然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFd3qAEv1f
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeitpr3CSis
/332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZtT7vKXyx
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQW30Ke5Yj
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSIH0nKDrw
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoehMj7wYY
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Df5UXGv82
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcB9ogGEmi
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeGwRyej90
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRDKP7H0cF
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlE7bPaStyb
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWGZqj5n4b
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGAISaBbF3
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQKM1LErSz
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorF5G5Xtlq
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUqdIlnRBQ
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWW7oQl0Q5G
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPd0M2wdbxY
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaYZHUC7od
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvqPeVloIO
他心情不好便會打她。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuxQmnr1XL
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Pqsz9FWZv
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznGDpdygJK
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloAwHkmihG
一下一下打下去。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0rvyBmSuC
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoR9Y9GHQ1K
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WqkQSMnLs
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNqk0I13GC
「我無唔聽話呀！」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnMHyiQWLF
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Yj916BMDI
「仲講大話！」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVK34BtiOIR
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobxPBAl869
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdBSNgPtQE
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFrKyplM81
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFK6LZvFew
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaseftoWlkH
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21Nc30luUe
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKGEp9VXZB
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIx1nCh3Ztr
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RtEbrqDh4
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEe0mn3byt
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZOfa0RAVq
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZXdBOsd7F
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0drSmjPcd
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlNIAqrVq7
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxsa5Zsv5x
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioB5avxZ8o
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YNwsBcqsC
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57kK4r0SEM
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIyBxpv4uF
/332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxd79Lcgn3
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76bfh6fJ8l
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qhBc1xxM6
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfrlJRRSSl
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxp2ZdEmgj
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2J5PrWkQf
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAjlza1yYB
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmClfepL4Hi
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTBSgpvj8K
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXoealEVqp
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUFS19wy47
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVl7HHGW58A
「熊仔去咗邊？」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4TrCLdj0w
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfjQmv0t7M
「我抌咗。」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GZttP2hqZ
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMX9c8P0NH
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsgJ6CmEVY
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExNbv3nBb2
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ74IzmaUPQ
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa53xqEnWFT
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKbhixux2C
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8irmKIaAG
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1ojPgpxtT
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvNv5WA8gL
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFTRDnPYba
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuEfYCCXwR
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd54XbeWZEz
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJs6vlkg9Hl
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoWXXpQkZP
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSi351J3oY
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnD6N7STrIU
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LJ5G8jWw1
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1I13ACU5S
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQZgb2nsxt
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Cnd74ZhPA
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SSRSQaltx
/332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYl0NMS7wU
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1KQ5WRNQS
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkKdR2AIu0
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdM4bhGe2bp
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYvctH1SGj
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiGCwcnGQ0
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMkvRvvZ4i
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwxIhCb73n
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkRvGoC0QU
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0yiVjlIrR
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVOJaVS4np
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBchyncAugY
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu24mBcO5Xw
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGdLsx8FEF
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarKS4Va2Hd
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAWmZWOLsQ
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡruatm3NFEj
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYVbw6UjDH
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnxhpnZAqO
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsALZI2Wvp
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gyY1RmEF2
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSz3qDQdDDT
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqs8HyaBej
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrm3TAyi5y
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwm3lVtnPm6
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGg4kmKw0Gr
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yRNgBSOcd
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSolbfO1KE9
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZYWys4yK3
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokqpWrDMx6
直至父親又打家姐。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOMp6W5xJ1
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnjABAJG3G
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcZhcJiYtJ
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNBn2GshTY
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbXQCMYs1Z
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGI34VnISvP
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡactR0sSHjg
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCQ1Tqbujc
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19whZ5i2dA
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAaHog2ujU
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX79eSHzHgi
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTQmN6ISeD
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJ7oJ9fdyd
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBkH5OiDui
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QB7hGF2by
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWdXULxNZd
「我無！」家姐搖頭。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxXW5GNkM4
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcs1TfVEUPy
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxnnn8IcU9
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsUAg2lQq2
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvLOVw7FOq
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63j1rEoMO9
「多謝阿爸。」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxf4yQE0zl
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNQrWMQa7F
家姐推了林蓁落地。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIjqS3HDWB
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYtON9xlhU
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRI1ZqOUWK
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4O5S1oCc7v
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡca08GBJbxW
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtaGYXXA3qi
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6kB60GJiI
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqNYDJ88I8
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrkD8Hyl4L
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaztFbxi51
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZdWdhyHaX
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZkv7nCZkH
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqR0TtH0Uvi
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wmfqNbFun
/
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpvT6DIfxh
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AWZiml6kS
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MWac9HvB6
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMn1vsiauQ
