前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EelupkfSo
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整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevomoxVlWD
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDohuHCCwD5
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7Zqu9rneA
對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVuRaGC5Af
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcfbk0b2AD
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我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kZiwhDvFP
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQi2p7MN3v
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtehbQRqR6p
硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkk4XxrxKq
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsipYm4vrjj
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wOlefpzng
另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLARjyK0B2
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzfx3q26QX
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyiLceHuHY
女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5v1DZwou5I
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjZQJrEuUx
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktoHwdbFvL
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHwcOxpU16
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ254RxKoh2n
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sGFrCgvIq
先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHKxDUY8cH
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4ZB2sU5ru
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Lb4AKsRXA
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCZwCoTZsD
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXyvi6DBiW
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQmQcnJB5n
根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9hjpCp7jV
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSeLSRJIEQ
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh07TpYYtdP
而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpDLeyktt5
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQccxRpayEk
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5jmiG7qSL
而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1IXMA9tMe
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8888Gp0l7
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHk172D2vsn
而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo22Q3W4KXg
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDLYdZA5Fi
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKSgWXLXF6
目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8SA7Kjskh
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52RZN7DSrk
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Qaly14GVK
可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMMxB6q8eu
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TQDHg0esY
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcyhRcoPvg
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7k0hmDckOV
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38pqCaLFPo
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGF0UEsfYiE
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60ml1uVhC2
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMiQ7mUQQO
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1mkiyDXtv
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugG1ZMkcTt
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UpxOGs0gM
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqC4ah5qK1W
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKQBpMglyR
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDvEadH4Uu
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuz9CDxoWW
換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMTEFVpcJU
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kSelEVjhr
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nZQPXPzsq
而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcvAJcNdZE
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pg8XB6CQM
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbWOQ2GVve
如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHbXGsfkh3
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLB4BruS93x
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWmqQN0HMM
另外，稍微補充一點。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUasFmQ0G9
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382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjWgoO6Mbu
由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmd5ZOexr1n
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWR8MnLtcXH
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（以下都我隨便舉的）382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyCjbULUOZ
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例如：382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzLusCRcAp
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpslsoCK94n
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPtgRXRDbS
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEyGvNFjcv
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoX03drj3GM
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwnfNHjIm2
〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFwx39Z2bM
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFKSDShXbT
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCh454hoct
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigvSdN7fNq
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPpLX69OZt
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2QYj0nceq
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDkIqGEyYI
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhcn3NOn9T
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnM5nNUwnY
目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLY2yLCHEl
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4i7jnXM5A1
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjHZpgLbsZ
上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrXYiRNYMx
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBl01pm3lDd
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtopQeyOPt
當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsY9fUZ0pc
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJSNux5sxw
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVLUvYdwBJ
大概是這種感覺。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdjQtP8Tl2
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有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasCs6sS8ZZ
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382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnS5X8i5U3w
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