其實她沒有忘記那些老師的臉，只是沒有太深刻，可能因為她由此至終都是沉悶的學生。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvZedlmRfd
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kRYUHJ49M
小學，那樣久遠，卻有很多回憶湧現——327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDc8LjzHnmj
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYtFyBeyoX
家裡窮，那些要錢才能學的才藝，她通通無份。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNncXtHhZJ8
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNl84fJRbk
她總是很羨慕人多才多藝——不是妒忌，而是羨慕，那些在學業以外的興趣太吸引，身邊能把它們玩得好的人，在她眼中都在閃閃發亮。尤其是，一項才藝往往有道具的配合，譬如舞衣、小提琴、畫具、跆拳道服，很帥氣。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjok52G5jd
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqt6AgX1AC8
因此，在發現學校有許多校隊招攬時，便盡量表現，希望可以試多點。高小時期，她是舞蹈隊、廣播劇隊、繪畫隊、笛隊的成員，用來配合學校訓練，出去參加比賽。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvbQldbniM
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9F73hvvix
那些比賽的日子總是很近，臨近呈分試，她依然不想落下任何一個活動，只要可以，就趕上訓練。三點放學，先去必要人齊的廣播劇，四點半到舞蹈隊拉筋，然後被老師罵：327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRFgan9sGz
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKLROLTl5I
「有好多嘢做又點？遲到就係心散。」327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxSP8arnFV
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6cv6Ig3dy
想來可笑，現在她已不能柔軟地「拍蝴蝶」，但是，老師罵她後，她便無時無刻念記舞步的記憶，還在。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHuTqr8S9K
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2MWiRwFYx
七點放學，天空只有一片黑。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8JAFgql87
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklZrAuFbPg
廣播劇和跳舞都很好玩，一班人，一同為一個故事演出，練到有肌肉記憶，聽到背景音樂便入狀態，實在難忘。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6U8349eZxN
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ099uBfjiHK
令林蓁覺得辛苦的是，笛及繪畫。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aIMTpL3Vo
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XD5eP1OiA
吹笛要天份——即使是兒時人人都玩的牧童笛。音樂考試後，林蓁便被選去笛隊，她還沾沾自喜——一級的笛隊只得三人，那樣難得。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDFWcfANEs
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5htFl4nQL
可是，她很快發現，人與人之間確實存在差距，並非輕易填滿。和她一起參賽的另外兩位同學，都懂得運氣，吹出來的音色更加圓渾，而她只憑肺部吐出氣息，聽來薄弱。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzU5hu2oao
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6Gys4sNGz
最初，她還以為自己可以憑努力練習，拉近與同學的差距，但原來不能。無論她怎樣嘗試以丹田運氣，表現與原先所差無幾。單從結果上看，就像她沒有練習過。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5YpE8biP4
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRyXt4RK2W
她感到無力。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdiLHD92Bo
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzM9ouMiF3T
繪畫也是。由於校內視覺藝術科的成績不錯，便被老師挑選到繪畫隊。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00uG8HKCdl
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMG7dJjaXF
她生平第一次意識到——也是往後如此認知——自己一點美術天份也沒有，沒有創意、沒有美感觸覺，沒有對顏色及佈局的概念，總之，每幅畫都是極吃力地畫出來，若是不滿意，便砍掉重練，不斷畫、不斷比較，327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhJsdW4D8K
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzBZiZxEb6
最後都被同學嘲笑：「你憑咩同我哋一齊入嚟啊？」她本人也不知。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwE1mxy3OG
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJSoUyGcRC
結果，牧童笛考試及視藝科成績再好，用處只能是：讓她認清自身美術的平庸。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dPjwWohpv
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9g8zYEw4W
從此，她沒有再接觸過音樂及美術。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaPsQWXz8Z
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5WrL8FTwG
至於舞蹈及廣播劇，升讀中學後，她便也沒有再碰。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8d0Dp0OmIE
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQph9uyZrJ
校內沒有廣播劇，而她在中一已留意學校舞蹈學會，發現成員們全是專業學過跳舞的，中國舞現代舞爵士舞芭蕾舞等等等等，有獎項有證書。沒有人比較，或許學會亦不理會舞蹈根基、不介意她其實連一字馬這基本功也做不好，但她早早自慚形穢，走得遠遠。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LEKEpNaGn
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4xaOdc2tA
哇，原來十年前的事彷如昨日。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FIZWcDtCN
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yYBSHUBT8
//327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdZ4oI6sFw
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iqkVPLdGV
看見課室與舊時沒有什麼分別，便教林蓁想起一個同學，花名叫「鼻屎杰」——她竟已忘記他的本名。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNu3AZYCbi
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqVnYoqgvM
鼻屎杰皮膚很白，像沒有血色，眉毛淡淡，眼睛小小，嘴巴紅紅，說話時，口水總在拉絲，牙齒上有許多泡泡。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FSVnMPQT2
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2b2flgV6YW
在小學時期，大家都異常興奮（相比中學、大學），控制不住吵鬧、調皮，唯獨是鼻屎杰，沉默寡言，只愛看書，有時是《丁丁歷險記》，有時是直排密密麻麻的小說，有時是圖文並茂的大自然詭秘探索系列。林蓁坐他斜前方，她總是好奇他在看什麼，但又與他不熟，便只是盯著書封，一語不發。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0TzfeP6sQ
