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I told her once—
"I'll be your confidence."
Because she had always been mine.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvwXjqc2sS
From the beginning.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZFarO0YyU
She lit sparks in dull moments.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITHvPeTNS3
Listened when I didn’t even know what I was saying.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRJueilh87
Talked like every word was music, and I was just lucky to hear it.
So when I saw an internship opportunity from Flipkart — open only for girls —51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJy7EIAmQXX
I didn’t hesitate.
I told her.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFbXgepx6J
Knowing full well she might hesitate.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoGvf2GSVX
Because that’s me when it comes to her.
Never missing a chance to be her helping hand.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRFBhk75F1
Never wanting her to miss one step toward something better.
She thought about it.
And she said, “Okay.”
The day of the test arrived.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMcmmIgEEe
We planned to meet in the library, afternoon.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QjEDMzWfr
In one of the quiet discussion rooms.
I reached early.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOm8PPooDC
Maybe because I was eager.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVWG4nV0dJ
Maybe because I thought, somehow, today could fix the cracks.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqs91hf55Gu
Or at least remind us of how we once were.
I had everything ready: the laptop open, test page preloaded, my heart strangely light.
When she arrived, I gave her my laptop for a while — to finish some English assignment.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jxCJyJcLy
And I took her laptop.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5aymvzVuRl
Told her not to worry about it.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7lIYGwJ90
Told myself it would ease the guilt… the distance.
She smiled.
And it felt like I was doing the right thing.
But then… I did something I can never take back.
Not because I wanted to know who she was texting.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaleSXH7C8
Not out of jealousy.
But out of that quiet ache —51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIUR9b13qh
To know if I still existed in her world the way she lived in mine.
I opened her WhatsApp.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7JvQULii7
Typed my own name in the search bar.
What I read…51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewOu8LNDd8
Was not what I was ready for.
At first, it made me smile.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69z3H1Ppoh
Little mentions.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU35CuPxsB2
Small memories.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpQVk3vfGn
Familiar tones.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKSU0eBXyr
But then…51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuudNMR3LP
The words changed.
"I feel awkward around him."51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21ERNl4NuZ
"At last, I feel comfortable talking to someone… than talking to him"
It crushed me.
Like being stabbed by a voice I once trusted to save me.
I wanted to cry.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPP8zVV8IB2
But I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
I just stared ahead.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsf0ohvACFn
Acted normal.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6IhKftkRC
Pretended the world hadn’t just collapsed under my feet.
Because that’s what I do best.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjQParxa8O
Break in silence.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYjBN162iq
Smile with scars.
The test began.
I gave it everything.
Some questions were easy.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhAD17biCk
Some weren’t.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHZp1nYjDr
But she never saw the storm behind my calm.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbiVJR6fO6
She didn’t know the war I was fighting in my head as I smiled, as I helped, as I tried to just be a friend.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqVRBKZ9vk
But I had made a promise.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIMlLHQeNZ
And no matter how broken I was, I never go back on a promise.
Later, as we packed up to leave…51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPsVKRMHpz
She noticed something on my laptop.
Her name.
Saved as Stranger.
She asked.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoHc5LeewA
But I didn’t answer.
Because how do you explain that someone once felt like home,51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6ZUp1w9kb
and now they’re just…51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HYdmGZ2iK
an address you can’t return to?
I still see her.
With Ren.
Laughing.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujGpUdNE06
Talking freely.
No awkwardness.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQ7duqa10U
No hesitation.
Everything I ever tried to be for her…51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XO5uzu9Yy
he now is.
I never wanted more than friendship.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVaUZlkOBX
But somehow… even that was too much to ask for.
I buried everything — my feelings, thoughts, jealousy, guilt —51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkCcmQ7zoQ
over and over.
But no matter how many times I tried to bury it all…51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6MeVeAViE
I always ended up the one grieving.
But it never seemed to be enough.
What changed?
Or maybe…51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBekd93adxV
nothing ever did.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tVUlVpzJJ
Maybe there was nothing from the start — to change at all.
Now the buses have changed their places again.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyb0Mbzl0B
Destiny playing chess with people’s lives.
Alice’s bus — no longer somewhere in between —51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiOAv3HYxK
now parked neatly alongside Ren’s.
While mine?
Still at the same spot since day one.
Watching.
Waiting.
Trying to understand the stories whispered by the evening wind.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoc9xMWhIO
And the answers it hides in plain sight.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1lhvm3zEy
At last,… all these are just words.
Words I wish she heard.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwO0ROfX4Bk
Words I wish I never said.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIln7ZcQNYW
Words I’ll carry long after she forgets them.
Because…51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYfvV8OXG1
When I saw those messages, I couldn’t bear to read any further.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClOaWGDa0B
When I sat across from her —51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWwxdN27vJ
And she had no idea that she still trusted me,51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSB7RDnnUY
While I was doing the very thing I swore, I’d never do.
I broke her trust.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQWqQK1mOq
I betrayed her.
And the worst part?
I still love her enough to hope…51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMA903KyBoe
She never finds out.
