然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAipz8Oa9l
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdVj97aYal
/388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zx1kJ4aTl
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlddT10MmBg
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLtWHdBEDS
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaulJKqzem
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfhhwhNk4N
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpb0G3RZ9nU
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrgYI9X59E
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ShVPNvFI5
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHw6tlX2hra
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEkX5pjh5l
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRx0HKX8Trg
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkH32ZLpImS
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNA7rKyHQwI
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAni34IzUpu
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnDck6ncnb
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdABBizgtPz
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzws4rWUJ5q
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxT5ycw36N
他心情不好便會打她。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Z4Tg1NlOh
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzMjmcll57
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaa7LMmAbF
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUVWwj4qE0
一下一下打下去。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsSD9Fr4PE
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcWpL9K6FS
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8FnKcAqnR
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFigWRsXAu9
「我無唔聽話呀！」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBNWhfhdDd
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5UELFYAv8
「仲講大話！」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3srgSbCBn
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRPQBqkfqI
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgRwJXkM2X
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3DhVlFa9E
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXQgpFTECB
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHe3aQGRkZ
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbh54F5Y7d
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WYtEh5x1S
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1pgqXh7ex
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJfHzXFEBj
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1ONvzsAH0
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8e324i1yZq
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR06aswkZwb
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndUQLycEZY
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkbEwO31gV
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJOz18Xo8T
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGomuQow9l
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5doZ5YtwZ
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4PGNCwB2f
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lIaU6ZQVQ
/388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaD4K2Qjly
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARudYZUsz0
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe32744AT3j
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ogIAlTKjV
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34jM9XqSjk
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikR5DgMwna
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvK2jbm9X3m
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcf7T5GLnS
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHbiSAOs28
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qS22KhRbm
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUnFc1zzTG
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PWU3ee0xj
「熊仔去咗邊？」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bKEn9uTuw
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfb7tcmoex
「我抌咗。」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRs4TKjKNJ
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FFN0Fv12X
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09dIULNz0e
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGChnTHWAG
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhRMwTAI9O
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Tl7bYuf68
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcn4cpiawCW
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbuQp2LQmC
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5K53IpN0a
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3DyCoAh5X
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQGl1iGg8T
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3jYmidDwZ
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NCHvEzBNN
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2s9byVdRK
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OfIvhBZ87
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RqCKrAhMJ
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOX2pbgWL9
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCk2goH2KmH
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hu3i4mJJp
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyz8MHaGkCi
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT37g2APAWh
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnC0URUaYY
/388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5mK3rf1dN
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnsQqOkMWA
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HKI9ZyfZR
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgExnbjdJI
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnC2jXsmVj
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQ14kkAbah
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6M3Jw9Prn
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ljsB1rlES
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvyWyaHJHz
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1VCq4HOP7
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lmrn0Dbgm
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtNP8EoxRX
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJdQltGvPH
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2z3SxhIEJ
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLu4XyhmPN1
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHogSkik6o
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqW4Bp7PpM
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHIo6zq5g0
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0RqpRPQr2
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgCx2FJvJt
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbixntv2Oeq
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyEThNp6Jg
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DZVyQliZn
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVcU4n33Vp
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbtoF1qRDw
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kDPb1gNV2
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprnaWHVBDS
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqoA1RhHQa
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHxebv228u
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBY6ahCYj5
直至父親又打家姐。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDaPjdNtcz
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLyaARvUU3
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8n6nwy7Sl8
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGnN8t2Hi7
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2Kkvwd0fE
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIA17TJ6uY
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsl0bPV9aia
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlW64hO2bwS
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChUnvuCMK8
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswnVlQEm5x
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WI67UYMzB
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVXpvi2l0w
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQHTFGqunX
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTeHw2bAjd
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtOYNAKWQJ
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVJk3cIEos
「我無！」家姐搖頭。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS87Gbsu0CM
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeU2wtRESSx
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98qEwoaGN2
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXaVfLix5E2
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvxgvccq5R
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpfOjmSVvY
「多謝阿爸。」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrZ18uHGHb
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYySvGF6dUV
家姐推了林蓁落地。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcpVBRzHDJ
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PZeERMCn4
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtV78Wurjmd
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsK4DfJNhTq
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0khDItd4T
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXDrsEkqdT
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1FPAJ4Dcw
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4BDhJzzup
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABdtfUDoya
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DUsmc7ijM
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWmLgHmgG6
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uxz5Ji7WS
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CnUutBG4L
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyPFqIOrGg
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388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kKG4wJLPF
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHij0caBKaO
388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbX056GvHHU
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。388Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgf5MNkE38V