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwygFzwgiRn
他便將櫃桶的另一本書拿出來，遞給她。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJ8e3Bwg2B
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0a6jgH5bdW
二人不算好友，畢竟沒有什麼話聊，但她總感覺和他是投契的朋友。當時她不喜歡聒噪的男生，覺得好幼稚——拿著一張只考57分的試卷還興奮地跑來跑去，再踢另一個男同學。文靜的男生是少數，她知道鼻屎杰就是獨特的一群。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTgbP54Gmj
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqy63wNLXgO
直至他被人說污糟邋遢。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDtNzDypc6
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQ5PKN52x2
譬如，到處撩鼻屎再將其黏到桌子、椅子上，去廁所周圍噴，常沾到褲腳，不洗頭不洗澡，身上有異味。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGauxAb6MI
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92CmvN3A6e
他從此起被稱為「鼻屎杰」，這花名竟被她記到廿一歲，甚至覆蓋原先記憶。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrul1zh1zM
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wkuneUPWU
林蓁聽見這些話，只有不解。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7P2XepwCP
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrSmhWrn50
「佢無啊？你哋覺得佢污糟咩？揭開啲書都好乾淨。」327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNO7K8CNwoF
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSzREQCHQU
「你睇吓佢個樣，成日好多口水泡泡，就算係咁撩鼻屎都唔出奇。」327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wp2Ynr2AC
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7eMi6Mogp
「但佢無喎……張枱好乾淨。」327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡismi1YQu3b
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yY57hFmRK
當時林蓁不理會別人怎想，依然會在小息時，跟鼻屎杰留在課室裡聊天。她分明見到他的桌子，或是書本筆袋之類的物件都十分乾淨，因此更篤信那是流言。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xEUgpt8ih
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGC8jcOmh0G
直至他的桌子上真的出現許多污垢。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HwGxDZJDp
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3x8f3AWFsH
椅子也是。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD829ABgcly
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvPvKSSLXZ
他的同桌、後座的桌子上也有疑似鼻屎的東西。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNIpVBh2qw
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3429h204C
總之，圍繞他身邊的位置都黏附了一些黑黑灰灰、黃黃啡啡的泥膠狀污垢。最後就連林蓁的椅背也開始沾上。誰都說是鼻屎杰弄到如此。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNEV2aZJM8
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBlTVWfX7d
班上形成了一股排擠的氣氛——說得太好聽了，只是當全部人也討厭一個人時，便是那獨一個人的問題。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DpMPzchAx
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQf4hNrBxEf
倒是沒有粗魯暴力的手段，327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxzaEsBd3t
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OOYYh7hge
常識專題研習分組時，一小個圈一小個圈都形成了組別，全班也嘻嘻哈哈，找朋友繼續傾八卦。當時林蓁已與好友組一人，還欠一人，好友說：「聽候老師發落。」327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuP08O0gBV
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zn0wFh62u
她應允，卻希望與鼻屎杰一組，反正見他按兵不動，一直坐在座位，應是未有組。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUT8dsbQMIG
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2WsD1RJTL
結果全班都分好組，只剩鼻屎杰和另外一人沒有。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1HzVI1sgG
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvHkfMP0lA
老師問：「有無人想同XX杰一組？」327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5qp57PPMR
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJNq77osrwL
全班沉默。林蓁說：「我哋可以。」327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDP67rYskN
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHtKNufyWG
「咩我哋？我唔要同鼻屎杰一組！」327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNDyHynwUZ
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsf1vTtGbSg
這花名還是首次大大聲地被揚了出來，以往不過是背後竊竊私語。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSBvzGGF0O
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQbj9dzrlF
「我哋仲差一個人。」林蓁只懂回應。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡogovHABKE5
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBma9Cgj9v
「我想同XXX（另一個同學）一組。」327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouu4hUQf8J
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdtSgiICKA
「OK，咁有無人想同XX杰一組？」老師問。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCypXwhOlW
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOnwv1RZIY
老師當然聽見同學們不喜歡鼻屎杰，但她也不想插手，若是理會同學之間的糾紛，實在麻煩，人與人之間本就有很多互看不順的時候，又難分對錯，插手亦無結果。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlJIKsMpZY
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1FL5HhAmU
全班又沉默，沒有人願意和鼻屎杰一組。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJypYBxz49
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8ydmmUeUa
全班沉默了好久，林蓁再次舉手：「我可以同佢一組。」327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1wqB3bUjL
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeCD8KYFE1
