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No Plagiarism!RWnFruJimuUt8BPkLGJUposted on PENANA 今天,我久違地來到社區中心裏,找社工姐姐聊幾句,其實她一直都有打電話來關心我的情況,只是我都一一無視了。8964 copyright protection123PENANAhg1Uok9Ht0 維尼
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即使她打給我父母也沒多大用處,一來我告訴爸媽,以溫書理由不方便接聽;二來,他們不在乎我和社工之間,正在處理的情緒問題,只着緊我的成績,所以社工的意見他們都不怎麼理會。8964 copyright protection123PENANA738mVlrsWC 維尼
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而我單純是今天太悶,阿源沒空、我又不想待家裏,所以就出門到社區中心走走,而且說不定還會遇上像彤彤那類有輕生念頭的學生,這樣我就可以跟他們聊幾句…8964 copyright protection123PENANAD53GKwhI4u 維尼
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走進社工室,還是那位熟悉的社工姐姐,她露出驚喜的眼神,歡迎道:8964 copyright protection123PENANAEjtn4Qsvd7 維尼
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「阿黑妳來啦?很久沒見面,妳最近過得如何?」8964 copyright protection123PENANAYo5pPdGwDT 維尼
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對呢…上一次見面已經差不多一個月,我和她簡單寒暄問候幾句,便從手袋裏拿出一張工作紙,遞給她。8964 copyright protection123PENANA8dKCZAxkaQ 維尼
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「欸,妳沒有留白了呢!讓我看看妳寫了些甚麼…」社工姐姐拿着我的工作紙,認真地細閱着。8964 copyright protection123PENANAubVsxh8LEe 維尼
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「有趣的事情,這欄妳寫了『波兒、阿源』 ,他們是妳的朋友嗎?」8964 copyright protection123PENANAv8LQPQS5sB 維尼
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我點點頭,答:「他們都是挺有趣的人,感覺跟他們很合得來。」8964 copyright protection123PENANA9n897wtFMM 維尼
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「那就好了,話說,妳袋子上的那個掛飾,有甚麼特別意思嗎?」8964 copyright protection123PENANAaqHjHM98Co 維尼
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她指的,是阿源送我的那個黑色三角形鑰匙圈,我笑了笑,說:8964 copyright protection123PENANAjUbUimCV2x 維尼
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「它是六芒星的其中三角…」8964 copyright protection123PENANAbakAL7dQH5 維尼
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「哦?那另外一半呢,在哪裏?」8964 copyright protection123PENANACBCXhp4GP2 維尼
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我沒有回話,只見社工姐姐露出一個甜笑,問我:8964 copyright protection123PENANA9L9NB1kOPO 維尼
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「妳呀,最近是不是喜歡上男生了?」8964 copyright protection123PENANAMSlUfnZrPP 維尼
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儘管我還是閉口不談,但相信我眼神的變化,已經道明了一切…8964 copyright protection123PENANAcqettCAmbm 維尼
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「不用害羞,這裏許多學生都是交往中的狀態,很平常而已…」社工姐姐溫柔地說:「而且,阿黑妳的情況,是孤單了很久,若果突然間有個男生接近妳、明白妳、願意待妳好,妳就會很容易產生愛慕感,這是十分自然的情感反應。」8964 copyright protection123PENANAaUwMmcqjoW 維尼
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聽見這些話,我抬起頭來,認真地問出心裏一直思考着的事情:8964 copyright protection123PENANApGMmebzenw 維尼
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「如果我無法為那個男生帶來幸福,應該要和他繼續在一起嗎?還是分手?」8964 copyright protection123PENANAnUq28Bqk6G 維尼
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社工姐姐沉默了片刻,便反問我:「重要的是妳和他的想法,那男生想和妳在一起嗎?」8964 copyright protection123PENANAV4pBSdinwf 維尼
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我點點頭。8964 copyright protection123PENANAGE97FiEzVL 維尼
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「對嘛,即使妳沒有為他帶來甚麼,那男生仍然愛上妳,所以妳不必過分憂慮這部分。」聽罷,我恍然大悟,而社工姐姐又多補一句:「那換成妳,妳想跟那男生在一起嗎?」8964 copyright protection123PENANA81WG5VezZ7 維尼
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我…沒有回應。8964 copyright protection123PENANAsXWZFqEWGj 維尼
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「妳和他獨處時,心情如何?」8964 copyright protection123PENANAmjP1MFKvjy 維尼
