前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXn7FnJ4D0
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeJs2kPVWn
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8jMC6yrDL
整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkI9fAtYSBc
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvq8zn0WiK7
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IMX8RIuQy
對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUbNKE0yKn
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdSHuy5Ahe
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我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDrNEX07Ia
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrblWAqWZY
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yiaJV2mk2
硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7F9nk8Ib1
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddqdTCn8Kz
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcodukGN30
另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnHQ8QiAjG
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWUna8yHUI
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjfUnmSk2d
女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZBleMh3rl
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN62zn1SGIg
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCP3jwniaoF
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBSkOrvpoF
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cTC32zX5N
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TodpRPIma
先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnCpdVoDh4
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRObKuCERb1
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8ZHDqr9BB
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQa070mt5wJ
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKKl4hKud1
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmMrYcDvsv
根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYfcUjB1hO
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcpqzCweuT
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAAHoWLZzF
而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8Vc8uSGqh
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ojqGowVPn
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJv92b1qDZk
而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdk9HHPddyo
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnH7ubwEgh
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASkTF4Aqyd
而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7t66xxvH9m
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOtFxaEsoW
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsFE7Q0nCl
目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLcRxLZFph
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBCy2QwQnf
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGh65ts2LCU
可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOYLPDM9nt
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaig0S2g2C1
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VJnBcFgRH
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlKl4bqUlr
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3qwnTC7HY
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcmPTqie1M
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOjGuK8S5l
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBph2HpO1Yx
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ME4LdlYYk
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡia6rVNHnNN
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvECKoDiV24
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ev4SW3HHP
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0jYGo6crg
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEmFwlkOgq
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpZnZD5y1J
換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lZrhN2i4K
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uItPSGk3w
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4K35o7eHq
而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SjEbuWUcc
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSIH8RYLCh
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4h13Ki6y4
如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BAa5jl4u9
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0AJmeSdMc
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEqJ0mYmK4
另外，稍微補充一點。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoub8x4r4yL
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrRUSJnmg6
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfw8l77kND
由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccThx3LEx8
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtTitOfiEE
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQCfPkMMCp
（以下都我隨便舉的）447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHZdjAne18
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4A5D1iEVar
例如：447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6gxuJlGO0
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwFB4ZMlS1
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wsPkUqCBV
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNckpkcH9WS
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1guhjKRpQk
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8PCoMFafI
〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3BkjqNsEk
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixukwDknkQ
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxbNNLXYQR
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTNC6cp1kb
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoc38pJ6MJk
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhDGN7yLXH
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYkjnCTUGD
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZLnabfkzu
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqMPtnFSPx
目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4CSLIbyHW
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRny2e64D8N
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡun3GcZcOnS
上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3agu7NDiNp
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkON8ErnKI
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCa9Mz8cEt9
當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YyvAJcdeV
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTgklpAjT4
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxg8VhLcI9
大概是這種感覺。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡen5eSekqEu
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6gZBvY5gQ
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWV7mwDQVqa
有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq65SXZSoid
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIcEfJnc73
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgChXlalhm7
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