「唔得。」遭到組員反對。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuSa3wywCM
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6kzFoZv2n
她也很想堅持，但上秒再要求一遍，已耗盡她的勇氣。她和鼻屎杰不算很親的朋友，至少不比組員熟悉。全班都莫名地討厭鼻屎杰，她似乎沒有堅持的理由——是不是要為了他，為別人歸到「不受歡迎」那一群？327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7GZ4SH7ZA
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDyFcXJ10U
最後她不再作聲。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUYth8akZT
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSNYPDwLft
心裡一直覺得做錯了事，對於無緣無故的與人紛擾，她無所適從，也不明白為何會有那麼多的喜歡和不喜歡，甚至化作行為上的討厭，將意向表明。由始至終，她也有點懦弱，只不過想息事寧人，似乎沒有什麼必堅持不可的原則，譬如道理。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQdYXeGSCL
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MEAEJsqy8
林蓁對上鼻屎杰的眼睛，急急低頭，心跳很快。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXLpuhHAhT
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzrqiZPepr
他絲毫沒有責怪的意味，反而帶著感謝地對她笑了笑。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5XCA6uHhz
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyAnfjfLtB
這才最讓林蓁慚愧。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQhXiQB4wR
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwYg5vzjLP
之後的日子裡，她比以往少了和鼻屎杰說話，不是因為討厭他，而是，自己好像沒有什麼理由再和他交好。她若作為朋友，首先保全自身利益，好像也不夠堅定。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSrqthuKzd
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7cgSOrGXE
後來她終於為何鼻屎杰被說髒亂。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3bIuxiXMy
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQA6kTH2TXu
只是某次班裡，B同學在炫耀最新款的遊戲機時（長大後的林蓁已忘記是什麼），鼻屎杰沒有抬眼看一下；所有人都聽他的，唯獨有個靜靜坐著的身影完全忽視自己——總是淡淡，好似他珍視的一切、可以炫耀的一切，根本毫不緊要。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXS7DJs5ZU
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7a1k32yMY
B同學心中莫名出現一種不適，沒有由來的討厭。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATq0qYhEGx
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwvjOAxrhG
「你哋如果周圍講XX杰亂掟鼻屎，我就借遊戲機畀你哋玩。」327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjd8abxYpMR
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaq2Qgo6Ot
「好！」有人說。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3z8YxsH6bn
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbPxULrRxR
「好似唔係咁好喎……」另一些人說。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWixipxDp34
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Kjpa5CT1r
「唔緊要，我唔借畀你都得。」B同學說。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAZzUO0kg8
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Z1NAkuCj6
「哈！咁我哋有得玩、你哋無得玩lu。」有人說。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxcmc3QtDF
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZSj1BPP3K
那是一個如果沒有看大家都在看的動畫、便會插不進話題的年齡；就算過後可以繼續聊天，都因「人哋有但我無」而失落，就算聊到今天的功課和體育堂，明天有看動畫的人又圍聚一起聊新一集劇情——更甚的是，有的動畫還出了卡片遊戲或玩具，又多了共鳴。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNjS5pOIuQ
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rgdDo5rE8
「唔好。借埋畀我哋玩。」327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswJnw5zvs7
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnb7NlCiONq
B同學以遊戲機為誘，令班上大部分男同學都聽他的話，說鼻屎杰將鼻屎亂扔。女同學本身跟鼻屎杰不熟，也怕污糟，因此與他更是疏遠，接過他傳過來的功課時，露出嫌棄神色。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtfKU9Hm3q
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzsqPX8i0l
起因竟僅此而已。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGIoafzLjH
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4e09YRKq5s
——後來，她終於知道他被排擠是B同學搞出來的鬼，更是沒有立場說什麼。因為，她也知道，除了什麼玩具、遊戲機，其實B同學當時還喜歡她，他對別人都粗聲粗氣，唯獨對著她時陰聲細氣，還會聊些不著邊際的話題。她和鼻屎杰坐得近，也會借故說話，投緣地笑。這些那些，也許都構成B同學帶頭排擠鼻屎杰的理由。她不肯定，但如此相信。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZkEfryL7Q
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXcpGFAIxp
歸咎自身之後，又想起那時她沒有更大膽地說一聲：327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPYCmyze7b
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjJXr8fauH
「我要同佢一組！」表明立場，便更愧疚。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGig87nQbAo
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkO26blJeRr
鼻屎杰的無妄之災，實在無辜，她這罪魁禍首卻只是做作地自我對話，愧疚一下。若是解釋，更覺無謂，難道說：327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYUPyTVHqL
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡla38l7ikbs
「你畀人排擠係因為B同學唔鍾意你，同埋，佢鍾意我。」327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwozhSShmO
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOVAXx2826
何必。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWQWMui2GH
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsofo15Jfd
很快便調位，二人再沒說過話，畢業後更難聯絡。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5GgaXG2QR
327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeexrvSXahR
只是有時，林蓁睡不著的時候，會想起這件事。327Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9EXLgz3iA