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我:「應該是…舒服吧?我猜。」8964 copyright protection123PENANALLR61BAV2g 維尼
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「既然如此,妳認為有甚麼東西纏繞着妳的內心,令妳覺得無法跟他在一起?」社工姐姐問。8964 copyright protection123PENANArZhCJ1RNT5 維尼
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我沒有回答,不是想不到、而是不能講出口,因為……我還是留有自殺的念頭。8964 copyright protection123PENANAmAGEkeYysB 維尼
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但現在對於自殺的事,我設下了一個條件,或者是一道保險絲,若然阿源傷害我感情、跟我提分手,我就會毫不猶豫去死!因為感覺這個世界,已經耗盡我對它的所有冀望。8964 copyright protection123PENANA2gsIXsY2qn 維尼
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此時此刻,我單單仍選擇活着,就是我對這世界的…最後一點溫柔。8964 copyright protection123PENANAwMt30b3smt 維尼
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因此,我害怕與阿源相愛,我會對他造成傷害。而更令我害怕的,是他對我可能造成的傷害,如同我前任男友那樣子,把我隨手一扔就算……8964 copyright protection123PENANAl0ZcOgvb8s 維尼
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「想不到也沒關係,妳可以把這問題留在心中,想通後再跟我說。」8964 copyright protection123PENANAhgOoglgtVt 維尼
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社工姐姐整理一下桌子,把我的工作紙放進文件夾內。我收拾手袋,問她:8964 copyright protection123PENANAuiCareh7gr 維尼
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「今次沒有功課要給我嗎?」8964 copyright protection123PENANANPyOQZActM 維尼
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她露出甜美的笑容,說:「沒有,因為我觀察到妳終於對我敞開心扉,工作紙那些就沒多大用途了。」8964 copyright protection123PENANA6A6eujW4rT 維尼
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聽罷,我怔楞數秒,問道:「妳一直都知道,以前我在妳面前是裝模作樣的嗎?」8964 copyright protection123PENANAO0aOHJLFql 維尼
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「嗯!」8964 copyright protection123PENANA7eFrz9dgxG 維尼
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「那為甚麼…」8964 copyright protection123PENANAeFQfXY1FZ9 維尼
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「因為我覺得,說謊也是很平常的事,特別是對於不信任的人,心理所形成的防禦機制。」社工姐姐拍拍我肩膀,微笑說:「而我唯一要做的,不是拆穿妳的偽裝,而是努力融化妳內心的冰牆,理解和陪伴妳。這也許是,我和其他社工、輔導員、心理醫生在做法上,最大的差異了吧?哈哈。」8964 copyright protection123PENANAsuSu3lR7eU 維尼
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我低下頭來,沒有正視她,回想起過去來見社工的日子,一次次的謊話和假笑,原來她都看在心裏……此刻的我,只想對社工姐姐說:8964 copyright protection123PENANANMvsAAdOre 維尼
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「謝謝妳。」8964 copyright protection123PENANAnETipR3Dfp 維尼
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社工姐姐報以親切的笑容:「不必答謝我,妳應該對工作紙上寫的波兒和阿源,向他們二人道謝。」8964 copyright protection123PENANARYqAJ3HvIP 維尼
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「嘻嘻,也是呢!那我先回去了,下星期有空的話,我會來探望妳的了。」8964 copyright protection123PENANAbmQG5DpxCX 維尼
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「探望社工?這說法還挺有意思的嘛。」8964 copyright protection123PENANAvujBCPdSf6 維尼
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她跟我開着玩笑,便揮揮手,送別我走出社工室。我深呼吸,看着外面在玩遊戲的小孩子、學生、其他社工們,我便感到一陣從心而發的喜悅感。8964 copyright protection123PENANAh5DCJMeB4c 維尼
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在天上的彤彤:社工們真是很煩呢,正如我和妳相遇的第一天所說的話那樣。8964 copyright protection123PENANAOk5lCxB59N 維尼
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明明是別人的人生爛攤子、他們總要去管;傷痛明明是出現在自己身上、他們卻多管閒事來分擔一下;明明,這條命是我的,我想怎樣就怎樣、想放棄就放棄,但社工總愛摻和進來。8964 copyright protection123PENANA24eObwopvL 維尼
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他們真的是很煩人呢!對吧?彤彤、小黑……8964 copyright protection123PENANAOlUYZDWnLj 維尼
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