zUpyT
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被頂開的口中,柔軟的舌頭滑過了屬於自己的濕熱,分明觸碰的地方不多,言曇岫卻感覺全身都微微發麻,比普通的搔癢還細緻,密密麻麻地爬過每一寸肌理,似乎不被黎絳洵的體溫撫摸,便無法緩解。50Please respect copyright.PENANAyHeNN7Tg8z
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由於過於渴望,當黎絳洵想退開時,言曇岫反而伸手按住他的後腦杓,含住黎絳洵的嘴唇輕咬,黎絳洵繃直的腰逐漸軟下來,很快被言曇岫的手撐住。50Please respect copyright.PENANAtB83W7YKQL
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──這種熟悉的感覺,原以為不會再經歷。如同被黎絳洵找到的那一瞬,如同第一次被他渴求擁抱,又彷彿更多。50Please respect copyright.PENANAJYa3nuZuPS
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壓抑過的慾望散開成無邊無際,即便海天相連,也鎖不回被打開的心,胸口暖而微微脹痛,奇異地並不讓人難受,言曇岫初次對痛楚不感排斥,陌生的情感順著他們相連的唇舌綻放成煙花。50Please respect copyright.PENANA74enjN2Qt9
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若不是黎絳洵難以承受地開始推拒,言曇岫幾乎以為永不會停下的親吻,會讓自己窒息。50Please respect copyright.PENANA1ql0OPRxqG
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才剛溢出來的滿足感,很快反噬成深濃的渴求。50Please respect copyright.PENANAVFRAshn04j
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原來自己對黎絳洵的慾望這樣深切,令人發毛。50Please respect copyright.PENANAf62Fg6EdUU
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言曇岫朝門口看,始終無法望回黎絳洵,而黎絳洵一察覺他想離開,即便還未能停止喘息,黎絳洵仍舊輕扯著言曇岫的手腕,低頭將額頭靠上言曇岫的手背。50Please respect copyright.PENANA9xKeqPyEkm
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「對不起,你能不能,再留一下子?我知道是我食言,可是……我原來還沒準備好。」50Please respect copyright.PENANAvA5xK0xkqp
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言曇岫憋著氣,好不容易才呼出來,一度遲疑,仍是將手放在黎絳洵的頭上。50Please respect copyright.PENANAFfBrGk8NWN
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「不管怎麼樣,你先休息,其他事情等你好起來再說。畢竟你現在這樣說,我不太……我怕我誤會你的意思,我等你慢慢說,那之前,我不走,好嗎?」50Please respect copyright.PENANAmaRtZFS8Xx
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也不曉得黎絳洵聽明白沒有,言曇岫只能先引著沉默的黎絳洵在床上躺好,伸手掩住黎絳洵眼上。50Please respect copyright.PENANADecrLtxiYO
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他維持著同一個姿勢許久,才終於鬆手。50Please respect copyright.PENANA0YHYhA7J8K
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自己並沒有看起來這般有餘裕。50Please respect copyright.PENANAyDWoE5JCgE
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很多的問題混在一起,都需要黎絳洵才能解答。50Please respect copyright.PENANAkKvKAVzEow
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以前從未奢望過成為對黎絳洵而言特別的那個,最開始是因為有言曇橋的婚約,後來是那些畫上的女子,還有綉綉,他沒問過黎絳洵關於這些人的事情,如果是旁人,言曇岫只會以為是男子花心薄倖,可是黎絳洵,他的愛很少,要分給那麼多人,本就有違黎絳洵的疏離感,更何況,言曇岫這些年根本不曾見過黎絳洵跟任何女子親近過。50Please respect copyright.PENANAHYJ9Opk924
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現在會是單純把自己當成誰的替身嗎?50Please respect copyright.PENANA9IEDrJEn4h
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曾以為已經好好壓抑下來的情潮洶湧,在黎絳洵親密的話語以及纏綿的吻中,餵養慾望的深壑,膨脹的虛妄時不時就從表皮的裂縫裡逸散出來。50Please respect copyright.PENANAacYrG59pWT
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痛與慾念共生,拉扯著碰與不碰,看似堅固的表殼,在黎絳洵那裡,不比蛋殼堅實。50Please respect copyright.PENANArSPMe0d0bb
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言曇岫不信兩情相悅的錯覺,黎絳洵必然不是在回應他的情感,那個吻的意思,和自己吻他的狀況必然不同。50Please respect copyright.PENANAkZmmlg1S5x
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可是那樣強烈的渴求……他從來沒有被任何人需要過,很多人的人生會因為少了自己而更好,於是陌生的索要令他棄守淪陷,再難築起城牆。50Please respect copyright.PENANAutpdeYmQQS
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之後會如何呢?50Please respect copyright.PENANAO5PZtThBMS
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他與黎絳洵,會成為什麼樣的關係?50Please respect copyright.PENANAMOlbXbku99
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如果是成了他人的替身,當本人出現時,自己又該怎麼做?50Please respect copyright.PENANABLb2HaxqXp
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人心總是不足,幾分顏色便可開成染坊,言曇岫不是不想要黎絳洵,而是要不起,貪心是饕餮,吞天噬地,一旦有了盼頭,只有越來越深切的想要,沒有上限。50Please respect copyright.PENANA0ISGZKCCwm
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要是,黎絳洵要他留下,他自然不會離開。50Please respect copyright.PENANAp8DdlsZUcP
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可是被那樣吻過以後,他已經無法肯定自己能不能持守住不傷害黎絳洵的底線。50Please respect copyright.PENANAnh6AR7mGwj
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言曇岫不曉得自己能問誰。50Please respect copyright.PENANABrzQD3sdcC
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可能沒有人能給他解答。50Please respect copyright.PENANAJrNISItmI6
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他既已向上蒼祈願黎絳洵得到他所想要的一切,他便不能再求神給他答案。50Please respect copyright.PENANAdSTee20uPB
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過多的願望,願力會降低,也會讓自己越想越不知足。50Please respect copyright.PENANAUfWuBdpgbh
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言曇岫想起年幼時,生母總和他說福禍相倚,可是等到理解這句話的意思時,他已經知道這些都是騙人的俚語,甚至會想,會不會是讓無法獲得貴族庇蔭的人認分,安於被奴役或者不公的現實,才向人們宣揚知足的觀念。50Please respect copyright.PENANAUr4RmrXiZ6
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從來就沒有好壞同量的人生。50Please respect copyright.PENANAY47oz6ITKh
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有的人,從出生就註定要不幸,比如生母,比如自己。50Please respect copyright.PENANAGT8uZqEiIJ
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有的人想爭,成敗論英雄,成功是天命所歸,失敗是亂臣賊子,被攪得一團亂的平頭百姓,命如螻蟻,都是為上位者鋪墊富麗堂皇的階梯。50Please respect copyright.PENANA28A0hYmgDr
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皇子奪嫡那段日子,即便無官位累贅,只要不離皇城太遠,都逃不過被捲入的命數。50Please respect copyright.PENANAfJMckEluH5
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黎絳洵常說,他是個薄情的人,他只想守著重要的人,其他一概不論。50Please respect copyright.PENANA1gQTRU4UGM
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儘管不曾提及,實際上言曇岫卻覺得,也許是黎絳洵這樣的人,才能有餘裕為普通人做事,才能活到最後。50Please respect copyright.PENANAACMi4wMTgX
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這樣的黎絳洵,臨時反悔說沒有準備好面對分離,想必也只是有不能明說的苦衷而已。50Please respect copyright.PENANAnWVWVDEIMl
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